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Yestermoment posted:Does anyone have that quote on hand of a long winded story of tragedy that ends with it being a recipe for something mundane?  Conveniently saved in my "dumb crap" bookmarks folder.
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Apr 4, 2020 02:09
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E: f, b
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Apr 4, 2020 02:09
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The dog's sister is my favorite part
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Apr 4, 2020 02:12
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I pull that thing up on my phone every month or so to laugh at it again
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Apr 4, 2020 02:14
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While we're requesting things, does anyone have the cumshitter post about his hated son becoming a successful motivational speaker after being abandoned in a parking lot?
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Apr 4, 2020 02:22
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I can't quote it because the thread is closed but here's a link. My idiot son had his children call me up to wish their grandad another happy 49.75th birthday. It took all of my self control to not shout at them about how their father is a sexual deviant and a monster. I still ask my son when he is finally going to make the world's youngest grandfather and adopt a gay child for me. His wife hates me, btw.
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Apr 4, 2020 03:12
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cumshitter posted:I can't quote it because the thread is closed but here's a link. cumshitter posted:I actually haven't spoken to my straight son in several years but was reminded of him today. The last time I spoke to him was when I went to meet with some clients at their office. After the meeting I told my son to wait while I used the bathroom, then I drove off and went for a late lunch with my husband. here ya go
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Apr 4, 2020 03:14
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:here ya go 
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Apr 4, 2020 03:17
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The two things that make me sad in life are heterosexuality and the fact that nobody else will ever understand my incredibly powerful sense of self-importance. Other people can think I'm important, but it won't be the same for them, and that makes me sad.
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Apr 4, 2020 03:17
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tangy yet delightful posted:*throws a small number of seeds at your feet* That's vampires, silly...wait, is Bird a vampire?!
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Apr 4, 2020 03:40
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Lol cumshitter you card
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Apr 4, 2020 03:51
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ajkalan posted:Was it this one? You are a scholar and a gentleman.
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Apr 4, 2020 04:01
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byob thread: learning forbidden sex magick from a carnieSweetWillyRollbar posted:Currently on a quest for the shirtless carnie. Searching in the woods for a fully sexual snail with human titties. FutonForensic posted:carnie: to prove you are worthy of my sex majik, you must hit this target's bullseye with one squirt google THIS posted:Me: I wish I were big.
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Apr 4, 2020 04:02
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I am 49.75 years young again, so obviously I worry about SIDS and if it might affect me.
cumshitter has a new favorite as of 06:06 on Apr 4, 2020 |
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Apr 4, 2020 06:03
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Son of Thunderbeast posted:APPARATUS FOR FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIFUGAL FORCE Fister Roboto posted:Step 1: You spin me right round
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Apr 4, 2020 06:45
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:here ya go This gimmick is almost an entire generation old. It's cumshitter, cumshitter is the ur-zoomer.
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Apr 4, 2020 07:34
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Apr 4, 2020 15:31
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ajkalan posted:Was it this one? In the latest chickencheese thread someone made a Greek dish with tzaziki, a cucumber and yogurt sauce. They linked a recipe that was 20 pages of scrolling past some lady's pictures and stories of visiting Greece all for a recipe of like 3 ingredients and 3 steps and the page prevents copy-pasting the important recipe text. It's good simple tasty tzaziki but uuuugggh
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Apr 4, 2020 15:42
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Yestermoment posted:You are a scholar and a gentleman.
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Apr 4, 2020 16:58
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Soricidus posted:to these people, wireless technology is basically witchcraft
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Apr 4, 2020 17:05
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Free phiz kalifa
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Apr 4, 2020 17:09
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cumshitter posted:Free phiz kalifa Still not worth it
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Apr 4, 2020 18:57
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While I was travelling, I came across a farmer and his family, who were kind enough to treat me to dinner. What surprised me was that when they set the table, they set out one extra place setting. They laid out a plate, served up the meal and then brought in a three-legged pig. The pig put it's singular foreleg on the chair, and began eating the meal with the family. Their dog and cats had ordinary food bowls on the floor, so I asked the farmer why the pig got special treatment. "Last winter, we had a terrible storm." The farmer explained. "Crops blown down, henhouse blown to pieces, we were working ourselves ragged securing what we could. And then, in the dark at night, lightning struck the barn. My youngest was inside, trapped by the flames and fallen timbers. We thought he was a goner when that pig charged in, through the flames, and dragged him out by the collar. Saved his life. So from then on, the pig eats at the table with us." "Amazing." I replied. "And that's where the pig lost his leg?" "No, no... A pig like that, you don't eat it all at once." This recipe for pork shoulder will require...
