Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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Sherry Bahm: Jul 30, 2003; filled with dolphins

Pope Corky the IX posted:

gently caress you for insinuating I haven't done my research.

Ah, my apologies. Peer reviewed, no doubt.

# ? Feb 4, 2020 22:30

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 14:55

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

Tin Can Hit Man posted:

Like, I can completely understand the need/want for having a father in your life. But why does it always have to be that specific guy your mom banged to produce you?

As someone who knew I was adopted starting from the time I understood what it meant, that kind of poo poo still blows my mind. WHO CARES WHO DID THE SUCCESSFUL SEX WITH YOUR MOM.

# ? Feb 4, 2020 22:41

Splash Attack: Mar 23, 2008; Yeahhh!
I am GHOS!!
Haaaaaa Ha Ha Ha!!

Iron Crowned posted:

Yeah, that was the weird thing, because he did have a father, one of those DNA tests just revealed that he wasn't the biological one. Apparently it's pretty common to find that poo poo out with these tests, usually it's siblings discovering it and finding out they're half-brothers/sisters

i found out when i grew up distinctly very white compared to my both very asian parents

# ? Feb 5, 2020 00:07

LyonsLions: Oct 10, 2008; I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AuntBuck posted:

I'd bet she was looting the house while taking care of her dad.

Yep. My aunt did this. Paid herself a salary out of my grandma's accounts for "caretaking" when all she did was show up once a week or so to have my grandma write her some more checks. When Grandma needed actual care, which my aunt really wasn't capable of providing, she moved into a nursing home, at which point my aunt vanished.

# ? Feb 5, 2020 07:17

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

LyonsLions posted:

Yep. My aunt did this. Paid herself a salary out of my grandma's accounts for "caretaking" when all she did was show up once a week or so to have my grandma write her some more checks. When Grandma needed actual care, which my aunt really wasn't capable of providing, she moved into a nursing home, at which point my aunt vanished.

My uncle did a similar thing when my grandmother died.

He managed to convince her to make him the sole beneficiary of the will, (excluding my mum and her 4 other siblings). Then when she was in hospital, dying of cancer, he took hundreds of dollars out of her bank account, followed by another several hundred within a few hours of her actual death. Then, he asked my dad for cash for the funeral, when he had granny's cash in his pocket.

Then, after she had died, he gathered the siblings together and said "Mum gave me everything. You can all go round the house and take something of sentimental value, but then gently caress off coz it's all mine."

My mum and my other uncles and aunts managed to contest the will, and succeeded, but only because they had been completely excluded. If he had convinced granny to give him 95%, and the rest of the kids 1% each then the courts couldn't have done anything. Also, the lawyers that were involved said that this was the lowest amount that they had ever seen contested.

Sibling rivalry/bitterness is a hell of a drug. We don't talk to that uncle anymore.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 04:17

Shirec: Jul 29, 2009; How to cock it up, Fig. I

Wow it's wild how many folks have similar stories regarding that. I thought it was more rare :smith:

My own grandfather did that. Great grandmother was ailing, he convinced her to sell her everything for a ridiculously low price, and then shipped her off to a really gross retirement home. Rest of the siblings were told to gently caress off in a polite southern way. Then he sold everything she owned.

Later on, after a bunch of bad financial decisions, he was going to have to declare bankruptcy so my parents (his son, my dad) stepped in, purchased the house and land, and only asked they pay the utilities. Apparently that was too much, so after getting caught trying to sell all the trees off the land, they moved out without notice to my parents and bought a new house to make bad decisions in.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 04:33

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

There's nothing like a funeral to identify all the assholes in your family.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 15:17

derra: Dec 29, 2012

BrigadierSensible posted:

My uncle did a similar thing when my grandmother died.

He managed to convince her to make him the sole beneficiary of the will, (excluding my mum and her 4 other siblings). Then when she was in hospital, dying of cancer, he took hundreds of dollars out of her bank account, followed by another several hundred within a few hours of her actual death. Then, he asked my dad for cash for the funeral, when he had granny's cash in his pocket.

Then, after she had died, he gathered the siblings together and said "Mum gave me everything. You can all go round the house and take something of sentimental value, but then gently caress off coz it's all mine."

My mum and my other uncles and aunts managed to contest the will, and succeeded, but only because they had been completely excluded. If he had convinced granny to give him 95%, and the rest of the kids 1% each then the courts couldn't have done anything. Also, the lawyers that were involved said that this was the lowest amount that they had ever seen contested.

