buttcoin: my kids know me as this ape

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > buttcoin: my kids know me as this ape

«‹›1470 »

CampingCarl: Apr 28, 2008

Boxturret posted:

https://cryptoslate.com/craig-wright-says-there-is-a-third-tulip-trust-what-does-this-mean-for-bitcoin/

bitcoin "journalism" is weird

"journalism" that says everyone knows it is meaningless but also attributes it to large price movements.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 02:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 05:18

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

"For the other, more sane half of the crypto community,"

# ? Jan 11, 2020 03:02

tk: Dec 10, 2003; Nap Ghost

What an rear end in a top hat/moron.

https://www.seattletimes.com/busine...pany-he-blames/

# ? Jan 11, 2020 05:06

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

"hackers" "stole" "1m" in ""crypto"currency"

# ? Jan 11, 2020 05:22

CampingCarl: Apr 28, 2008

Boxturret posted:

"hackers" "stole" "1m" in ""crypto"currency"

that 'in' is very misleading

# ? Jan 11, 2020 05:26

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

klafbang posted:

Tulip Trust IV: A New Hope

# ? Jan 11, 2020 05:53

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

can't go anywhere on this site without someone mentioning the starwar :argh:

# ? Jan 11, 2020 06:31

CampingCarl: Apr 28, 2008

Boxturret posted:

can't go anywhere on this site without someone mentioning the starwar

it had a good plot and a happy ending.

we are talking about the story where the bitcoiner moon gets dropped into the sun right?

# ? Jan 11, 2020 07:00

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

CampingCarl posted:

it had a good plot and a happy ending.

we are talking about the story where the bitcoiner moon gets dropped into the sun right?

no it was a dysonsphere collapsing

# ? Jan 11, 2020 07:51

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

it's so good
Djeser posted:

It was noon, and the stars were out. The sun, with its flesh-red glow, was almost overhead. The summers in the Federated Free Nation-States of America were cold.

Alex nestled her lips into the lining of her parka. Ahead of her, rising into the dim, purpled sky, was a mesh of vents and fans, aluminum vanes built to catch the breezes that no longer blew. It was a darkened, half-sagging ziggurat, surrounded by bare, dessicated rock twenty yards out in all directions. A ring of corrugated steel houses and plywood shacks occupied a ring around the structure, about thirty yards wide at the thickest. It was a Miner, and the settlement that grew in its heat.

As she crested a hill, she dropped her hood and removed her gloves. By the time she had reached the outer edge, it was warm enough to remove her parka.

At the inner edge, she stopped at the guard station.

�I�m here about the trouble ticket. Your hash rate was falling?� she asked.

One identity confirmation later, she walked across the desolate zone, a guard close at her heels.

Alex crawled underneath a bank of red-hot hashing units to get to the power supplies. The guard hung back by the door, where the air was cooler. He ran his thumb along the grip of his gun and stared at the hatch the tech had climbed into.

�Tell the truth. How much longer till it�s gone?� he asked.

Sweat dripped off Alex�s brow while she dug a molten power cable free from its socket. The guard was for both her sake and the equipment�s. No one wanted to lose a tech to heatstroke.

�Five, ten years with maintenance.�

The replacement cable slotted into its socket. A dead sector of hashing units whirred back to life. She crawled back out, dry-lipped, soaked in sweat.

He wedged his shoulder underneath hers to help her walk. �I meant the sun.�

She could see he could take the truth. �A few weeks.�

---

While Alex traveled, she had plenty of time to watch the sun. Each day it rose, it was dimmer. Each day, the Solar Miner crept further around the sun. They had already started on the second layer.

They.

They, in their gleaming hover-cities. They, who had grandfathers and grandmothers with the foresight to invest. They, who could pay for every finest luxury the solar system had to offer. They, who had bitcoin, while all the rest of the world huddled around their makeshift Miners, barely scraping by enough satoshis to keep back the cold.

They, who were building the shells around the sun, who would snuff out a star to keep themselves rich.

---

�I saw it. Bigger than the New York Miner. Black and red and glowing, just sitting there in the dock.�

Alex had crossed paths with Richard, another tech, on the tundra between Phoenix and Las Vegas.

�They�re leaving. They�re loving off, and they don�t care about us.�

Alex pursed her lips behind her parka. �Terrible.�

She couldn�t tell Richard she�d been invited to come. The L.S.S. Nakamoto needed someone to keep it running on the way to Alpha Centauri and Alex had an excellent rating on all the forums.

---

Alex stared into the pudgy doe-eyes of a savage captain of industry.

