|
That70sHeidi posted:That is an oddly adorable mental image, thank you! Sea Monkeys were a Nazi plot.
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 10:27
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 21:56 |
|
|
Wicker Man posted:I have conflicting feelings about this sort of thing. My sister has definitely distanced herself from the family, but it's not like she's some saint who did no wrong. But if you try to point anything like that out to her she just shuts down and digs in even further with the whole "you don't need your family." If she feels the need to dig her heels and reiterate that "you don't need your family" whenever you bring these things up, then perhaps it might be worth your while to step back and re-evaluate your place within the family dynamic, how your position within said dynamic might influence how things may be perceived by others, and why you feel the need to talk about these things with her.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 11:55
|
|
|
 Thought of the thread.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 11:57
|
|
|
Pvt.Scott posted:Sea Monkeys were a Nazi plot. Literally! If you bought me as a kid or X-ray spex (the toy, not the amazing band) you miiiiiiight have low key funded some Nazi poo poo
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 11:57
|
|
|
My experience seems relevant to this thread, so I will share. When I was in high school, my parents basically forced (through emotional manipulation) me to go to university. They paid for 80% of my tuition using a college fund they started when I was born. Flash forward to 2015 or so. I graduate with a master's degree (not paid for by parents, exclusively scholarship funded) and my parents don't attend the ceremony but instead send me an invoice for $65,0000 for "parentage". I immediately stopped talking to them outside of when it was absolutely necessary (e.g., funerals, weddings). They apparently did the same thing to my brother and he's actually paying it off.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 12:21
|
|
|
teen witch posted:Literally! If you bought me as a kid or X-ray spex (the toy, not the amazing band) you miiiiiiight have low key funded some Nazi poo poo There is no loving way... *googles “sea monkey nazi connection”* *Five minutes pass* ...everything is loving nazis. Everything.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 12:24
|
|
|
^^^ well poo pooteen witch posted:Literally! If you bought me as a kid or X-ray spex (the toy, not the amazing band) you miiiiiiight have low key funded some Nazi poo poo 
McSpanky fucked around with this message at 13:07 on Feb 14, 2020 |
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 12:26
|
|
|
Dr.D-O posted:My experience seems relevant to this thread, so I will share. Return the invoice with "parentage" slashed out and "elderly care" written in it's place. Get your brother to co-sign it, and not pay them another cent.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 12:33
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:Return the invoice with "parentage" slashed out and "elderly care" written in it's place.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 13:09
|
|
|
Tin Can Hit Man posted:Return the invoice with "parentage" slashed out and "elderly care" written in it's place. I was tempted to send them a counter-invoice for mental health services.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 13:29
|
|
|
Dr.D-O posted:My experience seems relevant to this thread, so I will share. So, uh, did they actually pay for your college? Because I read somebody whose family did this except they didnt actually pay, they made the Kid take out loans promising theyd pay on graduation and then didnt, saying theyd need the money for their retirement and hed be fine since he now had a college degree.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 13:36
|
|
|
McSpanky posted:^^^ well poo poo https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/the-terrible-secret-of-sea-monkeys-53130938/
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 14:11
|
|
|
Dr.D-O posted:My experience seems relevant to this thread, so I will share. If my dad tried to bill me for his shooting with the safety off I would put in a good effort towards breaking his jaw, and I might not be successful but he'd drat well know I'd tried.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 15:50
|
|
|
My uncle attempted to get my Alzheimer's-ridden grandfather to change his will to get way more than he deserved, fortunately any changes had to be approved by my mother at that point becaise she had control over his estate and she put a stop to it. My aunt had also been written out of my grandmothers will and she only found out after the death and freaked out and cried over it. Ripped up the will, which was a photocopy my mother had made because she expected it. I've started going to therapy  and I'm getting a whole lotta shocked reactions out of her because my stories are loving insane. I really ought to write my life story out, it's been so crazy and somehow I'm still alive and kind of thriving. More than you'd expect someone who had my childhood would be, anyway.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 16:41
|
|
|
saw this, thought of this thread https://twitter.com/AmyKremer/status/1228198110775496704 
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 16:47
|
|
|
Tunicate posted:saw this, thought of this thread Always goes back to never take money from your family for anything. Ever. Tell them to take that college money and go gently caress themselves. The rest of us are hosed paying off loans too it's not as bad as having someone dictate the way you live.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 17:08
