Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Dumbledore is not only gay, but he's a terrible person

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
Both of those things square 100% with the facts.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
In real life dumbledore would have five inch long fingernails, at the least

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl
The only Harry Potter stories I've ever read or watched are the parody fanfics of it presented in Achewood:


Four years after Hogwarts, and after they have all quit their jobs at Merrill Lynch.


Monday: Lyle's Harry Potter fan fiction


This really raises a lot more questions than it answers.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
When you think about it Dumbledorf is raising Harry Potter to be a weapon against voldermorf in the same way Obi-Wan and Yoda tries to turn Luke into a weapon against the Emperor (who fucks, it is known) but Luke refuses to be that weapon and relies on compassion to win the day, but Harry Potter relies on his friends to help perpetuate the cycle of violence.

Big Dick Cheney
Mar 30, 2007
Hagrid goes to the insane torture prison without any trial, just because the chamber was opened at Hogwarts and they assumed it had to be him.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.

Big Dick Cheney posted:

Hagrid goes to the insane torture prison without any trial, just because the chamber was opened at Hogwarts and they assumed it had to be him.

They took magic from him as a child, the only man who showed him any mercy in his life was dumbledore who made him go live in the woods

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
"oh hagrid, you can live in the forest and become master of the beasts. why, you are almost like a beast yourself, with your simple staring half giant's eyes, themselves like a beasts, and your clumsy doddering hands with fingers as fat as calzones and your mane of valuable giant's hair with magical properties and-"

"professor dumbledore, if i work at the school will i still be allowed to check out books at the library?"

"no."

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.

Sleeveless posted:

Nobody's expecting jokes about how hard it is to jack off in private when you're sharing a giant bedroom with a bunch of other guys in wizard school or whatever

room of requirement, obviously

there is one version of that room that is just nasty

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Hagrid was making GBS threads in the woods again. He bumbled and stank. He cleaned himself up with a leaf he grew for this purpose. He missed the days of his childhood, his father's home with a flush toilet, yet pitied the students who shate in their cold chamber pots and fixed themselves with spells that rezone poop onto the heads of house elves. Speaking of students, here came harry potter, the idiot orphan. How hagrid despised harry, the clumsy oaf who talked with him as a toy or a pet. yet he could say nothing. Once he was the sole trustee of his fortune, he would feed the boy to aragog. yes. That was his plan all along. harming the malfoy boy was just a stunt to gain his trust. With that money and prestige, he could buy his way onto the wizengamot. it was all a matter of waiting, and trying to keep that other shithead tom riddle from pulling his poo poo. gently caress that dude. why do the kids and authorities never even ask him about that he wondered? don't they know i was friends with the worst wizard of them all? what do i think about that for that matter? this question is never explored in the books.

while hagrid wasn't thinking, he accidentally stabbed harry with his potato peeling knife he was using to peel potatoes for supper. no! he thought! it was too soon. his eyes darted around the scene, and not knowing what else to do devoured harry greedily and in under 25 seconds. He would eat the potatoes later. he burped, and suddenly felt the full power of both the boy wizard and voldemort course through his veins. he liften into the air and blasted through the walls of the school like a gun through a cheese.

this was only the beginning

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
On one hand I dunno if we should be writing our own fanfiction here but on the other hand if not we, then who? I won't shutter a goon's hopes and dreams of someday accomplishing for harry potter what this great forum once accomplished for game of thrones.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
everyone who writes some print it out and we'll send it to jk in a box marked "improvements"

josh04
Oct 19, 2008


"THE FLASH IS THE REASON
TO RACE TO THE THEATRES"

This title contains sponsored content.

reignofevil posted:

On one hand I dunno if we should be writing our own fanfiction here but on the other hand if not we, then who? I won't shutter a goon's hopes and dreams of someday accomplishing for harry potter what this great forum once accomplished for game of thrones.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Bones

PeterWeller
Apr 21, 2003

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Sleeveless posted:

You could probably write a thesis about how the two biggest kids media sensations of the late 90s were Pokemon and Harry Potter and both were predicated on the fantasy of getting to leave home when you're 12 and go on adventures with your friends. Even if that meant being in danger and at the mercy of a world that is uncaring at best and actively antagonistic at worst it was still preferable to riding out the End of History in the suburbs.