�You can�t use all this electricity to grow weed.�

She grabbed one of the lamps and flicked it off.

�We�ve got the power--� he began.

�No, we don�t. This ship isn�t going to make it if everyone jacks into the mains for their grow labs.�

Thirty minutes later, Alex shut off the fuses to his room. A trouble ticket pinged in her ear, and she ignored it. She needed to check the reentry equipment.

---

The landing gear had been gutted, piece by piece, by a hundred different hands. Each person had torn out a little bit and packed their treasures inside, until there was nothing left.

There was no way to stop the ship. They could steer, but the gyroscopic thrusters couldn�t brake. The ship would never make it through an atmosphere.

They were going to die, all of them. Including her.

And if she was going to die, she was going to give her death purpose.

---

A code error propagated across the sectors of the Solar Miner. A check for temperatures was excluded. Hashing cores began to burn themselves out. The error affected only one of the three mining clans, but after a series of sponsored assassinations on board the ship, the majority decision was to stop and perform manual repairs on the Solar Miner.

Alex waited in the equipment hold, holding back her tears.

They hit the outer shell at top speed, and Alex, who�d spent all her life away from the sun�s warmth, felt it surge through her.

---

Each day, the sun rose brighter. Each day, more of the Solar Mine crumbled. Torn by tidal forces, knocked off-balance, it fell sector by sector into the sun.

The tundra retreated. The Miners were shut down. The ending-summer sun shone free and harsh and loving. For the first time since the Fiat Wars, a baby was born who would never know what a bitcoin was.

It was noon, and the skies were blue.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 08:21

Munkeymon: Aug 14, 2003; Motherfucker's got an
armor-piercing crowbar! Rigoddamndicu𝜆ous.

Boxturret posted:

it's so good
Djeser posted:

It was noon, and the stars were out. The sun, with its flesh-red glow, was almost overhead. The summers in the Federated Free Nation-States of America were cold.

Alex nestled her lips into the lining of her parka. Ahead of her, rising into the dim, purpled sky, was a mesh of vents and fans, aluminum vanes built to catch the breezes that no longer blew. It was a darkened, half-sagging ziggurat, surrounded by bare, dessicated rock twenty yards out in all directions. A ring of corrugated steel houses and plywood shacks occupied a ring around the structure, about thirty yards wide at the thickest. It was a Miner, and the settlement that grew in its heat.

As she crested a hill, she dropped her hood and removed her gloves. By the time she had reached the outer edge, it was warm enough to remove her parka.

At the inner edge, she stopped at the guard station.

�I�m here about the trouble ticket. Your hash rate was falling?� she asked.

One identity confirmation later, she walked across the desolate zone, a guard close at her heels.

Alex crawled underneath a bank of red-hot hashing units to get to the power supplies. The guard hung back by the door, where the air was cooler. He ran his thumb along the grip of his gun and stared at the hatch the tech had climbed into.

�Tell the truth. How much longer till it�s gone?� he asked.

Sweat dripped off Alex�s brow while she dug a molten power cable free from its socket. The guard was for both her sake and the equipment�s. No one wanted to lose a tech to heatstroke.

�Five, ten years with maintenance.�

The replacement cable slotted into its socket. A dead sector of hashing units whirred back to life. She crawled back out, dry-lipped, soaked in sweat.

He wedged his shoulder underneath hers to help her walk. �I meant the sun.�

She could see he could take the truth. �A few weeks.�

---

While Alex traveled, she had plenty of time to watch the sun. Each day it rose, it was dimmer. Each day, the Solar Miner crept further around the sun. They had already started on the second layer.

They.

They, in their gleaming hover-cities. They, who had grandfathers and grandmothers with the foresight to invest. They, who could pay for every finest luxury the solar system had to offer. They, who had bitcoin, while all the rest of the world huddled around their makeshift Miners, barely scraping by enough satoshis to keep back the cold.

They, who were building the shells around the sun, who would snuff out a star to keep themselves rich.

---

�I saw it. Bigger than the New York Miner. Black and red and glowing, just sitting there in the dock.�

Alex had crossed paths with Richard, another tech, on the tundra between Phoenix and Las Vegas.

�They�re leaving. They�re loving off, and they don�t care about us.�

Alex pursed her lips behind her parka. �Terrible.�

She couldn�t tell Richard she�d been invited to come. The L.S.S. Nakamoto needed someone to keep it running on the way to Alpha Centauri and Alex had an excellent rating on all the forums.

---

Alex stared into the pudgy doe-eyes of a savage captain of industry.

