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typical of the pigs to not do their job
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Aug 26, 2020 12:44
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 22:39 |
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Bobby Deluxe posted:i think my favourite of all time was when she woke up on honeymoon with the sheets wrapped round her head (we usually sleep under a duvet) saying 'help. help.' were you after the life insurance
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Aug 26, 2020 12:46
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My wife was mad at me recently because in a dream I refused to check up on the sound of burglars and had to go herself. Then she woke up paranoid, asked me to check IRL which I also refused to do. I frequently wake up yelling about floating hands/faces/abstract moving shapes above the bed, it used to happen a lot that a light shade would become a large swarm of insects. Most recently I tried to protect her from a car crashing through our bedroom wall and couldn't understand why she couldn't see the car that was clearly there.
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Aug 26, 2020 12:52
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The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say????
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Aug 26, 2020 13:10
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fridge corn posted:The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say????
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Aug 26, 2020 13:19
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fridge corn posted:The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say???? "Gollum had noticed subtle changes in Frodo’s behaviours since the ring had come into his possession. These changes made Gollum extremely horny, especially the way he would always have his fingers wrapped around the ring. Gollum wondered what those soft hands would feel around his member. It kept him up all night, most nights, if he did fall asleep, he would dream of Frodo and his magic hands. But tonight was different, tonight he was going to feed his desire, the fire inside him.. He wanted to surprise Frodo tonight. He crawled up to Frodo, making sure to be quiet. He tugged Frodo’s sleeping bag off him and unwrapped him from his cloak, making it easy to undress him, when the time came. Frodo woke up at the sudden sold his body was exposed to. He woke up to find Gollum straddling him, looking straight into his eyes. Frodo was confused at first, why was Gollum on top of him? Where had his sleeping bag gone? And he grew even more confused, as his soft dick started hardening. Gollum made slow rotating movements on top of him. Gollum felt Frodo’s dick start to harden underneath him and his erection grew so large, his loincloth couldn’t cover it. Gollum started to unbutton his shirt. “Gollum…” “Shhhh, Daddy’s come to make it better” he croaked out He continued to unbutton Frodo’s shirt, when finished Gollum threw the shirt to one side, and started trailing his knobbly fingers up and down Frodo’s chest, circling his rosy nipples with a dirt encrusted finger. Frodo let out a weak mewl at the teasing. Gollum bowed his head down and started licking and sucking on Frodo’s nipples, Frodo let out a weak moan of protest as Gollum started nibbling Frodo’s nipples with some of his remaining nine teeth. Frodo was now fully hard beneath Gollum, gridding his groin upwards desperate for contact with Gollum’s crotch. Gollum undid Frodo’s trousers and pulled his pants down to expose Frodo’s throbbing cock. Gollum wrapped one of his hands around Frodo’s dick and started pumping his fist up and down, he brought Frodo to the edge, and then removed his hand from Frodo’s pre-come leaking dick. Frodo moaned at the sudden unexpected removal of Gollum’s hand. Gollum was overcome by a tidal wave of lust, not being able to wait any longer. He torn off his loincloth exposing his throbbing dick. He flipped Frodo over, pulling his pants off, exposing his pink butthole. Gollum slid one of his fingers into Frodo, then a second, then a third, pumping them in and out slowly. His urge to be inside Frodo was now unbearable, he couldn’t control himself, pulling his fingers out and licking them clean. He positioned his dick just above Frodo’s widened hole, then in one deep movement he sunk himself fully into Frodo, getting a deep intake from Frodo at the sudden intrusion. He kept a pace up, in, out, in out gradually getting faster and faster, he felt Frodo cumming underneath him, spewing the salty substance onto the rocks below. Gollum cummed inside of Frodo, he came so much it started to leak out with his dick inside Frodo. He pulled his cock out of Frodo, bent over and began to suck all of Frodo’s juices off his own flaccid penis. He was able to do this because he had been doing it for years. Gollum crawled off into the night, leaving Frodo red (rear end) cheeked and panting on the floor, lying in a puddle of his own cum and spit. Gollum’s lust was quenched for this night. And that was that. For now."
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Aug 26, 2020 13:21
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You need jebus
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Aug 26, 2020 13:37
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fridge corn posted:The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say???? For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge-I am the man who will now tell you." The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he ran to a television set and struggled frantically with its dials. But the screen remained empty; the speaker had not chosen to be seen. Only his voice filled the airways of the country-of the world, thought the chief engineer-sounding as if he were speaking here, in this room, not to a group, but to one man; it was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind.
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Aug 26, 2020 13:40
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Remembering the time my partner just blurted out "giraffes!" in her sleep. And, when I replied "...what?", amended it to "little... tiny ones"
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Aug 26, 2020 13:47
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My wife clothelined me once whilst asleep. She'd broken her arm, so had a heavy cast on and rolled over to face me and swung her arm over - and straight onto my face.
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Aug 26, 2020 13:59
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Everyday I wake up and open palm a VHS of Chronicles of Riddick...
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Aug 26, 2020 14:13
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fridge corn posted:The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say????
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Aug 26, 2020 14:26
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Dunno about talking, but I've had some great experiences sleepwalking. When I was young I dragged all of my bedding into our spare room because the world was about to end in my bedroom and my bedroom only, and I had an encore as an adult when I opened my eyes, grabbed my pillow and hoofed it out the window as far as I could, because the fate of the world depended upon it. I felt really pleased with myself, until the rest of my brain woke up.
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Aug 26, 2020 14:50
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i love the news articles about idiots who are going out and spending hundreds of pounds on food to 'save money' on the eat out discount.