Sibling rivalry/bitterness is a hell of a drug. We don't talk to that uncle anymore.

Wait, not hundreds of thousands, but actual hundreds of dollars? drat.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 15:41

Bobulus: Jan 28, 2007

derra posted:

Wait, not hundreds of thousands, but actual hundreds of dollars? drat.

I mean, there's still the sale price of the house he's claiming.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 17:32

Krispy Wafer: Jul 26, 2002; I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat; Grimey Drawer

This all happens so often. When my grandmother went into a home, my uncle was suddenly super interested in how the house looked. He came over and spent a weekend cleaning and painting stuff after being AWOL for years. Unfortunately for him my father had already refinanced the house a decade previously when he was stealing from grandma so the house was so upside down we just let the bank take it.

The best defense against a Boomer is another Boomer who got there first.

# ? Feb 7, 2020 18:37

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

My elder half-sister showed up at my Nana's funeral with a list of poo poo IN MIND that she drilled everyone about if she couldn't find easily displayed to take, including my 11-year-old self. My mother, being kind, gave her a chance to take some mementos from her jewelry before she picked a few small things that carry larger sentimental than monetary value to me for when I was older. She just grabbed everything she thought looked the most expensive. I'm sure all my Nana's wedding set and mementos from her own mother were immediately pawned for scrap value and have long been smelted down, along with those from my already-deceased grandfather. Ugh.

eta: then my uncle spent the next three years selling off everything he could until he died of an overdose or something

uranium grass fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Feb 8, 2020

# ? Feb 8, 2020 01:04

Sherry Bahm: Jul 30, 2003; filled with dolphins

Today I actually had a friend of a friend say without an ounce of irony that it's unfair to start your own chosen family without giving your blood family a chance.

What I wanted to say was, "Bitch, 20 years of their bullshit wasn't enough of a chance?"

What I actually said was, "That's a personal choice."

# ? Feb 8, 2020 05:15

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

quote:

The thing that brought me to this forum, and made me one of this group of parents with estranged adult children revolved around me calling out my son and his wife for what I believed (and still believe) was/is abusive treatment of his children (her step-children/my grandchildren).

It got to the point they tried to keep the kids from me when I have helped raised them and have been very involved with the encouragement of both my son and their mother (his ex wife) from the very time they were both born. I took him to court over grandparent visitation rights. I�m not trying to encourage anyone to do that but I checked into the state laws and saw that for cases like this where the grandparents had been very involved in helping raise, then a new situation occurs such as a divorce/remarriage or death of a parent, this is when the grandparent may win in court.

We ended up doing mediation which seemed to result in a better situation because ever since then my son has been letting me have regular access to the children and sometimes even asks me to take them when he won�t be available for a period of time during his custodial time. So I dropped the court case. I was surprised that my son started speaking to me again, but he did and I have been very happy about it though we don�t talk about his wife or even his children, for the most part. I ask occasionally about his foster kids, 2 year old twin girls and he answers some things and leaves a lot out which I hear from other people who know all of us.

So there is a bit of back story leading to today and my fear of what I have always known could come again: another falling out with my son over the very same issues.

Today, he and his wife who is positively viscous toward the children�s mother texted the mother nasty texts saying her day is ruined, they can�t go the show as they planned because the kids have lice and it is her (their mother�s) fault. I�m close to my ex DIL (which makes both my son and his wife angry but whatever�.) she called me to tell me about the awful texts and how they felt she was to blame for the children�s disappointment in not going to the show (it was a Christmas present from one their aunts for the whole family�it was from my oldest daughter).

Well, as a teacher, I know that lice is a huge epidemic and the battle plan has changed since my children were little. Now they don�t always send kids home but if they do find it the nurse will either treat it and keep them at school, or send them home for treatment. They are allowed back directly after the treatment even though this does not mean they are 100% lice free. You have to keep checking every day for a long time and usually re-treat.

Anyway, I called my son and though I hated to bring it up, I did tell him that the current protocol is to do your very best to treat/eradicate all lice, launder and clean all clothes/bedding/ toys, house, etc. and other than that, go about life as always. He said �I have to go� which was a slightly nicer way of hanging up on me, but that is how it went.

Then the bio mom forwarded me the texts sent to her by the step-mom. They were viscous and awful and full of blame, and saying they could not go to the planned show and it was bio mom�s fault, the children are devastated.

