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Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

super sweet best pal posted:

Pineapple's not for pizza, it's for cakes. Also, the pineapple that comes on pizza tends to be the most rubbery, stale garbage pineapple.

Did you know you can dissolve a body in a bathtub with 100 cans of pineapple?

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Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

How many pizzas will it dissolve

Woden
May 6, 2006
The weirdest thing about the pineapple pizza poo poo is that chefs will get really angry about it, but then turn around and put peas and cream in a carbonara.

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop
My grandma, RIP, was a plate mooch. She'd have her own plate of food but would always want a bite off everyone else's for whatever strange psychotic reason. Especially at restaurants.
Meek and humble voice from an 80+ year old, "Oh can I try a bit of that?" to everyone at the table. It wasn't a one-off, it was 6-10 times per meal for decades, and it drove people nuts.

As a joke, one of her sons bought her a telescoping fork as a gag-gift. Mistake.
This was like handing a harpoon to Ishmael. She just stopped asking and started plundering plates from that moment forward. She'd carry that thing like a Texan with an open-carry .45 at a BBQ. It was insane, food being speared and stolen from about 4' across the table.

At her funeral, it was held up in memory of her, and everyone had a good laugh.

Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009

Internetjack posted:

My grandma, RIP, was a plate mooch. She'd have her own plate of food but would always want a bite off everyone else's for whatever strange psychotic reason. Especially at restaurants.
Meek and humble voice from an 80+ year old, "Oh can I try a bit of that?" to everyone at the table. It wasn't a one-off, it was 6-10 times per meal for decades, and it drove people nuts.

As a joke, one of her sons bought her a telescoping fork as a gag-gift. Mistake.
This was like handing a harpoon to Ishmael. She just stopped asking and started plundering plates from that moment forward. She'd carry that thing like a Texan with an open-carry .45 at a BBQ. It was insane, food being speared and stolen from about 4' across the table.

At her funeral, it was held up in memory of her, and everyone had a good laugh.

This is good. Thank you sharing. Your grandma sounds like she didn't give a gently caress and that's what I aspire to in my old age. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Big Beef City posted:

How many pizzas will it dissolve

I have no idea. Why would anyone try to dissolve a pizza in a bathtub using pineapple?

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010

by Pragmatica
Do a google search put Reddit in there look up poo poo like “my partner eats off my plate” or “I ask my spouse if they want food then they eat mine”

Apparently the inability to share your food and inability to communicate your little baby rage is a common theme

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Cyril Sneer posted:

I'll confess to being very difficult when it comes to restaurants that make you do all the work. I'm looking at you Mongolian Grill, hot pot, and any other restaurant where I can't just point to something and say "I want that" :argh:

Mostly same except I do still like Mongolian bbq. Like 90% of the reason I'm going to a restaurant is because they can make a thing better than I can.

The ones that really bug me though are Bloody Mary bars. I stopped going to places with those years ago.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

EorayMel posted:

People getting into increasingly elaborate and/or abstract descriptions for beer such as the basic tried and true "piss" all the way up to "collapsed well water mixed with ginger ale filtered through a magic marker so you can fight telephone poles" is something I will never truly understand, but will also never cease to be amused by

To be fair, I would try that last one to experience what it's like to be on bath salts.

Pizza, IMO, has no limits. Best pizza I've ever had was tandoori chicken, paneer, goat cheese, bell peppers, spinach, artichoke, onions and a garlic sauce. Probably a little garam masala and ginger in there, too. gently caress, that was good.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth
I don't like plain yogurt or yogurt with just some fruit in it. But I think it's slowly growing on me, because I keep thinking about eating it but then hate it when I do. I used to be the same about mustard. Then I had to scrape it off some burgers that got my order wrong and I'd think "well I wouldn't ask for this but it's not the worst thing ever" and that eventually led to putting on mustard myself but only a tiny bit for a hint of mustard flavor, to now enjoying multiple different kinds of mustard in normal amounts. My palate (slowly) grew because I kept trying it. I don't know why people can't even do that.

Wendigee
Jul 19, 2004

I don't like yellow american style mustard, but i think brown mustards and dijon and spicy mustards are pretty great.