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Aug 26, 2020 16:56
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Those idiots are the fuel upon which our society runs. The engines must be stoked.
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Aug 26, 2020 17:15
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I would kill for a decent pub meal at the moment I mean I wouldn't go to one because there is an ongoing global pandemic with significant community infection still in the UK and the probability that these half price meal rushes are boosting the infection rate and killing people is off-putting for me. Oh wait what was my point again
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Aug 26, 2020 17:36
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The UK population posted:I would kill for a Wetherspoons burger at the moment
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Aug 26, 2020 17:37
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I can see now why the missus doesn't want to talk about my sleep talking
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Aug 26, 2020 17:46
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is this a trolley problem variation? Like would you pull the lever to kill the extra people if the government paid for half your burger rather than you having to make sandwiches yourself?
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Aug 26, 2020 17:47
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I'm having a hard time to believe the government going full on "haha money machine go brr" mode doesn't have enough money to also include takeaways for a limited amount of time, which would, you know, have the added benefit of less people not spreading deadly pandemic to eat half priced Nando's.
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Aug 26, 2020 17:55
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A colleague once had a terrible nightmare that zombies had broken in and he had to defend himself. He woke up when his wife bit his hand as he attempted to strangle the 'zombie'.
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Aug 26, 2020 18:02
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Aug 26, 2020 18:09
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i dont think you even can strangle a zombie so he needs to get his murder alibi straightened up for next time
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Aug 26, 2020 18:14
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Lady Demelza posted:A colleague once had a terrible nightmare that zombies had broken in and he had to defend himself. He woke up when his wife bit his hand as he attempted to strangle the 'zombie'. I'm sure the judge also thought this was convincing 
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Aug 26, 2020 18:17
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I sleep in the spare bed maybe 1 in 4 nights because I fidget from restless leg syndrome, just one of the few fun lingering issues of my ADHD. Ladyrat has no patience for it and will knee me in a tired rage if I do it. But I rarely have dreams, and it's sad because I have such a good.imagination
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Aug 26, 2020 18:17
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Galewolf posted:I'm having a hard time to believe the government going full on "haha money machine go brr" mode doesn't have enough money to also include takeaways for a limited amount of time, which would, you know, have the added benefit of less people not spreading deadly pandemic to eat half priced Nando's. Because a big part of the strategy is to convince people that it’s safe to eat out again, to stop all of the restaurants (which employ more people than takeaways) from going under.
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Aug 26, 2020 18:56
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Ratjaculation posted:But I rarely have dreams, and it's sad because I have such a good.imagination Apparently you only remember dreams if you wake up during one so don't worry youre probably having awesome dreams you just don't remember. I suppose a solution is to put up with the getting kneed cos then at least you'll remember whatever it is your doing dreamwise to get kneed.
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Aug 26, 2020 19:02
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Ratjaculation posted:But I rarely have dreams, and it's sad because I have such a good.imagination You're the opposite of me, I have a crap imagination, except I remember all my dreams. To the point it actually messes with my memory a fair bit, when I go back to places from earlier dreams that don't actually exist. I mean, obviously the beach with the blue sand in Lincolnshire isn't real, but the dead shopping mall hidden down a side street in York, you know, mundane stuff you'd never believe wasn't real because who would make it up
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Aug 26, 2020 19:48
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fridge corn posted:The missus says I talk in my sleep but wont ever tell me what I say???? because its gibberish nonsense op, much like your posts!  it probably comes out like the speech here
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Aug 26, 2020 19:58
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It convinced his wife. They're still together and sharing the same room as far as I know. He never became an Undead so we can conclusively say she was not a zombie at time of the biting.
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Aug 26, 2020 20:24
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Bobby Deluxe posted:my wife talks rubbish in her sleep and then will be mad at me for a while when she wakes up for 'not taking her seriously' My wife still hasn't explained 'gorilla cookies' to me adequately.
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Aug 26, 2020 20:39
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cynic posted:My wife still hasn't explained 'gorilla cookies' to me adequately. https://www.leafly.com/products/details/sixtech-gorilla-cookies some sorta dank weed apparently
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Aug 26, 2020 20:42
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Aren't they what lowtax buys for $100
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Aug 26, 2020 20:47
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cynic posted:My wife still hasn't explained 'gorilla cookies' to me adequately. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnIEgnar4aY Quality old school hardcore.
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Aug 26, 2020 21:10
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Red Oktober posted:Because a big part of the strategy is to convince people that it’s safe to eat out again, to stop all of the restaurants (which employ more people than takeaways) from going under. Oh yeah, I get that part but why not include takeout as well but that might conflict with "Everything normal, go back to work and make number go up" agenda here like you said.
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Aug 26, 2020 21:15
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Everyone knows takeaway makes you fat
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Aug 26, 2020 21:57
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its more the putting it in
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Aug 26, 2020 22:06
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Natalie Fartman posted:Everyone knows takeaway makes you fat Oh I dunno, msg makes me poo poo, so Chinese goes in and straight out. Hot stuff makes me poo poo so curry goes in and straight out and kebabs are just the devil's work Takeaways don't get enough time to absorb
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Aug 26, 2020 22:09
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Galewolf posted:Oh yeah, I get that part but why not include takeout as well but that might conflict with "Everything normal, go back to work and make number go up" agenda here like you said. whereas discount meals out and boosts to the hospitality industry mean they can go load up on roast swan before heading to an airbnb to gently caress
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Aug 26, 2020 22:51
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Bobby Deluxe posted:tories do not get takeaway therefore only those poor housebound layabouts would get those loving the poor is a passive aoe ability and doesn't require travel to a ritual site.
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Aug 26, 2020 22:56
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