hallelujah posted:

i, a policeman, am here to answer all your questions and clear up any misconceptions you may have about my people. ask away

Casual Encountess posted:

i also have oddly romantic notions about food and while meal prep is a step in the right direction i don’t like the whole beep boop tech culture aspect of it. half the time i just go to the grocery store baked and that’s how i accidentally made four cheesecakes after not doing the math on the recipe ingredients last week and that was a beautiful mistake

Severed posted:

I think he wants us to explain what our bedrooms are like.

But he didn't ask. He just explained. And how are we supposed to genuinly ejoy the fact that his room is a loving mess?

I was hoping to hear a funny story about how he slipped on a pair of jeans and fell into a beartrap or something.

EorayMel posted:

Quovak posted:

Hey guys, I'm thinking of doing an LP of T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land". I'm going to LP the French translation, but since I don't know French I'll probably spend most of the time talking about cats. It might be a bit slow at times, but I feel a need to bring my humor and genius to Western eyes. How excited are you about this idea?

Kaboom Dragoon posted:

Depends, will there be much humour involving the consumption of fecal matter? This is important.

J.theYellow posted:

the gently caress is this
why is the girl eating turds

Mouser.. posted:

Did you really sit there and bang out "She ate my dried poop" on your keyboard, thinking "Man this is LP GOLD" ? I'm angry at myself for even skipping through this.

Alkydere posted:

Okay...not sure if I'm a horrible person for finding that as funny as I did. It was obviously poorly written, and you have no idea what you're translating. I will admit the "8-year long business trip", "My best friend is Brok", "I'm all alone" and "Those are too big to be ears, WTF? It's gotta be a parasite of some sort." gags were good, but many others were just stretching it way to much into the unfunny territory. And yet, I still laughed when she was punched out...so I think that means I'm horrible person, not the extreme jokes really all that funny.

Basically, the "Suicide", "Fried poo poo collection" and, after a point, misogyny jokes and themes were what really brought this down.

Wandering Knitter posted:

Back in High School I knew a kid who thought he was so cleaver when hey changed the words to Brittany Spear's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" to "Increase My Boobies One More Size".

You're that kid, aren't you?

Phanatic posted:

Definitely not going over well with the fan base.

Sir Lemming posted:

I guess Horton didn't hear WHO

Samuringa posted:

https://twitter.com/whatmaddness/status/1117472105589698565

Vagabundo posted:

I wonder what this might mean for the Faith No More concert in May.

Charles 2 of Spain posted:

Mike Patton making GBS threads and pissing on the mosh pit, his fluids infected with coronavirus

The Rabbi T. White posted:

Darmok, his arms wide.

sebmojo posted:

Coucho Marx posted:

you bastard, I'm in this thread to laugh, not to cry

Tei posted:

Many c compilers have the option to print the C lines has comments next to the assembler it would generate. Is was not a 1:1 and not even a perfect 1:2, but it was generally similar enough to follow.

I saw a compiler do this (it was a Wacom compiler with all the optimizations enabled):

c = 0;
c ++;
printf("%d",c)

this would print 0.

looking at the assembler code would tell you what the gently caress is going on and what the compiler is doing wrong.

Soricidus posted:

What the gently caress is going on there?

Volte posted:

Looks like that compiler didn't support c++

eonwe posted:

whats everyones favorite video game toilet

Zedsdeadbaby posted:

anthem

Rondette posted:

Sometimes when I read through this thread I think back to the days of that guy on FB who was obsessed with Titanic and becoming a Fireman. I miss those days. I wonder what became of that guy.

Hihohe posted:

I heard hes near and far. Wherever you are, really.

bike tory posted:

When I was five years old my family fostered and trained some lambs to walk on a lead, come when called and other small tricks, all as part of my small rural school's annual "calf club day". About a month before the competition, after several months of working with and bonding with a lamb, I went out to feed mine who I had named Wooly. I immediately noticed that something was wrong; she was lying on her side, head bent at an unnatural angle, blue in the face and with foam still fresh on her now-cold lips. It turned out she had eaten a poisonous plant and died, probably in a lot of pain. In this recipe for lamb ragout, I will draw on these memories to...

Sunswipe posted:

The throwing instructions are great.

Aim. Release at right moment. This is like having a first driving lesson and the instructor says "Just turn the wheel and press the pedals when you're supposed to."

WHY BONER NOW posted:

LifeSunDeath posted:

Marmaduke NOOOOOO, BAD DOG!!!!

By popular demand posted:

Marmaduke did everything wrong.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Haha Marmaduke, he's so big, and also fascist

Fister Roboto posted:

Il Marmaduce

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Humbug Scoolbus posted:

I was in a Hummer following a 5 ton truck at Ft Bragg. Two of the scrawniest deer North Carolina has ever produced, decided to 'Goodbye cruel world!" by running into the rear wheel well of said 5ton.

