Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

smoobles: Sep 4, 2014

Sono posted:

The entire population of Maryland is in Ocean City right now.

Here's a fun game: Spot the mask. You'll lose.

Dying for my freedom fries.

.

loving hell. We Are All Gonna Die.

# ? May 23, 2020 20:27

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 05:42

CodfishCartographer: Feb 23, 2010; Gadus Maprocephalus; Pillbug

Sono posted:

The entire population of Maryland is in Ocean City right now.

Here's a fun game: Spot the mask. You'll lose.

Dying for my freedom fries.

.

I saw one girl wearing a mask.

She took it off as she walked by

# ? May 23, 2020 20:29

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Backweb posted:

Hey thread. I got a hosed up slow-mo trainwreck story for everyone!

My sister and I have lost the battle for reason with our boomer parents. They were never chuds, but "terminal boomer brain" is a thing.

They both work for school systems and have basically been on paid vacations since February. This whole time they've been itching to go relax at a dinky little condo they bought years back as investment property in Ocean City, Maryland.

For three months my sister and I have been reminding them to make healthy choices during the pandemic. It's been very difficult preventing them from going to visit family members who live in the same state, but we assumed a cross-country roadtrip would be enough to deter them. I live on another continent, and my sister is weeks away from having her second child. Neither of us can stop them.

Well, because Ocean City is now opened up for business, not only are both parents going, but somehow my immunocompromised aunt has decided to go with them. She had a transplant a few years ago and is on anti-rejection meds. She'd been so observant of social distancing that nobody was allowed in her house (groceries delivered on the porch). To add to it, their cousin has decided to hop in the car with them. Woo, vectors!

"Open er up!" is as toxic as the leaded gasoline and paint they were raised on.

My mom has worked as an RN in emergency rooms, private practices, and with the schools for more than 30 years. She informed me of the decision to completely boomer-out in the death cult with an email addressing me as "son" rather than my name. They'll "avoid" the restaurants and boardwalk unless "they're safe."

The email tells me they've all decided to go, and will bring groceries from home, only stay in the tiny 2 room condo the whole time, and wear gloves and masks when they stop at rest stops for bathroom breaks.

It makes no sense to me that they'd all be so cautious while not being cautious at all. I can only assume they all want to die. I can't stop them, so I'm just gonna learn to let go.

My sister has told them when she has her baby (in a few weeks) that they're not allowed in the hospital. Our cousin (child of the transplant aunt) is completely shocked their mom would make this decision to go as well. My sister and I are hoping nobody gets infected, but we're now suddenly at a realization that we should discuss inheritance, living wills, funeral arrangements, etc.

Tl;dr: terminal boomer brain is real, but the real treasure was all the chuds we met along the way.

So is this condo full of Covid? If it's been closed up since the last time they were there, did someone drill a hole through an outside wall and pump it full of Covid-positive air?

# ? May 23, 2020 20:30

smoobles: Sep 4, 2014

The Maryland live cam lets me watch a parade of the worst human beings imaginable, right from my home

# ? May 23, 2020 20:33

Bronze Fonz: Feb 14, 2019

bird with big dick posted:

18 months from now I’ll be sitting in the smoking ruin of society eating rat stew out of a human skull.

18 months?

All 50 states are reopened with a huge part of the population jumping into every petri dish they spot, hurricane season will start as a huge 2nd wave tears the country apart and also Trump is president.

And will get re-elected.

My brain can't process what the US will be like in 18 months.

# ? May 23, 2020 20:35

GRECOROMANGRABASS: May 14, 2020

When the Trump administration directed federal agents to intercept and steal shipments of PPE en route to various states, it looked like the PPE was most likely being redirected to a private company that was founded in March of this year by GOP fundraisers - Blue Flame Medical. Blue Flame Medical threw up a website and within DAYS somehow had an instant supply chain sufficient to provide bulk PPE at multi-state level of scale, during a time when established medical supply providers were back logged indefinitely.

At first, I assumed the goal was simply to resell the PPE back to the states that it was stolen from in the first place. However, the company apparently took money from several states and failed to deliver supplies. Which leaves me wondering what happened to the PPE these politically connected GOP bholes thought they had on lock?

I think there is a non-zero chance that the death cult decided it would be better to destroy the stolen PPE rather than profit from it. As absurd as it sounds, it is a scenario that fits the "we beat the plague, go outside and don't let anyone tell you to wear a mask" message the trumpaloompas are pushing.

