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General Dog posted:I think there was rumor of him being in the Obi-Wan show Messa so happy!
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Mar 28, 2020 01:10
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Detective No. 27 posted:Jar Jar canonically has the final spoken dialogue in Return of the Jedi. He could potentially be alive in The Mandalorian. A character makes a racist gungan joke in season one so there’s still hope.
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Mar 28, 2020 01:24
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Cartoon Man posted:Meesa bustin’ with happiness.
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Mar 28, 2020 01:33
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One of the dumb short story collections around about when TFA was released had an old clown gungan on Naboo who spent the end of his life making children happy, which was pretty obviously the author of that short story saying 'come on guys, let Jar Jar go, he can't hurt you any more'.
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Mar 28, 2020 03:42
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I think the most likely story for Jar Jar is that he continued to serve as the senior senator from Naboo past the end of the Clone Wars and throughout the Imperial Era without really noticing anything was wrong until the dissolution of the Senate.
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Mar 28, 2020 03:45
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When I was a kid and Tarkin said the Emperor had "dissolved the council" I assumed he just had all the senators shot
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Mar 28, 2020 04:44
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I like to think Sheev force skyped Jar Jar every now and then.
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Mar 28, 2020 06:39
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Something something Jar Jar is Darth Sidious mumble mumble
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Mar 28, 2020 12:08
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ungulateman posted:One of the dumb short story collections around about when TFA was released had an old clown gungan on Naboo who spent the end of his life making children happy, which was pretty obviously the author of that short story saying 'come on guys, let Jar Jar go, he can't hurt you any more'. quote:A refugee boy named Mapo encounters a Gungan performing for kids on the streets, clowning around in a fountain twice a day while being studiously avoided by the grown-ups. "Meesa Jar Jar," says the clown when Mapo introduces himself. The clown distracts the orphan from his own sadness by popping his eyes and bulging his cheeks, but is hiding a sadness of his own. "Jar Jar makin some uh-oh mistakens," the Gungan says, explaining why he isn't wanted anywhere either. "Desa hisen Naboo tink I help the uh-oh Empire." He stares into the distance, suggesting he knows more than he's saying.
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Mar 28, 2020 13:34
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Vinylshadow posted:Something something Jar Jar is Darth Sidious mumble mumble Snoke is Jar Jar after he had intensive face surgery to look human
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Mar 28, 2020 15:09
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I just want Jar-Jar in one of these grey military outfits bossing everyone around him with the utmost seriousness.
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Mar 28, 2020 15:15
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YaketySass posted:I just want Jar-Jar in one of these grey military outfits bossing everyone around him with the utmost seriousness.  Grand Grand Binks
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Mar 28, 2020 15:30
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Jar Jar took advantage of the Empire's ruthless policies to finally drive the humans from Naboo, before taking revenge on the Gungan leaders who exiled him.
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Mar 28, 2020 15:35
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ungulateman posted:One of the dumb short story collections around about when TFA was released had an old clown gungan on Naboo who spent the end of his life making children happy, which was pretty obviously the author of that short story saying 'come on guys, let Jar Jar go, he can't hurt you any more'. "Go see the great clown Jar Jar Binks on Naboo and he'll cheer you right up" "But doctor" said the gungan, "Meesa Jar Jar Binks"
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Mar 28, 2020 16:10
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Sometime after the fall of the Empire, some individuals wrongly believed that Binks and Darth Vader were the same person.[25] hmm
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Mar 28, 2020 17:12
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porfiria posted:Someone post the thingy. Not that thingy, Darth Kneecaps
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Mar 28, 2020 21:10
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YaketySass posted:I just want Jar-Jar in one of these grey military outfits bossing everyone around him with the utmost seriousness. Jar Jar got surgery and specialized speech culture lessons and them jumped universes. He's now Hermes from Futurama.
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Mar 29, 2020 02:03
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I just watched Rise of Skywalker. It would've been a better movie with someone else in place of Palpatine and without all the death fakeouts, which cause me to not feel any emotion but anticipation for the dramatic pause to be over with so we can get to the rest of the movie, but I liked it. It was better than Last Jedi. By comparison, I don't have any criticisms for Jumanji: The Next level because it's exactly what I expected it to be galenanorth fucked around with this message at 06:20 on Mar 29, 2020 |
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Mar 29, 2020 06:14
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Angry Salami posted:Jar Jar took advantage of the Empire's ruthless policies to finally drive the humans from Naboo, before taking revenge on the Gungan leaders who exiled him. Nah, Naboo is the emperor's homeplanet. Gungans and humans live together with Gungans held up as model minorities. Oh and yeah Jar Jar absolutely accidentally gets all his political enemies executed
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Mar 29, 2020 12:22
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Barudak posted:Nah, Naboo is the emperor's homeplanet. Gungans and humans live together with Gungans held up as model minorities. If the Emperor heard Jar Jar was driving the humans from Naboo he'd laugh and send him a gift basket.
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Mar 29, 2020 19:39
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Thinking about it Jar Jar must have done some pretty heinous poo poo to get exiled under pain of death.
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Mar 30, 2020 00:57
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They eventually just got fed up with his poo poo, I guess. Side note, I enjoy the way Boss Nass says "hisen to be... pune-ished."
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Mar 30, 2020 01:23
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I think it was because he crashed Boss Nass' private carboat. Jar-Jar pre-movies must have been pretty wild, going on drunken joyrides and poo poo.
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Mar 30, 2020 01:36
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Max von Sydow died recently. So long, Ming the Merciless. 
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Mar 30, 2020 03:30
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MonsieurChoc posted:I think it was because he crashed Boss Nass' private carboat. Otoh Gunga Graffiti
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Mar 30, 2020 04:16
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MonsieurChoc posted:I think it was because he crashed Boss Nass' private carboat. I’d watch the hell out of that movie.
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Apr 3, 2020 00:57
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Rape. Jar Jar is a rapist. Of childhood ofc.
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Apr 3, 2020 16:43
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I was trying to go to sleep a few minutes ago and for some reason the enormity of these events finally hit me and I couldn't stop crying. I have no real life friends who give a poo poo about the Force, so this is basically the only place I have to express these feelings, but I really feel the need to express them. I would like this thread to be about our personal feelings about the dynasty of Sheev Palpatine, and how it has personally affected us. Just holocasting about the details as they come in, or wondering about the First Order's future, and all of that bantha poodoo has no place here. I need to transmit my feelings about Sheev Palpatine. Obviously this holocron will be mocked elsewhere on the Core Worlds, but gently caress em. If you feel the need to say anything, say it. ----- Sheev Palpatine hosed. He had a son and granddaughter. We will probably never know exactly what he was thinking. Obviously I did not know Sheev Palpatine. I never saw him in person and never spoke to him. But he represented something very special to me. In such a cut-throat, dirty, dark, often disgusting, galaxy he was the most evil of all. When people talked poo poo about the Clone Wars and the bastards involved in it, you could always nerf out Sheev Palpatine as the exception to the rule. He was the one you could nerfherd to as a true villain who gave in to his hatred, who was passionate about it, who proved that you could dedicate your life to the Dark Side of the Force not because it was easier and more seductive. He was the ace in the sabacc pot. He was the one who wasn't in it for the trade disputes or the crime syndicates or because he thought the Republic was corrupt or because he wanted revenge on the Jedi or because he wanted to stop his loved ones from dying or because he saw the Dark Side as a means to an end. He was in it for unlimited power. He was dedicated to achieving absolute power, and it showed in his Empire. I wanted to be a Dark Lord of the Sith I was a little youngling, and one of the very worst moments of my life was a cold night on Moraband when I was on the phone to my girlfriend a thousand parsecs away and finally admitted to myself and to her that coming to Korriban to be a Sith had been a mistake. Coming to grips that I was simply not hateful and power-hungry enough to be a Sith Lord was one of the worst moments of my life. The legends glorifies the boyhood dreams that come true. My boyhood dream wasn't going to come true, and it was an upsetting, soul-crushing revelation that upsets and discourages me to this day. Since then I lived vicariously through Sheev Palpatine in a lot of ways. He wasn't a man who was destined to be a Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. He couldn't govern. He wasn't charismatic in the usual way. He was quiet. He was old. The only thing he had going for him was his work ethic and his vast inherited wealth. He wasn't physically gifted. He wasn't someone who had any real friends. But through sheer effort he was able to orchestrate a series of political and economic crises that allowed him to accrue power until he was the absolute ruler of the known galaxy. Sheev Palpatine was just a senator from Naboo, and he was already a legend on the verge of myth. That's how democracy died: to thunderous applause. I cannot reconcile in my mind that the man who manipulated galactic civilization into handing him unlimited power could end his Empire the way he did. I can't understand how a man could spend decades manipulating pawns like Dooku and Ben Solo, putting deceitful voices in their heads only to betray and dispose of them when it suited him, and that that same man could be assassinated by his last apprentice after siring an idiot son who sold his granddaughter to filthy junk traders. It doesn't make sense. It shouldn't have happened this way. Not for him, not for Vader, and not for Tyranus, Maul, Oppress, Ventress, Kylo Ren, or Rey's still unnamed parents. Sheev Palpatine owed me nothing. But I still feel the loss. I selfishly lived through his pursuit of power for its own sake and now feel lost. I can only speak for myself, but I feel that for a lot of us the Star Wars are rocks of stability in a storm of stress and uncertainty. Every year the battle goes on. Every year the death and destruction is somewhere new, somewhere in the galaxy, but every year it comes into our homes. And that will continue. But Sheev Palpatine is dead. And he died a grandfather. And whether it be fear, weakness, or just the result of urges that some consider unnatural, what is done is done. And the pillar of the Galactic Empire and the source of endless war is gone. And everything that pillar held up is a Skywalker now. Sheev Palpatine hosed. And I don't know how to accept that.
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Apr 3, 2020 21:41
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when I do big cums I say “I’m doing a sheev palpatine”
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Apr 3, 2020 22:23
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well why not posted:when I do big cums I say “I’m doing a sheev palpatine” UNLIMITED POWER.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:27
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I just downloaded and started Jedi Fallen Order. Where in the cannon and timeline does this fall?
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Apr 3, 2020 22:31
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It's... 5-10 years after Revenge of the Sith? Maybe around the same time as Solo, or a few years before or after. I think they should make a romantic comedy about our boy Sheev trying to woo a lady, what crazy hijinks would our favourite sith lord get up to in order to win Tammy's heart? A laugh a minute romp it would be.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:34
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Apr 4, 2020 06:01
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Sheev Palpatine is gone now, and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing -- a political monster straight out of the Sacred Texts and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Mon Mothma, the unhappy ex-Chancellor who pardoned Palpatine and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Mothma, who believes strongly in the Netherworld of the Force, has told more than one of her Holo-Star golf partners that "I know I’ll see you in hell, because I pardoned Sheev Palpatine." I have had my own bloody relationship with Palpatine for many years, but I am not worried about it landing me in hell with him. I have already been there with that bastard, and I am a better person for it. Palpatine had the unique ability to make his enemies seem honorable, and we developed a keen sense of fraternity. Some of my best friends have hated Palpatine all their lives. My Master hates Palpatine, my Palawan hates Palpatine, I hate Palpatine, and this hatred has brought us together. Palpatine laughed when I told him this. “Goood,” he said, “Let the hate flow through you!” It was Sheev Palpatine who got me into politics, and now that he's gone, I feel lonely. He was a giant in his way. As long as Palpatine was politically alive -- and he was, all the way to the end -- we could always be sure of finding the enemy on the Low Hyper-Lane. There was no need to look anywhere else for the evil bastard. He had the fighting instincts of a Womp-Rats trapped by Kath-Hounds. The Womp-Rat will roll over on its back and emit a smell of death, which confuses the Hounds and lures them in for the traditional ripping and tearing action. But it is usually the Rat who does the ripping and tearing. It is a beast that fights best on its back: rolling under the throat of the enemy and seizing it by the head with all four claws. That was Palpatine's style -- and if you forgot, he would kill you as a lesson to the others. Womp-Rats don't fight fair, bubba. That's why The Force made Banthas. Palpatine was a Senate man, and he should have been buried at space. Many of his friends were Senators: Finis Valorum, Bail Organa, Jar-Jar Binks., and some of them wanted a full naval burial. These come in at least two styles, however, and Palpatine's immediate family strongly opposed both of them. In the traditionalist style, the dead chancellors body would be wrapped and sewn loosely in transparasteel and dumped off the stern of a Star Destroyer at least 100 parsecs off the system and at least 1,000 parsecs galactic south of Tatooine, so the corpse could never re-enter on Galactic soil in any recognizable form. The family opted for cremation until they were advised of the potentially onerous implications of a strictly private, unwitnessed burning of the body of the man who was, after all, the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. Awkward questions might be raised, dark allusions to Bane and Plageius. People would be filing lawsuits to get their hands on the dental charts. Long court battles would be inevitable -- some with liberal cranks bitching about corpus delicti and habeas corpus and others with giant insurance companies trying not to pay off on his death benefits. Either way, an orgy of greed and duplicity was sure to follow any public hint that Palpatine might have somehow faked his own death or been Carbon-Frozen transferred to First Order interests on Exogol. It would also play into the hands of those millions of self-stigmatized Jedi like me who believe these things already. If the right people had been in charge of Palpatine's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those Trash Compactors just south of Cellblock 1138. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a Chancellor. Palpatine was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his robe on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was Dark Side in the deepest way. His body should have been thrown in a reactor. These are harsh words for a man only recently canonized by Chancellor Leia Organa and my old friend Admiral Ackbar -- but I have written worse things about Palpatine, many times, and the record will show that I kicked him repeatedly long before he went down. I beat him like a mad Tauntaun with mange every time I got a chance, and I am proud of it. He was scum. Let there be no mistake in the history books about that. Sheev Palpatine was an evil man -- evil in a way that only those who believe in the Power of the Force can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Nobody trusted him -- except maybe the Separatists, and honest historians will remember him mainly as a Mynock who kept scrambling to get back in the Space Slug. It is fitting that Sheev Palpatine's final gesture to the Galaxy was a clearly illegal series of Turbo Laser blasts that shattered the peace of a Theed neighborhood and permanently disturbed many children. Neighbors also complained about another unsanctioned burial in the yard at the old Palpatine place, which was brazenly illegal. "It makes the whole neighborhood like a graveyard," said one. "And it fucks up my children's sense of values." Many were incensed about the Lasers -- but they knew there was nothing they could do about it -- not with the current Supreme Chancellor sitting about 50 yards away and laughing at the roar of the Blasts. It was Palpatine's last war, and he won. The funeral was a dreary affair, finely staged for HoloNet and shrewdly dominated by ambitious politicians and revisionist historians. The Jedi Master Yoda, still agile and eloquent at the age of 900, was billed as the main speaker, but he was quickly upstaged by two First Order candidates: Allegiant General Pryde and General Armitage Hux, who formally hosted the event and saw his poll numbers crippled when he got blown off the stage by Pryde, who somehow seized the No. 3 slot on the roster and uttered such a shameless, self-serving eulogy that even he burst into tears at the end of it. Pryde’s stock went up like a rocket and cast him as the early FO front-runner for ABY 96. Hux, speaking next, sounded like an Nute Gunray impersonator and probably won't even be re-elected as governor of Starkiller Base in November. The Dark Side was strongly represented by the No. 2 speaker, Darth Vader, Palpatine's apprentice and himself a zealous revisionist with many vibro-axes to grind. He set the tone for the day with a maudlin and spectacularly self-serving portrait of Palpatine as even more saintly than his mother and as a Chancellor of many godlike accomplishments -- most of them put together in secret by Vader, who came to Naboo as part of a huge publicity tour for his new book on diplomacy, genius, Padme Amidala, Boss Nass and other great minds of our time, including himself and Sheev Palpatine. Vader was only one of the many historians who suddenly came to see Palpatine as more than the sum of his many squalid parts. He seemed to be saying that History will not have to absolve Palpatine, because he has already done it himself in a massive act of will and crazed arrogance that already ranks him supreme, along with other Sith supermen like Maul, Dooku, Ventress and Savage Opress. These revisionists have catapulted Palpatine to the status of an Galactic Emperor, claiming that when the definitive history of BBY is written, no other Chancellor will come close to Palpatine in stature. "He will dwarf Windu and Fisto,” according to one scholar from the Jedi Archives. It was all gibberish, of course. Palpatine was no more a Saint than he was a Great Chancellor. He was more like Admiral Ozzel than Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was a cheap crook and a merciless war criminal who bombed more people to death at Yavin and Hoth than the Clone Army lost in all of the Clone Wars, and he denied it to the day of his death. When Padawans at the Jedi Temple, on Coruscant, protested the bombing, he executed Order 66 by troops from the Crimson Guard. Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Holo-Journalism -- which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Palpatine to slither into the White House in the first place. He looked so good on paper that you could almost vote for him sight unseen. He seemed so strong in the Force, so much like Maz Kanata, that he was able to slip through the cracks of Objective Journalism. You had to get Subjective to see Palpatine clearly, and the shock of recognition was often painful. Your eyes can deceive you, Don’t trust them. Palpatine's meteoric rise from the unemployment line to Senator of Naboo in six quick years would never have happened if Holograms had come along 10 years earlier. He got away with his sleazy "my Astromech Checkers" speech in 52 BBY because most voters heard it on the sub-space radio or read about it in the headlines of their local, Loyalist newspapers. When Palpatine finally had to face the Holo cameras for real in the Chancellorial campaign debates, he got whipped like a red-headed mule. Even die-hard Loyalist voters were shocked by his cruel and incompetent persona. Interestingly, most people who heard those debates on the radio thought Palpatine had won. But the mushrooming Holonet audience saw him as a truthless used-speeder salesman, and they voted accordingly. It was the first time in 14 years that Palpatine lost an election. When he arrived in the Galactic Senate at the age of 40, he was a smart young man on the rise -- a hubris-crazed monster from the bowels of the Maw with a heart full of hate and an overweening lust to be Chancellor. He had won every office he'd run for and stomped like a Stormtrooper on all of his enemies and even some of his friends. Palpatine had no friends except Admiral Thrawn and Wilhuf Tarkin (and they both deserted him). It was Tarkin's shameless death in the Death Star that led directly to Palpatine's downfall. He felt helpless and alone with Tarkin gone. He no longer had access to either the Grand Moff or the Grand Moff’s ghastly bank of Personal Files on almost everybody in Coruscant. Tarkin was Palpatine's right flank, and when he croaked, Palpatine knew how Piett felt when they lost the Bridge Deflector Shields. It permanently exposed the Executor and led to the disaster at Endor. For Palpatine, the loss of Tarkin led inevitably to the disaster of Endor. It meant hiring a New Moff -- who turned out to be an unfortunate toady named Phasma, who squealed like a Gamorrean in hot oil the first time Finn leaned on her. Plasma panicked and deactivated Starkiller Bases Shields That is The Galactic Civil War, in a nut, for people with seriously diminished attention spans. The real story is a lot longer and reads like a textbook on Sith treachery. They were all scum, but only Palpatine walked free and lived to clear his name. Or at least that's what Leia Organa says -- and she is, after all, the Chancellor of the Republic. Palpatine liked to remind people of that. He believed it, and that was why he went down. He was not only a crook but a fool. Two years after he quit, he told a Holo journalist that "if the Chancellor does it, it can't be illegal." poo poo. Not even Mas Ameda was that dumb. He was a flat-out, knee-crawling thug with the morals of a Jawa on spice. But he was Palpatine's vice Chancellor for five years, and he only resigned when he was caught red-handed taking cash bribes across his desk in the Senate House. Unlike Palpatine, Ameda didn't argue. He quit his job and fled in the night to Corellia, where he appeared the next morning in Galactic Court, which allowed him to stay out of prison for bribery and extortion in exchange for a guilty (no contest) plea on income-tax evasion. After that he became a major celebrity and played golf and tried to get a Blue Milk distributorship. He never spoke to Palpatine again and was an unwelcome guest at the funeral. They called him Rude, but he went anyway. It was one of those Biological Imperatives, like salmon swimming up waterfalls to spawn before they die. He knew he was scum, but it didn't bother him. Ameda was the Elan Sleezbagano of the Palpatine administration, and Tarkin was its Jabba. They were brutal, brain-damaged degenerates worse than any hit man out of the Bounty Hunters Guild, yet they were the men Sheev Palpatine trusted most. Together they defined his Chancellorship. It would be easy to forget and forgive Darth Vader of his crimes, just as he forgave Palpatine. Yes, we could do that -- but it would be wrong. Vader is a slippery little devil, a world-class hustler with a thick breathing and a very keen eye for weak spots at the top of the power structure. Palpatine was one of those, and Super V exploited him mercilessly, all the way to the end. Vader made the Gang of Four complete: Ameda, Tarkin, Vader and Palpatine. A group photo of these perverts would say all we need to know about the Age of Palpatine. Palpatine's spirit will be with us for the rest of our lives -- whether you're me or Leia Organa or you or Max Rebo or Wedge Antilles or Figrin Dan or Nien Numb or Luke Skywalkers daughter or your fiancee's 16-year-old Blue Milk-drunk brother with his braided rat-tail and his whole life like a thundercloud out in front of him. This is not a generational thing. You don't even have to know who Sheev Palpatine was to be a victim of his ugly, Sith spirit. He has poisoned our water forever. Palpatine will be remembered as a classic case of a smart man making GBS threads in his own nest. But he also poo poo in our nests, and that was the crime that history will burn on his memory like a brand. By disgracing and degrading the Suprem Chancellorship of the Galactic Republic, by fleeing the Death Star like a diseased cur, Sheev Palpatine, you’re breaking my heart!
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Apr 4, 2020 07:53
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I have information that will lead to the arrest of mon mothma
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Apr 4, 2020 08:24
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galagazombie posted: (I thought I recognised it early on, but the line about "screwing him into his robe" confirmed it.)
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Apr 4, 2020 08:33
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lmao oh my goddddd
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Apr 4, 2020 08:42
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No point in mentioning these mynocks, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.
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Apr 4, 2020 08:47
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Now do it with the Jesse Helms eulogy post
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Apr 4, 2020 14:17
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drat! That dude fucks!
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Apr 4, 2020 16:47
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