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edit: I changed the names to those from reservoir dogs to protect their names, this was originally a group chat in facebook Shortly after I got out of the military I got a phonecall from a friend offering me a job as a PMC for a job in Somalia. I was curious about it as he said it paid well, but this friend had gotten kicked without ever deploying so I was also apprehensive. I said I was interested and he invited me into a facebook group chat. What I found was comedic collection of gently caress ups. Now I normally don't try to cast aspersions at the service of others. I was never an amazing marine. But nearly everyone in this chat had been kicked out for being fat or some other problem and the leader of the whole thing is a furry/brony that got kicked out for being a bed pisser gently caress up. Of those that actually did a full contract I don't think any were deployed. Long story short a brony that got kicked out of the marines convinced a group of other marines that had gotten kicked out as well that he could get them a PMC contract in somalia https://pastebin.com/JBCV3PN2 Its stupid loving long and I'm going to be pulling out the funny parts today, but I suggest you get drunk or high and gaze into the depths of this insanity. I've sat on this for seven years because I knew a lot of the people in here and didn't want to make it public in case they actually did manage to go overseas but thankfully no one ever hired them to the best of my knowledge. edit: I was inspired to post this due to the hilarious dumb pay of pigs attempt in Venezuela to illustrate that yes people of the military are that dumb Mr Orange Hi all. Mr White called me and asked me to post this. There might be some tactical / merc work out of Somalia. This is high risk, but the money should be good (if it isn't we won't bid). We're going for $50,000 for a six month tour or $100,000 for one year per operator at minimum. This will be protection / missions against militants and the risk is high. Let us know if your interested, if the money and details are good, ship out could be 30 days after the bid. If the risk is too great it will be a no-go. We'll keep you all posted as we find out more details. PookBear fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Sep 22, 2020 |
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May 5, 2020 19:37
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eagerly awaiting snippits because I don't have time to read all of that right now at the office.
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May 5, 2020 20:41
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Did you change all their names to reservoir dog names or did they do that to look cool?
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May 5, 2020 21:12
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This is difficult to read through
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May 5, 2020 22:01
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Slim Pickens posted:Did you change all their names to reservoir dog names or did they do that to look cool? I did, I edited out any real names
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May 5, 2020 22:30
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Mr. Nice! posted:eagerly awaiting snippits because I don't have time to read all of that right now at the office. Mr Orange R156-63a-603. Operating Standards - Content of Approved Basic Education and Training Program for Armed and Unarmed Private Security Officers. Mr White We are working on a contract in Africa, another in Canada for Tactical Operations. You will then be hired on a Per Contract basis Mr Yellow I have not put together a long gun yet, i was thinking of an FN Ballista in 300 win mag or a Sako TRG42 in 300 win mag Mr White No details are able to be released at this time. Not sure of usefulness, but also have M1 Carbine with 2 30 round and 4 15 round mags. there isn't really one thing that jumps out as funny, its more the entire concept. They keep posting links on how to get certified as an unarmed security guard in Utah and think that qualifies them to do PMC work in Somalia. They also keep posting about what guns they own and how they're looking into buying a loving mortar system while posting about how they're putting together a mosin sniper rifle. Literally no one in that chat made e-4 or higher, deployed, or finished their enlistment. Its a bunch of lance corporals and under that got kicked out that are trying to start a merc company led by a bed pisser furry. Mr yellow doesn't even contribute to anything he just chimes in constantly to talk about his scar he bought as if you just get on a plane to somalia with your scar in a carry on.
