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Red Bones
Aug 9, 2012

"I think he's a bad enough person to stay ghost through his sheer love of child-killing."

Xealot posted:

What is the wider context or intended tone of this...series? I don't fully understand what Quibi makes, "short-form narrative content" in some way. It's an anthology Twilight Zone thing, but like 5 minutes long?

I'd forgive whatever this is if it's intended as intentional satire, some kind of comment on people's self-destructive addiction to capitalism. "I refuse to give up this golden arm I don't need, even if it's actively killing me. I want to be buried with it because I guess you can take your wealth with you."

I looked it up and it's actually a pretty old folktale, I had no idea.

quote:

THERE WAS ONCE A MAN who travelled the land all over in search of a wife. He saw young and old, rich and poor, pretty and plain, and could not meet with one to his mind. At last he found a woman, young, fair, and rich, who possessed a right arm of solid gold. He married her at once, and thought no man so fortunate as he was. They lived happily together, but, though he wished people to think otherwise, he was fonder of the golden arm than of all his wife’s gifts besides. At last she died. The husband put on the blackest black, and pulled the longest face at the funeral; but for all that he got up in the middle of the night, dug up the body, and cut off the golden arm.

He hurried home to hide his treasure, and thought no one would know. The following night he put the golden arm under his pillow, and was just falling asleep, when the ghost of his dead wife glided into the room. Stalking up to the bedside it drew the curtain, and looked at him reproachfully. Pretending not to be afraid, he spoke to the ghost, and said:
“What hast thou done with thy cheeks so red?”
“All withered and wasted away,” replied the ghost, in a hollow tone.
“What hast thou done with thy red rosy lips?”
“All withered and wasted away.”
“What hast thou done with thy golden hair?”
“All withered and wasted away.”
“What hast thou done with thy Golden Arm?”
“THOU HAST IT!”

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Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Red Bones posted:

I looked it up and it's actually a pretty old folktale, I had no idea.

drat that's better than the toe story

probably not as funny but it wasn't in the mmovie anyway

married but discreet
May 7, 2005


Taco Defender
Chuckling at the fact that you have to use your one phone to take a picture of your other phone to show stuff on Quibi.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_States_of_Fright



you all been on the golden arm when THIS exists?!

Taintrunner
Apr 10, 2017

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

CelticPredator posted:

It’s exactly this and it’s directed by Sam Raimi and ends like this!!!




I love the golden arm

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Taintrunner posted:

I love the golden arm

it's so bad

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

married but discreet posted:

Chuckling at the fact that you have to use your one phone to take a picture of your other phone to show stuff on Quibi.

It sucks rear end.

I hate Qubi but I stan for Sam Raimi

The MSJ
May 17, 2010

Alan Smithee posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_States_of_Fright



you all been on the golden arm when THIS exists?!

I can't wait for Arm v Ball: Dawn of Obsession where they team up to take on the Junji Ito spirals.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

CelticPredator posted:

It sucks rear end.

I hate Qubi but I stan for Sam Raimi

It's pronounced Raym-eye

Antifa Poltergeist
Jun 3, 2004

"We're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you"



Lol the husband is ragnar lothbrok! Man, travis fimmell has a wild ride of a career.lean on pete was pretty good though.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
I get the idea of having a platform with a very specific form of content to encourage people to make specifically that kind of content for it, but everything else seems lol.

Remulak
Jun 8, 2001
I can't count to four.
Yams Fan
And now you have me signed up to to evaluate satire from the director of evil dead two: dead by dawn.

What ever signed up Raimi to have us arguing about six minutes worth of content instead of how the whole thing is a shell game is so loving brilliant.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

Remulak posted:

And now you have me signed up to to evaluate satire from the director of evil dead two: dead by dawn.

What ever signed up Raimi to have us arguing about six minutes worth of content instead of how the whole thing is a shell game is so loving brilliant.

It’s 15 minutes and I think the whole app is being pirated now. So.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
but are the :filez: like 480p

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.



i just watched that golden arm show and it's hilarious lmao. it's still way too short and I don't think this format of serialized 5-8 min shorts over 3 episodes works at all.

Pirate Jet
May 2, 2010
I question the point of making a streaming service that limits video to ten minutes each when all you’re going to do is make shows whose episodes are split into three videos anyways.

Lobok
Jul 13, 2006

Say Watt?