I love sweet hot mustard on bierocks.

I recently got some krogen brown mustard with horseradish mixed in and its the tits.

I'll still ask for my cheeseburger to not have mustard on it at a restaurant unless its one that isn't going to use that neon yellow poo poo.

Wendigee fucked around with this message at 01:25 on Aug 12, 2020

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic

americans having strong opinions about hotdog toppings are mad weird considering how lousy their dogs are

"no sir, i'm a purist, mustard only for MY bland, porkless, nugget textured tube of mechanically separated cow rear end!"

Dr. Quarex
Apr 18, 2003

I'M A BIG DORK WHO POSTS TOO MUCH ABOUT CONVENTIONS LOOK AT THIS

TOVA TOVA TOVA
Hello is this the thread where I talk about steak being well-done tasting good and watch otherwise reasonable people become volcanoes of fury

Also good overcooked: eggs, toast, and I suppose theoretically a well-done steak and over-hard egg sandwich on blackened toast

Do it ironically posted:

The only reason to not be vegan is you're a selfish person who doesn't care about reducing suffering
Look at this newb who has not been out-insufferabled yet by an indigenous locovore

(they are right, incidentally; eating only things that grow/live within walking distance from your home is the only way to not actively kill the planet since like bok choy probably contributes as much to global warming in its epic transcontinental voyage as a cow does)

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

people will respect you more for admitting you dgaf than these lovely rationalizations.

but that steak, man. if you're gonna kill a living thing at least relish the blood.

Internetjack posted:

My grandma, RIP, was a plate mooch. She'd have her own plate of food but would always want a bite off everyone else's for whatever strange psychotic reason. Especially at restaurants.
Meek and humble voice from an 80+ year old, "Oh can I try a bit of that?" to everyone at the table. It wasn't a one-off, it was 6-10 times per meal for decades, and it drove people nuts.

As a joke, one of her sons bought her a telescoping fork as a gag-gift. Mistake.
This was like handing a harpoon to Ishmael. She just stopped asking and started plundering plates from that moment forward. She'd carry that thing like a Texan with an open-carry .45 at a BBQ. It was insane, food being speared and stolen from about 4' across the table.

At her funeral, it was held up in memory of her, and everyone had a good laugh.
this is the good stuff. she sounds like she'd have made a great Terry Pratchett witch.

verbal enema
May 23, 2009

onlymarfans.com

Wall Balls posted:

americans having strong opinions about hotdog toppings are mad weird considering how lousy their dogs are

"no sir, i'm a purist, mustard only for MY bland, porkless, nugget textured tube of mechanically separated cow rear end!"

shut up bitch

terminal chillness
Oct 16, 2008

This baby is off the charts

Dr. Quarex posted:

Hello is this the thread where I talk about steak being well-done tasting good and watch otherwise reasonable people become volcanoes of fury

Also good overcooked: eggs, toast, and I suppose theoretically a well-done steak and over-hard egg sandwich on blackened toast

It is your right to be wrong

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Wall Balls posted:

americans having strong opinions about hotdog toppings are mad weird considering how lousy their dogs are

"no sir, i'm a purist, mustard only for MY bland, porkless, nugget textured tube of mechanically separated cow rear end!"

Bus.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

Dr. Quarex posted:

Hello is this the thread where I talk about steak being well-done tasting good and watch otherwise reasonable people become volcanoes of fury

I like well done steak just fine, it's not gross or anything, just maybe needs some sauce. Rare or medium rare are on a different level for me though, it's almost like a separate food.

I won't howl about how you enjoy it though.

420 20
Apr 21, 2020

Wall Balls posted:

americans having strong opinions about hotdog toppings are mad weird considering how lousy their dogs are

"no sir, i'm a purist, mustard only for MY bland, porkless, nugget textured tube of mechanically separated cow rear end!"

Why what country are you from

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010

by Pragmatica

Dr. Quarex posted:


Look at this newb who has not been out-insufferabled yet by an indigenous locovore

(they are right, incidentally; eating only things that grow/live within walking distance from your home is the only way to not actively kill the planet since like bok choy probably contributes as much to global warming in its epic transcontinental voyage as a cow does)

“Locovores” still eat meat, by definition veganism is about reducing exploitation and suffering to animals, I think I’ll keep my practise, but good on “locovores” for trying :)

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

naem posted:

my sisters husbands parents, her in laws, host a weekly sunday brunch and expect all 4 of their sons, their spouses, and the grandkids to attend EVERY WEEK.

This isn’t christmas, this isn’t a special event, this is just, Sunday. EVERY Sunday.

They also expect anyone at all related who is in town to also attend, and get FURIOUSLY upset if you don’t. Like, red faced, trying to restrain themselves from assault level anger.

They also serve really bad food in tiny portions and have all these unwritten rules like:

-only one teaspoon of scrambled eggs per person. there are 15 people in this room and we cooked less than one egg per person so, literally a teaspoon.
-one teaspoon of refried beans out of the can that were microwaved two hours ago (everyone in this story is white fyi)
-you get two tortillas, you’re only allowed to put fillings in one
-salsa?? yeah it’s on the table but don’t, you know, have any, ok fine but not A WHOLE TEASPOON? They’ll literally gasp in shock. Might was well take a poo poo on the table.
-two very thin lozenges of a non-breakfast sausage. TWO!!
-Four (4) individual corn chips
-you can not be as tall as Old Dad, or have wider shoulders
-NO EYE CONTACT
-Old Dad and Wife get to Talk, attempts by others to converse are interrupted
-why are your shoulders so wide, stop, being a person there in your chair politely you, guy as tall as me you, who I invited
-Old Dad is the biggest man in the world

ok everyone, have your ration of food? is there food left no one is eating? Is it more food than was taken to eat? Ok good. No one gets that. That’s not eating food.

The HOST and HOSTESS now get coffee, there are two cups worth of coffee and we get it and don’t offer anyone else, because you are children. In your thirties. Children don’t get coffee. My mom? Their age? No coffee. Why would we offer anyone coffee. This is our house. We are the money people (they are not money people)

If you break any of these rules then ELDERLY DAD will literally growl at you with all the feeble rage that a 70 year old who still hasn’t inherited the million or two he’d hoped for yet can muster.

Offers to, go potluck style in the future or bring a starbucks coffee thing for everyone or acknowledge this weird food situation at all, any attempts to feed growing children sufficient amounts result in physical threats of violence and loss of future salsa rights

All their adult children and their wives seem resigned to their fate after a decade but i’ve refused to go after a few of these visits and literally said gently caress off to their face after being yelled at.

All four of the sons have weird food issues, one eats entire sheet cakes regularly and another only eats hamburgers but never finishes them and makes a show of being disinterested in the last third of each burger. One of them rearranges the furniture to the exact way it looked when he was a kid and glares at anyone getting in his way.

also my mom is about as well off as they are at this point I’m not sure where the self importance comes from

It sounds like they've got a whole lot more than weird food stuff going on. Sounds like a straight up abusive household.


Also: there are good hotdogs in the US.

Poohs Packin fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Aug 12, 2020

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
I'm the opposite of a picky eater: If I don't like something I'll slowly chew every bite of it to figure out exactly why I don't like it. Often times I'll find a dish utterly repulsive only to figure out, halfway through, that it just needs like a sprig of rosemary to become pretty good.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Most of my dad's side of the family is Hindu, so vegetarian. I have no issue with vegetarian food. But am extremely judgemental about people who only eat salads, or consider that salads and tofu are the only vegetarian options. They are missing out on a world of food. This level also includes meat eaters who sniff their noses at the Vegetarian portion of a menu.

I am also judgemental about vegans. I consider them prissy, faddish, performative hippies. Even as I pretentiously order Dhal from an Indian restaurant whilst all around me are eating *sneer* Butter Chicken.

I am judgemental about people who fake food "allergies". I know and understand that real allergies exist, and must be accommodated. (Peanuts, people with celiac disease, common allergies etc.) but ever since I met this one woman who was an attention seeking whingbag, it has soured me on people who claim them.

