i think my weighted blanket is too heavy

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > i think my weighted blanket is too heavy

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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Whoria Discordia posted:

"More weight!" I scream. The witchfinder frowns disapprovingly and gestures for the men to add another blanket. I lay prone beneath, dwarfed by the growing pile of blankets. The crowd watches with a mix of pity, fear, and awe. They had expected me to give up after the third, yet I have held my peace for five more hence. As the final blanket is added I let out an anguished groan. The judges lean in, anticipating my confession.

With the last of my strength I wheeze "more... weight..." before drifting off to dreamland. I am the coziest I have ever been.

The people of Salem jeer and boo, fed up with my poo poo.

# ? Jan 7, 2020 21:38

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:04

Finger Prince

The princess and the pea only she can still feel the weight of a pea on top of many weighted blankets.

# ? Jan 7, 2020 22:15

City of Glompton

Whoria Discordia posted:

"More weight!" I scream. The witchfinder frowns disapprovingly and gestures for the men to add another blanket. I lay prone beneath, dwarfed by the growing pile of blankets. The crowd watches with a mix of pity, fear, and awe. They had expected me to give up after the third, yet I have held my peace for five more hence. As the final blanket is added I let out an anguished groan. The judges lean in, anticipating my confession.

With the last of my strength I wheeze "more... weight..." before drifting off to dreamland. I am the coziest I have ever been.

The people of Salem jeer and boo, fed up with my poo poo.

# ? Jan 7, 2020 22:31

City of Glompton

Finger Prince posted:

The princess and the pea only she can still feel the weight of a pea on top of many weighted blankets.

# ? Jan 7, 2020 22:31

Freudian

would like to get one of these bad boys but they're out of stock near me and the time to get some more is six to eight weeks. it sounds like quite a weight

# ? Jan 7, 2020 22:47

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Freudian posted:

would like to get one of these bad boys but they're out of stock near me and the time to get some more is six to eight weeks. it sounds like quite a weight

lol

# ? Jan 7, 2020 23:54

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

see a weighted blanket advertised as 12 kilograms

i don't speak metric, so i do a google search to find the conversion rate from kilograms to buckskin coats

# ? Jan 8, 2020 00:11

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

(I think my weighted blanket is too heavy)

pixaal posted:

I went to sleep on the sixty nineth floor

I woke up in the basement

City of Glompton posted:

ah you requested the turn down for what service

Barco Fiesta posted:

his bod is sweaty, bed soft, blanket's heavy
he brushed his teeth and laid down already, time for beddy

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:26

Barco Fiesta: a fantasy of olives

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

Barco Fiesta fucked around with this message at 21:19 on Jan 11, 2020

# ? Jan 11, 2020 21:14

The MUMPSorceress: ^SHTPSTS

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

Thanks City of Glompton for the glorious sig

# ? Jan 11, 2020 21:59

google THIS

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:04

Heather Papps: hello friend

canyoneer posted:

see a weighted blanket advertised as 12 kilograms

i don't speak metric, so i do a google search to find the conversion rate from kilograms to buckskin coats

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:08

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:15

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Hugh Malone posted:

(I think my weighted blanket is too heavy)

lol I thought I put this in the good post goldmine. woops

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:39

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:59

Goons Are Gifts

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

# ? Jan 12, 2020 05:21

vanisher

City of Glompton posted:

rigging up my alarm clock to a drinking bird that starts my coffee pot which gets bumped by a bowling ball which closes the flip top go cup lid and launches the cup of joe into my dog's backpack, which wakes her up so she walks over a tripwire that cycles the clothes line with a milkbone tied to a string which lures her outside to Tony so he knows it's time to start up the crane and remove my blanket

# ? Jan 13, 2020 19:50

Yinlock

City of Glompton posted:

rigging up my alarm clock to a drinking bird that starts my coffee pot which gets bumped by a bowling ball which closes the flip top go cup lid and launches the cup of joe into my dog's backpack, which wakes her up so she walks over a tripwire that cycles the clothes line with a milkbone tied to a string which lures her outside to Tony so he knows it's time to start up the crane and remove my blanket

# ? Jan 13, 2020 19:54

cda: by Hand Knit

Whoria Discordia posted:

"More weight!" I scream. The witchfinder frowns disapprovingly and gestures for the men to add another blanket. I lay prone beneath, dwarfed by the growing pile of blankets. The crowd watches with a mix of pity, fear, and awe. They had expected me to give up after the third, yet I have held my peace for five more hence. As the final blanket is added I let out an anguished groan. The judges lean in, anticipating my confession.

With the last of my strength I wheeze "more... weight..." before drifting off to dreamland. I am the coziest I have ever been.

The people of Salem jeer and boo, fed up with my poo poo.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 22:42

Burt Sexual: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I got one of these it�s 20 loving lbs. blanket is too heavy and hot.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 13, 2020 22:58

Professor of Cats

I have one and my cats fur it all up...am I supposed to put a cover it or something?

# ? Jan 14, 2020 05:55

City of Glompton

Professor of Cats posted:

I have one and my cats fur it all up...am I supposed to put a cover it or something?

i think youre cats are trying to murder you in your sleep...just a little bit heavier, they say to each other as they luxuriate around and spread their shed

i'd be careful if i were you

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Jan 14, 2020 06:23

Professor of Cats

City of Glompton posted:

i think youre cats are trying to murder you in your sleep...just a little bit heavier, they say to each other as they luxuriate around and spread their shed

i'd be careful if i were you

drat it I knew it!!!

# ? Jan 14, 2020 06:33