Goon Swiss Army Knife

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Goon Swiss Army Knife

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Some no-class goon in the Boomer thread was complaining that his in-laws bought him a cool Swiss Army Knife as a gift. I thought that was pretty crass of him, but then I realized that the old Swiss Army Knife might not be up to par with the tastes and lifestyles of the average goon, so I thought we could redesign the knife in this thread!

Template:

First tool: The Wire

# ? Mar 8, 2020 22:13

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 10:33

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

# ? Mar 8, 2020 22:26

Dillon2: Apr 3, 2018

Hello from the Freaking goldmine!!!

# ? Mar 8, 2020 22:28

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

OP what kind of no good piece of poo poo dumb gently caress poo poo rear end knife you got???? You clearly need a better one. Like this one*, which can be yours for ONLY $420.69!

_{* probably from BUDK}

# ? Mar 8, 2020 22:46

Dave Concepcion: Mar 19, 2012

# ? Mar 8, 2020 22:55

peter gabriel: Nov 8, 2011; Hello Commandos

# ? Mar 8, 2020 23:06

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

Dillon2 posted:

Hello from the Freaking goldmine!!!

Already gave it a :five:

# ? Mar 8, 2020 23:08

Luxury Tent Carpet: Feb 13, 2005; I hunted the Orphan of Kos and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

# ? Mar 8, 2020 23:12

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

^^^ I took out that tactical skirt or whatever

# ? Mar 8, 2020 23:44

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

Ha
Cute

# ? Mar 8, 2020 23:57

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

peter gabriel posted:

# ? Mar 9, 2020 18:34

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

peter gabriel posted:

# ? Mar 9, 2020 19:01

Murdstone: Jun 14, 2005; I'm feeling Jimmy

# ? Mar 9, 2020 19:38

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Indispensable for anyone, at home or on the go!

e: poo poo, out of time to make it confirm to the iterative dev version at the moment :blush:

Captain Hygiene fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Mar 9, 2020

# ? Mar 9, 2020 20:14

Empty Sandwich: Apr 22, 2008; goatse mugs

# ? Mar 9, 2020 20:31

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Can someone put this on there it�s too hard to do on my phone tia

# ? Mar 9, 2020 20:41

Luxury Tent Carpet: Feb 13, 2005; I hunted the Orphan of Kos and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

# ? Mar 9, 2020 21:08

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

:-|

# ? Mar 9, 2020 21:09

sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

# ? Mar 9, 2020 21:13

redm: Feb 20, 2016; Sugartime Jones

Luxury Tent Carpet posted:

heheheh

# ? Mar 9, 2020 22:10

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

bird with big dick posted:

Can someone put this on there it�s too hard to do on my phone tia

Why would you need a Hello Kitty glass doorkn- oh. Ohhhhh. Well, that certainly should be part of your everyday carry, just don't get it mixed up with anything else on there.

# ? Mar 9, 2020 23:22

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Someone add a little guillotine, to represent CSPAM

And a cook spoon for TCC

# ? Mar 10, 2020 01:55

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

# ? Mar 10, 2020 01:56

Daikloktos: Jan 1, 2020; by Cyrano4747

ChubbyChecker posted:

Your avatar would be better if the eyes were popping at what you emptyquote

# ? Mar 10, 2020 01:59

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Daikloktos posted:

Your avatar would be better if the eyes were popping at what you emptyquote

excellent suggestion. wonderful followthrough

# ? Mar 10, 2020 03:37

Daikloktos: Jan 1, 2020; by Cyrano4747

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

excellent suggestion. wonderful followthrough

If I had avatar money do you think I would still be wearing this

# ? Mar 10, 2020 03:47

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Daikloktos posted:

Your avatar would be better if the eyes were popping at what you emptyquote

it works with larger pics

# ? Mar 10, 2020 10:17

Nurge: Feb 4, 2009; by Reene; Fun Shoe

Obligatory:

# ? Mar 10, 2020 12:47

Canuckistan: Jan 14, 2004; I'm the greatest thing since World War III.; Soiled Meat

efb

# ? Mar 10, 2020 13:02

MageMage: Feb 11, 2007; I SUCK AND LOVE TO YELL PERFORMATIVE HOT TAKES AND NONSENSE LIES WHEN I GET WORKED UP. SOMETIMES AUTOBANNED IS BETTER. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I STORM OFF I'LL ACTUALLY STOP SHITTING UP THE SITE FOR REAL

*scribbles on sheet of paper, crumples it up in frustration and tossed it behind desk. Stands up*

"Shot in the dark, does anybody have a picture of a Hello Kitty butt plug handy?"

# ? Mar 10, 2020 21:13

Xaintrailles: Aug 14, 2015

# ? Mar 10, 2020 23:33

Bronze Fonz: Feb 14, 2019

What more do you need, really?

# ? Mar 11, 2020 01:08

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

# ? Mar 11, 2020 12:22

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Jerry Cotton posted:

# ? Mar 11, 2020 13:38

me your dad: Jul 25, 2006

Jerry Cotton posted:

you're a terrible milk supervisor

# ? Mar 11, 2020 14:04

Horace Kinch: Aug 15, 2007

# ? Mar 11, 2020 18:13

a dmc delorean: Jul 2, 2006; Live the dream

Bronze Fonz posted:

What more do you need, really?

dear god

# ? Mar 11, 2020 19:26

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack