Fact checking the school bully

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Fact checking the school bully

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Escape From Noise

So I can own him online.

"Actually, Ricky, I did not "poo poo my pants" as you put it, it was actually just a really bad fart. As proof I submit this picture of my (mostly) clean undies! Please be sure to correct this mistake moving forward."

Pretty sure he's still reeling from this and there's no way he'll just ignore this and keep saying the same thing as everyone laughs at me.

# ? Jul 14, 2020 09:04

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 13:18

old friend

I'm actually very good at holding my breath so really it's no big deal to me when the bullies give me a swirly, whereas they are making their sleeves wet which is foolish.

# ? Jul 14, 2020 10:07

nut

i checked sibleys and "cock warblers" aren't even a thing

# ? Jul 14, 2020 12:51

google THIS

And furthermore, I checked my mother's phone and found no correspondence between you and her whatsoever, much less anything to suggest that what you're claiming is true

# ? Jul 14, 2020 14:36

The Voice of Labor

Can't wait for swrb's first day of the fall semester when he sees an image of his "(mostly) clean undies" printed up 30x40'' hanging up on the clock tower by the quad

# ? Jul 14, 2020 20:47

nut

*pinches own arm skin in front of bully* ah lookie lookie what we have here skin lots of it and let me check aha just as I suspected neither rubber nor glue

# ? Jul 14, 2020 21:10

FluffieDuckie

google THIS posted:

And furthermore, I checked my mother's phone and found no correspondence between you and her whatsoever, much less anything to suggest that what you're claiming is true

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Jul 14, 2020 21:42

Pahilla the Hun: Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post

google THIS posted:

And furthermore, I checked my mother's phone and found no correspondence between you and her whatsoever, much less anything to suggest that what you're claiming is true

pizzaz plarpin perfect! thanks Tebulot!

# ? Jul 14, 2020 21:54

wearing a lampshade

google THIS posted:

And furthermore, I checked my mother's phone and found no correspondence between you and her whatsoever, much less anything to suggest that what you're claiming is true

nut posted:

*pinches own arm skin in front of bully* ah lookie lookie what we have here skin lots of it and let me check aha just as I suspected neither rubber nor glue

# ? Jul 14, 2020 21:57

Manifisto

it wasn't so much "hitting" myself as "slapping" myself, and as to why I think it's because I didn't want to bruise my knuckles

# ? Jul 14, 2020 22:11

Heather Papps: hello friend

*slaps a pile of photos onto the lunch table*
WELL it would seem your uncle spends a lot of time in local bars for a man working for nintendo in japan!

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Jul 14, 2020 22:16

Pahilla the Hun: Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post

A "dork" is a whale penis so, yeah, Aaron, I am a dork.

I'm a big loving dork :smugbert:

pizzaz plarpin perfect! thanks Tebulot!

# ? Jul 14, 2020 22:23

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

acshually my mom is training for her second triathlon, and she doesn't even own combat boots!

# ? Jul 14, 2020 22:49

Prof. Crocodile

Heather Papps posted:

*slaps a pile of photos onto the lunch table*
WELL it would seem your uncle spends a lot of time in local bars for a man working for nintendo in japan!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 03:59

google THIS

Heather Papps posted:

*slaps a pile of photos onto the lunch table*
WELL it would seem your uncle spends a lot of time in local bars for a man working for nintendo in japan!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 04:20

cda: by Hand Knit

Here's a true story, when I was 9 a bully in my class said that my mom was anal retentive and I responded by saying that by mom didn't have an anus

# ? Jul 15, 2020 04:21

wearing a lampshade

cda posted:

Here's a true story, when I was 9 a bully in my class said that my mom was anal retentive and I responded by saying that by mom didn't have an anus

lol

Heather Papps posted:

*slaps a pile of photos onto the lunch table*
WELL it would seem your uncle spends a lot of time in local bars for a man working for nintendo in japan!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 04:39

Manifisto

cda posted:

Here's a true story, when I was 9 a bully in my class said that my mom was anal retentive and I responded by saying that by mom didn't have an anus

when I was that age I was mocked, I was told with insistence that I was a homo sapiens

and now I know it's all true

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 04:43

The Voice of Labor

I know you are, but....no let's just leave it at that.

# ? Jul 15, 2020 05:12

old friend

cda posted:

Here's a true story, when I was 9 a bully in my class said that my mom was anal retentive and I responded by saying that by mom didn't have an anus

# ? Jul 15, 2020 10:27

nut

nervous and panicking at the doctor's office when the nurse at the counter says they don't do updog tests

# ? Jul 15, 2020 11:52

google THIS

If you're referring to head lice then no, I do not have "cooties," and you are welcome to check my hair for nits if you need confirmation. If not, I should tell you that the existence of this other (makes finger quotes) "disease," transmissible via the slightest physical contact, is widely disputed. Also, that circle circle dot dot thing causes autism.