If the videos are limited to ten minutes or so then all the ads and commercials aren't technically interrupting any shows or movies.

duz
Jul 11, 2005

Come on Ilhan, lets go bag us a shitpost


Pirate Jet posted:

I question the point of making a streaming service that limits video to ten minutes each when all you’re going to do is make shows whose episodes are split into three videos anyways.

The point is that it falls under the minimum video length to require paying guild minimum wage. Doesn't matter that it would've been a normal half hour show if you hadn't stuck credits in every ad break. Plus most of their scripts were written for tv format and they spent as little time as possible making them fit the quibi format.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.



I don't know if anyone wants to know but I'll spoil the <20 min golden arm lady show: she's established as a complete bitch who keeps buying above her lumberjack husband's means, the latter who is an idiot madly in love with her and also asks this obviously useless and materialistic woman to help him chop down a tree. The tree falls on her arm and instead of digging beneath her to pull her out, he chops it off in typical Sam raimi fare. She gets upset being disabled and he designs a prosthetic for her, which she rejects because she's a massive bitch until she decides it has to be gold. He takes a second mortgage to build the gold arm. She wears it and a kid even praises it for being so golden and cool. Then she gets diagnosed with some terrible disease caused by the gold arm, she says "no i will never take it off, bury me with my gold arm when I die" and so he does once she croaks. Then one night he gets obsessive over this golden arm and digs her grave up, and honestly the show becomes way more fun at this point and worth a watch. He (a big dude) hides under a tiny crocheted blanket while her zombie comes back demanding the gold arm, he gives it and she thanks him by slicing his neck with an axe. Then they lie in bed together with her gold arm. The end!

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

Thank you Mr. Rhino for making it so that we don't have to pay for freaking Quibi. :patriot:

married but discreet
May 7, 2005


Taco Defender
I will watch the golden armed woman, spoilers or not. I will watch it on my deathbed if needed.

edit: I will NOT watch it on quibi lmao

SunshineDanceParty
Feb 7, 2006

One Road. Two Friends. One Ass.

duz posted:

The point is that it falls under the minimum video length to require paying guild minimum wage. Doesn't matter that it would've been a normal half hour show if you hadn't stuck credits in every ad break. Plus most of their scripts were written for tv format and they spent as little time as possible making them fit the quibi format.

Yeah Quibi's whole design was throwing money at stars, writers and directors, and then screwing over the crew level people.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.



Alan Smithee posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_States_of_Fright



you all been on the golden arm when THIS exists?!

Ok, I just watched this too and it stars a badass Ming na Wen! Spoilers : it’s a junji ito horror transposed with American action slasher, Wen and her daughter takes a detour and comes to this little town that has a giant ball of twine. Surprise! The ball of twine eats up little girls! Wen is obviously upset and asks the sheriff for help, but then overhears them calling her a perfect candidate. She gets caught and the sheriff vomits out a piece of twine to force down Wen ‘s throat, but she manages to puke it out and then uses an axe on the sheriff and her deputies, discovering they are all made of twine. After fighting a bunch of twine towns folks she axes her way into the ball, where her kid is but they can’t escape and it ends with them having a tearful reunion inside a horrible twine ball in the horrible twine people village. The end!

Barry Convex
Sep 1, 2005

Think of the good things, Pim! The good things!

Like Jesus, candy, and crackerjacks! Ice cream and cake and lots o'laffs!
Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Joe! Larry, Curly, and brother Moe!
well, I suppose this was inevitable

https://twitter.com/THR/status/1273646677816160257

feedmyleg
Dec 25, 2004
Took them long enough. Though a movie is a dumb idea just like the Power Rangers movie. If it were a Netflix show that played up the soap opera and child soldier stuff and excised some of the sillier bits and filler, it could be a legitimately terrific show. I could see a tone similar to I Am Not Okay with This or The 100 being an ideal fit.

Tars Tarkas
Apr 13, 2003

Rock the Mok



A nasty woman, I think you should try is, Jess.


https://twitter.com/ErikDavis/status/1273439826486931456

Detective No. 27
Jun 7, 2006

Finally, a YA movie series made for me, a 30 year old man.

Not being ironic.

feedmyleg
Dec 25, 2004
:same:

The first website I ever visited was an Animorphs fan site.

I hope Rachel and Tobias smooch

Big Mean Jerk
Jan 27, 2009

Well, of course I know him.
He's me.
I really loved Animorphs as a kid but you could not pay me to be excited for a revival. Best case scenario is something like the Jack Black Goosebumps movies, where it’s totally fine and just references a bunch of poo poo from the books but doesn’t really do anything interesting with them. And in that case who cares?