�You can�t use all this electricity to grow weed.�

She grabbed one of the lamps and flicked it off.

�We�ve got the power--� he began.

�No, we don�t. This ship isn�t going to make it if everyone jacks into the mains for their grow labs.�

Thirty minutes later, Alex shut off the fuses to his room. A trouble ticket pinged in her ear, and she ignored it. She needed to check the reentry equipment.

---

The landing gear had been gutted, piece by piece, by a hundred different hands. Each person had torn out a little bit and packed their treasures inside, until there was nothing left.

There was no way to stop the ship. They could steer, but the gyroscopic thrusters couldn�t brake. The ship would never make it through an atmosphere.

They were going to die, all of them. Including her.

And if she was going to die, she was going to give her death purpose.

---

A code error propagated across the sectors of the Solar Miner. A check for temperatures was excluded. Hashing cores began to burn themselves out. The error affected only one of the three mining clans, but after a series of sponsored assassinations on board the ship, the majority decision was to stop and perform manual repairs on the Solar Miner.

Alex waited in the equipment hold, holding back her tears.

They hit the outer shell at top speed, and Alex, who�d spent all her life away from the sun�s warmth, felt it surge through her.

---

Each day, the sun rose brighter. Each day, more of the Solar Mine crumbled. Torn by tidal forces, knocked off-balance, it fell sector by sector into the sun.

The tundra retreated. The Miners were shut down. The ending-summer sun shone free and harsh and loving. For the first time since the Fiat Wars, a baby was born who would never know what a bitcoin was.

It was noon, and the skies were blue.

not as good as Cefte's attention economy story but still pretty good

# ? Jan 11, 2020 08:44

...!: Oct 5, 2003; I SHOULD KEEP MY DUMB MOUTH SHUT INSTEAD OF SPEWING HORSESHIT ABOUT THE ORBITAL MECHANICS OF THE JAMES WEBB SPACE TELESCOPE.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A LAGRANGE POINT IS?

Boxturret posted:

it's so good
Djeser posted:

It was noon, and the stars were out. The sun, with its flesh-red glow, was almost overhead. The summers in the Federated Free Nation-States of America were cold.

Alex nestled her lips into the lining of her parka. Ahead of her, rising into the dim, purpled sky, was a mesh of vents and fans, aluminum vanes built to catch the breezes that no longer blew. It was a darkened, half-sagging ziggurat, surrounded by bare, dessicated rock twenty yards out in all directions. A ring of corrugated steel houses and plywood shacks occupied a ring around the structure, about thirty yards wide at the thickest. It was a Miner, and the settlement that grew in its heat.

As she crested a hill, she dropped her hood and removed her gloves. By the time she had reached the outer edge, it was warm enough to remove her parka.

At the inner edge, she stopped at the guard station.

�I�m here about the trouble ticket. Your hash rate was falling?� she asked.

One identity confirmation later, she walked across the desolate zone, a guard close at her heels.

Alex crawled underneath a bank of red-hot hashing units to get to the power supplies. The guard hung back by the door, where the air was cooler. He ran his thumb along the grip of his gun and stared at the hatch the tech had climbed into.

�Tell the truth. How much longer till it�s gone?� he asked.

Sweat dripped off Alex�s brow while she dug a molten power cable free from its socket. The guard was for both her sake and the equipment�s. No one wanted to lose a tech to heatstroke.

�Five, ten years with maintenance.�

The replacement cable slotted into its socket. A dead sector of hashing units whirred back to life. She crawled back out, dry-lipped, soaked in sweat.

He wedged his shoulder underneath hers to help her walk. �I meant the sun.�

She could see he could take the truth. �A few weeks.�

---

While Alex traveled, she had plenty of time to watch the sun. Each day it rose, it was dimmer. Each day, the Solar Miner crept further around the sun. They had already started on the second layer.

They.

They, in their gleaming hover-cities. They, who had grandfathers and grandmothers with the foresight to invest. They, who could pay for every finest luxury the solar system had to offer. They, who had bitcoin, while all the rest of the world huddled around their makeshift Miners, barely scraping by enough satoshis to keep back the cold.

They, who were building the shells around the sun, who would snuff out a star to keep themselves rich.

---

�I saw it. Bigger than the New York Miner. Black and red and glowing, just sitting there in the dock.�

Alex had crossed paths with Richard, another tech, on the tundra between Phoenix and Las Vegas.

