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2020 comes to us without gigantic franchise ending films on the horizon, which means it might be a less profitable year. It does have a ridiculous amount of remakes and sequels, and some potential messes, which we will get to soon enough. Disney continues to own everything, literally and box office ranking wise. And if you can't see it in theaters, see it on Disney+ (until they take it off of the channel!) We got sequels, we got reboots, we got sequel reboots, we got sequbootprequels? At this point the streams have all merged and it is just an ocean of piss coming from the box offices, flooding the bathrooms of theaters across the planet and forcing the good people of the world to wear raincoats and boots when going to see The Farewell The most written about disaster from 2019 (and going into 2020) must be Cats, just do to how horny it made people OR how horny the film was which made people fear the horny. Remember that there is two sides to every horny! First The Hall of Shame! (Box office is worldwide if I can find it, otherwise noted if not) Some of the box office totals are obviously low due to streaming deals but there isn't a way to tell what made what. Unnecessary Sequels\Reboots\Remakes\Prequels\Franchises\Films - The Hustle $35 million US $95 million Total $21 million Budget A remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels except ladies and also one of them was Rebel Wilson which everyone hates now and the other was Anne Hathaway which people used to hate but now seem to hate less as she does more fun roles. No fun here acording to reviews. Child’s Play $29 million US $45 million Total $10 million Budget Remaking Child's Play while the original series was still producing good films in direct to video format was a bold move that even made money according to traditional accounting. But hopefully we'll still get more good direct to video sequels. Dora and the Lost City of Gold $60 million US $120 million Total $49 million Budget Dora is now a teenager for some reason in this Jumanji-light flick that was okay but obviously made for children. Also some creepy movie reviewers were obviously typing their reviews with one hand. Shaft $21 million US $21 million Total $30-35 million Budget Shaft is back for the Fifth time (plus a tv series) in a sequelboot that still in continuity with everything and despite three generations of Shafts, there was zero generations of audiences. Men In Black International $80 million US $254 million Total $110 million Budget Let's reunite the awesome cast of Thor: Ragnarok and then somehow make it the laziest, blandest sequel reboot thing. Also there was a CGI character totally not based on the living golf balls episode of Gravity Falls which may have been the bes thting about the movie. Dark Phoenix $66 million US $252 million Total $200 million Budget The X-Men film's continuity is so convoluted now they are remaking their own films within the same franchise. And doing terrible jobs of it, a confusing film with the producers blaming Captain Marvel for why they had to rush a new ending (which is a hilarious excuse) lead to a big mess that Disney will just jettison anyway. Terminator: Dark Fate $62 million US $261 million Total $185 million Budget Despite getting the best reviews yet for a third Terminator film, this fourth attempt at a third film proved that three strikes was the limit as audiences stayed away. There was also a woke proxy war with some of the border patrol aspects. It 2 $212 million US $472 million Total $79 million Budget I haven't seen this one but the pages of people replying who hated it in the last thread point to many reasons why it was a waste of time and didn't even synergize well with the prior film. It still made a bajillion dollars so the producers have the last laugh. Hellboy $22 million US $45 million Total $50 million Budget Hellboy got randomly rebooted when Guillermo del Toro left the project, Ron Perlman was out and David Harbour was in. Hellboy had a weird look on his face form ost of the film and Milla Jovovich was completely wasted as an evil queen who spend most of the film in pieces. A few interesting action shots but no real reverence for the weirdness the comic series has and completely dropping Abe Sapien until an after the credits sequence were some of the many mistakes made. Basically turned into a big budget equivalent of a direct to video prequel. Doctor Sleep $31 million US $72 million Total ~$50 million Budget A sequel to The Shining (the book) that became a sequel to The Shining (the movie) and yet made less money that The Shining fan film Ready Player One Dumbo $115 million US $353 million Total $170 million Budget Tim Burton's sad circus movie made everyone too sad to buy enough tickets and it ended up being a disappointment despite doubling its budget. In the middle of Disney dominating the box office, this was a notable dud for sinking like a lead elephant instead of soaring high Miss Bala $15 million US $15.3 million Total $15 million Budget Remake of a far superior Mexican film that fizzled and dudded out, much like most of Gina Rodriguez's movie career. I completely forgot it came out in 2019! Rambo: Last Blood $45 million US $91 million Total $50 million Budget This got a bunch of bad critical reviews and seeded racist but I don't recall any huge drama over it, yet it still made it high into a lot of "Worst of 2019!" lists Charlie’s Angels $18 million US $59 million Total $48 million Budget Another reboot sequel that no one seemed to want except people who make Kristen Stewart gifs on Tumblr. Director Elizabeth Banks then made a complaint about there being 37 Spider-Man movies (of which she was in three of!) and thus the failure was because men won't go see women action movies. Team Boring - Films that didn't excite anyone, especially the box office. 21 Bridges $27 million US $41 million Total $33 million Budget Chadwick Boseman's cop film got average reviews and average word of mouth which led to a bad box office. Poms $14 million US $16 million Total $10 million Budget Old ladies doing cheerleading proved not interesting enough for the cheerleader fans nor interesting enough for the older crowd Wonder Park $45 million US $120 million Total ~$90 million Budget An okayish movie about an imaginary theme park called Wonderland that is only notable because director Dylan Brown got MeTooed and summarily dropped from the film, which was mostly completed. WTF Failures - The movies that make you want to slam a meteor into Hollywood and then ascend into Heaven a beloved champion of good Cats $20 million US $40 million Total $95 million Budget What can we say about Cats? You cannot read about Cats, you must see Cats. You must BE Cats. Cats is like when you get plugged into the Matrix, you start seeing all the code, but the code is just everyone as weird cat-human hybrids and then you get dosed with catnip and things get horny. So, Cats! Gemini Man $48.5 million US $173 million Total ~$275 million Budget Ang Lee had two Will Smiths fight each other in a film that still turned out boring. It took 20 years for this film to get developed, and the biggest takeway was arguments over the High Frame Rate scenes that only a few theaters could even do correctly! Serenity $8.5 million US $14 million Total $25 million Budget Serenity was the first film of the year that people started talking about because of its weird twist, without which it would have quickly disappeared into the ether. Instead we got ether afterbirth that will make it a strange cult film to get occasionaly mentioned by podcasts for the next 20 years. UglyDolls $20 million US $32 million Total $45 million Budget The ugly dolls got a movie that was bland and a decade too late for when the brand mattered. I vaguely knew the creators from a different message board long ago. That doesn't have anything to do with the movie, I just am dropping names for flavor! Long Shot $30 million US $53 million Total $40 million Budget Seth Rogan dating Charlize Theron as a presidential candidate might have been better than it looked but not enough people looked for it to make a difference. Anna $8 million US $31 million Total $30 million Budget Luc Besson took a break from being MeTooed to release a movie about a young female assassin that immediately made everyone wonder if some MeToo shenanigans happened on set. Then he got MeTooed again because he's a rapist. The Goldfinch $5 million US $10 million Total $45 million Budget The Goldfinch was set up to be a critical darling that would sweep awards, but it turned out to be a critical mess that audiences avoided like the plague. Don't open your bomb movie with a bombing. Playmobil: The Movie $1 million US $13 million Total $40 million Budget Playmobil did their own version of The Lego Movie except way less good and it was released in the US months after it was already available on video in Europe, which should be an easy indicator of quality. It got the worst opening weekend ever for a movie in 2300+ theaters! Replicas $4 million US $9 million Total $30 million Budget Keanu Reeves has become a critical and fan darling over the years but he can still make a stinker! Replicas is the story of a man trying to clone his dead family but there isn't enough clone pods so they erase the memories about one of the kids and then a bunch of other stuff happens and it's really just bad The Fanatic $3,153 US $?? million Total $?? million Budget  Arctic Dogs $6 million US $9 million Total $50 million Budget Arctic Dogs managed to be released like within a week of star Jeremy Renner being accused of domestic assault, and also starred fellow problematic actors Alec Baldwin and James Franco. It was the worst film opening for a film in 2800+ theaters. I think it has something to do with dogs, which are not cats so maybe they should have made a last-minute