Xealot
Nov 25, 2002

Showdown in the Galaxy Era.

feedmyleg posted:

I could see a tone similar to I Am Not Okay with This or The 100 being an ideal fit.

That’d be super interesting, absolutely. Which I guess guarantees they won’t do that...I’m imagining it will be every PG-sexy YA drama adapted from some older kid’s media (Teen Wolf, Sabrina, Riverdale, Nancy Drew, etc.) Which is fine, I have no particular feelings about Animorphs and wouldn’t be the target audience anyway. Do what you need to, Animorphs.


I Am Not Okay With This was wonderful, though. I enjoy Jonathan Entwistle in general, but that one really landed with me. I loving love how it becomes this bizarre backdoor X-Men pilot by the end.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
How many furries will show up suited up on night 1

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD
Sep 14, 2007

everything is yours
Nah, they could do Animorphs straight up, Animorphs was real poo poo.

feedmyleg
Dec 25, 2004

Big Mean Jerk posted:

I really loved Animorphs as a kid but you could not pay me to be excited for a revival. Best case scenario is something like the Jack Black Goosebumps movies, where it’s totally fine and just references a bunch of poo poo from the books but doesn’t really do anything interesting with them. And in that case who cares?

Feels like a huge false equivalence. Goofy spooky books about Yetis in Pasadena being adapted into a meta kids flick really doesn't seem like the obvious path for a series of books about high schoolers dealing with the emotional, physical, and social repercussions of becoming the only people who can save Earth from a secret alien invasion, especially seeing how the books only matured over time and how they ended. The Vampire Diaries or The 100 or even Stranger Things seems like a much better match for the material. Or even the latter Harry Potter movies.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

The Saddest Rhino posted:

Ok, I just watched this too and it stars a badass Ming na Wen! Spoilers : it’s a junji ito horror transposed with American action slasher, Wen and her daughter takes a detour and comes to this little town that has a giant ball of twine. Surprise! The ball of twine eats up little girls! Wen is obviously upset and asks the sheriff for help, but then overhears them calling her a perfect candidate. She gets caught and the sheriff vomits out a piece of twine to force down Wen ‘s throat, but she manages to puke it out and then uses an axe on the sheriff and her deputies, discovering they are all made of twine. After fighting a bunch of twine towns folks she axes her way into the ball, where her kid is but they can’t escape and it ends with them having a tearful reunion inside a horrible twine ball in the horrible twine people village. The end!

Iirc they have only done 4 states?

Will quibi make it through all fifty before they burn through the rest of the 1.75 billy so we can get a Puerto Rico movie :ohdear:

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.

Xealot posted:

I Am Not Okay With This was wonderful, though. I enjoy Jonathan Entwistle in general, but that one really landed with me. I loving love how it becomes this bizarre backdoor X-Men pilot by the end.

I liked the Carrie remake tv series too.

feedmyleg
Dec 25, 2004
I Am Not Okay With This really was a wonderful show. Does the comic take things further plot-wise or do they stop around the same point? I don't want to read ahead if there's still a chance the show gets picked up for another season.

X-Ray Pecs
May 11, 2008

New York
Ice Cream
TV
Travel
~Good Times~

feedmyleg posted:

Took them long enough. Though a movie is a dumb idea just like the Power Rangers movie. If it were a Netflix show that played up the soap opera and child soldier stuff and excised some of the sillier bits and filler, it could be a legitimately terrific show. I could see a tone similar to I Am Not Okay with This or The 100 being an ideal fit.

Netflix would be a great fit for Animorphs, because you could get a little more transgressive and have fights and poo poo. The books were violent and gory, and I don't even know if the Nickelodeon adaptation had any fight scenes.

Detective No. 27
Jun 7, 2006

The closest to a fight I remember in an episode of the Nick show was where the Yerks held a party (rave?) to try to infect a bunch of teens so one of the Animorphs turned into a skunk and stunk up the place to get everyone evacuated.

That show might have lasted longer if Nick was consistent in their scheduling.

X-Ray Pecs
May 11, 2008

New York
Ice Cream
TV
Travel
~Good Times~
The only thing I remember about the show was a character morphing into a horse and walking by a gate, so that under the gate the Yerks only saw hooves so they thought it was an Andalite.

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Red Bones
Aug 9, 2012

"I think he's a bad enough person to stay ghost through his sheer love of child-killing."

Animorphs can never be truly adapted because it's not the 1970s anymore and so you can't film it using real wild animals in extremely unsafe conditions. And if you're not going to do that, then what's the point, really.

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