# ? Jul 15, 2020 14:23

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

joseph i am not, in fact, a bundle of sticks and quite frankly i'm surprised you perceive me as such. now if you could please give me my care bears thermos back i'd like to finish my snack

# ? Jul 15, 2020 14:32

nut

ah hello Beefo a good morn to you, I tip my pants to you in greeting. ah yes, you see correctly, the same pants I wore yesterday, strange how they survived all that fire hmmm

# ? Jul 15, 2020 16:06

Prof. Crocodile

cda posted:

Here's a true story, when I was 9 a bully in my class said that my mom was anal retentive and I responded by saying that by mom didn't have an anus

This is a pro move. Beat the bully at their own game. :hmmyes:

# ? Jul 15, 2020 17:21

Pahilla the Hun: Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post

Actually, Roberto, you lash out at me because of your own relationship with your father. He's a broken man and he took it out on you. That Jiu-Jitsu shirt? It's just a mask you wear so you can pretend that him kicking your rear end every night doesn't enrage you.

It's ok, though, I understand. I also want to help, but I can only help you if you want to make the change.

Also, here's my "lunch money" as per your request, even though our school switched to a cashless card system in the mid-'90s.

pizzaz plarpin perfect! thanks Tebulot!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 17:52

Heather Papps: hello friend

i asked my mother, and after she finished weeping she assured me that i am not the reason my dad left, thank you very much!

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 19:46

Stooge

um actually my mom made me a packed lunch so I'm technically not giving you my lunch money

# ? Jul 15, 2020 22:09

google THIS

Am I too slow? Really? Am I?

Or is it possible that you never had any intention of giving me a low five?

# ? Jul 15, 2020 22:16

The Voice of Labor

fact checking was some freshman year poo poo. as you can see, the growth spurt fairy visited me over the summer and now it's body checking time

# ? Jul 15, 2020 22:37

Heather Papps: hello friend

The Voice of Labor posted:

fact checking was some freshman year poo poo. as you can see, the growth spurt fairy visited me over the summer and now it's body checking time

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Jul 15, 2020 22:50

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Ascertaining whether one's hand is bigger than one's face is not a reliable testing methodology for cancer, and furthermore I think you'll find that it is not who smelt it that is important to find out who dealt it, but rather to find who denied it in order to determine who supplied it. I suspect you'll find that the answer to both questions in play in this discussion is you, Chadwick.

I bid you good day.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Jul 16, 2020 02:45

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

magic cactus posted:

Ascertaining whether one's hand is bigger than one's face is not a reliable testing methodology for cancer, and furthermore I think you'll find that it is not who smelt it that is important to find out who dealt it, but rather to find who denied it in order to determine who supplied it. I suspect you'll find that the answer to both questions in play in this discussion is you, Chadwick.

I bid you good day.

# ? Jul 16, 2020 02:47

Escape From Noise

magic cactus posted:

Ascertaining whether one's hand is bigger than one's face is not a reliable testing methodology for cancer, and furthermore I think you'll find that it is not who smelt it that is important to find out who dealt it, but rather to find who denied it in order to determine who supplied it. I suspect you'll find that the answer to both questions in play in this discussion is you, Chadwick.

I bid you good day.

# ? Jul 16, 2020 03:33

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Me (to an actually bully): Oh, yeah? Well, I bet you don't even know what a transistor is! (I did at the age of 10. Yeah, I was a geek. A nerd. A dweeb.)

Bully: No, but so what?

Bully's friends (to me): Do YOU know what a transistor is?

Me: Yeah, it's a silicone-based semiconductor device that can switch a circuit on or off or act as an amplifier, comprised of a Base, an Emitter, and a Collector!

Bully's friends: Did you know that?

Bully: No...

Bully's friends: Haha, this jerkwad knew and you didn't!

Me: (taking advantage of the distraction and running away) Dawn take you all, and be stone to you!

# ? Jul 16, 2020 04:19

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

magic cactus posted:

Ascertaining whether one's hand is bigger than one's face is not a reliable testing methodology for cancer, and furthermore I think you'll find that it is not who smelt it that is important to find out who dealt it, but rather to find who denied it in order to determine who supplied it. I suspect you'll find that the answer to both questions in play in this discussion is you, Chadwick.

I bid you good day.

# ? Jul 16, 2020 04:50

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

magic cactus posted:

Ascertaining whether one's hand is bigger than one's face is not a reliable testing methodology for cancer, and furthermore I think you'll find that it is not who smelt it that is important to find out who dealt it, but rather to find who denied it in order to determine who supplied it. I suspect you'll find that the answer to both questions in play in this discussion is you, Chadwick.

I bid you good day.

# ? Jul 16, 2020 05:19

Yinlock

google THIS posted:

And furthermore, I checked my mother's phone and found no correspondence between you and her whatsoever, much less anything to suggest that what you're claiming is true

Heather Papps posted:

*slaps a pile of photos onto the lunch table*
WELL it would seem your uncle spends a lot of time in local bars for a man working for nintendo in japan!

# ? Jul 16, 2020 06:42

old friend

Look, WWE is "real" in so far as the participants are real flesh and blood people. But what I am saying is that those people are actors, and their moves - while athletically impressive and visually stunning - are not the violent and painful acts of fightcraft and domination that you seem to think, and for that reason I think you should give me back my clothes

# ? Jul 16, 2020 10:25

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 13:18

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

old friend posted:

Look, WWE is "real" in so far as the participants are real flesh and blood people. But what I am saying is that those people are actors, and their moves - while athletically impressive and visually stunning - are not the violent and painful acts of fightcraft and domination that you seem to think, and for that reason I think you should give me back my clothes

# ? Jul 16, 2020 12:00

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