change! Lucy in the Sky $319,000 US $326,000 million Total $27 million Budget How can you do a Diaper Astonaut movie and not include the diaper? That is just indicative of this flick which everyone hated and I thought was that movie where everyone forgot the Beatles at first Zeroville $0 million US $69,369 Total $??? million Budget This James Franco flick was trapped when the studio that produced it died, but another studio pruchased it only to lose all that money on a release. I don't know anyone who saw it, so feel free to mention if you did! Unplanned $19 million US $2 million Total $6 million Budget Unplanned was an anti-abortion movie based on the memoirs of former Planned Parenthood worker Abby Johnson. The memoirs seem to prove a lot of right wing rhetoric about abortion (and are probably largely fabricated) but that makes perfect movie material for a garbage company like PureFlix. And throw in a ginned up twitter account ban and you got yourself a right-wing victim festival! Sadly it made enough money you can expect more anti-abortion films (we also have one called Row vs. Wade upcoming that has had crew and cast members quit when they found out the actual subject of the film!) Coming in 2020 (MAYBE!) - By gum there are a lot of remakes and sequels/prequels in this list. I left off a bunch of undated or untitled things coming but expect more Marvel and DC films that don't have locked down release dates/titles/information (and a bunch of untitled horror movies!) The Grudge - More grudges and less smudges, that's my motto. But being dumped in January may make me rethink that.... Dolittle - Robert Downey Jr.'s greatest dream was to make a gigantic Dr. Doolittle movie, and by gum, he did so! Sure it looks ridonkulous, but he did it! Gretel & Hansel - Totally different because the lady's name is first! Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn - DC at least is taking risks with weirder takes on their source material. I'm a fan of the director, the whole thing is being advertised weirdly, and it just might be entertaining as well! What About Love - "Two young lovers change the lives of their parents forever when the parents learn from the joyful experience of their kids, and allow themselves to again find their love." Remember those reddit r/relationship posts where couples find out their various parents are now dating? Now in movie form! Fantasy Island - The latest reboot of this fantasy tv show is now a horror movie. Sure, whatever. Sonic the Hedgehog - After a disaster of a trailer they destroyed an FX studio to reboot Sonic's looks. It might be a good movie but the road to box office gold is paved with hundreds of artists' jobs My Boyfriend's Meds - A couple goes on vacation, the guy forgets his medication, and becomes a giant jerk. This is an actual film coming out in 2020 while everyone slowly dies because they can't afford their medication. The Call of the Wild - One of my favorite books as a kid is now a movie with CGI dogs. And Harrison Ford! But CGI dogs. I dunno. Onward - It's Pixar, the newest trailer revealed a bit more to make it seem sort of interesting, so it's probably gold. At least until it isn't. My Spy - Dave Bautista does the strong guy looks after young kids thing Mulan - Another Disney live-action remake of one of their properties, with the added drama of real world politics potentially impacting global box office! Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway - Peter Rabbit is now Oliver Twist or something? New Mutants - Yeah right, expect this in the coming soon section of the 2021 Greenlightningedbledly Thread! Trolls World Tour - The trolls are back and so it their awful hair!  Black Widow - Marvel is back and even though she's dead, Black Widow finally gets a movie Legally Blonde 3 - Excuse me, there was already a third Legally Blonde movie that was direct to video, you can't just ignore it! Okay, maybe you can and should... Scoob! - Scooby-Doo is rebooted and they changed the voices so they are terrible and I don't like it not at all Fast & Furious 9 - Will they go to space? No. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run - More sponges less plunges, that's my motto! Wait I already did a motto joke. Um... Uh.... Did you know that if you seperate a sponge into individual cells the animal will be able to sort out its cells and reassemble back into normal? It's true! Artemis Fowl - Remember when this was supposed to come out last year? Guess that didn't happen. Maybe it will this time! Candyman - A remake sequel thing but Jordan Peele is executive producing/writing so it's probably going to be good but it might also make people mad! Top Gun: Maverick - Top Gun is back with a non-offensive to China jacket and also the Son of Goose! In the Heights - This seemed terrible from the trailer but I never saw the actual musical so maybe it isn't terrible? Minions: The Rise of Gru - Gru gets viagra in this lovable sequel to the prequel to