|
|
|
I never asked for a dime from my parents and I know that drove my father loving insane after I cut off contact because he couldn't hold it over me or try and sue or anything. poo poo, when I moved out, all I took were things I bought with my own money.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 17:17
|
|
|
Saint Drogo posted:if she's distanced herself from the family, she's absolutely the saint. People distance themselves from family for all sorts of reasons, it's not always written in stone that the distancer is a better person or more righteous than the people being distanced from. Of course, most of the stories we see in this thread that's the case, but it's not universally true. An addict might distance themselves from family to continue their addiction, or a father might do so from shame after being caught in an affair. Of course, anyone has the right to do that but it doesn't make it good. Pvt.Scott posted:Sea Monkeys were a Nazi plot. Never heard that story before, thanks for putting me onto it
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 17:27
|
|
|
Tunicate posted:saw this, thought of this thread "Parents: Do you have a have a creepy amount of access to your adult children's lives? Better use that to abusively bully them into having the right opinions!" Like, I have issues with how much access my mom has to my personal life sometimes, but I'd never imagine giving her access to the point that she can determine poo poo like this.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 17:31
|
|
|
Neito posted:"Parents: Do you have a have a creepy amount of access to your adult children's lives? Better use that to abusively bully them into having the right opinions!" It's probably dad's money that's getting spent there, which is why he feels justified acting like that. Or else dad's paying for something else and that's the kid's money but since dad's paying for something he can pretend it's his money.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 19:23
|
|
|
Picnic Princess posted:My uncle attempted to get my Alzheimer's-ridden grandfather to change his will to get way more than he deserved, fortunately any changes had to be approved by my mother at that point becaise she had control over his estate and she put a stop to it. You know when your therapist gives you the  look because you told them something you hitherto considered COMPLETELY loving NORMAL AND REGULAR BEHAVIOUR then you're gonna be alright.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 19:30
|
|
|
Play posted:It's probably dad's money that's getting spent there, which is why he feels justified acting like that. Or else dad's paying for something else and that's the kid's money but since dad's paying for something he can pretend it's his money. Yeah one weird dad trick (his kids hate him) is to just give your kids money as a "gift" or "payment" so that in the event that they spend their own money on frivolities, you can then pretend like your money paid for it by freeing up imaginary money that was already earmarked for imaginary expenses. If you're feeling particularly frisky you can just point at things they own and say "I paid for that, it's mine." Boomer budgeting is just money go in -> money go out.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 19:54
|
|
|
Play posted:It's probably dad's money that's getting spent there, which is why he feels justified acting like that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 20:40
|
|
|
What’s so funny to me is that if it’s the parent busting their rear end to have money for college, why would they be opposed to debt relief?!! It gets them off the hook or keeps their kid from spending half their paycheck on loans. It’s sooooo dumb.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 20:52
|
|
|
PooInAnAlleyway posted:You know when your therapist gives you the I learned that my depression was depression, not just feeling blue, when I related to my friend “hey, you know how it is when you wanna kill yourself” and got “NO!”
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 20:53
|
|
|
Arsenic Lupin posted:Many abusive parents insist on being joint owners of kids banking accounts. Up there with installing location trackers as a tool of abuse. Along with: -installing nanny-cams in various points around the house, -insisting on their adult child texting them every 30-45 minutes when they go out, even during the daytime, -"allowing" their young or teenage child to be friends with people they approve of, and policing their social media, phone calls and texts to make sure they're not conversing with people that didn't get their express approval, or in the example of my own mother -waiting until their child has reached the age where they're going to start going out socially without them, then uprooting the entire family from a suburb with bus routes and accessible friends and social spots, to the cripplingly isolated countryside where the child now has no friends and no escape without the parent's ability to drive them somewhere.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 20:58
|
|
|
Boywhiz88 posted:What’s so funny to me is that if it’s the parent busting their rear end to have money for college, why would they be opposed to debt relief?!! It gets them off the hook or keeps their kid from spending half their paycheck on loans. It’s sooooo dumb. L E V E R A G E
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 20:59
|
|
|
Boywhiz88 posted:What’s so funny to me is that if it’s the parent busting their rear end to have money for college, why would they be opposed to debt relief?!! It gets them off the hook or keeps their kid from spending half their paycheck on loans. It’s sooooo dumb. 
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:00
|
|
|
PooInAnAlleyway posted:L E V E R A G E 
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:02
|
|
|
PooInAnAlleyway posted:L E V E R A G E 
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:05
|
|
|
Baffles me when parents expect to stay joint owners of their adult kid's bank accounts. I get why they want to, but still. My mom didn't care to mess with my finances at all once I turned 18, and we didn't realize she wasn't automatically removed from my account (I had to have either her or my dad basically sponsor me to get it, because Navy Federal) for like....years.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:17
|
|
|
My parents had a savings account for my college fund, but they ended up using it to pay the interest on my student loans (which was fine) and buying a lovely car that my dad then handed down to me when I finished school. Which was not fine, because he ignored all of my car advice (even then, I was 3000x the car expert he could ever be) and dropped this complete shitcan in my lap and expected me to gladly pay off the last of the loan and ride off into the sunset with a, "THANKS MOM AND DAD! YOU'RE THE GREATEST!" My mom actually loving screamed at me once for saying I "bought" the car from them. I'm sorry, but when I have to rock up to the bank and drop a $600 check before taking on ownership of something, I consider that "buying" it. We've since mutually apologized for a lot of financial miscommunication and confusion, but my mom's desire for L E V E R A G E over me thru my student loan continued into my 30s. When her parents both died, she got a small but substantial chunk of money from their estate, and apparently told my dad she was going to use it to pay off my student loan, because I was just getting over unemployment and could use the assistance. It would have been a huge boon. Instead of just walking down to the loan office and paying it off, tho, she proceeded to mail me a check for the loan payment amount every month. At the time, I was calling in "sick" from work regularly to avoid running out of gas on my commute, so there were a few months where I put my loan on temporary hold and used the money for, y'know, rent, food and medicine. After a couple of years, I worked my way into a good job and managed to accelerate my payments enough to pay it off on my own, so I told her she could stand down with the stupid, insulting check BS every month. (Like, good god, if my dad wants to send me money, he walks to the bank and loving drops it in my account, like a modern human being. This isn't the loving Victorian era.) And then they get all sad and insulted when I mention the janky poo poo I used to do to deal with being dirt poor after moving to Portland, as if under those circumstances I would have totally felt comfortable asking them for money. Yeah, no, y'all forced me to take it when I was in college and then held it over me for a decade+ after that. Nah. I'm a grown rear end woman with talents and skills, I can figure poo poo out on my own. /EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot the part where she wanted the login to my FAFSA portal so she could make sure the payments were being applied. I convinced her to settle for me forwarding the email receipts. I WAS THIRTY FIVE.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:20
|
|
|
PooInAnAlleyway posted:You know when your therapist gives you the Ah, yes, the "Um... maybe we should explore that a bit more?" look. I got that one a few times when I mentioned stuff my mom would say to me that I just kinda thought was relatively normal. Mostly about how stupid I am that I only got a 28 on the ACT and she never let me live that down.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:31
|
|
|
Boywhiz88 posted:I learned that my depression was depression, not just feeling blue, when I related to my friend “hey, you know how it is when you wanna kill yourself” *chuckles knowingly*
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 21:36
|
|
|
When I was still in high school, sometimes my dad would get pissed of with me or my brother and he'd total up everything we were "costing" him and present us with a monthly bill for all the services he was providing. I'd just ignore it because he wasn't providing the loving basics for us, like food and clothing. My brother would wear t-shirts with holes in them to school because he didn't have anything else. I held onto clothes I had worn in junior high and wore them through high school. At the time my dad was making six figures. We had separate bathrooms, so our parents would have toilet paper in their bathroom and loving hide it from us. I would ask them to buy things like cleaning supplies and they would just ignore that. He let our "stepmother" steal from us. But I owe this guy? Nah, gently caress that.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 22:01
|
|
|
Yeah, one of my moments was "my dad wasn't around because he was sometimes in jail or living on the street." "He was in jail?" "Yeah, once it was for trying to stab my mom. I saw it happen. I was 8." 
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 22:18
|
|
|
Picnic Princess posted:Yeah, one of my moments was "my dad wasn't around because he was sometimes in jail or living on the street." Got that look when I casually mentioned during my third session with my psychotherapist that my eldest brother was taken into foster care when I was 7 because my dad tried to kill him.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 22:23
|
|
|
Barudak posted:So, uh, did they actually pay for your college? Because I read somebody whose family did this except they didnt actually pay, they made the Kid take out loans promising theyd pay on graduation and then didnt, saying theyd need the money for their retirement and hed be fine since he now had a college degree. Yes, they did actually help pay for it. I think their plan was to rack up my "debt" to them and then emotionally manipulate me into paying them back. When I was in high school, they would always ominously refer to their "retirement plans" which I now know meant that my brother and I would be paying them back as they reached retirement age. Which makes me wonder if they were ever paying into an RRSP.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 22:55
|
|
|
AuntBuck posted:When I was still in high school, sometimes my dad would get pissed of with me or my brother and he'd total up everything we were "costing" him and present us with a monthly bill for all the services he was providing. I'd just ignore it because he wasn't providing the loving basics for us, like food and clothing. My brother would wear t-shirts with holes in them to school because he didn't have anything else. I held onto clothes I had worn in junior high and wore them through high school. At the time my dad was making six figures. We had separate bathrooms, so our parents would have toilet paper in their bathroom and loving hide it from us. I would ask them to buy things like cleaning supplies and they would just ignore that. He let our "stepmother" steal from us. But I owe this guy? Nah, gently caress that. I hate this poo poo. No offense, but people like your dad should not be parents. When you have a kid, they are dependent on you for upwards of 25 years (potentially more if they're not typically developing). Being a parent is a job and a choice, not something to be done frivolously.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 23:01
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 21:56 |
|
|
PooInAnAlleyway posted:Got that look when I casually mentioned during my third session with my psychotherapist that my eldest brother was taken into foster care when I was 7 because my dad tried to kill him. People are such garbage, honestly.
|
|
#
?
Feb 14, 2020 23:01
|
|