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How are you fellas doing, ElMaligno, Wasabi The J?
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Jan 12, 2020 19:42
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Im doing better thanks
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Jan 12, 2020 21:31
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Better last few days. Still concerned about my friend but he needs to get help on his own and I cannot force him, so boundaries are being set. Stopped reading current events at all. Hoping things aren't cataclysmic but the weather in Las Vegas has been nice so I'm enjoying the planet while it's still letting us be here. Going to therapy 2x a week and discovered a huge interject that holds me back with guilt and shame over being happy independently. Thanks Mom, lol. Honestly doing pretty good. Thanks for asking. PS I am taking some OTC "supplement" thing for anxiety and it's basically just b and d vitamins, but I think it's helping, so idk. Try taking some vitamins because I think they're kinda horseshit at times, I'm never sure. Wasabi the J fucked around with this message at 00:44 on Jan 13, 2020 |
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Jan 13, 2020 00:41
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Just wanted to thank you guys/the discord guys for listening to me when I hit a low point a while back. Things are looking up slightly now, I'm going back to school over the summer and I'm probably getting a new puppy in April or May. Anyway, it gets better, its not just something they're saying.
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Feb 1, 2020 21:41
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Got threatened at work out of nowhere, in front of my boss and like 5 other people. The other guys boss basically forced him to apologize, I shook hands on it because it was literally 2 hours after the dude turned around and threatened me. I said several times that I was uncomfortable, threatened and scared. But I just appeased them to get out of there. But been sitting on it for two days, no one told HR the event even happened; and l come to find out the guys been bullying people for months. So I make the call to go back on this agreement and tell HR today. An hour after the call, the other guys boss (who has subbed in as manager) is sitting alone in the front lobby and said "oh you remember when you did x and y? That never left this room." He brought up poo poo that he could have written me up for but didn't. Immediately called hr, my boss heard it and reported it as well but we're a small 80 person outfit. I'm brushing up my resume because I'm sure this is not going to work out for me here. This had been one of the most mind meltingly dumb situation and I'm so mad at the complicity and intimidation. Wasabi the J fucked around with this message at 05:28 on Feb 8, 2020 |
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Feb 8, 2020 05:20
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Wasabi the J posted:Got threatened at work out of nowhere, in front of my boss and like 5 other people. Shovels are pretty cheap
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Feb 8, 2020 07:59
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But in all seriousness, if you need to talk, apparently I lost plat. I will edit this tomorrow
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Feb 8, 2020 08:47
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Hang in there. Sounds like a pretty toxic environment that would look better behind you. If you ever need to vent or chat hmu
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Feb 8, 2020 17:19
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Wasabi the J posted:Got threatened at work out of nowhere, in front of my boss and like 5 other people. What a stupid situation. Just a bunch of bullshit. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
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Feb 10, 2020 18:06
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Hey gip, been a long time. Anyway a guy I know is a us rep in Florida and is pushing this offensive as gently caress bill. Please call this man and call him dumb. https://www.floridadaily.com/brian-mast-hopes-to-cut-down-on-veteran-suicide-with-two-new-proposals/
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Feb 29, 2020 04:07
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A Bakers Cousin posted:Hey gip, been a long time. Anyway a guy I know is a us rep in Florida and is pushing this offensive as gently caress bill. . I take this oath freely and without purpose of evasion, so help me God.” Wut What exactly is the point of this?
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Feb 29, 2020 13:25
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LOL this basically a do nothing exit counseling statement for the entire military??
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Mar 1, 2020 08:27
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I’ve been controlling my anger so well for the last couple years. This morning I had an anger outburst. I broke a television and damaged a wall. This is the exact thing I’ve been working on, and I feel like I hosed it all up today. This is who I was when I was in the army. This is not who I want to be in 2020. I’m such a loving failure. I’m taking the day off to hang with Monty. He didn’t see any of it and I’m glad.
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Mar 3, 2020 15:46
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You're not a failure. Life brings ups and downs and just by acknowledging that you don't want to do that again is how you continue improving. You're a good person.