the series about a villain Ghostbusters: Afterlife - Since everyone hated the girls thing the Ghostbusters are now kids, which everyone will hate, but some people will pretend to love it or hate it just to stick it to different movies. It's 2020, the movie wars continue! Bob's Burgers: The Movie - Wait, what? Cool I guess! Jungle Cruise - When you need more Jumanji but this time controlled by the biggest conglomerate and not one of the almost biggest ones... Morbius - Sony flexes their Spider-Man franchise with another original entry, Jared Leto as a vampire Bill & Ted Face the Music - This took forever to get made so let's all hope it was worth the wait and isn't just another terrible decades-late sequel The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - That movie that was sort of good gets a sequel that is hopefully sort of good Monster Hunter - A video game movie where there are giant monsters and this could be amazing but it's also a video game movie so the odds aren't good even if we believe so much that it keeps Tinkerbell alive The King's Man - A delayed Kingsman prequel but it will probably be out this time so hooray! The Witches - A remake of the Roald Dahl book (I guess technically a new adaptation but whatever) with Anne Hathaway as the leader of the witches Halloween Kills - More Halloween, the last one got praise so maybe this will too. Snake Eyes - Remember when they were going to make a GI Joe prequel? They still are and it has a release date Godzilla vs. Kong - This got delayed 6+ months in the wake of Godzilla only doing okay at the box office so hopefully it's for good reshoot reasons and not because it is bad and can't be saved Coming 2 America - Eddie Murphy's classic film gets a way late sequel we don't need but if it is as good as the Dolemite film, then it will still be worth it. Tom and Jerry - A prequel that shows how a cat and mouse hate each other, because we somehow need an explanation for the most basic of things. This is why movies bomb, folks! The Croods 2 - New Croods! Newds?? And now the traditional time where everyone lists all the films I missed or all the films they disagree with being failures! Prior threads: 2019 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 Tars Tarkas fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Jan 2, 2020 |
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Jan 2, 2020 02:26
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Cats 2: Dogs
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Jan 2, 2020 02:27
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Cats: Cats Harder
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Jan 2, 2020 02:38
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Tars Tarkas posted:Legally Blonde 3 - Excuse me, there was already a third Legally Blonde movie that was direct to video, you can't just ignore it! Okay, maybe you can and should...
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Jan 2, 2020 02:38
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Contact is perfect it doesn't need no remake...! They should remake Freejack instead.
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Jan 2, 2020 02:38
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Lloyd Kaufman’s next movie is an adaptation of Shakespeare’s the Tempest. The last time he tackled the bard, we were blessed with Tromeo & Juliet, probably one of the greatest pieces of cinema ever created. To say I’m excited for this is an understatement. Both of these trailers are ridiculously  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJLoyTW68Nw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egGBrd0_s3Q
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Jan 2, 2020 02:42
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Tars Tarkas posted:Candyman - A remake sequel thing but Jordan Peterson is executive producing/writing so it's probably going to be good but it might also make people mad! You meant Jordan Peele, right?
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Jan 2, 2020 02:44
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Remake The Lawnmower Man, cowards
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Jan 2, 2020 02:49
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Jordan Peterson’s Candyman: You brought this on yourself because you don’t clean your room with your bootstraps.
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Jan 2, 2020 02:50
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Friends Are Evil posted:Remake The Lawnmower Man, cowards Make Hackers 2
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Jan 2, 2020 02:50
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Wait what, Bob's Burgers? Also Monster Hunter is a Paul W. S. Anderson joint, and while the games are set in a fantasy world this will involve modern day military folks getting involved with the critters. No word on whether there will be adorable kitty friends.
