|
 Oh man this was gonna be about Leia but Carrie Fisher died but gotta cram her in this anyway I wanted Finn to be a Jedi but Rian messed it up so I guess I'll just tell you about it at the end instead of do anything about it Boohoo TLJ made Snoke disposable so I'll make him literally disposable A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it JJ basically flushes any potential storytelling about Kylo Ren being the new Space Emperor before the opening crawl finishes Also WTF is Abrams' obsession with putting spaceships underwater, like dude they're built to hold in 1 atmosphere of pressure, they're not goddamned submarines, stop it already Somebody fucked around with this message at 05:19 on Mar 30, 2021 |
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 06:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 16, 2024 17:03 |
|
|
My main disappointment is that they didn't lean in to the Palpatine shlock even harder and have his fleet of ships just be an army of undead stormtroopers using ships that are falling apart.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 06:50
|
|
|
"UGH everyone said Starkiller base was just another Death Star, wait until they see a thousand tiny Death Stars that are just ships yo stop hogging the bong man"
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 06:52
|
|
|
Roth posted:My main disappointment is that they didn't lean in to the Palpatine shlock even harder and have his fleet of ships just be an army of undead stormtroopers using ships that are falling apart. I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 06:56
|
|
|
Yeah, I like that. My original thought after TFA was that Kylo Ren was going deep Dark-Side undercover to get close enough to Snoke/Palpatine/Whothefuckever that he could eliminate them -- that the thing he needed to 'finish' of Vader's was destroying the Sith by harnessing the Dark Side. The 'pull to the light' was what he needed to keep hidden for the plan to work, and killing Han was his attempt to get there. I figured he'd succeed but be unable to 'redeem' himself, so Rey would ultimately sacrifice herself to bring him back. I was close, I guess, but I thought having Kylo be essentially Leonardo DiCaprio's character from "The Departed" had way more potential. TROS just feels like some really nerdy powergamers passing around the boing going "Dude you know what would be cool"
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 07:01
|
|
|
JJ Abrams with his hand on a giant dial labelled NOSTALGIA, watching the audience expressions as he carefully twists it to the right
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 10:23
|
|
|
I was fine with most of the story bits on paper but it absolutely should have been two movies—ideally Disney would have actually planned out the trilogy in advance but making it a quintet instead of a trilogy would have worked too. Nothing gets built up to, it just happens and then we’re immediately rushed to the next setpiece because we don’t have time to let anything breathe. The opening crawl just being like “oh hey guys Palpatine is back” is the most obvious thing but the whole movie is like that.TremorX posted:A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it They had to do that, though, they need some half-rear end reason for the kamikaze not to work again or else they wouldn’t be able to have an actual battle scene again
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 12:23
|
|
|
I wish TROS revealed that the true villain was Jar Jar Binks who was Darth Plagueis manipulating everything all along.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 12:43
|
|
|
The first half hour of the movie almost made me want to leave. It was too fast paced and lovely, and I didn't get invested until Rey shot lightning and blew up chewie. Then they were like lol finn has no object permanence (hello jenny nicholson) and he was just alive again and I stopped caring again.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 12:49
|
|
|
Nucular Carmul posted:The first half hour of the movie almost made me want to leave. It was too fast paced and lovely, and I didn't get invested until Rey shot lightning and blew up chewie. Then they were like lol finn has no object permanence (hello jenny nicholson) and he was just alive again and I stopped caring again. Not only was immediately bringing Chewie back a chickenshit move but they revealed that to the audience before they did to the main characters so that big scene where they attack the enemy ship in Chewie’s memory has any potential emotional impact drained out of it in advance lol
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 12:54
|
|
|
the dead speak!
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 14:03
|
|
|
I almost booed out loud when Rey and Ben kissed at the end, except when I went to see it a bunch of kids kept running in and out of the theater yelling a bunch of poo poo during the previews and I figured everyone else had had enough. TheKingofSprings posted:I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force Literally the same thought I had walking out of the theater. "Force ghost that gains corpulence at the end" makes way more sense than "actual lich"
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 14:15
|
|
|
TheKingofSprings posted:I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force Yeah, this was my hope going in. A physical resurrection combined with not explaining anything about it robs the finale of any drama since for all we know he could just come back in another 40 years. It should have been spiritual warfare.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 14:22
|
|
|
cuntman.net posted:the dead speak! And they're voting Republican!
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 15:20
|
|
|
nine-gear crow posted:And they're voting Republican! Okay, who let Giovanni return?