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Apr 4, 2020 19:24
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Inceltown posted:When catching up on threads you can quote a good post from ages back and then just click on the quoted part to get back to where you were and continue on. You would think something this simple would have occurred to me a long time ago but here we are. Maybe I do have what it takes to lead the country after all. packetmantis posted:You'd have to find a good post first.
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Apr 4, 2020 19:32
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pentyne posted:This gimmick is almost an entire generation old. What the gently caress??? Are you implying that I am old enough to have been born, you piece of poo poo? I smoke four packs a day on the advice of my doctor just so I can look old enough to play a zygote.
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Apr 4, 2020 21:07
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cumshitter posted:. We all know you weren't born, you were excreted.
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Apr 4, 2020 21:15
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cumshitter posted:Free phiz kalifa :) tactlessbastard posted:Still not worth it >:(
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Apr 4, 2020 21:23
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Musharraf posted:No, deaths only matter if the mass media tell you they do. I didn't see goons panicking about the thousands upon thousands of daily deaths (from preventable causes) before this. Musharraf posted:Did I trigger you, you utter loving imbecile? I have the same right to post here as everyone else does. Sorry you had to take time out of your "intelligent things posting" schedule, but you can still post your smart opinions alongside me, I promise it's ok. 
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Apr 4, 2020 21:25
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It's tough being the youngest 49.75 years young single gay dad to ever be on Grindr. But I make it work. Please use my promo code ASSCUMAPRIL if you choose to make use of any of Grindr's premium Services, which include sorting by age and users who self identify as twinks
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Apr 4, 2020 21:28
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Like in case this wasn't obvious to our slow adult heterosexual Posters, it's really loving lol the guys who tag themselves as twinks on Grindr.
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Apr 4, 2020 21:35
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cumshitter i apologize for ever doubting you.
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Apr 4, 2020 21:37
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Son of Rodney posted:EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A BAR OF SOAP INTO MY HANDS. ITS CREAM SOAP WITH ALMONDS AND OLIVE OIL AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE HAND WASHING MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE RECOMMENDED HAND SANITIZING GUIDELINES FROM MY LOCAL HEALTH AUTHORITY. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME CORONA VIRUS BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXY’S MOST DANGEROUS VIRUS. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO MY COLLEAGUES OVER ZOOM AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN QUARANTINE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE RECOMMENDED SOCIAL DISTANCING STEPS AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNing
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Apr 4, 2020 23:17
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Felonious_Monk posted:The Gravidtron
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Apr 5, 2020 01:04
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Every one of these is a precious gift, like navy seal copypasta or groverhouse memes
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Apr 5, 2020 01:24
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Cumshitter I appreciate your gimmick but you lay it on a little heavy sometimes. You gotta let it breathe, you can't just keep piling it on. That's how it gets driven into the ground and unappreciated.
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Apr 5, 2020 01:34
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He didn't name himself cumfarter or cumsqueaker or cumpooter he's a grown-rear end fully fleshed out cumshitter
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Apr 5, 2020 01:36
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cumshitter if you didn't have a butt how would your life be different
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Apr 5, 2020 01:37
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If I lived along I'd definitely start loudly narrating my daily routine.
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Apr 5, 2020 01:39
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Strom Cuzewon posted:What's that? Dumb water bottles? Clearly you need Rebo Alan Smithee posted:Commercial:
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Apr 5, 2020 01:56
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mind the walrus posted:He didn't name himself cumfarter or cumsqueaker or cumpooter he's a grown-rear end fully fleshed out cumshitter the only good cumshitposter
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Apr 5, 2020 02:14
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