Well I don�t know if my talk with my son had any impact but he did end up taking his son to the show! And according to the text he was the child infested with the most lice. Unfortunately though, my son sent a text to bio mom telling her (as if this lice conversation never happened) that the daughter could not go to the show because she did not do her chores that morning and kept trying to bribe her brother to do hers. She is 9 and he is 11. But their mother was at the laundromat working on all that laundry as a result of the news the children had lice, and she did not have her phone with her! So my son left her off at her mother�s apartment and drove off. She was locked out! She could get up the stairs but not in the apartment. Her mom found her there crying profusely and according to the text timeline, it had been 30 to 40 minutes. Should I do or say anything? Should I report them for their abuse? Should I just stay quiet and pretend I don�t know about all this? Should I encourage the mother to report them? (some may be reading and thinking it is a one time thing, no don�t report). Unfortunately, the past history is quite serious and this is not a one time thing at all and the unreasonable hatred, blame and hatred for the children�s mother which she does not hide from them, is a form of abuse in itself.

I know the only one of the choices that will promote the continuation of the more comfortable relationship I have been having with my son is the choice to do nothing/pretend I don�t know. I love my grandkids and this all breaks my heart so much!

quote:

From the instant I found out I was pregnant with her�to the moment she was born�my life changed forever. She was my firstborn. I was 26. I then knew for sure God existed. I was blessed with such a precious gift. My heart almost burst with love. Oh, I was going to be the best mother in all the history of mankind�

I was going to be an incredible mother and do the best I could.
Who knew how the future would unfold�

God�s plan is so complex.

I was young. I was naive. I was nice. I didn�t know what real love was� I was the type that would marry her high school sweetheart and stay married forever and live happily ever after�
Except I never had a high school sweetheart.

Never fell in love.

Until him�

I was young�very naive�too nice�I didn�t know what real love was�

I just didn�t know�

My parents divorced when I was 13. My poor mother couldn�t live with my selfish, alcoholic, narcissistic father. He left us behind. My father was an only child. No family ties there. My mother came from Europe�distant family�so far away.

We had a lonely, fractured family now.

My mother had to stay strong for her children. She had to be brave.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

Life can be so mean sometimes, even when you have the best mother in all the universe. We all suffered. My older sister has a lot of health problems. My older brother and younger sister are now estranged. I just wanted to be healthy and normal. Such a lonely, fractured family. Life can be so mean sometimes.

He came from a small town. He had a big family. They all lived near each other. How wonderful to have family around like that! He was very intelligent. Was a hard worker. Never gave up. He was always right. He was so handsome. And I loved him dearly�

I was young. I was naive. I was nice. I was really kind of dumb about life and thinking most people were like me and were nice and always had good intentions.

I still had a lot to learn�

We met at work. We both worked for the government as civilian employees. He was tall, dark, and handsome. The most good-looking man I had ever seen in my life�and he liked me�and I liked him�
He was very intelligent. Was a hard worker. Never gave up. He was always right.

Poor thing, he never had a loving relationship before. His crazy ex-girlfriends. It was always their fault. They always got mad at him for nothing. It was never his fault. He was always right. And he was cute, tall, dark, and handsome.

But he criticized me a lot. I didn�t realize I was being devalued. I thought I had all these �faults� and he still loved me�

My stupid heart. My self-esteem crumbled. I was young. Very naive. Too nice.

There were good times. There were bad times. I loved being a wife and mother. I didn�t like to fight. I was nice. I just wanted a normal, healthy family. I had to protect the kids. I learned not to stick up for myself. It made it worse. He was always right anyway, big and strong�

He was so self-confident. He was so intelligent. He criticized me a lot. He was never wrong. Big and strong. He loved me. I loved him. He could protect me�
He criticized me a lot. It was always my fault. It was so confusing.

But I didn�t know what real love was�

I just didn�t know�

My poor mother. Love is blind. He loved me. I loved him. She just didn�t understand how he loved me. Her wise heart clashed with my ignorance. She knew I was too nice�too vulnerable�for this world. She wasn�t perfect. I wasn�t perfect. I had a lot to learn.

She was so brave.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

Her worry and helpless frustration made matters worse between us. Daughters can be so challenging sometimes. I was young. I was naive. I was immature. He loved me. I loved him. She just couldn�t see it. Love is magical. It will be okay.

My mother did the best she could. She raised four children on her own in a losing situation. No backup. No family close by. No college degree. She grew up during World War II you know. She was so brave. She just didn�t understand how he loved me. She was just being mean. She didn�t understand our love. He didn�t mean to punch me. He was a boxer, big and strong. It was just impulse. It was my fault. I tried to stick up for myself. I had slapped him when he was spewing his vitriol at me�again.

He criticized me a lot. He was always right. It was always my fault. When he punched me, I passed out and fell to the floor. He ran away. We were in a public place. People saw�

He was very intelligent. Was a hard worker. Never gave up. He was always right.

We were so different, him and I. I could never do anything right. He was big and strong. He was always right. My stupid heart. It was so confusing. It was always my fault anyway�

He loved me. I loved him. Love is magical. It will be okay.

He didn�t like my mother. I estranged from my mother for a while�

I was the first of my siblings to have a child. My mother called me when she found out I was pregnant. I had missed her so much! It was so good to hear her voice again. I was so thankful to have her back in my life again. No more sorrow and pain.
She never said a word.

She was so brave.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

She backed me up in any decision I made. She was devoted to her children like that. She was so brave. I divorced him twice, you know. That first time I left him after a year. I didn�t understand what was going on, but I knew I couldn�t live with his abusive narcissistic drunken vitriol. He criticized me a lot. He was always right. It was always my fault. Our daughter was almost a year old. I had to protect her. My daughter and I moved in with my mother. She helped me with her you know. My daughter was her sunshine. We all loved her so much. None of my siblings were estranged yet. Life was good.

He quit his job. He didn�t want to pay child support. He moved back in with his parents. It was hard on my little salary�healthcare, healthy food, formula, baby needs, life insurance, car expenses to get to work, etc.

But I still loved him dearly�

He was very intelligent. Was a hard worker. Never gave up. He was always right. It was always my fault. And he was so handsome.

Oh My God, I ran off with him again. My poor mother. But he loved me. I loved him. Love is magical. It will be okay.

I reunited with my mother when I was pregnant with my son. (Thank you again God!) I was blessed with such a precious gift. My heart almost burst with love. My mother called me when she found out I was pregnant. I had missed her so much! It was so good to hear her voice again. I was so thankful to have her back in my life again. No more sorrow and pain.

She never said a word.

She was so brave.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

We stayed connected and best friends for the rest of her life�29 more precious years!

I look back now. I know what real love is. She was the best mother a child could ever have�God had already blessed me�from the moment I was born.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

I helped care for her before she died. I am so thankful for that. We were best friends.

I can�t wait until we reconnect in heaven forever! I miss her so much! It will be so good to hear her voice again! I will be so thankful to have her back in my life again! No more sorrow and pain!

She was so brave.

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could.

She died January 16, 2019. I rode in the ambulance with her. They had to code her on the way to the hospital. They worked so hard. She was so brave. They pronounced her at 18:02. She was 85.
My heart stood still.

Surely God had made a mistake.

The pain was unbearable. I wanted to go with her so she would not be alone.

Life can be so mean sometimes.

Why did He take her so soon?

Sometimes the mean parts of life are hard to understand. My daughter, she called me up two days after my mother died you know. She spewed her vitriol at me�again. She wanted me to hurt. She wanted to make it worse. She wanted to cause sorrow and pain.

She reminds me of someone.

She criticizes me a lot. She�s very intelligent. She�s a hard worker. She never gives up. She is always right. It�s always my fault.

It doesn�t matter now.

Life can be so mean sometimes.

Epic fail on a normal, healthy family. It wasn�t in God�s plans for me, but I trust Him completely and look forward to what He has planned. I�ll continue to help Him out and make this world a better place as best I can.
I�m no longer young.

I am no longer naive.

I am no longer too nice.

And I still have a lot to learn.

My son is so nice. Says he misses me when I�m gone. Says it�s good to hear my voice. Says he�s thankful to have me in his life. Never wants to cause sorrow or pain.

My daughter says she hates me. Wished I was dead instead. Doesn�t miss me since she�s gone. Doesn�t want to hear my voice. Isn�t thankful to have me in her life, wants me gone instead.

Oh, so much sorrow and pain�

She criticizes me a lot. She�s very intelligent. She�s a hard worker. She never gives up. She is always right. It�s always my fault.

Life can be so mean sometimes.

I have forgiven her.

I love my children so much! I�m not perfect. They�re not perfect. We all have a lot to learn. They�ll have to choose their own path in life.