Leaving your mundane home to go on exciting and potentially dangerous adventures is one of the oldest motifs in children's lit. Robinson Crusoe does it. Alice does it. Dorothy and her little dog do it. The Pevensies do it. The Murry children do it. Max does it. And on and on and on.

Seth Lerer coined the term "enislement" to describe the motif since it often involves traveling to a mysterious island. Harry Potter even echoes that in the part where the Dursleys flee with Harry to the abandoned island to escape all the letters from Hogwarts.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
Robinson Crusoe is not a child and is extremely not a child after spending 28 years on an island.

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl

Mooey Cow posted:

Robinson Crusoe is not a child and is extremely not a child after spending 28 years on an island.

Children's lit is defined by the protagonist being a child? :confused:

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

Children's lit is defined by the protagonist being a child? :confused:

Typically it is written for children, which Robinson Crusoe is also not.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Well not to typecast jack black but he was making a lot of silly faces for that to be an "adult" story

PeterWeller
Apr 21, 2003

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Mooey Cow posted:

Typically it is written for children, which Robinson Crusoe is also not.

Fair point. IIRC Lerer includes it because it became widely bought for and read by children.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
“I don’t write books for children. I write them for myself. Children happen to like them.” - Maurice Sendak.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

by Pragmatica
"I'm gay and also dead."

-Maurice Sendak

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
Can't argue the facts!

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
I honestly honestly however find extreme interest in harry potter past the age of 16 to be an enormous red flag

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020

by Cyrano4747
Oh wow, he actually was

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
Mods please replace the colon in the thread title with the words "and the" so it sounds like one of the book titles. Thank you.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
Okay but now the thread is obligated to come up with an even funnier sequel title

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
He's not dead he's alive in the pages of a book

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Harry Potter and the Spill on the Bus

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

by Pragmatica

Pick posted:

I honestly honestly however find extreme interest in harry potter past the age of 16 to be an enormous red flag

Despite there being exponentially more of them I've never encountered a Harry Potter superfan that is as outspoken and annoying as the average anime fan.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
I'm very good at avoiding anime fans so I don't know

Roth
Jul 9, 2016

Pick posted:

I'm very good at avoiding anime fans so I don't know

Apparently not because you post in this forum moderated by me LOL

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

for too long I've been parched of thirst and unable to quench it.
too long, I've been starving to death, and haven't died.
I feel nothing, not the wind of my PC fan,
not the spray of febreeze,
not the coolness of a Rei figurine

Ya best start believing in anime forums... you're in one.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Whats anime

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl
anime is blood

RBA Starblade
Apr 28, 2008

Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

Wizard people, dear readers

Yoshi Wins
Jul 14, 2013

wizard people, dear readers is very good

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

:hmmyes:

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
It's more fun making GBS threads on HP if you were in deep before. Like blasphemy, only with a greater danger of being stabbed for it.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

by Pragmatica

RBA Starblade posted:

Wizard people, dear readers

Uncle Porkflaps grabs Harry by the head, trying to pull Harry's wig off before remembering that Harry is a boy and probably his hair is real. "NO MORE MAGIC!" his throat rasps without it's usual gravy lube.

Realizing that his throat is foodless, Uncle Porkflaps exits to the kitchen.

VanSandman posted:

It's more fun making GBS threads on HP if you were in deep before. Like blasphemy, only with a greater danger of being stabbed for it.

Harry Potter is just the newest in a long line of popular nerd franchises like Star Wars and The Simpsons where the majority of people who grew up loving it and still have affection for the original good stuff just lost interest and moved on after it started getting bad but some people remained just as emotionally invested only that investment turned to actively hating the thing and going out of their way to continue to consume content and trivia about it solely to give them more to complain about.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

SRQ
Nov 9, 2009

I enjoyed the films through once because they were... different, each and every one. From magical whimsy to weird surreal grimdark and it felt like having a depressive day except on the screen.

also there was one where he had a romance and I don't remember a single thing from it except there was uh, a prom? that movie musta been pretty bad.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply