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i have worse teeth than my younger brother and he got braces with the promise i'd get them "soon" and here I am at 24, still with hosed up teeth
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Jun 17, 2020 01:56
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| # ? May 17, 2024 00:38 |
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Ok, content. Here’s the text I sent my mom before I blocked her on everything. I have been working with a therapist for several years, basically since my dad’s suicide, and he gave me the green light on it:”me” posted:Mom, Aaaand here’s the letter I got from my mom a week after cutting off contact: gaslighting queen posted:Dear HAM ON THE BONE, I did not reply. e: edited for clarity HAM ON THE BONE fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Jun 17, 2020 |
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Jun 17, 2020 03:10
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"Ok, but let me talk about myself a bunch"
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Jun 17, 2020 03:19
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That's a lot of I statements!
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Jun 17, 2020 04:48
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This oddly just popped up in my feed and gently caress it is spot on with my father. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRMhS6oeehY
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Jun 17, 2020 04:57
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"Gaslighting queen" lmao perfection.
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Jun 17, 2020 07:09
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Gaslightning McQueen good username
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Jun 17, 2020 07:12
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My father was the type that always needed a reason for his constant rage, so he was in luck with me, between glasses and braces as a kid, and then ten surgeries on my face when I was a teenager. I remember being in first grade and a bully grabbed my glasses right off my face, threw them on the ground, then stepped on them. It probably took me an hour to walk home from school sobbing that day because even then I understood that I would catch a beating for the broken glasses, regardless of how it happened. When I eventually got contacts, because glasses were causing me migraines, he would lose his loving mind if he happened to walk by the bathroom and I hadn't closed the door while putting them in or taking them out. He had a thing with eyes (also cotton) and would smack me around if he "caught" me doing anything with my lenses. As for the cotton thing, if he needed anything from a pill bottle and someone hadn't already opened it and removed the wad that's usually on top, he would scream at my mother or beat the poo poo out of me.
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Jun 17, 2020 13:16
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Pope Corky the IX posted:My father was the type that always needed a reason for his constant rage, so he was in luck with me, between glasses and braces as a kid, and then ten surgeries on my face when I was a teenager. I remember being in first grade and a bully grabbed my glasses right off my face, threw them on the ground, then stepped on them. It probably took me an hour to walk home from school sobbing that day because even then I understood that I would catch a beating for the broken glasses, regardless of how it happened. When I eventually got contacts, because glasses were causing me migraines, he would lose his loving mind if he happened to walk by the bathroom and I hadn't closed the door while putting them in or taking them out. He had a thing with eyes (also cotton) and would smack me around if he "caught" me doing anything with my lenses. My dad is nowhere near as bad as any of the parents in this thread, (we're even close now, now that he's aged and mellowed and learned how to express regret) but boy he was an angry rear end in a top hat when I was a kid and he used to flip the gently caress out about weird specific poo poo like that. his triggers were poo poo like: - too many brown foods in the same meal - scraping sounds - not bringing the exact right number of serving spoons to the table - not closing the front door with the exact right amount of force and a whole bunch of other nonsense. I'm actually fairly sure that poo poo did legitimately wind him up in a way he just didn't have the tools to handle* and like I said, he's one of the better ones because he eventually somewhat sorted his poo poo out, but jesus christ I don't miss living in a home where normal, necessary activities had to be navigated with the delicacy and precision of mine-clearing. If he hadn't been able to eventually do some self-reflection and deal with the scars of his own lovely childhood, and his consequent poo poo parenting, I don't think any of his kids would talk to him at all right now. *He was born in the 40's and never diagnosed with anything, but I'm diagnosed autistic and I'm 99.99% sure one of my brothers is also, and we're pretty sure my dad's mum was too, and. Well. Growing up a probably autistic left-handed bastard child of adultery in a Catholic family in Scotland in the 40's left some fuckin marks, ay, but way to pass on that generational trauma to four loving kids, dad.
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Jun 17, 2020 15:30
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I've got a weird...semi-phobia? about tissues and tissue paper and stuff like that, I think it comes from being constantly like forcibly face-cleaned by family members and just an un-ending stream of tissue packets shoved into my coat as a kid? Whatever, they gross me out now / make me a little angry when i see them left around. I don't use them, I just use other things instead. So when someone like, leaves a torn piece of tissue on the floor I get real annoyed and kinda grossed out (even if there's nothing on it!! thanks brain!!) and refuse to pick it up. It's petty and dumb and weird and I hate it but oh well guess I'm gonna live like this forever.
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Jun 17, 2020 21:38
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When I was a kid I loved baths. Sometime before I was 6 my parents tried to get me into showering but I didn't want it. So of course they'd force me in and hold my head under the stream so I'd just get used to it. Only now at nearly 40 I still can't put my face in the shower stream without my brain shutting down and having an extreme panic attack.
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Jun 18, 2020 01:38
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Things got a lot better between my mother and me after I went to see a therapist during my last stint in college, but I think we might have ended up estranged if I hadn't moved a thousand miles away before that [therapy] happened. Now we talk a couple of times a week and I see her for one week during Thanksgiving, and that's felt like a pretty good balance.
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Jun 18, 2020 02:33
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There's this bizarre compulsion for conformity a lot of parents have -- I know mine did -- which drives them to force their children to conform to the most utterly bizarre bullshit. Nothing I ever did was right unless it matched their idea of what it should look like. Even playing with other kids was something they would police. Playing video games or board games with friends? Wrong way. Here's a basketball, go play basketball. It doesn't matter that this is your leisure time, you're not doing it right! Like splitting your food by type and eating them one by one? Wrong! You're supposed to mix these and eat a bit of everything as you go along! Don't let me catch you trying to finish one thing before the other! Putting your pajamas on as soon as you're home? No, that's sleep-only clothes! Just an endless barrage of absurdity after absurdity to the point where I'm pretty sure that's where a lot of my "am I doin' this right?" anxiety comes from and hearing the phrase "that's (not) how you're supposed to do it" in any context still makes me see red to this day.
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Jun 18, 2020 03:14
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I think the positive brainworms have gotten to my mom. She's kind of forgotten the dumb, thoughtless poo poo she used to do, and I'm okay with it? Like, I got the, "We spent $3000 on your braces and retainers, and you wouldn't wear your binator, so that's why your teeth are crooked!" bullshit for most of my teens and college years. Turns out, I had a deviated septum and couldn't breathe effectively through my nose, and my binator blocked me from breathing through my mouth, so I'd wake up in the morning with it lying on the floor somewhere. I didn't consciously remove it. I just apparently stopped loving breathing and my unconscious hands knew what to do. Oh, and my wisdom teeth came in sideways, so even if I had kept the drat thing in, my teeth would have gone sideways either way. But yeah, she's forgotten a lot of poo poo. I would be less charitable about it, but she's decided if she can't remember what happened, she was at fault, and blames herself even if it was poo poo I did. Like, we lived in the same town for 6 years, and I never invited my parents over because my apartment was small, dingy, and uncomfortable, and I turned my living room into a music/art/electronics workshop, so it wasn't suited to having guests over. My parents, conversely, had amazingly comfy furniture, multiple fridges full of refreshments, and had a nice entertainment center with cable and satellite radio. Why would I subject them to a lumpy third-hand futon and torrents of anime on a laptop when we could drink cold beer on recliners and watch live sports in HD? I feel a little bit bad that she's beating herself up over poo poo she didn't actually do, but I am appreciating that she's remembered the stuff she did do. It's been very weird.
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Jun 18, 2020 04:28
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Light Gun Man posted:I've got a weird...semi-phobia? about tissues and tissue paper and stuff like that, I think it comes from being constantly like forcibly face-cleaned by family members and just an un-ending stream of tissue packets shoved into my coat as a kid? Whatever, they gross me out now / make me a little angry when i see them left around. I don't use them, I just use other things instead. So when someone like, leaves a torn piece of tissue on the floor I get real annoyed and kinda grossed out (even if there's nothing on it!! thanks brain!!) and refuse to pick it up. It's petty and dumb and weird and I hate it but oh well guess I'm gonna live like this forever. yeah i hate tissues, i find them disgusting. i had a friend as a kid whose sister always just shoved used tissues into the folds of the couch and poo poo like that i blow my nose with tissues but i only do that if i have a trashcan nearby so i can just dump them right away, i dont want that poo poo festering in my pocket. snot is gross but its infinitely grosser if it's been lingering in the open air on a moist tissue all day
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Jun 18, 2020 10:03
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small ghost posted:My dad is nowhere near as bad as any of the parents in this thread, (we're even close now, now that he's aged and mellowed and learned how to express regret) but boy he was an angry rear end in a top hat when I was a kid and he used to flip the gently caress out about weird specific poo poo like that. his triggers were poo poo like: This is where I am with my dad too. I've reconciled with my parents and brother, but there was a point 7 years ago when i cut them off entirely, as soon as I got a job and could afford to live with roommates and pay rent. My dad has mellowed out as he has aged, and I feel like me moving out has changed the dyanmic enough that he realizes he could lose me permanently. I don't think he is autistic, but for lack of a better way to describe it, he lacks emotional maturity. If he's unhappy with something, everybody needs to immediatly know it, and it used to be that if you got him angry, then he expressed it physicall immediatly. Some of my earliest memories are thinking I or my brother or my mom were about to die because my dad was barreling at someone ready to punch them. My brother also was in the habit of doing stuff like that, but he has matured a lot in his late 20s, whereas my dad is much, much less violent, but still very emotionally immature. He also doesn't remember a lot of the things that happened. He doesn't remember his hostility to homosexuality (which affected me a lot, and led me to not come out till 25). He does not remember the neighbors calling the cops, due to the screaming and crashing, on us on at least 3 occasions I can remember. He does not remember ripping the phone out of the wall, or overturning furniture or smashing things. He knows he got angry, but the specifics are always a surprise to him. I think it's genuine too, he just seems to have blocked it out. I'm glad I have a relationship with him now, but I've sort of tried to compartmentalize the past, and treat the mellow, friendly dad I have now as sort of a seperate person. I don't want to go digging up old memories anymore, doesn't seem to be a point with him. But I also am very glad for the distance between us, and I would never move in again. This thread has been really cathatic for me. As much as my parents were not as bad as what I have read here (in fact, my mom wasn't a problem except that she enabled my dad, and reacted to his anger by always trying to appease him, because that's what she was taught), it's nice to read this and realize I'm not singular in my experiences. I swear, I've tried to talk to friends about this, and the idea that you could not trust your parents, or hold them in high regard, is foreign to a lot of people. There's a lot of conversations at work over lunch that I completely step out of because my own take on stuff is so different from everyone else's. Beelzebufo fucked around with this message at 13:13 on Jun 18, 2020 |
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Jun 18, 2020 13:08
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Picnic Princess posted:When I was a kid I loved baths. Sometime before I was 6 my parents tried to get me into showering but I didn't want it. So of course they'd force me in and hold my head under the stream so I'd just get used to it. Only now at nearly 40 I still can't put my face in the shower stream without my brain shutting down and having an extreme panic attack. yeesh. Showers rule tho.
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Jun 18, 2020 13:47
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Shibawanko posted:yeah i hate tissues, i find them disgusting. i had a friend as a kid whose sister always just shoved used tissues into the folds of the couch and poo poo like that Glad it's not just me, drat.
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Jun 18, 2020 19:14
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Relentless posted:Basically the same trick for friendgroups, too. aaaaahaaahhhhhhhhh
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Jun 18, 2020 19:36
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I invited my mom and sister to spend some time with my son and I this weekend because he's six years old and misses his grandmother and aunt. I'm not looking forward to it but they're not the massive fucks they usually are when hanging with my son, so maybe it'll go okay. I mean, it most likely will because I'll just straight up take him and leave if they try any poo poo, which they know. They have been pretty desperate to spend some time with my son but no way in hell would I send him to spend time with either of them alone.
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Jun 18, 2020 20:35
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The Little Death posted:This is where I am with my dad too. I've reconciled with my parents and brother, but there was a point 7 years ago when i cut them off entirely, as soon as I got a job and could afford to live with roommates and pay rent. My dad has mellowed out as he has aged, and I feel like me moving out has changed the dyanmic enough that he realizes he could lose me permanently. I don't think he is autistic, but for lack of a better way to describe it, he lacks emotional maturity. If he's unhappy with something, everybody needs to immediatly know it, and it used to be that if you got him angry, then he expressed it physicall immediatly. Some of my earliest memories are thinking I or my brother or my mom were about to die because my dad was barreling at someone ready to punch them. My brother also was in the habit of doing stuff like that, but he has matured a lot in his late 20s, whereas my dad is much, much less violent, but still very emotionally immature. Selective memory. My dad has that too. I've also wondered if my dad's on the spectrum. He's really, really into trains. Anyway, he doesn't remember his tirades where he'd go off on usually Democrats and describe, screaming at the top of his voice, the violent death and dismemberment they deserved. Then how they should be dug up and dismembered again, etc. There would be no actual political discussion going on beforehand. He'd just start going off with this crazy poo poo one moment, and he'd get very creative with his violent fantasies. It would have been funny if he wasn't so angry and so determined. He doesn't remember his temper tantrums. I don't buy it. I don't think it's some intentional thing he's doing though. His behavior just doesn't stand out to him. Like it wasn't worth remembering, because consequences that affect other people don't register with him.
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Jun 18, 2020 22:05
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AuntBuck posted:Selective memory. I call it 'revisionist history' with my dad, and he gets incredibly mad at me when I use that phrase with him. Of course, he'll claim he never did something, but if it gets pressed it devolves into 'that was a long time ago' or 'put down that burden, it's heavy.' (I absolutely loving hate that phrase).
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Jun 18, 2020 22:21
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I like 'revisionist history'. I can use that. It's annoying they won't accept any accountability. I'm out of patience for gaslighting.
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Jun 18, 2020 22:53
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LadyPictureShow posted:I call it 'revisionist history' with my dad, and he gets incredibly mad at me when I use that phrase with him. Of course, he'll claim he never did something, but if it gets pressed it devolves into 'that was a long time ago' or 'put down that burden, it's heavy.' (I absolutely loving hate that phrase). I remember realizing just how stunning cognitive dissonance could be when during an argument my mother used something I sarcastically said when I was 12 while yelling at me about my grades in my years later and when I brought up something she had done like 6 months ago she told me I needed to learn to move on and let things go.
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Jun 18, 2020 22:56
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My dad blocked me today because... I couldn't buy drugs for him. He cares more about getting a vape pen than about having a relationship with his children. It's loving absurd and I'm so upset that my parent would treat me that way
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Jun 18, 2020 23:01
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Your dad doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you.
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Jun 18, 2020 23:04
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Should have gotten him one of those vapes that gave people popcorn lung.
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Jun 19, 2020 00:23
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He just threatened to kill himself over all of it so I called the cops.
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Jun 19, 2020 00:55
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Rat posted:He just threatened to kill himself over all of it so I called the cops. Jesus Christ. That blows, rodent goon.
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Jun 19, 2020 00:56
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Jun 19, 2020 01:17
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LOL my parents are leaving me literal poo poo (they're hoarders)Rat posted:He just threatened to kill himself over all of it so I called the cops. Good 
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Jun 19, 2020 01:32
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AuntBuck posted:LOL my parents are leaving me literal poo poo (they're hoarders) I know for a fact that when mine croak, I won't be mentioned in the will and if I am, it'll be for some pisspoor amount. Which means I'll have to challenge it in court, which means my Golden Child siblings will get annoyed at me more than they currently are, because their payouts will get delayed until I get the 25% I'm entitled to. Which, if it needs to go through the High Court, will take about 4 or 5 years.
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Jun 19, 2020 01:47
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I don't see much downside in taking it to court then. Even non-assholes can get amazingly petty and selfish when there's an inheritance. I don't expect my dad will have anything prepared, so if he dies first, I'm going to have a huge mess to clean up, financially and literally.
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Jun 19, 2020 02:13
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mine would have to stop giving money to dodgy “military man in search of a wife” dudes and fake windows support scams before i ever got anything. which i won’t
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Jun 19, 2020 03:15
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Stay well, possum goon
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Jun 19, 2020 03:19
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Rat posted:He just threatened to kill himself over all of it so I called the cops. Good, and I'm sorry you had to go through that because of him
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Jun 19, 2020 03:22
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Crimson Harvest posted:Stay well, possum goon
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Jun 19, 2020 03:28
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how do you get over the anger and need for them to acknowledge what they did to you
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Jun 19, 2020 03:28
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time. therapy too, but time
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Jun 19, 2020 03:55
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| # ? May 17, 2024 00:38 |
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Picnic Princess posted:When I was a kid I loved baths. Sometime before I was 6 my parents tried to get me into showering but I didn't want it. So of course they'd force me in and hold my head under the stream so I'd just get used to it. Only now at nearly 40 I still can't put my face in the shower stream without my brain shutting down and having an extreme panic attack. ...I *understand* this. I struggle with even just washing my face because my grandmother used to insist on washing my hair in the sink. Constantly. And was horrible at it. I got water and soap in my eyes and mouth a lot. I'm 28 years old and still have to be slow washing my face and have to have a towel ready at the shower to dry my eyes and face frequently. The supreme anxiety has finally lessened over the past few years, but I still can't have water in my face for long. Don't get me started on swimming pools.... More directly related to estrangement, today was my father's birthday (I'm terrible at dates, I literally only have my own, my mother's and my girlfriend's birthday's memorized). And apparently he's sending his (recent) ex-wife to try to get me to contact him. Not my (half-)sister. Not my (half-)brother. Not my mother (who I am still, thankfully, cool with). His ex-wife. After he previously harassed my mother shortly after the estrangement started. Needless to say, I'm ignoring her.
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Jun 19, 2020 04:02
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