This woman I am talking about is an example of another food-thing I am extremely judgey on. People who won't even try different foods. Most notably other countries cuisines, or vegetables/fruits/meats they haven't encountered before. The "eww, I wont eat rabbit. Coz that's not an eating meat.", "That dragon fruit looks funky, it's white with too many seeds. I'm not touching that." "I hate Korean food. What? No I've never had kimchi, I just know I'd hate it." etc. If you are in any way like this we will never be friends.

I also hate, and judge unfairly, people like my dad. Who will go on a trip half way around the world, say to Paris, or Tokyo, and when he returns the first and most important story he tells is "I found an Indian restaurant in Tokyo! It was only 5 subway stops away, and the waiter was from Kerala! They didn't serve Rassam like your grandmother used to make though." gently caress off! Why travel half way around the world only to eat stuff that you can eat at home! A similar story is that I was in Paris on Bastille day some years ago, and there was a loving queue outside the Champs-Elysees branch of McDonalds.

All of this means that 1)I am a hateful judgemental prick. and also 2) I am one of those people who are weird about food from the OP

BrigadierSensible fucked around with this message at 06:06 on Aug 12, 2020

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Local people like McDonald's too...

I judge people who say they are vegetarians but then reveal they eat seafood. 4 people is too many to meet doing this in one lifetime! Own up to the fact you think baby cows are cute and don't know what the gently caress sustainable fishing means instead of trying to moralize over people who eat eggs.

Strumpie
Dec 9, 2012

Barudak posted:

Local people like McDonald's too...

I judge people who say they are vegetarians but then reveal they eat seafood. 4 people is too many to meet doing this in one lifetime! Own up to the fact you think baby cows are cute and don't know what the gently caress sustainable fishing means instead of trying to moralize over people who eat eggs.

a fish doesn't have a face alright.
it passes the test. or i guess fails it if you're the fish.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth

Barudak posted:

Local people like McDonald's too...

I judge people who say they are vegetarians but then reveal they eat seafood. 4 people is too many to meet doing this in one lifetime! Own up to the fact you think baby cows are cute and don't know what the gently caress sustainable fishing means instead of trying to moralize over people who eat eggs.

Same, but for everyone with special diets. No matter what you eat the amount of suffering of both humans and livestock is unchanged, especially if you interact with late-stage capitalism in any way, which we all must necessarily do.

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010

by Pragmatica
Just because you can’t change everything doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change anything :shrug:

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Strumpie posted:

a fish doesn't have a face alright.
it passes the test. or i guess fails it if you're the fish.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Every Blobfish talks like Brian Posehn

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

BrigadierSensible posted:

Most of my dad's side of the family is Hindu, so vegetarian. I have no issue with vegetarian food. But am extremely judgemental about people who only eat salads, or consider that salads and tofu are the only vegetarian options. They are missing out on a world of food. This level also includes meat eaters who sniff their noses at the Vegetarian portion of a menu.

I am also judgemental about vegans. I consider them prissy, faddish, performative hippies. Even as I pretentiously order Dhal from an Indian restaurant whilst all around me are eating *sneer* Butter Chicken.

I am judgemental about people who fake food "allergies". I know and understand that real allergies exist, and must be accommodated. (Peanuts, people with celiac disease, common allergies etc.) but ever since I met this one woman who was an attention seeking whingbag, it has soured me on people who claim them.

This woman I am talking about is an example of another food-thing I am extremely judgey on. People who won't even try different foods. Most notably other countries cuisines, or vegetables/fruits/meats they haven't encountered before. The "eww, I wont eat rabbit. Coz that's not an eating meat.", "That dragon fruit looks funky, it's white with too many seeds. I'm not touching that." "I hate Korean food. What? No I've never had kimchi, I just know I'd hate it." etc. If you are in any way like this we will never be friends.

I also hate, and judge unfairly, people like my dad. Who will go on a trip half way around the world, say to Paris, or Tokyo, and when he returns the first and most important story he tells is "I found an Indian restaurant in Tokyo! It was only 5 subway stops away, and the waiter was from Kerala! They didn't serve Rassam like your grandmother used to make though." gently caress off! Why travel half way around the world only to eat stuff that you can eat at home! A similar story is that I was in Paris on Bastille day some years ago, and there was a loving queue outside the Chaps-Elysees brance of McDonalds.