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Jan 2, 2020 02:52
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Maxwell Lord posted:Wait what, Bob's Burgers?
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Jan 2, 2020 02:53
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Reminder that the Playmobile movie did so poorly in theaters that they actually cut the ticket price across the board. Also I just recently re-read The Call of the Wild so the trailer was definitely WTF. It might just be the way the trailer is cut but it looks like they're basically cutting out all the conflict where Buck (the dog) has to struggle as a sled dog for over a year before he is finally taken in by a good owner (Harrison Ford's character.) Also I'm doubting they leave the ending intact where Harrison Ford's character is murdered by Native Americans, who in turn are killed by Buck. Buck then goes off and leads a wolf pack (answering the titular Call of the Wild.)
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Jan 2, 2020 02:58
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Cats was poo poo but I'll be damned if I haven't had that Magical Mr. Mistoffelees song in my head for the past week 
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Jan 2, 2020 03:23
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Pirate Jet posted:You meant Jordan Peele, right? Oh wow that goes beyond rookie mistake into complete moron territory lol (fixed, thanks!)
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Jan 2, 2020 03:40
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Serenity felt like it should have been one of those quasi-predecessors of The Matrix that came out in the late 90s. Even kind of felt like a weird mix of two of the main 90s tentpole movie themes, erotic thrillers and ridiculous misunderstandings of what computers do.
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Jan 2, 2020 03:46
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Rageaholic posted:Cats was poo poo but I'll be damned if I haven't had that Magical Mr. Mistoffelees song in my head for the past week Maybe you can get help from Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train? ruddiger posted:Lloyd Kaufman’s next movie is an adaptation of Shakespeare’s the Tempest. The last time he tackled the bard, we were blessed with Tromeo & Juliet, probably one of the greatest pieces of cinema ever created. To say I’m excited for this is an understatement. I did find it amusing that fake breasts were shown freely but real ones were censored in that trailer.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:16
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I'm trying to remember all the trailers before Cats. My Spy, Dolittle, The Call of the Wild, The Heights, Peter Rabbit 2, Sonic, maybe one or two others. And definitely Trolls World Tour. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyTg7RIn-X8 Peter Rabbit looked grating. This, though, this seemed like it's going to cause an uptick in drunk driving - either from parents smuggling in booze to get through it, or from an immediate stop to the liquor store afterwards.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:21
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Is there some kind of Hollywood Ritual for an action leading man where you have to make a movie where you look after little kids? The Rock had that Tooth Fairy movie, Vin Diesel had that babysitter one, and now Big Dave Bautista is (probably, I haven't looked into it at all) going to find his heart again after spending too many years as a hardened assassin or whatever.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:31
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Memento posted:Is there some kind of Hollywood Ritual for an action leading man where you have to make a movie where you look after little kids? The Rock had that Tooth Fairy movie, Vin Diesel had that babysitter one, and now Big Dave Bautista is (probably, I haven't looked into it at all) going to find his heart again after spending too many years as a hardened assassin or whatever. Arnold S. did Kindergarten Cop back in the day, don't forget that one.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:35
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Hogan had Santa with Muscles, Mr. Nanny, and Thunder in Paradise. Schwarzenegger had Commando (debatable qualification) and Kindergarten Cop. Did Stallone manage to dodge out on this?
