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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

Speaking of terrible movies sure to be a hit:

https://youtu.be/jLMBLuGJTsA

No palm suckers, Jared Leto, no "I NEED MORE PLASMA!", Jared Leto, horrible butchery of Beethoven's legacy and Jared Leto. 0 stars, will avoid.

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One More Fat Nerd
Apr 13, 2007

Mama’s Lil’ Louie

Nap Ghost
2 Jack 2 Jill.

Jack and Jill from the previous movie get cloned, so there's 4 Sandlers, all onscreen at the same time, talking over each other in every scene. They dunk an actual parrot in deadly molten chocolate this time, because its cheaper than CGI. The movie has a Subway logo in the lower right corner the entire time, and the characters point it out and interact with it. The logo is voiced by Rob Schneider.

Flatscan
Mar 27, 2001

Outlaw Journalist

One More Fat Nerd posted:

2 Jack 2 Jill.

Jack and Jill from the previous movie get cloned, so there's 4 Sandlers, all onscreen at the same time, talking over each other in every scene. They dunk an actual parrot in deadly molten chocolate this time, because its cheaper than CGI. The movie has a Subway logo in the lower right corner the entire time, and the characters point it out and interact with it. The logo is voiced by Rob Schneider.

Da derp de derp de teedally derpy derpy dum. Rated ARG for pirates. gently caress you.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

FlamingLiberal
Jan 18, 2009

Would you like to play a game?



I’m not sure how you can make a movie worse than Jack and Jill

Unless he does it with no budget or something

IUG
Jul 14, 2007


FlamingLiberal posted:

I’m not sure how you can make a movie worse than Jack and Jill

Unless he does it with no budget or something

There's going to be a budget. Otherwise he can't pay his friends to vacation.

Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


One More Fat Nerd posted:

2 Jack 2 Jill.

Jack and Jill from the previous movie get cloned, so there's 4 Sandlers, all onscreen at the same time, talking over each other in every scene. They dunk an actual parrot in deadly molten chocolate this time, because its cheaper than CGI. The movie has a Subway logo in the lower right corner the entire time, and the characters point it out and interact with it. The logo is voiced by Rob Schneider.
This actually doesn't sound that farfetched.

datajugend
Jan 15, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
jaj2 played by jared leto, sandler plays al pacino

Macdeo Lurjtux
Jul 5, 2011

BRRREADSTOOORRM!

AceOfFlames posted:

Speaking of terrible movies sure to be a hit:

https://youtu.be/jLMBLuGJTsA

No palm suckers, Jared Leto, no "I NEED MORE PLASMA!", Jared Leto, horrible butchery of Beethoven's legacy and Jared Leto. 0 stars, will avoid.

Didn’t he just have palm suckers in the cartoon since he wasn’t allowed to do the whole vampire thing?

Stink Billyums
Jul 7, 2006

MAGNUM
Yes, everybody's remembering lame cartoon Morbius instead of lame comic Morbius.

RatHat
Dec 31, 2007

A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!

I’m not convinced he can do it intentionally. It’ll wrap back around and be the best comedy of the decade.

Big Mean Jerk
Jan 27, 2009

Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

RatHat posted:

I’m not convinced he can do it intentionally. It’ll wrap back around and be the best comedy of the decade.

I am extremely down for Adam Sandler forever cursed to create the worst comedy ever for the rest of his career.

Man, how did Uncut Gems, The Lighthouse, and The Farewell only generate a single nomination between them? Did A24 just forget to send out for your consideration packages?

RatHat
Dec 31, 2007

A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!
Because the Oscars are a joke

One More Fat Nerd
Apr 13, 2007

Mama’s Lil’ Louie

Nap Ghost

IUG posted:

There's going to be a budget. Otherwise he can't pay his friends to vacation.

Movie is set in Dubai, and is about filming a commercial to get people to go to Dubai. Sandler having burned bridges with Sony, the film entirely funded by the UAE. Ending sequence is the completed non-comedic 7 minute commercial. Minor setbacks: entire cast gets Hep A from swimming at sewage beach, kevin james suffers multiple heatstrokes.

got any sevens
Feb 9, 2013

by Cyrano4747

RatHat posted:

Because the Oscars are a joke

Ya, no women noms for director either :thermidor::d2a:

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

Stink Billyums posted:

Yes, everybody's remembering lame cartoon Morbius instead of lame comic Morbius.

Exactly. Cartoon Morbius was an amusing mixture of censorship induced hilarity (the plasma line) and genuinely disturbing (the suckers, which were also because of a censorship mandate that Morbius not bite anyone just made him scarier). Comic Morbius? Who gives a gently caress

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 12, 2015

by Cyrano4747
comic Morbius is mostly one of two things. on one end, if you're doing a dark and serious Spidey story, you pretty much either pull him, Kraven, or the symbiotes as the villain. on the other end, he's a route to Blade.

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

One More Fat Nerd posted:

Movie is set in Dubai, and is about filming a commercial to get people to go to Dubai. Sandler having burned bridges with Sony, the film entirely funded by the UAE. Ending sequence is the completed non-comedic 7 minute commercial. Minor setbacks: entire cast gets Hep A from swimming at sewage beach, kevin james suffers multiple heatstrokes.

For the sequel they go on a road trip to Saudi Arabia and the ending sequence of that is just the Khashoggi death tape.

Macdeo Lurjtux
Jul 5, 2011

BRRREADSTOOORRM!

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

comic Morbius is mostly one of two things. on one end, if you're doing a dark and serious Spidey story, you pretty much either pull him, Kraven, or the symbiotes as the villain. on the other end, he's a route to Frankencastle

Fixed this for you

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 12, 2015

by Cyrano4747

Macdeo Lurjtux posted:

Fixed this for you

i mean, that'd be cool, but

1) how exactly did morbius figure into frankencastle, my memory's off

2) given we know this movie is MCU-connected, and the Punisher Netflix series ended with him still alive and perfectly fine, there's a lot more steps required in between there than "introduce vampire, introduce black guy with sword who hates vampire"

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"
Have Sandler make a hard R Castlevania comedy.

My heart couldn’t take it.

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

i mean, that'd be cool, but

1) how exactly did morbius figure into frankencastle, my memory's off


IIRC Morbius was the one who found Frank's bits after he was chopped up by Daken and turned them into FrankenCastle

Gonz posted:

Have Sandler make a hard R Castlevania comedy.

My heart couldn’t take it.

Starring Adam Sandler as Dracula, Kevin James as Richter Belmont, Adam Sandler as Alucard and Rob Schneider as Death.

AceOfFlames fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Jan 14, 2020

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.
I might be misremembering, but I think Rob and the gang had a falling-out.

Which means Sandler would have to mend some fences if he is sincerely trying to make the worst movie ever.

Chairman Capone
Dec 17, 2008

Give me Werner Herzog's Grown Ups 3 or give me death!

got any sevens
Feb 9, 2013

by Cyrano4747
The marvel dark universe?! Vampires, frankenstein, etc? Lol i thought Blade was pushing it

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

AceOfFlames posted:

Starring Adam Sandler as Dracula, Kevin James as Richter Belmont, Adam Sandler as Alucard and Rob Schneider as Death.

“What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets! Ahhh dabba dee dabba doo deee dah dooobie!”

God, I want this to happen, now.

Dracula dressed like goddamn Opera Man.

cptn_dr
Sep 7, 2011

Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies


Produce the Tom Scharpling Grown Ups 3 script, you cowards.

RBA Starblade
Apr 28, 2008

Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

Paul Blart: Belmont

Femur
Jan 10, 2004
I REALLY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

Grendels Dad posted:

I might be misremembering, but I think Rob and the gang had a falling-out.

Which means Sandler would have to mend some fences if he is sincerely trying to make the worst movie ever.

Rob is the one that got a little big on himself and burned bridges iirc. According to Sandler on that Norm show, they are talking again, but Rob is gonna have to genuflect if he wants back on gravy train. Rob is supposedly happy now out of spotlight according to Sandler.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013



Gonz posted:

Dracula dressed like goddamn Opera Man.

Yes I would happily fund this trashfire, who in Hollywood do I need to give my bank account to?

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

joylessdivision posted:

Yes I would happily fund this trashfire, who in Hollywood do I need to give my bank account to?

Fill out all checks or money orders to Happy Madison Productions.

duz
Jul 11, 2005

Come on Ilhan, lets go bag us a shitpost


AceOfFlames posted:

IIRC Morbius was the one who found Frank's bits after he was chopped up by Daken and turned them into FrankenCastle


Starring Adam Sandler as Dracula, Kevin James as Richter Belmont, Adam Sandler as Alucard and Rob Schneider as Death.

Is this just your Hotel Transylvania fanfic?

got any sevens
Feb 9, 2013

by Cyrano4747

RBA Starblade posted:

Paul Blart: Belmont

Paul Blart is named the sole inheritor of a long-lost uncle and travels to the Carpathian mountains to inspect his new property, where he learns of his family's secret heritage as defenders of the world

Lobok
Jul 13, 2006

Say Watt?

The Paul Blart franchise Segway'd into gothic horror so seamlessly I didn't even notice.

Big Mean Jerk
Jan 27, 2009

Well, of course I know him.
He's me.
A shot-for-shot remake of Life is Beautiful, but every character is either Adam Sandler or Kevin James in a fatsuit and wig.

GrandpaPants
Feb 13, 2006


Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe!

Adam Sandler remake of The Day The Clown Cried.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

GrandpaPants posted:

Adam Sandler remake of The Day The Clown Cried.

It would probably be something like Zohan except Nazis

Detective No. 27
Jun 7, 2006

We already have three comedies where Adam Sandler plays Dracula.

yo mamma a Horus
Apr 7, 2008

Nap Ghost
So Sandler expected to be nominated for an oscar because he tried hard? That is cool.

Mr. Nemo
Feb 4, 2016

I wish I had a sister like my big strong Daddy :(

Huh, that was good!

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Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

yo mamma a Horus posted:

So Sandler expected to be nominated for an oscar because he tried hard? That is cool.

Yeah I didn’t even consider him the best part of the movie

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