I don�t understand what happened to her�

I don�t understand what happened to us�

I still long for her�before it changed�for what was.

She doesn�t understand parental alienation�covert seeds of malice insidiously planted through the years. An innocent child�s mind corrupted for one�s own selfish needs. She has never been a mother. Doesn�t understand the beautiful love a mother has for her child. But the seeds were planted well. They took root when no one was noticing, nourished by a loving mother�s frustrations to abuse cloaked in the illusion of love.

He came back. Wanted to make things right. Wanted to be a family. My stupid heart. I thought love was magical. It will be okay. He said he loved me. I loved him. I just wanted a normal, healthy family. I didn�t understand what was going on. No matter what I did or said, it was wrong. It was always my fault. He was always right. I knew something wasn�t quite right, but I just didn�t know what. It was so confusing.

My unsuspecting nature and homebody personality made me an easy target. I didn�t know I was being vilified to make himself look good. My imperfections and predictable exasperations were used against me. A mother�s heart is so vulnerable. I grew more stressed and frustrated as I was exploited. I was so confused. I reacted. They reacted. I�m not perfect. They�re not perfect. We all have a lot to learn.

The seeds had strong roots now. My emotional turmoil solidified my daughter�s corrupted view of me. I�m not perfect. She�s not perfect. We all have a lot to learn.

Who knows how the future will unfold. God�s plan is so complex!

I love my children dearly! May their blessings overfill! I pray they find their way in life and choose love, truth, and good will.

My daughter says she hates me, wants me dead instead. She doesn�t want me for her mom. That she plainly said.

I still love her.

I have to stay strong for my son now. He wants a mom like me. I�m so proud of his integrity and kind heart, and he�s as awesome as can be!

My mother, she was the best you see! And I never will forget! She was devoted to her children like that! Without one ounce of regret!

I miss her so much! We were best friends! She was so strong! She was so brave!

She was an incredible mother doing the best she could!

# ? Feb 11, 2020 15:58

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I can't remember the last time I tried to read something so infuriating, that second one is all over the loving place.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 16:16

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

When someone talks about how their kids don't talk to them and completely refuses to give any specifics like that you can just imagine what horrendous acts they are handwaving away with their flowery language

# ? Feb 11, 2020 16:28

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I'm betting that the father was sexually abusing the daughter.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 16:35

nashona: May 8, 2014; Though she be but little, she is fierce

Arsenic Lupin posted:

I'm betting that the father was sexually abusing the daughter.

And she probably told the mom who didn't believe her. Or care.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 18:50

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I can't remember the last time I tried to read something so infuriating, that second one is all over the loving place.

Every time I try to read it I want to go home and go to bed, even when I'm already home and in bed

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:03

physeter: Jan 24, 2006; high five, more dead than alive

Scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it when your boomer dad (a) won't stop bringing up the issue of potential inheritance, and (b) won't actually let you see the will? Not sure if it's worth cutting ties, but holy poo poo it feels rude and manipulative. I don't care about the money much, I make my own. But I just don't want to discuss it if I don't know what's going on. Also have warned him repeatedly to knock it off and not raise the subject.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:22

epsilon: Oct 31, 2001

I have read every single post in this and the r/relationships thread and I could not even get halfway through that second one. It repeats itself OVER AND OVER and every other sentence ends with "..." jesus h christ

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:30

epsilon: Oct 31, 2001

physeter posted:

Scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it when your boomer dad (a) won't stop bringing up the issue of potential inheritance, and (b) won't actually let you see the will? Not sure if it's worth cutting ties, but holy poo poo it feels rude and manipulative. I don't care about the money much, I make my own. But I just don't want to discuss it if I don't know what's going on. Also have warned him repeatedly to knock it off and not raise the subject.

Just do/act/behave as you normally would and make decisions based on the assumption you're getting nothing at all, because that's what the nursing home and hospitals are going to leave him with

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:31

The Breakfast Sampler: Jan 1, 2006

physeter posted:

Scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it when your boomer dad (a) won't stop bringing up the issue of potential inheritance, and (b) won't actually let you see the will? Not sure if it's worth cutting ties, but holy poo poo it feels rude and manipulative. I don't care about the money much, I make my own. But I just don't want to discuss it if I don't know what's going on. Also have warned him repeatedly to knock it off and not raise the subject.

yeah, just assume nothing. both of my parents were like this; I called it the "death promise." in my case it felt like there tacitly had to be some carrot out there because they knew on some fundamental level that they weren't otherwise worth talking to (i'm exaggerating a little, but.) unfortunately I don't think this behavior is uncommon among a certain type of person. not to ramble, but people are doing this are basically telling to you, "just imagine how great life will be when i'm dead!" or at least that's how I felt about it.

it's not worth engaging them on it, trust me. my father's dead and there was basically nothing left, and i don't talk to my mother anymore because she kept doing poo poo like this (admittedly lots of reasons besides that too, but it's a pretty good sign that someone's a manipulative shithead.)