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May 5, 2020 22:39
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Mr Orange Hi all, just an update. Mr White and I discussed the armed position a little more today and I wanted to share the discussion with you as I incorporate this into the manual. We discussed security officer owned vs. company provided side arms for the armed position. We are going with security officer owned initially and might revisit this later on. The reason being is control of the firearm. If the security officer owns their own weapon, then they can take it home once they get off work instead of returning it to an armory at the end of their shift. This in turn will eliminate the officer having to check a weapon in and out daily and having to have another person supervise this activity. As such we will be requiring all officers to purchase their own weapon. Now, if someone can't afford a weapon, we'll supply one that will be paid for by the officer through payroll deductions over a period of time until paid off. Maybe $100 a month. Depending upon the state the type of firearm might be restricted to a few choices, however for our initial state of Utah there isn't much restriction. As a company policy the following will be the standard for armed guards (non-tactical). Semi-Auto - 9mm of the Beretta, Sig, or S&W brands. FN 5.7, H&K USP .45 or Springfield .45 1911 tactical for tactical members. Revolvers - 38 Cal of Rugger or S&W brands, Rifles and Shotguns - These will be based upon certain requirements by the state and the needs of the client. These will be issued by the company and maintained at the work site in a secured lockup or issued through the central office. Most likely an AR-15 or FN SCAR and Remington 870 tactical. Ammunition - Ammo will consist of non-piecing frangible rounds, unless specified by the contract. The company will provide the initial rounds being three full magazines. Maintenance of weapons - Weapon inspections will be conducted quarterly. Qualifications - Conducted bi-annual with five shots from five, ten, and fifteen yards each. Quals will be based on grouping and points. An officer may make two attempts. Tactical quals will be different to include the rifle and shotgun. Mr White Here is the BASIC list of job types for Redacted. I am currently putting our ROE Proposal together. I do not believe the "Don't fire on unless shot at". I DO believe in, hit the bad guy, not the civvies.
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May 5, 2020 22:42
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One of them is going to post on the_donald, catch jr's eye, and then we'll get to see them get arrested by Maduro's men.
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May 5, 2020 22:47
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lol I just got to the part where he's telling these guys that they're going to get paid less than minimum wage and have to bring their own guns.
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May 5, 2020 23:05
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quote:We're working very hard on this. It's not all happening overnight, but it's getting closer, like a Sakura beginning to bloom, we can see a small hint of what is to come. loving 
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May 5, 2020 23:09
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Literally captain white's company from blood meridian
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May 5, 2020 23:10
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Wanna be soldier of fortune types make for the most hilarious stories
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May 5, 2020 23:19
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ManMythLegend posted:lol I just got to the part where he's telling these guys that they're going to get paid less than minimum wage and have to bring their own guns. Mr Orange Hi all. Mr White called me and asked me to post this. There might be some tactical / merc work out of Somalia. This is high risk, but the money should be good (if it isn't we won't bid). We're going for $50,000 for a six month tour or $100,000 for one year per operator at minimum. This will be protection / missions against militants and the risk is high. Let us know if your interested, if the money and details are good, ship out could be 30 days after the bid. If the risk is too great it will be a no-go. We'll keep you all posted as we find out more details.
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May 5, 2020 23:19
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Following this thread hoping for more delicious comedy stories
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May 6, 2020 00:15
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I'll take the job if they pay me in advance
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May 6, 2020 00:30
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So this “firm” was going to offer you the PMC equivalent of minimum wage to work in Somalia at the height of piracy and ask you to bring your own weapons? Only ~a SOF Marine~ would have the heart and guts to take that kind of job.
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May 6, 2020 03:04
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Who the gently caress takes a meager $100k "per operator" if "the risk is high"?
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May 6, 2020 03:09
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Mustang posted:Who the gently caress takes a meager $100k "per operator" if "the risk is high"? People who think $35K is a lot?
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May 6, 2020 03:30
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Stupid double post
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May 6, 2020 03:33
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pantslesswithwolves posted:So this “firm” was going to offer you the PMC equivalent of minimum wage to work in Somalia at the height of piracy and ask you to bring your own weapons? Only ~a SOF Marine~ would have the heart and guts to take that kind of job.  This is Mr White, the furry/brony marine that lasted a year before getting kicked out for psychological reasons such as being a bed pisser. Like we got told do not gently caress with him, he's going away, leave him be, or else because he is nuts. Who then wanted to start his own merc company
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May 6, 2020 03:49
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S&W and FiveseveN made the cut but not Glock  Better be tactical if you wanna carry a 1911, though
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May 6, 2020 03:56
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Qualifications - Conducted bi-annual with five shots from five, ten, and fifteen yards each. Quals will be based on grouping and points. An officer may make two attempts. Tactical quals will be different to include the rifle and shotgun. I have never shot any gun in my life, [other than a SMLE in the cadets at aged 15], but I feel super confident I could pass this qualification.
