Goons Are Great posted:

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

personally when confronted with a mysterious black disk held in a demon's mouth, i would remove that portion of wall with my bulldozer. likewise, the collapsing ceiling trap would be trivial to escape from using just the bucket on my bulldozer. "im sorry, acerack" i would mutter "i keep loving up your traps with my rad-rear end bulldozer."

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Hugh Malone posted:

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

did I miss the party?

Manifisto posted:

cda posted:

nut posted:

biosterous posted:

gotta stay camouflaged, in this byob war

treasure bear posted:

ulvir posted:

Heather Papps posted:

MAGA hat

slam dunk posted:

i'm posting the composite of av requests i made for posterity. these are well over 10 years old. i wish i could go back.

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Do prepare wooden stakes, garlic braid, holy water vessels (at least two) and, if possible, a willing member of the local clergy, but they must be disguised or the trucker thralls will keep them from ever getting through the front door.

Do not look directly at the eyes of the master vampire, especially if you have already slain all their minions! Not having to concentrate on keeping all those people enthralled actually frees up their demonic powers, as do the packets of "ketchup" they leave everywhere as emergency health boosting items.



Do destroy any and all gargoyles visible from the outside before entering the Wafflehouse.

Do not forget the hood ornaments! Especially on Peterbilt and Mack trucks (both vampire-owned brands); although seemingly insignificant, a swarm of suddenly animated tiny chrome bulldogs, swans and naked ladies can pick off members of your party before you're even out of the parking lot!



Do tip your server with cash. As a creature of the night they are unable to enter banks or ATM kiosks without an invitation and therefore cannot use direct deposit or pre-paid cards. And they're still working hard to serve you (and Satan).

Do not include old, real-silver coins in your tip, unless this is your opening move and, once the server begins screaming as the coins burn through their unsuspecting hand flesh, your priest companion begins immediately throwing bottles of holy water and power-stroking a rosary. This is admittedly a bold gambit but there really isn't a safe way to purge a Wafflehouse of undead, so whatever you're doing, do it and get out.

fartzilla posted:

i wasn't going to do this but you forced my hand

it's time for ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* COOKIN' WITH FARTZILLA *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

hi goons I am BYOB superstar fartzilla. you may know me from such hits as "the thomas pynchon fan club" and "i can't stop eating uncooked spaghetti." well today i'd love to share one of my favorite recipes with you. this one is extra special to me because i learned it during an 8 month stay abroad in a vietnamese prison

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* MISE EN PLACE *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

this is one of my favorite recipes because of how simple it is! all you need is a packet of raw, uncooked (this is important!) spaghetti and a can of tomato paste. EASY PEASY

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

look at you, you big dumb rear end! the spaghetti is too big to fit in the bowl!!!! what are you going to do??? THE SOLUTION IS EASIER THAN YOU THINK. just break the spaghetti in half!! that's it! and NOW IT'S PERFECT


now you just smear some tomato paste on it and you're GOOD TO GO

BON APPETIT

join me next time, when i present the results of my extensive orzo research as a brief video essay. check out a sneak preview below:
https://imgur.com/aBovQZ0

Barco Fiesta posted:

his bod is sweaty, bed soft, blanket's heavy
he brushed his teeth and laid down already, time for beddy

Barco Fiesta posted:

Snap back to reality, way too much gravity
Oh, what a tragedy bro
It's so blankety, can't take it back cause he lost
the receipt when he drove his car back from the store,
it don't matter, his sheets are more wet than before,
he's so damp that he knows, when he goes back to the Costco, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go return this blanket and hope it don't smash him

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now your sinking through the floor
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get under the blanket

You better lose yourself in the blanket, it's weighted
You bought it, and now youre skining through the floor
I'm serious, listen, do not miss your chance to go
to the bathroom before you get trapped under the blanket

google THIS posted:

Manifisto posted:

google THIS posted:

google THIS posted:

google THIS posted:

A race of elves from the land of Gou'Fa Qyors who can't understand why every attempt they make to introduce themselves to another race results in war.

alnilam posted:

*okiedoke pacing around in front of the witness stand like a lawyer getting towards a crazy shocking point* do you or do you not have stairs in your house, and may I remind you you are under oath!

Judge: will the juror please be seated, this is not how trials work

Defendant: i am protected

Audience gasps

Judge: ... Proceed

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

cda posted:

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

albany academy posted:

rogan: being a wizard must be cool. Probably see some wild poo poo am I right?

Harry: oh yeah, loads. Crazy spells, some real weird stuff *inhales* and like *cough* fuckin dragons

Rogan: dragons? poo poo

harry: yeah man

Rogan: Jesus. You ever seen a chimp up close?

nut posted:

buy grinds every sunday from a small bosnian man at the farmer's market even if i try 2 avoid hiis gaze he identifies me from distance as easy target i buy 1 lb. of the smoked dark roast they ask if they can grind it for me and i say no i pay and immediately leave the farmers market in shame i go hom eand grind the bean in a small electronic coffee bean grinder that can double as a spice grinder if u like ur spices to be coffee i dump half on the counter as i try to pat the ground out into a funnel that is too small into an ornate glass jar my great aunt got me in ""war times""". from the glass jar i scope 3 spoons of grounds into the base of my stove top percolator settling the grounds above a base filled w slightly chilled tap water stove on medium pot on stove i sit and wait b y the time the coffee is done my tears r dry i pour aa cup of 85% coffee and 15% skim milk because i was raised to have weak bones in the countryside where instead we value sunken eyes and dry lips. i drink a third of the coffee and leave the rest for god

cda posted:

take the moon posted:

google THIS posted:

"Master has given Dobby a Glock!"

"What?! No I di--"

*BANG*

Heather Papps posted:

i told my gf i wanted to be a poet and she took a pic then made a meme, posted it to instagram, and now she has a netflix show called "my ex bf is a dumb loving idiot piece of poo poo"

Heather Papps posted:

http://www.youtubemultiplier.com/5e480633627b3-masterpiece-of-my-posting-career.php

it may even be funnier with both sounds on

magic cactus posted:

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

I haven't even properly set the nib and feed and it's like it was made for my hand (but not this cheap rear end paper)

Heather Papps posted:

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

lmao wrong thread, friend

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

lmao wrong thread, friend