The Breakfast Sampler fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Feb 11, 2020

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:34

CarpenterWalrus: Mar 30, 2010; The Lazy Satanist

my boomer dad insinuated i wouldn't get inheritance if i didn't stop saying anti-Trump/nazi stuff on social media. I pointed out that; one: he absolutely can't afford a lawyer to draft a will and is too lazy to do so, anyway, and; two: he will for sure die before his wife, and she'll liquidate what few assets are worth it, then move in with her son and give everything to him. He got real pissed when i pointed out that carrot was rotten

# ? Feb 11, 2020 19:56

Krispy Wafer: Jul 26, 2002; I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat; Grimey Drawer

physeter posted:

Scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it when your boomer dad (a) won't stop bringing up the issue of potential inheritance, and (b) won't actually let you see the will? Not sure if it's worth cutting ties, but holy poo poo it feels rude and manipulative. I don't care about the money much, I make my own. But I just don't want to discuss it if I don't know what's going on. Also have warned him repeatedly to knock it off and not raise the subject.

If his health is poor or he's seeing that encroaching mortality, he could be bringing up inheritance as a coping mechanism.

It could also be a control thing. It's probably a control thing. But there's a small chance he wants to be able to pass something along to you and doesn't know how to properly express how important that is to him. Also he wants to control you.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 21:39

The Breakfast Sampler: Jan 1, 2006

oh, and as long as that's the subject, I'll just contrast it by saying that my late wife's parents, who have both retired and were looking at their long term finances, gave all the inheritance stuff out to help their kids while they were still alive (they're still doing great, and I still talk to them) and able to see people enjoy it. I'm just saying not everyone works like dragons in that respect, if I ever make it to a point that it matters I'd much rather handle it that way.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 22:12

Devonaut: Jul 10, 2001; Devoted Astronaut

CarpenterWalrus posted:

He got real pissed when i pointed out that carrot was rotten

Yeah I'm sure my dad thought he was real hot poo poo when he threw out all of the things I had carefully stored from childhood at his house. All he really did was kill the hostage. I have no reason to even talk to him anymore and guess what, I don't.

# ? Feb 11, 2020 23:44

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

My parents have been super open about their will and post death plans, but it's because I'm an only child and they worry about me not having anyone to help me if the both pass at the same time. They've basically made me a co-signer on all of their assets so nothing will have to go through probate. I hate it when they talk about it because I don't like thinking about my parents dying, but I do appreciate their forethought.

Could be worse. I had a friend who knew he was dying (HIV plus Lyme disease, yikes), so he built this elaborate binder full of funeral plans, including guest speakers and musical cues, and was reviewing it with his college freshman daughter when I was visiting. :stare:

He ended up killing himself and as far as I know, there was no funeral :smith:

# ? Feb 12, 2020 00:44

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

New to the thread.

I haven't voluntarily spoken to my parents, or my 3 flying monkey siblings, in 9 years. My mother has undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and has literally no friends, outside of her siblings who are now starting to die off one by one. My father let her abuse their children because he wasn't the target as long as we were in her line of sight.

# ? Feb 12, 2020 03:00

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Lifehacker posted an article on how to break up with your family, and I highly recommend it, even on the stigma breaking alone.

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-break-up-with-your-family-1840985271

# ? Feb 13, 2020 16:13

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

New to the thread.

I haven't voluntarily spoken to my parents, or my 3 flying monkey siblings, in 9 years. My mother has undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and has literally no friends, outside of her siblings who are now starting to die off one by one. My father let her abuse their children because he wasn't the target as long as we were in her line of sight.

What does "flying monkey siblings" mean?

# ? Feb 13, 2020 22:01

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Play posted:

What does "flying monkey siblings" mean?