When the convoy stopped we had to hose deer pulp off of our hood and the complete underside of the truck. The truck driver never noticed his rear wheels had become a deer frappe maker until we stold him what happened. After we stopped gagging and laughing of course.

It looked like somebody had pushed the deer through a blender and then sprayed it through a firehose. Biggest piece of anything solid I saw was a bone fragment about 2" long.

xzzy posted:

I worked with a guy once who claimed his wife pulled that off.. in a 3 series bmw.

Driving home late at night, deer performs ritual suicide. After everything came to a screeching halt said wife did a circuit of the car, front bumper was kind of messed up but the car was running and the deer was nowhere to be found. So she decided to hop back in the car and finish the drive. Complaints of "something smells bad" after she got home. So her dutiful husband went out to survey the damage, pokes his head under the rear bumper and sees a pair of (very dead) deer eyes staring at him.

The "official" story is in the panic of the collision she missed that she had run over the deer. Which is probably true, but her husband's interpretation of what he saw is that as she tried to pull away the bulk of the carcass got ripped up and spit out the back, because most of the body was missing by the time the car got home. There's no way she could have not noticed more bumping and scraping as she drove off, but she claimed she heard nothing. At any rate, a number of legs and various innards got tangled up around in the underbody. By his description there was hooves sticking out of the suspension, various bits of gore dangling from panels and exhaust components, and the head had become wedged between the differential and an a-arm. Everything was cooked a nice medium rare from the abuses it had suffered.

He didn't try to recover the car, he sold it for scrap and bought a new one.

Moon Slayer posted:

Why was a homeless guy driving a five-ton military truck?

Random Stranger posted:

https://twitter.com/JStein_WaPo/status/1239683349154840583?s=20
I can't believe Trump did it. He found a way to bankrupt all casinos.

Dogen posted:

So are we all gonna spend our trumpbux on guns with which we can take others’ trumpbux and toilet paper?

i say swears online posted:

estate sales

Lodin posted:

It finally happened, the official Sonic account did a racist.
https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/1239914616286633984?s=20

jesus WEP posted:

we finally found a use for comic sans: the accurate representation of irish accents

Hollismason posted:

Does elderberry syrup really work or is that bullshit?

Feldegast42 posted:

It depends, do you live in Redwall

Lowtax posted:

Have people forgotten I have the ability to ban them for poo poo posts

Kitfox88 posted:

I dunno, Black History Month is kinda neat and it's fun to learn.

ultrafilter posted:

NASA FIXES MARS LANDER BY TELLING IT TO HIT ITSELF WITH A SHOVEL

Captain Hygiene posted:

Information requested: do you have intent to cry now, repeat, do you have intent to cry, nerd? Over

Rainbow Knight posted:

just now got a "thank you for your service" from a customer

Yawgmoth posted:

If I had to choose between going back to retail and going to an active war zone there's not a chance in hell I'd choose the former (assuming you could tell the difference these days).

Retail. Retail never changes.

quote:

lookit that posh peach. want to make your man squirm? garnish that gash with garnets and cash!!! jam some bills in those labes, let em flutter and fly. girl you nasty but your stench trench got the eddie bauer package

Hell Yeah posted:

the virus can be cured by eating 6 frozen pizzas in a single week.

Ariong posted:

We recommend all of our employees stock up on disinfectant and hand sanitizer. We would provide these supplies, but for some reason we seem to be having trouble finding any. We’re sure you’ll have more luck.

Duckman2008 posted:

Like all other strategies , Game Stop is probably going to shift to encouraging employees to buy as much used / preowned sanitizer as possible.

EorayMel posted:

Plinkey posted:

wonder when the trump presser started

Schmoe Cwead posted:

congrats on the stockmarket because they def #flattenedthecurve

Serf posted:

so here's my covid story for the day:

my grandpa usually gets his hair cut by my cousin, but she's been down on spring break in florida and my mom is worried that she could have covid. she called up my aunt and my cousin isn't going to see my grandpa anymore. well, he got pissed and went to town to get a haircut anyways. i tried to stop him, but he almost hit me with his car. i fired a shot over the roof but he didn't care. i thought about shooting out a tire but he was going too fast. well my mom manages to talk him down and get him to come home. before all this, i told him that if i caught him leaving i'd take away his keys. so i went down to his trailer to do just that a little while ago

this motherfucker shot at me! i was walking to his car and heard a crack, and saw dirt kick up in front of me. i looked over and he was shooting at me from his bedroom window with a .22! i loving booked it over behind his shed and he kept shooting at me, so i waited until he was reloading, sprinted to his car and grabbed the keys out of the ignition. let the air out of one of the tires while i was at it. i ran back to the golf cart while he cussed and shot at my feet. its loving day 5 of quarantine and i'm gonna get killed by my grandpa before the virus!