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Mar 3, 2020 16:19
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Woofer posted:I’ve been controlling my anger so well for the last couple years. This morning I had an anger outburst. I broke a television and damaged a wall. This is the exact thing I’ve been working on, and I feel like I hosed it all up today. This is who I was when I was in the army. This is not who I want to be in 2020. we all have our bad days, don’t beat yourself up too hard. We can strive to be better tomorrow.
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Mar 3, 2020 16:43
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Woofer posted:I’ve been controlling my anger so well for the last couple years. This morning I had an anger outburst. I broke a television and damaged a wall. This is the exact thing I’ve been working on, and I feel like I hosed it all up today. This is who I was when I was in the army. This is not who I want to be in 2020. Each day is a new day. You ain’t a failure. You completed college and started a new career. Give Monty a hug for me.
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Mar 3, 2020 17:13
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The hardest part of dealing with my mental health journey for me are the days where your coping skills don't work. Don't sweat it man. We can't bat 1.000. This is ADHD focused but the strategies help me when I feel like a gently caress up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwKtN1cZDto
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Mar 3, 2020 17:47
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I just found out that one of my sailors committed suicide. Part of me has always known that eventually, we were going to have someone take their life. There were a few attempts a while back, but I hadn't heard of anything recently. I was starting to hope that maybe we'd hit a point where we wouldn't have to worry so much. I'm sitting between a lot of different emotions right now. Sadness is one of the biggest, but anger is there too. Not at him. At the Navy more than anything.
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Mar 4, 2020 23:25
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Mental health is always a constant fight with long quiet periods. And we’re as worried for your long term wellbeing as you are for your guys. My condolences to them and their family but emotionally this is also ammo for the file against those in the chain who want to focus on the day of instead of systemic issues leading up to and following every tragedy.
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Mar 4, 2020 23:38
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I haven't ventured into GiP in a while, and I hesitate to post in here because I dunno...but I have to be missing the beat these days. I just got word that my old platoon sergeant, who was a great guy and a good leader, died today. He was apparently real sick and had ended up on life support, but somehow nobody from our unit heard until now. I have absolutely no idea what happened to him. But, like, I just don't feel anything. Like nothing. Not that awful hollow emptiness, not grief. It's like somebody told me that the weather tomorrow is gonna be lovely. I don't know why death doesn't gently caress me up more. I didn't get upset when my father's parents passed, and I love them both dearly. I feel like beyond immediate family, my girlfriend, a couple close friends from school and work over the years, and my cat, I just won't feel anything. It makes me feel like a loving psychopath. Like, I've worked urban EMS in NJ for almost 14 years, been a firefighter, just did my first deployment ever after like 12 years in because the NJARNG took its sweet time going...but I think work is what has hosed me up. I don't know. Is this normal? Am I broken or something?
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Mar 5, 2020 01:41
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ReebTop posted:It makes me feel like a loving psychopath. Like, I've worked urban EMS in NJ for almost 14 years, been a firefighter, just did my first deployment ever after like 12 years in because the NJARNG took its sweet time going...but I think work is what has hosed me up. I don't know. Is this normal? Am I broken or something? You are normal, you are not broken. Being EMS, you have way more exposure to death now than you did the first time you were exposed to death, which is a stupid statement but sometimes hearing someone else say this poo poo does help. You also have way more exposure to death than almost everyone else in society. Death as a concept is not something most people encounter on a regular basis, or even have to consider, except for when it happens directly within their bubble of existence. Your father's parents deaths, and your sgt's death, are tragic but you are not obligated to lament and grieve. Each person's feelings are personal and individual. You are not doing them a disservice by not breaking down in grief. If you remember them fondly, which it sounds like you do, that's how you can show them the respect that you have for them. Everybody grieves differently and everyones' experience is unique and valid, including yours. Do not put on yourself