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May 6, 2020 13:57
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Burt posted:Qualifications - Conducted bi-annual with five shots from five, ten, and fifteen yards each. Quals will be based on grouping and points. An officer may make two attempts. Tactical quals will be different to include the rifle and shotgun. yeah like this in and of itself isn't that funny until you realize this was the standard they were trying to hire for in order to recreate black hawk down in somalia
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May 6, 2020 14:11
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why do officers get an extra try? Why aren't they choosing more highly qualified candidates for leadership roles
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May 6, 2020 14:52
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US Berder Patrol posted:why do officers get an extra try? Why aren't they choosing more highly qualified candidates for leadership roles I believe they're referring to "Private Security Officers" as "officers" so it would apply to all of these chuckle fucks.
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May 6, 2020 15:08
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Ah, ok
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May 6, 2020 15:16
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Mustang posted:Who the gently caress takes a meager $100k "per operator" if "the risk is high"? This was exactly my first though when reading this. At least as far as what I remember from salary ranges for contracting jobs in 2009-2013, that is poo poo pay for that kind of job.
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May 6, 2020 15:19
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I'm reading a brief walkthrough of how to load and fire an RPG-7, followed by discussion of whether they should buy LAWs "from Sweden". Hello, Sweden? Yes, I would like to place an order for two cases of M72 Light Anti-Tank Weapons. They'll be shipping to Utah, so I'm sure that's no problem. Yes, I am an adult. Wikipedia says they are produced in Arizona and Norway
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May 6, 2020 15:24
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PookBear posted:yeah like this in and of itself isn't that funny until you realize this was the standard they were trying to hire for in order to recreate black hawk down in somalia Black hawk down is optimistic, this would be more like the blackwater bridge party
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May 6, 2020 16:21
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US Berder Patrol posted:I'm reading a brief walkthrough of how to load and fire an RPG-7, followed by discussion of whether they should buy LAWs "from Sweden". Probably thinking of the Carl Gustav? Which, well I think the image that evokes speaks for itself really
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May 7, 2020 11:44
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luv 2 needlessly have 4 different pistol cartridges in my logistics train to Somalia e: I'm sure Five-seveN spare parts are easy to come by shame on an IGA fucked around with this message at 16:33 on May 7, 2020 |
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May 7, 2020 16:30
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Jaguars! posted:Probably thinking of the Carl Gustav? Which, well I think the image that evokes speaks for itself really they were 100% thinking of the Carl g
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May 7, 2020 21:27
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Well I'm sure they have the kind of commitment and sensibilities towards safety and personnel reliability that a weapon system like the Goose demands
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May 8, 2020 02:38
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Christ, I looked into PMC work with the big WPS II companies as a medic and was offered around $175k a year, and even then that was poo poo pay in comparison to what rates were 5 or so years ago. Dude should have absolutely high balled the government for at least double that knowing their cosplay gear was on point.
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May 8, 2020 03:49
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PookBear posted:Mr Orange This is loving hilarious
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May 8, 2020 13:08
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Nice and hot piss posted:Christ, I looked into PMC work with the big WPS II companies as a medic and was offered around $175k a year, and even then that was poo poo pay in comparison to what rates were 5 or so years ago. yeah well you weren't kicked out after a year
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May 8, 2020 16:24
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Dude's PMC makes silvercorp look like triple canopy
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May 8, 2020 17:07
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Mr White posted:I've been up all night doing more research, and mother told me she is going to talk to the source today.
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May 9, 2020 11:11
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Slim Pickens posted:Dude's PMC makes silvercorp look like triple canopy Makes Silvercorp look like Triple Canopy who ultimately look like Clearencejobs.com
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May 9, 2020 11:17
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It’s like a mercenary company made up of a bunch of clones of Abu Hajaar. I can’t wait to read more about their shenanigans. E:the gun selection really feels like he pulled it almost entirely from whatever Tom Clancy game he was playing at the time. Ugly In The Morning fucked around with this message at 00:58 on May 10, 2020 |
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May 10, 2020 00:53
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