"Half-billion deal with 3-day old company canceled but not before money was deposited"
https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/05/10/newsom-welcomes-new-partners-in-coronavirus-supply-deals-federal-investigators/

"Firm Set Up by G.O.P. Operatives Under Scrutiny Over Virus Contracts"
"Blue Flame Medical boasted that it could acquire masks, testing kits and other equipment to respond to the pandemic. State and local governments paid up � and are still waiting for delivery."
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/06/us/politics/coronavirus-masks-tests-ppe.html

"Justice Department investigates Blue Flame Medical after claims that it failed to provide masks to Maryland"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/poli...0a5f_story.html

Apparently the company feels they have done nothing wrong btw.
"It is beyond comprehension what this is all about," Ethan Bearman, attorney for Blue Flame Medical, said of the investigation."

# ? May 23, 2020 20:39

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Sono posted:

The entire population of Maryland is in Ocean City right now.

Here's a fun game: Spot the mask. You'll lose.

Dying for my freedom fries.

.

Lots of masks right now. . . none being worn properly. (all so far have been either under-nose or under-chin)

# ? May 23, 2020 20:40

Hazo: Dec 30, 2004; SCIENCE

Yeah I just went out to resupply on groceries and the stores are absolutely swamped with masks almost nonexistent

Just wish away the virus, it�ll be okay if we believe hard enough

# ? May 23, 2020 20:41

Bleusilences: Jun 23, 2004; Be careful for what you wish for.

On the first camera I do see people wearing mask(or trying) and a least trying to social distance(which more important then mask), but on the second camera, just lol. At least take the food to a isolated area.

# ? May 23, 2020 20:41

TenTonHammer: Oct 3, 2003; Davidian

astral posted:

Walmart has (free) contactless grocery pickup these days and I wholeheartedly recommend using it: https://grocery.walmart.com/

e: if the seizure/heart meds are prescription and not OTC, a lot of places can deliver prescriptions these days so it might be worth looking into whether that is possible for those medications

I wish that was the case here. They only thing they offer at this one is the Pickup@store orange tower thing inside.

# ? May 23, 2020 20:52

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

TenTonHammer posted:

I wish that was the case here. They only thing they offer at this one is the Pickup@store orange tower thing inside.

My doc sends a fax lol to Walgreens and they deliver my script via mail. PrimeMail I think it�s called. Insurance covered etc. lotsa setup though on their site.

# ? May 23, 2020 20:56

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

The eastern shore is already chuddy and now every chud in the dc and Baltimore area has joined them

# ? May 23, 2020 20:57

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

GRECOROMANGRABASS posted:

When the Trump administration directed federal agents to intercept and steal shipments of PPE en route to various states, it looked like the PPE was most likely being redirected to a private company that was founded in March of this year by GOP fundraisers - Blue Flame Medical. Blue Flame Medical threw up a website and within DAYS somehow had an instant supply chain sufficient to provide bulk PPE at multi-state level of scale, during a time when established medical supply providers were back logged indefinitely.

At first, I assumed the goal was simply to resell the PPE back to the states that it was stolen from in the first place. However, the company apparently took money from several states and failed to deliver supplies. Which leaves me wondering what happened to the PPE these politically connected GOP bholes thought they had on lock?

I think there is a non-zero chance that the death cult decided it would be better to destroy the stolen PPE rather than profit from it. As absurd as it sounds, it is a scenario that fits the "we beat the plague, go outside and don't let anyone tell you to wear a mask" message the trumpaloompas are pushing.

"Half-billion deal with 3-day old company canceled but not before money was deposited"
https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/05/10/newsom-welcomes-new-partners-in-coronavirus-supply-deals-federal-investigators/

"Firm Set Up by G.O.P. Operatives Under Scrutiny Over Virus Contracts"
"Blue Flame Medical boasted that it could acquire masks, testing kits and other equipment to respond to the pandemic. State and local governments paid up � and are still waiting for delivery."
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/06/us/politics/coronavirus-masks-tests-ppe.html

"Justice Department investigates Blue Flame Medical after claims that it failed to provide masks to Maryland"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/poli...0a5f_story.html

Apparently the company feels they have done nothing wrong btw.
"It is beyond comprehension what this is all about," Ethan Bearman, attorney for Blue Flame Medical, said of the investigation."

It still blows my mind that we don't know more about this whole scheme by now

# ? May 23, 2020 20:59

Lotti Fuehrscheim: Jun 13, 2019

Big band in quarantine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wMYnHgRpxo

some sonny day.

