cookin' with barnold

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > cookin' with barnold

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

today we're cookin' with barnold. this is the thread where a delicious meal is cooked and demonstrated for all of the good users. let me introduce you to the head chef:

look at that catte. that catte knows how to eat a good loving meal, and also cook it too. it's like ratatouille but cattatouille, you know what i'm saying?

oh gently caress is that catte gonna eat the eggs???? :stare:

eggs safely evacuated to a secure location. but what the hell is going on with the stove? what's gonna happen to these eggs????

FLASHBACK - do you remember when we took out the bread? no? okay. take out the bread. it's nicely sealed in this bag. white bread is good bread. it makes fine toast

let's put some bread in this thing for safekeeping. it's very convenient that this box has a handy little hiding spot for bread

2 eggs 2 furious. it's judgment day for these eggs. let's rock

boioioioioioing. one small step for egg, one giant leap for barnold hunger

the head chef ponders the meaning of life whilst cooking. cooking is a wistful pursuit. it is good to be introspective while cooking. what are your hopes and dreams? i hope you accomplish them, friend.

let's retrieve our bread from our special secret hiding place. it is perfectly toasted. you may choose to butter the bread at this juncture

now look at that. look what we have made. out of all the planets in the universe, we are here on this one, together, with dropped egg on toast, and it can be eaten.

thanks for cookin' with barnold� and tune in next time when we make another classic meal

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:12

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 10:49

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:21

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Thank you, Barnhold, for the eggbread.

e. gently caress you, Nooner.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:22

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

did you get a yolk shot im gonna need a yolk shot

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:25

Devils Affricate: Jan 22, 2010

I thought your name was tom though

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:32

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

phasmid posted:

Thank you, Barnhold, for the eggbread.

EGGBREAD CREW

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:42

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:44

anatomi: Jan 31, 2015

That's an incredibly obnoxious cartoon.

But the cat is very huggable.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:51

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

that ain't me and also it sucks imo

fake edit: the image, not the chili. chili is good as gently caress

# ? Jul 2, 2020 19:59

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:

that ain't me and also it sucks imo

fake edit: the image, not the chili. chili is good as gently caress

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:13

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

drink the egg water op

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:16

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Big Beef City posted:

drink the egg water op

can I be a mod now so I can make this a mod challenge? Thanks in advance JEff!!!! (:

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:32

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

It is my firm belief that man can subsist on nothing more then chili and anger.

To that end, I have decided to share my own favorite chili recipe with the lot of you, so that you may convert your shame and anger into chili and anger. In this way, I am the best humanitarian who has ever or will ever survive.

I'm going to be breaking a few sacred chili rules here. Too bad; I apologize to no one.

Ingredients:

1 & 1/2 to 2 lbs of ground PORK (perfect way to uncover jews)
2 packages of french onion soup mix (be prepared for your chili to surrender)
2 tablespoons of chili powder (less if you're a baby, more if you're a man)
4 teaspoons of ground cumin (omit this and I will devour your soul)
1 teaspoon of black pepper (slightly racist)
1/2 teaspoon of salt (or none if you're heaving a heart attack right now)
6 ejaculations (squirts) of Tabasco sauce
1 21-ounce can of red beans and 1 21-ounce can of black beans (I have a dream)
2 6-ounce cans of tomato paste with garlic (regular tomato paste = you're an rear end in a top hat)
2 8-ounce cans of tomato sauce (real men need more than just paste)
1 yellow, orange or red pepper, chopped up (green peppers are Satan's taint)
1 package of sliced mushrooms (yes, you can slice your own mushrooms, smartass)

Instructions:

Put the meat in a huge chili pot and brown it over medium heat
Add 4 cups of water and the french onion soup mix. Stir and let simmer for 10 minutes
Stir in the spices and the Tabasco and simmer for another minute or two
Add the beans, the mushrooms and the chopped pepper
Turn to low and let simmer for at least 20 minutes, 40 is better, stirring every 5-10
Call your mother and tell her she's not allowed to hug you anymore

And that's it, you're done. You just went from a pathetic, flaccid pushover to a chili-chewing boner-owner in about an hour. Your life will thank me.

Who's next? Don't even think about posting a recipe with corn in it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:37

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Sunswipe posted:

was this the "I've had people lining up to suck my cock after trying this" or whatever guy recipe?

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:40

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

That's the one.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:41

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

i wish i was a chili chewing boner owner

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:43

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

or a boner chewing chili owner

either way I guess

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:44

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Sunswipe posted:

That's the one.

I'd list the "whatever it takes to get the taste out of their mouth" as one of the top 10 burns I've seen on this site lol

# ? Jul 2, 2020 20:46

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

I don't know why people keep posting this image everywhere because it's really obnoxious.

Thanks for sharing your cooking with egg cat adventures with us, barnold!!

# ? Jul 2, 2020 21:01

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

anything to get the taste off

# ? Jul 2, 2020 21:12

Bum the Sad: Aug 25, 2002; Hell Gem

Oh man I love Barnold

# ? Jul 2, 2020 21:17

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

ChubbyChecker posted:

anything to get the taste off

that was addressed earlier, op.

barnold's chili, as portrayed alongside his charismatic stick figure drawings, does not feature onion soup mix and is therefore greatly superior

# ? Jul 2, 2020 21:20

strange feelings re Daisy: Aug 2, 2000

Good cat, good bread, happy to post in a barnold thread.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 21:51

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

Where the hollandaise at OP

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:04

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

Where the hollandaise at OP

i thought about it but i was feeling really lazy. i even had hash and irish eggs benny is my preferred way to eat dropped eggy but i didn't cook it. oh well, next time I will!

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:07

Piss Meridian: Mar 25, 2020; by Pragmatica

Why do you let your cat climb on the counters

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:36

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

This is great

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:38

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Big Beef City posted:

drink the egg water op

Nooner posted:

can I be a mod now so I can make this a mod challenge? Thanks in advance JEff!!!! (:

i'm a mod and i say drink the egg water

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:40

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Drink. The. Egg water!

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:45

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Jose posted:

i'm a mod and i say drink the egg water

Heck yeah! Drink the egg water, OP.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:46

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Be nice to the cat. He prepared a fine breakfast.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:55

Kosher Pickup Line: Jan 10, 2008; Hair Elf

How are we to assume op didn't already drink the egg water?

Maybe stop and think before you throw out wild accusations.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 22:57

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Kosher Pickup Line posted:

How are we to assume op didn't already drink the egg water?

Maybe stop and think before you throw out wild accusations.

eggwater don't last long in this household :clint:

because it goes right into the terlet

Piss Meridian posted:

Why do you let your cat climb on the counters

what the gently caress you want him to cook without being able to use the counter? that's just barbaric OP

# ? Jul 2, 2020 23:00

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

# ? Jul 2, 2020 23:09

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Jose posted:

op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

tomorrow my breakfast will consist of one large cup of coffee, and i will drink the beanwater

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 2, 2020 23:12

Kosher Pickup Line: Jan 10, 2008; Hair Elf

Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:

eggwater don't last long in this household because it goes right into the terlet

I sincerely apologize to all posters. I was wrong about Barnold. As such, I will be resigning my position of Lurker in Chief, effective immediately. Farewell and godspeed.

# ? Jul 2, 2020 23:16

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Barnold looks like he needs an egg.

# ? Jul 3, 2020 00:22

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Jose posted:

op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

Jose you gotta fully loving commit to the mod challenge, son, we both know you ain't clicking that ban button til SA's checks have Jeffrey's name at the top anyway. let's make some fireworks baby. you, me, eggwater. whatchu gon do

# ? Jul 3, 2020 15:43

Bum the Sad: Aug 25, 2002; Hell Gem

Still loving Barnold

# ? Jul 5, 2020 01:04

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 10:49

Planet X: Dec 10, 2003; GOOD MORNING

Good thread. Need more of this kinda thread

# ? Jul 5, 2020 02:29

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