�They�re leaving. They�re loving off, and they don�t care about us.�

Alex pursed her lips behind her parka. �Terrible.�

She couldn�t tell Richard she�d been invited to come. The L.S.S. Nakamoto needed someone to keep it running on the way to Alpha Centauri and Alex had an excellent rating on all the forums.

---

Alex stared into the pudgy doe-eyes of a savage captain of industry.

�You can�t use all this electricity to grow weed.�

She grabbed one of the lamps and flicked it off.

�We�ve got the power--� he began.

�No, we don�t. This ship isn�t going to make it if everyone jacks into the mains for their grow labs.�

Thirty minutes later, Alex shut off the fuses to his room. A trouble ticket pinged in her ear, and she ignored it. She needed to check the reentry equipment.

---

The landing gear had been gutted, piece by piece, by a hundred different hands. Each person had torn out a little bit and packed their treasures inside, until there was nothing left.

There was no way to stop the ship. They could steer, but the gyroscopic thrusters couldn�t brake. The ship would never make it through an atmosphere.

They were going to die, all of them. Including her.

And if she was going to die, she was going to give her death purpose.

---

A code error propagated across the sectors of the Solar Miner. A check for temperatures was excluded. Hashing cores began to burn themselves out. The error affected only one of the three mining clans, but after a series of sponsored assassinations on board the ship, the majority decision was to stop and perform manual repairs on the Solar Miner.

Alex waited in the equipment hold, holding back her tears.

They hit the outer shell at top speed, and Alex, who�d spent all her life away from the sun�s warmth, felt it surge through her.

---

Each day, the sun rose brighter. Each day, more of the Solar Mine crumbled. Torn by tidal forces, knocked off-balance, it fell sector by sector into the sun.

The tundra retreated. The Miners were shut down. The ending-summer sun shone free and harsh and loving. For the first time since the Fiat Wars, a baby was born who would never know what a bitcoin was.

It was noon, and the skies were blue.

im tempted to repost this but with mentions of the star wars inserted everywhere just to spite you

# ? Jan 11, 2020 14:29

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

...! posted:

im tempted to repost this but with mentions of the star wars inserted everywhere just to spite you

I'm so tired of all these stars war.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 14:46

klafbang: Nov 18, 2009; Clapping Larry

Boxturret posted:

it's so good
Djeser posted:

The best thing about bitcoiners is that with stories like this it is impossible to tell whether somebody wrote a dystopian parody piece or they really think this is nice. Granted, the only other thing about bitcoiners is "child porn enthusiast," so it's not like the stories have much competition. Poe's law: the only non-pedo thing about bitcoiners.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 14:48

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

a goon wrote it and it has a happy ending where bitcoin dies, i think it's pretty clear

# ? Jan 11, 2020 18:03

...!: Oct 5, 2003; I SHOULD KEEP MY DUMB MOUTH SHUT INSTEAD OF SPEWING HORSESHIT ABOUT THE ORBITAL MECHANICS OF THE JAMES WEBB SPACE TELESCOPE.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A LAGRANGE POINT IS?

Boxturret posted:

a goon wrote it and it has a happy ending where bitcoin dies, i think it's pretty clear

# ? Jan 11, 2020 19:12

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

more like bitrex
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denatonium

# ? Jan 11, 2020 19:15

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

oh hey, remember how Telegram said Grams would be there for EVERY TELEGRAM USER??? yeah, not so much.

I say there that disappointed Gram investors may have a "robust attitude to perceived shenanigans" - by which I mean "you fuckwits, you didn't just piss off the russian mafia did you."

In other news, Craig Wright wins some and loses some (PDF) - and he has until 3 Feb to produce a bonded courier. Or else.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 19:30

klafbang: Nov 18, 2009; Clapping Larry

Boxturret posted:

a goon wrote it and it has a happy ending where bitcoin dies, i think it's pretty clear

Yeah, you're right for the star wars story. But take away the last two pieces and it's virtually indistinguishable from toaster-pays-lawnmower-to-murder-alarm-clock story, and that one I'm still in doubt about.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 20:40

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Which appliance is most likely to mine bitcoins? Discuss.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:14

vortmax: Sep 24, 2008; In meteorology, vorticity often refers to a measurement of the spin of horizontally flowing air about a vertical axis.

EorayMel posted:

Which appliance is most likely to mine bitcoins? Discuss.

the toilet

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:34

Gazpacho: Jun 18, 2004; by Fluffdaddy; Slippery Tilde

vortmax posted:

the toilet

bitcoins, not buttcoins (see what i did there)

# ? Jan 11, 2020 22:40

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

EorayMel posted:

Which appliance is most likely to mine bitcoins? Discuss.

Wanted to suggest Boxturret's mum, but decided against it.

# ? Jan 11, 2020 23:05

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

klafbang posted:

Yeah, you're right for the star wars story. But take away the last two pieces and it's virtually indistinguishable from toaster-pays-lawnmower-to-murder-alarm-clock story, and that one I'm still in doubt about.

it sure is hard to tell if a story about bullshit every yosposter hates that was written by a yosposter and posted in yospos was intended to be negative about the bad things that happen in it

# ? Jan 12, 2020 00:09

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

i have yet to see an appeal to poe's law with a basis other than abject gullibility

# ? Jan 12, 2020 00:15

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

i dunno about this "djeser" fellow

# ? Jan 12, 2020 02:06

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

i did write another story for thunderdome once about the Bitcoin Economy Of Things but it was mostly just a prelude for a story about a train

like all bitcoin things, it comes down to trains in the end

# ? Jan 12, 2020 02:09

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Well, it finally happened. I had to have this stuff included in my final CPA course:

# ? Jan 13, 2020 21:03

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

did somebody say buttcoin

# ? Jan 13, 2020 22:36

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

mojo1701a posted:

Well, it finally happened. I had to have this stuff included in my final CPA course:

# ? Jan 13, 2020 22:39

Hammerite: Mar 9, 2007; And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.; Jade Ear Joe

Sham bam bamina! posted:

did somebody say buttcoin

that's the final test to pass the course

# ? Jan 13, 2020 23:16

Hammerite: Mar 9, 2007; And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.; Jade Ear Joe

Question 35. Complete the sentence:

"Did anybody say ________ yet?"

(1 mark)

# ? Jan 13, 2020 23:17

...!: Oct 5, 2003; I SHOULD KEEP MY DUMB MOUTH SHUT INSTEAD OF SPEWING HORSESHIT ABOUT THE ORBITAL MECHANICS OF THE JAMES WEBB SPACE TELESCOPE.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A LAGRANGE POINT IS?

Djeser posted:

i dunno about this "djeser" fellow

# ? Jan 13, 2020 23:29

CampingCarl: Apr 28, 2008

mojo1701a posted:

Well, it finally happened. I had to have this stuff included in my final CPA course:

money laundering practices seem relevant to CPA. unless they are asking you how to implement triple entry accounting on a blockchain in which case :rip:

# ? Jan 14, 2020 01:06

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

List 25 of your favourite things about the Hero Ross Ulbritch:

# ? Jan 14, 2020 01:50

Midjack: Dec 24, 2007

mojo1701a posted:

Well, it finally happened. I had to have this stuff included in my final CPA course:

report back if the message is anything besides �drop client immediately�

# ? Jan 14, 2020 03:20

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Midjack posted:

report back if the message is anything besides �drop client immediately�

Unfortunately, no. The video was less than two minutes long, briefly explaining what cryptocurrency is, and that it's to be treated the same as any foreign currency for financial statement purposes, but with the caveat of good luck getting a reliable exchange rate, suckers.

CampingCarl posted:

money laundering practices seem relevant to CPA. unless they are asking you how to implement triple entry accounting on a blockchain in which case

I just remembered that one company that published a balance sheet that included Bitcoin as an asset, but didn't convert it or anything, so it was unbalanced as poo poo, and not in the same denomination.

Even then, I knew any half-decent accountant's reaction should be :laffo:

# ? Jan 14, 2020 03:29

gschmidl: Sep 3, 2011; watch with knife hands

Boxturret posted:

List 25 of your favourite things about the Hero Ross Ulbritch:

1 through 25: foreverially incarcerated

# ? Jan 14, 2020 04:12

...!: Oct 5, 2003; I SHOULD KEEP MY DUMB MOUTH SHUT INSTEAD OF SPEWING HORSESHIT ABOUT THE ORBITAL MECHANICS OF THE JAMES WEBB SPACE TELESCOPE.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A LAGRANGE POINT IS?

Boxturret posted:

List 25 of your favourite things about the Hero Ross Ulbritch:

https://mobile.twitter.com/RealRossU/status/1216492437138362369
https://mobile.twitter.com/EileenOrmsby/status/1216595268625260544

# ? Jan 14, 2020 04:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 05:18

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Since Ross "Dread Priate" "Bad Mr. Frossy" "Free Ross" "Fross" Ulbritch is in prison he is more like Ross Ulbitch :ocelot:

# ? Jan 14, 2020 04:54

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > buttcoin: my kids know me as this ape

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