Family manipulated and used as weapons once no contact starts

# ? Feb 13, 2020 22:08

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

It's a Wizard of Oz reference, and it's usually referring to people that know what's going on but still help out the parents or grandparents or whoever. I'm not sure if there's a term for the people that are genuinely unaware of the actual story and end up giving out a phone number or address because they don't know any better.

# ? Feb 13, 2020 22:12

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

ikanreed posted:

Family manipulated and used as weapons once no contact starts

oh. duh. I was thinking of Sea Monkeys for some reason lol

# ? Feb 13, 2020 22:13

That70sHeidi: Aug 16, 2009

Play posted:

oh. duh. I was thinking of Sea Monkeys for some reason lol

That is an oddly adorable mental image, thank you!

# ? Feb 13, 2020 22:29

Poo In An Alleyway: Feb 12, 2016

Basically what Pope Corky said. I'm unsure if there's a name for what you suggested though. Thankfully it hasn't happened where my new phone number (changed it when I went No Contact in 2011) has been given to my parents, but it's a possibility I fear.

# ? Feb 13, 2020 23:45

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

Play posted:

oh. duh. I was thinking of Sea Monkeys for some reason lol

RELEASE THE SEA MONKEYS. ALL SHALL KNOW MY WRATH

Flying monkeys may or may not know what's really going on, but they're the people nagging you to reestablish contact with an abuser "because they're family," etc.

# ? Feb 14, 2020 02:41

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

It's a Wizard of Oz reference, and it's usually referring to people that know what's going on but still help out the parents or grandparents or whoever. I'm not sure if there's a term for the people that are genuinely unaware of the actual story and end up giving out a phone number or address because they don't know any better.

Forgive the stupid question:

But which of the two is worse?

The ones that know what is going on but still tell you to keep in touch with toxic/abusive family are clearly arseholes. So you can tell them to gently caress off, or sever from them as well depending on the level of arseholery.

But the well meaning ones, the ones who genuinely think they are trying to help. Surely they are worse, because you can't just tell them to gently caress off like you can the former.

# ? Feb 14, 2020 08:02

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

AuntBuck posted:

RELEASE THE SEA MONKEYS. ALL SHALL KNOW MY WRATH

Flying monkeys may or may not know what's really going on, but they're the people nagging you to reestablish contact with an abuser "because they're family," etc.

I have conflicting feelings about this sort of thing. My sister has definitely distanced herself from the family, but it's not like she's some saint who did no wrong. But if you try to point anything like that out to her she just shuts down and digs in even further with the whole "you don't need your family."

# ? Feb 14, 2020 08:07

ohnobugs: Feb 22, 2003

BrigadierSensible posted:

Forgive the stupid question:

But which of the two is worse?

The ones that know what is going on but still tell you to keep in touch with toxic/abusive family are clearly arseholes. So you can tell them to gently caress off, or sever from them as well depending on the level of arseholery.

But the well meaning ones, the ones who genuinely think they are trying to help. Surely they are worse, because you can't just tell them to gently caress off like you can the former.

Just my opinion. A lot of times, people who haven't lived through abuse just don't get it. Sometimes those are people who are really close to the family and may even know about the abuse. They're not trying to be assholes. Many had a loving family and can't imagine true dysfunction, even when you describe it in detail. A lot of it's denial. It's easier to let someone else live in hell than do the work to help them and potentially burn some of their own relationships. They're not willing to disrupt the status quo. I think these people are worse than the obviously toxic people, and there are way more of them out there.

Wicker Man posted:

I have conflicting feelings about this sort of thing. My sister has definitely distanced herself from the family, but it's not like she's some saint who did no wrong. But if you try to point anything like that out to her she just shuts down and digs in even further with the whole "you don't need your family."

I don't know your situation, but I feel like your sister may not feel like you're understanding her. She may just want to be heard and acknowledged. There are also two sides to every story, and sometimes people estrange because they're the rear end in a top hat, but this is the lovely boomer parents thread, so a lot of us are looking at this stuff through that lens.

# ? Feb 14, 2020 08:44

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 14:55

Saint Drogo: Dec 26, 2011

Wicker Man posted:

I have conflicting feelings about this sort of thing. My sister has definitely distanced herself from the family, but it's not like she's some saint who did no wrong. But if you try to point anything like that out to her she just shuts down and digs in even further with the whole "you don't need your family."

if she's distanced herself from the family, she's absolutely the saint.

# ? Feb 14, 2020 09:36

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Rejected Parents: if you can't figure it out you don't deserve a blog

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