All of this means that 1)I am a hateful judgemental prick. and also 2) I am one of those people who are weird about food from the OP

See I get a lot of that but I guess what I'd like to know who and what else you hate.

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002

I think if you probably have enough time to think or care or bitch about what other people eat you're probably a boring old biddy

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Im high and gonna eat two peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwiches

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Barudak posted:

Local people like McDonald's too...

I judge people who say they are vegetarians but then reveal they eat seafood. 4 people is too many to meet doing this in one lifetime! Own up to the fact you think baby cows are cute and don't know what the gently caress sustainable fishing means instead of trying to moralize over people who eat eggs.

I half agree with you.

There are tonnes of reasons why people become/are vegetarians. Religion/medical stuff/don't like the taste of hamburgers etc. So I am not as hugely judgey on people who will eat fish.

But if your reason is "cows and pigs are cute, and salmon is slimy", then you can get hosed. I am the same with people who will happily eat hamburgers and/or bacon, but get up on a high horse and go "You ate dog meat in Korea? You monster!".

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
i suspect high-sugar diets make people less sensitive to other tastes. drinking sugary drinks at nearly every meal should not be considered normal

BrigadierSensible posted:

I am the same with people who will happily eat hamburgers and/or bacon, but get up on a high horse and go "You ate dog meat in Korea? You monster!".
not falling for this

gary oldmans diary fucked around with this message at 06:11 on Aug 12, 2020

Strumpie
Dec 9, 2012

this guy deserves everything he's got coming to him.

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

As a professional chef I take all food allergies very seriously. If someone says they are gluten free, then the professional thing to do is prepare their food separately on a freshly cleaned sanitized surface with freshly cleaned and sanitized utensils, gloves, etc. I have to assume that when you say "gluten free" that a bit of cross contamination will ruin your entire night and possibly cause a medical issue.

While I have no issue doing this, and value health and safety above everything, it can be a pain in the rear end when I've stopped the entire service to specially prepare a gluten free option, only to find out later that they've ordered the roux-thickened soup and say that "a little is fine". They could've just said "no bread". Any sort of modification to any item usually results in some sort of conversation between chef and waitstaff. The more these modifications happen, the more conversations that need to be had. Generally you want to reduce this sort of thing because it throws off the flow of your menu thats been designed to be executed in a timely manner. Obviously its our job to accommodate, but the combination of complex dietary fads and a "customer is always right" service model can negatively affect service for everyone in the restaurant.

I also dislike that its become the norm to have to keep frozen gluten free bread products on hand. The good ones are typically pricey and take up valuable space.

I have no issues with vegans except that they never spend any money and usually require extra attention. I've also found the service at vegan restaurants to be pretty horrible. I appreciate veganism from a moral standpoint, and eat mostly vegetarian myself, but if vegan restaurants are going to succeed they need to drop the hippie dippy service model, and scrub the floors every night.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
Well of course the service at a vegan restaurant is awful. They're all anemic and have extremely low energy. Frankly you should be happy they can even lift the plate to carry it to your table.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Just chow down on some grass hahah don't wait for service

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

I think they just come at the business from the direction of "I'm a good cook, and a vegan, I can run a vegan restaurant". 90% of new restaurants fail because service industry employees aren't really seen as skilled tradespeople working in a richly storied industry.

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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
A little ironic given my intent was 'people who are unreasonably weird about food' means people who angrily try to police other people's food choices and get actively frothing mad that everyone else in the universe doesn't have exactly the same preferences they do


The_Continental posted:

It sounds like they've got a whole lot more than weird food stuff going on. Sounds like a straight up abusive household.

It's definitely the most boomer thing I've ever heard of. It sounds like it's a case of when they set up the ritual when the kids were actually kids and have refused to alter literally any aspect of it despite the table now being entirely grown adults.

Actually can tie in with the plate mooch thing where parents are unable or unwilling to buy and prepare enough food for a growing household of kids, so the kids grow up fighting over food because they're hungry all the time and have no guarantee of actually getting enough to eat. Also probably girls especially being taught they're a fat cow if they actually ask for their own plate.

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