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Ror posted:it is canon that Hagrid is a bachelor his whole life, but does Hagrid gently caress? he goes on some dates with that huge alilison janney lady but I never got the impression that he scored. He is wed to a daughter of aragog
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Sep 12, 2020 22:24
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Hagrid absolutely hosed.
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Sep 12, 2020 22:41
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I'm surprised Rowling didn't come up with something like witches using a spell based on the bag of holding on their vaginas to accommodate Hagrid's hog.
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Sep 12, 2020 23:30
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In the inevitable gritty TV reboot will we get a Hagrid dong prosthetic like for Hodor?
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Sep 12, 2020 23:32
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Hagrid has several bastard children he sired while in the US who are the starting linemen for Alabama football.
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Sep 12, 2020 23:34
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https://clickhole.com/the-saga-continues-j-k-rowling-has-revealed-that-afte-1828684595/
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Sep 12, 2020 23:38
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rollick posted:https://clickhole.com/the-saga-continues-j-k-rowling-has-revealed-that-afte-1828684595/ Jesus christ
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Sep 12, 2020 23:41
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amigolupus posted:I'm surprised Rowling didn't come up with something like witches using a spell based on the bag of holding on their vaginas to accommodate Hagrid's hog. actually the reason hagrid and the beauxbatons giantess never hooked up is it turns out hagrid inherited a human sized dick
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Sep 12, 2020 23:43
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VanSandman posted:Jesus christ A lot of the Clickhole Harry Potter articles are good: https://clickhole.com/tag/harry-potter/
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Sep 13, 2020 00:09
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VanSandman posted:Jesus christ
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Sep 13, 2020 00:18
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Im just gonna leave the last three paragraphs of the plot synopsis here and y’all can imagine what leads to this I haven't seen Cursed Child but I want to imagine that Harry was just over seeing his parents die by that point Everybody else is weeping, or horrified, and he's standing there rolling his eyes, "I just wanna go home and have a beer, we're doing this poo poo again?"
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Sep 13, 2020 02:56
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Harry, holding a bag of snacks and offering them to others, mouthing the lines everyone says as they die, while everyone else weeps. Oi, this is the best part, he says just as Voldemort turns to blast his mother.
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Sep 13, 2020 03:19
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"Y'know, after Voldemort died and the threat had ended, I had a couple of weird months. I was up, I was down, back up, way down, afraid for my life all over again...Then I spent, like, a sliver of my inheritance on a few months of therapy, and I'm in a much better place now. My parents' death? That's in the past. Literally. Because that's where we are now. The past. ...oh and also this was magic therapy, where they explained to me that you can't alter the past, no matter how hard you try. Big, big step towards acceptance."
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Sep 13, 2020 03:33
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Turns out you can apprition the parts of your brain that give you ptsd. Its weird, like obviously I should be upset to watch my parents die but thanks to the procedure I don't feel that deep dread or remorse. Kind of sad if you think about it, but Ill tell you its made me a hell of a cop.
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Sep 13, 2020 04:03
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Celebrating Harry "Bang Bang" Potter First Auror to enchant a gun
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Sep 13, 2020 04:16
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JethroMcB posted:Celebrating Harry "Bang Bang" Potter Now just picturing Bang Bang Bart.
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Sep 13, 2020 05:36
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VanSandman posted:Jesus christ I mean they would have fixed the diabetes if he weren't a filthy unperson giant/non-wizard. Always remember that milions are dead because wizards can't be asked to give a poo poo.
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Sep 13, 2020 06:47
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In book 2 JK goes out of her way to mention everyone’s getting flus and Madam Pomfrey is fixing them instantly with a potion. And then goes out of her way to mention that Filch is sick with the flu. They won’t even cure him.
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Sep 13, 2020 12:44
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apparently jk's new 944-page robert galbraith detective novel is about a "transvestite serial killer" can't even be transphobic in a creative or novel way i guess
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Sep 13, 2020 13:52
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TheAardvark posted:actually the reason hagrid and the beauxbatons giantess never hooked up is it turns out hagrid inherited a human sized dick
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Sep 13, 2020 14:02
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Angepain posted:apparently jk's new 944-page robert galbraith detective novel is about a "transvestite serial killer" Oh fucksake.
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Sep 13, 2020 14:04
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Jesus Christ 944 pages, it can’t take that long to climax
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Sep 13, 2020 14:17
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post/av combo right there
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Sep 13, 2020 15:12
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:In book 2 JK goes out of her way to mention everyone’s getting flus and Madam Pomfrey is fixing them instantly with a potion. And then goes out of her way to mention that Filch is sick with the flu. They won’t even cure him. Filch may be a nasty man who wants to bring back medieval torture methods on wizard kid, but no one really treats him with common decency. I don't know if it was in book 4 or later, but one of the house elves let slip that while they could easily keep the castle clean by themselves, they've got orders from Dumbledore to leave behind some messes for Filch to clean. It would've been more merciful to fire him and rather than stick him with fake work. Angepain posted:apparently jk's new 944-page robert galbraith detective novel is about a "transvestite serial killer" While it doesn't go into full detail, this review confirms it. gently caress you, Rowling.
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Sep 13, 2020 15:30
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It’s canon that squibs get treated like poo poo by wizards so it’s not really surprising that Filch hated everyone at Hogwarts. He gets painted as spineless when Umbridge takes over and he happily starts working for her but she actually gives him real work to do as security. He probably liked the government hardass who treated him like a low-level employee better than all the supposedly enlightened ‘nice’ wizards who treated him like a lovely house elf. Except house elfs have super powerful magic so even they get more respect from the world and from Rowling than those garbage squibs.
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Sep 13, 2020 16:05
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Even the "good" wizards are lovely about squibs, IIRC theres an offhand comment at one point by Ron that he has an aunt who's a squib, and he goes "I think she's an accountant or something? I don't know nobody in the family really talks to her at all."
Sydin fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Sep 13, 2020 |
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Sep 13, 2020 17:21
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Filch is actually really sweet to the nice hufflepuff kids. All the torture talk is just to gently caress with little shits like Harry and Draco.
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Sep 13, 2020 17:34
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Based on Neville's story I assume most squibs are killed by their parents because Wizard parents would rather have their kids die trying to provoke magic than just let them live happily as muggles.
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Sep 13, 2020 19:54
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Filch is extraordinarily sweet to his cat AKA the only person at Hogwarts whose nice to him
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Sep 13, 2020 20:24
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Neville is the only main character who doesn't become a cop.
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Sep 14, 2020 02:08
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Speleothing posted:Neville is the only main character who doesn't become a cop. He actually does join for a bit along with Ron before they quit and do their later careers (Joke shop proprietor, Herbology Professor).
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Sep 14, 2020 02:13
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If you're curious why Voldemort found taking over so easy its because half of all wizards are cops
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Sep 14, 2020 03:39
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Angepain posted:apparently jk's new 944-page robert galbraith detective novel is about a "transvestite serial killer" Is she still using the name of Blue Oyster Cult songs?
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Sep 14, 2020 05:06
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is the wizarding world just a cult. the muggle world is maligned to discourage wizards from leaving. half the wizards are cops to prevent interactions with muggles. everyone is under educated and taught no skills so they are unable to survive in the muggle world if they do decide to leave.
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Sep 14, 2020 05:32
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Atrocious Joe posted:is the wizarding world just a cult. Yeah but the magic powers are real so, you win some, you lose some.
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Sep 14, 2020 07:26
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New canon: There’s actually like 200 million wizards in the world, most of whom live in regular communities and hold down regular jobs and enjoy modern technology and society, but they use magic to gain every advantage and get ahead in life and their lives are pretty chill and comfortable Harry just was unlucky enough to get inducted into some bizarre LARPing subcommunity of wizards that has its own rules and customs and a bunch of their leaders are masquerading as a pseudo government who hide the existence of the normal wizarding world from the movement’s followers. Harry has no idea he’s caught up in a weird backwards cult that 95% of the world’s wizards look at uneasily but don’t quite know what they should do about Hedrigall fucked around with this message at 08:28 on Sep 14, 2020 |
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Sep 14, 2020 08:22
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Hedrigall posted:New canon: There’s actually like 200 million wizards in the world, most of whom live in regular communities and hold down regular jobs and enjoy modern technology and society, but they use magic to gain every advantage and get ahead in life and their lives are pretty chill and comfortable that's just England
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Sep 14, 2020 08:28
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Like many legitimate organisations, Hogwarts promotes itself entirely through unsolicited mailouts to children.
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Sep 14, 2020 09:21
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Sydin posted:Even the "good" wizards are lovely about squibs, IIRC theres an offhand comment at one point by Ron that he has an aunt who's a squib, and he goes "I think she's an accountant or something? I don't know nobody in the family really talks to her at all." Lol the Wesleys are just the Dursleys with magic.
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Sep 14, 2020 09:48
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Hedrigall posted:New canon: There’s actually like 200 million wizards in the world, most of whom live in regular communities and hold down regular jobs and enjoy modern technology and society, but they use magic to gain every advantage and get ahead in life and their lives are pretty chill and comfortable Regular wizard sees the news "Notorious Luddo-Wizard Gang Leader Voldemort Killed in Power Struggle" and sighs, thinks someone should do something about that cult, and then goes back to look up the footy results
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Sep 14, 2020 09:56
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