# ? May 23, 2020 21:14

Bleusilences: Jun 23, 2004; Be careful for what you wish for.

FlamingLiberal posted:

It still blows my mind that we don't know more about this whole scheme by now

That is some high level corruption.

# ? May 23, 2020 21:20

central dogma: Feb 25, 2012; Come to the Undead Settlement in the next 20 mins if u want an ash kicking

I don't fully trust California and Maryland either. Why would either state draft multimillion dollar contracts with a week-old company?

Burn it all down :devil:

# ? May 23, 2020 21:26

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

Sono posted:

Dying for my freedom fries.

drat, those fries look good. I want some fries

# ? May 23, 2020 21:33

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

GRECOROMANGRABASS posted:

When the Trump administration directed federal agents to intercept and steal shipments of PPE en route to various states, it looked like the PPE was most likely being redirected to a private company that was founded in March of this year by GOP fundraisers - Blue Flame Medical. Blue Flame Medical threw up a website and within DAYS somehow had an instant supply chain sufficient to provide bulk PPE at multi-state level of scale, during a time when established medical supply providers were back logged indefinitely.

At first, I assumed the goal was simply to resell the PPE back to the states that it was stolen from in the first place. However, the company apparently took money from several states and failed to deliver supplies. Which leaves me wondering what happened to the PPE these politically connected GOP bholes thought they had on lock?

I think there is a non-zero chance that the death cult decided it would be better to destroy the stolen PPE rather than profit from it. As absurd as it sounds, it is a scenario that fits the "we beat the plague, go outside and don't let anyone tell you to wear a mask" message the trumpaloompas are pushing.

"Half-billion deal with 3-day old company canceled but not before money was deposited"
https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/05/10/newsom-welcomes-new-partners-in-coronavirus-supply-deals-federal-investigators/

"Firm Set Up by G.O.P. Operatives Under Scrutiny Over Virus Contracts"
"Blue Flame Medical boasted that it could acquire masks, testing kits and other equipment to respond to the pandemic. State and local governments paid up — and are still waiting for delivery."
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/06/us/politics/coronavirus-masks-tests-ppe.html

"Justice Department investigates Blue Flame Medical after claims that it failed to provide masks to Maryland"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/poli...0a5f_story.html

Apparently the company feels they have done nothing wrong btw.
"It is beyond comprehension what this is all about," Ethan Bearman, attorney for Blue Flame Medical, said of the investigation."

You're assuming the grift here. It's also reasonably possible the stuff is somewhere else only god knows, and these guys are running a different scam of selling poo poo they dont have and praying they find the stuff they sold in time.

Either way they're bad news so I'm just being pedantic here.

# ? May 23, 2020 21:53

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

There's a NY Times article about a Chinese covid vaccine that's showing some promise, and while you should obviously be extremely skeptical about each news story involving either a treatment, cure or vaccine, I think I'd cum if Trump ended up having to sell his base on 1) a vaccine made by 2) the Chinese. I think that would break the last icy slivers of sanity that remain with most chuds, and they'd just run howling into the night like a protagonist in a Lovecraft story.

# ? May 23, 2020 22:13

cwinkle: Mar 7, 2008

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

The US isn�t going anywhere anytime soon lmao

But don't you see? This societal collapse they root for is what it deserves. Surely the New America will recognize their inability to succeed under the old system as the very thing to praise and lift up above those whose prosperity brought this misery upon us all. It's a shame there will be no internet infrastructure in this future paradise where they can tell the rest how right and satisfied they are.

# ? May 23, 2020 22:25

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

davidspackage posted:

run howling into the night like a protagonist in a Lovecraft story

not a bad plan, really

i mean it beats working for a living

# ? May 23, 2020 22:28

Synthetic Dreams: Jul 19, 2005; by Cyrano4747

Society may collapse, but I will persist into the future. Blood for the blood god.

# ? May 23, 2020 22:37

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

davidspackage posted:

There's a NY Times article about a Chinese covid vaccine that's showing some promise, and while you should obviously be extremely skeptical about each news story involving either a treatment, cure or vaccine, I think I'd cum if Trump ended up having to sell his base on 1) a vaccine made by 2) the Chinese.

what on EARTH has led you to believe that this would happen? if a chinese vaccine actually did turn out to work it would simply not be used by america because it is not politically expedient to Trump lmao

# ? May 23, 2020 22:37

BlackIronHeart: Aug 2, 2004; The Oath Breaker's about to hit warphead nine Kaptain!