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Jan 2, 2020 04:37
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Darthemed posted:Hogan had Santa with Muscles, Mr. Nanny, and Thunder in Paradise. Schwarzenegger had Commando (debatable qualification) and Kindergarten Cop. Did Stallone manage to dodge out on this? Over the Top
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Jan 2, 2020 04:37
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Remakes/sequels/adaptations that could go either way: Bad Boys for Life: can Will Smith's star rise again? (Yeah probably) The Invisible Man: Universal has yet another crack at reviving their classic horror franchise! This time they've abandoned the whole Dark Universe idea and just asked Blumhouse to make a standalone film Bloodshot: Sony's latest attempt at creating a cinematic universe based on comics, this time starring Vin Diesel and adapting some comics that hardly anyone has heard about
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Jan 2, 2020 04:38
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Darthemed posted:Hogan had Santa with Muscles, Mr. Nanny, and Thunder in Paradise. Schwarzenegger had Commando (debatable qualification) and Kindergarten Cop. Did Stallone manage to dodge out on this? Well it's not kids but Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot probably qualifies
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Jan 2, 2020 04:39
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RC and Moon Pie posted:I'm trying to remember all the trailers before Cats. you know what, i really don't care one way or another about how this movie is gonna be, but after a decade when 60% of the top rock songs were by either Imagine Dragons or Twenty-One Pilots it seems like rubbing it in to cast the rock people as the ones trying to rule the world. Like the plot feels like it should have happened circa 1995 when hip-hop was still genuinely new and rock was still genuinely on top of the world. Seriously when the sad emo guitar people are the only ones left standing and even they are working with taylor swift, it's kinda hard to buy Hard Rock as a thing that desires dominance. Memento posted:Is there some kind of Hollywood Ritual for an action leading man where you have to make a movie where you look after little kids? The Rock had that Tooth Fairy movie, Vin Diesel had that babysitter one, and now Big Dave Bautista is (probably, I haven't looked into it at all) going to find his heart again after spending too many years as a hardened assassin or whatever. don't forget that lovely movie from literally like 2 months ago where John Cena played a big manly fireman who ended up in temporary possession of some children. it's a subgenre unto itself.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:40
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Vandar posted:Arnold S. did Kindergarten Cop back in the day, don't forget that one. Dolph Lundgren also had a crack at that one.  ALL NEW MOVIE!
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Jan 2, 2020 04:40
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:Remakes/sequels/adaptations that could go either way: Last I read, Bad Boys for Life is tracking for a $45-ish million opening, and it's relatively low-budget (I think $85-90 million), so it will probably do relatively well.
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Jan 2, 2020 04:42
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ruddiger posted:Over the Top 
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Jan 2, 2020 04:46
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Darthemed posted:Hogan had Santa with Muscles, Mr. Nanny, and Thunder in Paradise. Schwarzenegger had Commando (debatable qualification) and Kindergarten Cop. Did Stallone manage to dodge out on this? Stallone had a film where he tried to kill some kids, does that count? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc_w59HfVZE
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Jan 2, 2020 04:46
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:Stallone had a film where he tried to kill some kids, does that count?
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Jan 2, 2020 05:21
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:Stallone had a film where he tried to kill some kids, does that count?
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Jan 2, 2020 05:48
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:Remakes/sequels/adaptations that could go either way:
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Jan 2, 2020 06:04
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FlamingLiberal posted:I’m amazed that they ended up making a Bad Boys 3. Every film in the franchise will have been made in a different decade.
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Jan 2, 2020 06:22
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Darthemed posted:Point of order, he was only trying to trap them forever in his VR world so that he could have his revenge on Ricardo Montalban. This wrath of khan reimagining is wild
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Jan 2, 2020 06:29
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Casimir Radon posted:Not even consecutive decades. Bad Boys II was 17 years ago. Way way back when Michael Bay developed an unhealthy obsession with an underage Megan Fox. The funny thing still is that her character in the Transformers movies is named Michaela Banes.
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Jan 2, 2020 06:35
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The funny thing still is that her character in the Transformers movies is named Michaela Banes. What the gently caress
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Jan 2, 2020 06:38
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The funny thing still is that her character in the Transformers movies is named Michaela Banes. Is there a Bad Boys/Transformers expanded universe?
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Jan 2, 2020 06:38
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Alan Smithee posted:What the gently caress Himself apparently
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Jan 2, 2020 06:45
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I don't understand what exactly this thread is.
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Jan 2, 2020 07:22
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mycot posted:Is there a Bad Boys/Transformers expanded universe? Only if Will Smith is a Targetmaster. Which means he transforms into a gun for a Transformer to shoot with.
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Jan 2, 2020 07:56
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