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 17:49
|
|
|
TheKingofSprings posted:I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:05
|
|
|
People made fun of me for making a bigger death star so now made hundreds of small death stars.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:12
|
|
|
OP, you forgot how TLJ made Rey a nobody who was the child of nobodies. Then JJ was all gently caress that, Palpatine fucks now
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:18
|
|
|
Infidelicious posted:People made fun of me for making a bigger death star so now made hundreds of small death stars. An underappreciated shout out to the dozens of times that happened in the EU.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:19
|
|
|
Halloween Jack posted:What if they flushed him They already tried that with a Death Star sized toilet, I don't think it's gonna take this time Jack
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:20
|
|
|
I feel like "aggressively bland" is the best way to describe it. Also "this movie is beige." I felt nothing in the theater aside from the vague awkwardness of seeing a movie alone and being surrounded by strangers. ( )C-Euro posted:I almost booed out loud when Rey and Ben kissed at the end This too, but I managed to restrain myself to only rolling my eyes.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 20:20
|
|
|
not even SuperMechaGodzilla could save TRoS.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 22:27
|
|
|
Warmachine posted:I feel like "aggressively bland" is the best way to describe it. Also "this movie is beige." I felt nothing in the theater aside from the vague awkwardness of seeing a movie alone and being surrounded by strangers. ( The first thirty minutes were so awkwardly fast I was exhausted by the time the movie slowed down when they got to Burning Man Planet. Then I just coasted through it feeling mild apathy until they revealed Rey was actually Palpy's granddaughter and Sheev Palpatine had sex at one point. Then I just felt sick and gross for the rest of the film because ruined one of the bests twists Star Wars ever did because men on Reddit screamed and cried about it for two years... AND I now have to live in a world where someone banged Palpatine. Thanks JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 22:58
|
|
|
Writing fanfiction about one of the five writers of a movie where you project your criticisms of the story of the film as said writer's personal failings is really normal and healthy.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:07
|
|
|
sheev did a big cum in someone and now we have TROS
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:13
|
|
|
Kaysette posted:sheev did a big cum in someone and now we have TROS I’m pretty sure he did that after his face turned into a prune, making the entire sex act even more frightening.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:24
|
|
|
And then they hooked him up to a giant hydraulic arm and he whipped around the set like a baby in a jolly jumper going weeeeee while Rey was trying to be all serious and poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:27
|
|
|
I had a similar feeling from TRoS as from the last two Avengers movies: I'd just been bombarded with so many plot points and so much stakes-raising that it all just sort of washed over me. A lot of those plot points are an attempt to handwave away about 80% of TLJ and double down on an arbitrarily chosen 20%. TFA wanted to demonstrate that it was possible to make a passable Star Wars movie post-1983. Kinda safe and derivative, but passable. TLJ wanted to demonstrate that it was possible to take the series in a new direction. I'm not really sure what TRoS wanted other than to end the trilogy.
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:28
|
|
|
it wanted to make four billion american earth dollars
|
|
#
?
Jan 22, 2020 23:58
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 00:00
|
|
|
JJ Tried really hard to kill Chewbacca but even Disney was like, "hey man, stop it, you've already killed enough people" and then JJ yelled, "CHEWBACCA ISN"T A PERSON".
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 00:04
|
|
|
Never, ever acquiesce to fan demands, they do not know what they want
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 00:07
|
|
|
TremorX posted:A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it literally everyone who has thought about star wars for five minutes has determined that there must be something in-universe about hyperspace travel that prevents this from being a thing
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 01:52
|
|
|
Why do people keep letting JJ do this. After what he did with the first two Star Trek movies how tf did this seem like a good idea.
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 02:07
|
|
|
Flavius Aetass posted:literally everyone who has thought about star wars for five minutes has determined that there must be something in-universe about hyperspace travel that prevents this from being a thing my favorite thing is everyone thinking kamikaze attacks are a new unique thing star wars invented in TLJ and the only reason we don’t do it is because it’s hard to do the only reason we don’t crash every single destroyer sized vessel we have into the first order is it’s hard
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 03:43
|
|
|
they could use space rocks. no need to have living quarters or shields or whatever. just accelerate a rock
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 04:42
|
|
|
DemoneeHo posted:OP, you forgot how TLJ made Rey a nobody who was the child of nobodies. The funniest part was Kylo being all "remember how I said they were nobodies? Well... they totally weren't but we're going to say they were even though it doesn't make any sense to word it that way and this is an extremely blatant retcon."
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 04:47
|
|
|
TremorX posted:Yeah, I like that. Instead, he became Leonardo DiCaprio's character from Titanic.
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 05:20
|
|
|
muscles like this! posted:The funniest part was Kylo being all "remember how I said they were nobodies? Well... they totally weren't but we're going to say they were even though it doesn't make any sense to word it that way and this is an extremely blatant retcon." "They sold you into slavery to... protect... you...? Are you buying any of this, or should I keep going?"
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 05:25
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 16, 2024 17:03 |
|
|
Jose Oquendo posted:I’m pretty sure he did that after his face turned into a prune, making the entire sex act even more frightening. Real world Palps (Kissinger) lays serious pipe because of his proximity to power. There is a reason why "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac" is the maxim of deeply ugly men.
|
|
#
?
Jan 23, 2020 05:27
|
|