Trump would just lie and say he developed the vaccine himself.

# ? May 23, 2020 22:38

foonykins: Jun 15, 2010; stop with the small talk

This thread is making me incredibly happy that I'm in NJ and most people are sane enough to keep following protocol in stores and heavily-trafficked areas.

Of course walking my dog I'm one of the only few still wearing a mask on suburban side streets, but I'll see maybe 4-10 people on the whole 30 minute walk and most have been cognizant enough to cross the street when they see me coming. Maybe the 100 pound dog that looks menacing (but is actually a total hambone) helps.

Some guy on the NJ subreddit has been graphing all the numbers coming in daily and we seem to be on a good trajectory so far. Our governor isn't blowing his wad either and seems to have a decent phase-out plan for lockdown. Now all we need to do is close our loving borders so the morons coming in for our beaches stay the gently caress away.

# ? May 23, 2020 22:52

Lotti Fuehrscheim: Jun 13, 2019

You Americans have enough to fight over internally, congratulations, but in the EU there is now a fight on who will pay the bill.

Macron came up with a nice plan where Northern Europe finances a couple of trillions for Southern Europe, and of course Merkel thought that was a great idea.

No no no no, said the Frugal Four: Austria, Netherlands, Denmark and Sweden, we don't give our credit card away.

So now the fight is on, the little ones against the big bullies (but in the German press I read a lot of support for the FF countries position, it seems not every German supports Merkel in giving away that much money).

# ? May 23, 2020 23:18

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Sono posted:

The entire population of Maryland is in Ocean City right now.

Here's a fun game: Spot the mask. You'll lose.

Dying for my freedom fries.

I�d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 23, 2020 23:20

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Sir Not Appearing posted:

So is this condo full of Covid? If it's been closed up since the last time they were there, did someone drill a hole through an outside wall and pump it full of Covid-positive air?

They�re probably not just going to sit in the condo like if you�re just gonna sit inside and watch TV it doesn�t really matter where you are.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:21

Rectal Death Adept: Jun 20, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

bird with big dick posted:

I�d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

I don't know if you would make a good moderator

# ? May 23, 2020 23:25

Shaocaholica: Oct 29, 2002; Fig. 5E

BlackIronHeart posted:

Trump would just lie and say he developed the vaccine himself.

If you vote for me, I�ll give you the vaccine.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:25

I said come in!: Jun 22, 2004

bird with big dick posted:

I�d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

I finally saw two people wearing masks. Saw a few people holding onto their masks, and one who had theirs around their neck. Hundreds of people with no masks on.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:31

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

davidspackage posted:

I think that would break the last icy slivers of sanity that remain with most chuds, and they'd just run howling into the night like a protagonist in a Lovecraft story.

Nah.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:32

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

bird with big dick posted:

I�d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

You�re talkin bout the cops, right?

# ? May 23, 2020 23:36

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I said come in! posted:

I finally saw two people wearing masks. Saw a few people holding onto their masks, and one who had theirs around their neck. Hundreds of people with no masks on.

Yeah I watched maybe 100 people walk by, three were wearing masks and one wasn�t covering her nose.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:38

Shaocaholica: Oct 29, 2002; Fig. 5E

I see a lot of retail workers in Los Angeles wearing just under the nose. They obviously know how to wear a mask they just don�t give a poo poo about the virus and don�t want trouble with the cops.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:48

realbez: Mar 23, 2005; Fun Shoe

bird with big dick posted:

I�d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

Those are children

# ? May 23, 2020 23:53

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

GRECOROMANGRABASS posted:

I think there is a non-zero chance that the death cult decided it would be better to destroy the stolen PPE rather than profit from it. As absurd as it sounds, it is a scenario that fits the "we beat the plague, go outside and don't let anyone tell you to wear a mask" message the trumpaloompas are pushing.

There's zero chance that a bunch of grifters decided to destroy PPE that they could profit from selling, they just lied about how much they could deliver. You're an idiot.

# ? May 23, 2020 23:56

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

realbez posted:

Those are children

No they�re not

# ? May 23, 2020 23:58

Redgrendel2001: Sep 1, 2006; you literally think a person saying their NBA team of choice being better than the fucking 76ers is a 'schtick'

a literal thing you think.

bird with big dick posted:

I’d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

# ? May 23, 2020 23:59

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 05:42

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

bird with big dick posted:

I’d let these ladies give me the plague anytime

Wow way to suddenly out yourself as a pedophile

# ? May 24, 2020 00:02

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