that you must grieve with great emotion the passing of every person you've ever known. Especially do not put on yourself that you must feel a certain way or else there must be something wrong with you...that's way too much of a load for any one person. I feel like you're comparing your reaction with what you'd expect someone else with a totally different life experience to feel, which isn't fair to either yourself or other people. We should not judge anyone's feelings about something like this - I do not judge your emotion or lack of emotion to hearing about people passing. Everyone deals with heavy poo poo differently, and there is no wrong way to feel, or not feel. Don't beat yourself up about this. Give yourself a break. You deserve to be ok. Excuse any errors in this message, I'm tryna get feelings across over text which might or might not have worked out well stevobob fucked around with this message at 21:14 on Mar 18, 2020 |
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Mar 18, 2020 20:53
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My wife took her life in September. I've been getting by since then, I see a therapist regularly and have a good support system. I have a lot of guilt, confusion, and doubt about an infinite list of poo poo that I could have done differently. I should have been more assertive about certain things, pushed harder about certain things, put more effort into this, spent more time on that. Unending list of poo poo to ruminate on. I also spend time wondering if I'm feeling correctly. I'm able to function day to day pretty well for the most part. My biggest recurring problem is hosed up dreams but I can avoid that by making sure I don't get too warm at night - I don't remember my dreams if I'm just a bit too cold when I'm asleep. I'll have the rest of my life to play over all the poo poo that happened over the years that didn't go well, all the things I missed, opportunities I had to change the course of our marriage. I also have considered whether it would be better for us never to have met at all because maybe she'd still be alive and happy with someone else, whether our marriage was worth her life ending, whether that train of thought makes any fuckin sense or what is the point of thinking about any of this poo poo at all. Her family and my family tell me to consider that were she with someone else, it's possible she may have taken her life years ago. This is another boulder I'll be pushing up the mountain probably forever. Now with the loving global pandemic, I feel like I'm living in a lovely story, or that the world is just an unending series of increasingly awful experiences. I'm not at any risk of self-harm, just to say it. I do genuinely think that the world is not a particularly great place to live, most of the time. One awful thought I have is that she, with her diagnosed anxiety, would have a nightmare of a time with all this pandemic doom poo poo going on. I don't know if I should feel blessed that she doesn't have to go through it, or if that's an incredibly hosed up thing to think, or what the hell. The previous post I made replying to ReebTop kind of addresses these uncertainties; I've been told that there is no wrong way to feel and I shouldn't put that pressure on myself. That's kind of why I posted it, because I know it's correct and that message should be shared, but it's just really fuckin hard when it comes to applying these things to ME and MY THOUGHTS ya know Life is a gently caress. I get a lot of joy out of my betta fish and my snails and my house plants and my friends. I'm extra glad for my fish and snails now because I'm off work and can't fuckin visit anyone because of this bullshit virus so I play video games and talk to my fish and it's all going to be ok I think. Or it won't be ok, but maybe it doesn't matter, because we're a bunch of tiny dots on a tiny dot of dust in a big-rear end universe that doesn't notice or need us. Strangely enough that thought is actually a comfort to me. I dunno. This was kinda rambly but I figure this is the place to do it. If anyone ever needs to talk about heavy poo poo my PMs are available and I'm willing to talk
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Mar 18, 2020 21:10
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Hey man fish are great. Some pretty heavy stuff your dealing with man. We are indeed living in strange times.
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Mar 18, 2020 22:29
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Please get help if you need it Stinky Pete Knows it, Please Dudes and Gals I Love you all CALL 1-800-273-8255
stinkypete fucked around with this message at 11:03 on May 2, 2020 |
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May 2, 2020 10:46
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I’m doing a manic right now I have no idea what I am feeling right now but I definitely need one of you to tell me to shut up and go to bed. You’d think I’d be worried about finals but oh boy I wish that’s all I had to worry about. Nope I’ll be a senior by next Saturday and that means the actual real world is completely looming over me and I loving swear I don’t know how many more times I can just make things work in my life but oh boy I really gotta pull that one off don’t I.
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May 3, 2020 08:56
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Guys it's justified to be anxious right now, but please, we need y'all on the other side of this thing rested and safe. Long days are ahead but we can't lose good gals and guys and non binary folks to despair and anxiety. I'm around online and love to know what's on people's minds even if I can't help much in person or even practically. We're in this boat together. My wife joined a wiring group and it's really cool all ages kinda thing. Her group prompts writers with questions and open discussion then dives into sharing and the group seems really positive. There's all walks there, two generations of professors, an occasional middle schooler, and I think an ex convinct, and I've genuinely been taken aback by how therapeutic it's been too just listen in occasionally to people's stories. If you're looking for an outlet to just share ideas and gain perspectives and connect emotionally with new people one would be well served to look up writers groups online. Wasabi the J fucked around with this message at 09:33 on May 3, 2020 |
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May 3, 2020 09:26
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You can vent here, Remember we are all in this together. I Love you all!
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May 7, 2020 04:38
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I’ve fallen into a pretty bad slump with motivation. Days go by where I accomplish nothing at work and it’s eventually going to catch up to me and really gently caress me over. I JUST got a promotion and I’m pissing all over it. And I kind of just don’t care. I don’t find joy in anything. I think the state of the world is really starting to get to me. And it’s unfortunate that we are in a lockdown, because you can’t help but be fully aware of how lovely things have gotten. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed? I am definitely bummed out, but I’ve been fighting depression for a long time and this just doesn’t feel the same as depression does. Maybe numb is a better word. Idk. Woofer fucked around with this message at 13:30 on May 13, 2020 |
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May 13, 2020 13:28
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Woofer posted:I’ve fallen into a pretty bad slump with motivation. Days go by where I accomplish nothing at work and it’s eventually going to catch up to me and really gently caress me over. I JUST got a promotion and I’m pissing all over it. And I kind of just don’t care. You're depressed. That's all part of it. Reach out if you need to.
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May 13, 2020 13:48
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Cole, what I’ve been telling myself is that these are exceptionally lovely times and no one- NO ONE- is operating at 100% right now. We’ve all had our personal and professional lives profoundly dislocated from where we thought they should be. Working from home while not being able to see friends or engage in the activities that we normally would for stress relief definitely contributes to that. You are a psychologically resilient person who is having a normal reaction to abnormal times. Recognize these circumstances and interrogate your thoughts. Allow yourself to feel down, depressed, and reach out to someone if you need a bit more help. You didn’t abruptly become a fuckup or lose your self worth or ambition, we’re all teetering on our back foot because of COVID. Your professional fulfillment will return, as will you being able to go to the gym, take Monty on adventures, walk around with your camera, etc. Hang in there, dude.
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May 13, 2020 14:33
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I am for sure not operating at 100% now, maybe 60-75%.
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May 15, 2020 21:11
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My big brother announced that he is going to PR on Christmas. Same big brother who hasn't been on the island for 6 years, same big brother who announced he was going to visit PR on Christmas 2 years ago and he never showed up. loving plane tickets to PR cost about 800 to 1200 on foam goddamm Christmas. Thankfully the wife is OK with it because she loves my family. My main problem with this poo poo show is one of my brothers being a loving idiot and giving me unasked unwarranted advice on how to save money like: That i should do my layover in Orlando (there are no layovers from Portland) That I should do a Space-A flight to Orlando (he has never done one of those) That I should visit PR more often and also on Christmas (I am not made of money) Here is a picture to convey my emotions 
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May 17, 2020 21:23
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This poo poo has got me falling apart at the seems y’all. I think a lot of us are in the same boat so let’s keep track of each other and check on each other k?
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Jun 1, 2020 23:06
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Woofer posted:This poo poo has got me falling apart at the seems y’all. This poo poo sucks, but good call.
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Jun 2, 2020 01:43
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Flying_Crab posted:This poo poo sucks, but good call. I'm good out here in LV, i went to the protests on Sat night and I never felt in danger from anyone but the police. I lost my military friends to this poo poo. They think they're doing the right thing.
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Jun 2, 2020 04:37
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I have been super depressed, super anxious and horriblizing constantly. its helping that i am in coastal oregon... its not helping that i am active duty...
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Jun 2, 2020 05:08
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do what you think is right, but i don't count for poo poo. rip america
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Jun 2, 2020 07:03
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I see my therapist in the morning. I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight. I'm sickened by all of this. It shouldn't be controversial to not attack peaceful protesters. I don't loving understand. It's not only horrible and should be illegal, but it is a surefire way to get the people to hate you even more than they already do. And it'll get previously neutral ones to hate you, too. It's a dumbass tactic and anyone who thinks it's a good idea needs to be fired and arrested. The lack of riot control training, in addition to the lack of command and control, and the pure hatred in the hearts of so many cops is loving astounding. Some of these fucks just rush in swinging. Whatever happened to what you learned in the academy? Ask, tell, make. Push lightly with the baton to get them to move if you have to. Not swinging and smacking faces. What the gently caress, you violent pricks? Yeah, I'd be pissed if I had to be in full riot gear sweating my rear end off and had to wait 8 hours to take a piss, too. But I wouldn't take it out on the citizens I swore to protect. Innocents who are literally just standing there talking, or sitting down, or sure, yelling, maybe throwing bottles. Who gives a gently caress? I'd be mad at the 4 assholes in Minneapolis who broke their oath and murdered a poor man. I'd want to beat the poo poo out of those fucks for being a stain on the profession. I wouldn't take it out on innocent people. loving pieces of poo poo. Only a loving coward hits protesters. If I didn't have my girlfriend to worry about I don't know what I'd do. I feel hopeless, and helpless. I feel like I can't even reach out to former colleagues because I don't know how they feel about all of this. I'd probably lose a ton of friends. Maybe I should lose them as friends. I feel like nothing is going to get better in the U.S. I feel like we're just going to eventually slide down into an abyss of fascism, or have a civil insurrection with a gently caress ton of dead cops (some maybe even my former colleagues, and my college and high school friends who went into LE), and an even more ton of dead innocent bystanders, alongside whoever took up guns against police. I can't help but think we're going to see an It Could Happen Here episode come alive. The elections are months away. 2020 sucks and can kiss my hairy rear end. Trump wasn't the cause of all of this, but he sure as gently caress put gasoline on the fire on countless occasions. I hope he strokes the gently caress out. Bored As Fuck fucked around with this message at 09:05 on Jun 2, 2020 |
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Jun 2, 2020 09:02
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I was saddened by all of this. I was never the hardest warrior n hell most of my childhood I was abused, and isolated. I joined the army because I now recognize that I was an undiagnosed ADHD kid unwittingly treating my symptoms with college Adderall -- I panicked thinking, "OMG I'm gonna be a meth addict" and loving joined up. I was at that time ambivalent the war on terror but I thought I was doing my part to help my fellow Americans to get the leaders of terrorist orgs. They got bin laden in my first deployment. I thought "this is finally over!" and when they offered me six figures to do the same the next year, I had a hard time saying no to that kinda cash. I thought we would pull back and bases were shutting down. I thought it was gonna finally be done. So when I deployed to Africa I thought this mission is going to be so much more rewarding! The GOOD army missions!" More of the same but the names changed. I saw the cracks. The haircut dudes, the locals cleaning lazy soldiers poo poo, the subway, the green bean. I cannot believe that my worst fears weren't bad enough. I can't believe how many people were mainlining white nationalist troll content and literal fake news. Worse is trying to combat this stuff and is your on family. As you can see my combat experience is non-existent. But every time I felt like quitting I would try to dig a little deeper, get that second wind, because I conditioned myself in my imagination that something would kill me if I didn't do a bit more. I have so little left to imagine to be wrong and I hope we can all come through this in one piece. Even if I disagree with your politics (not fascism -- gently caress off) I don't want people getting hurt. But I'm not sure we will, so if we shall be seeing less of each other, gip, I genuinely hope you're all good hearted and have seen little to prove otherwise.
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Jun 2, 2020 11:32
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taking a break from the forums. probably gonna go join the protesters in DC. stay safe everyone. godspeed.
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Jun 2, 2020 12:15
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