philosophers were never actually smart

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > philosophers were never actually smart

«‹›3 »

Slumpy

diogenes jerking off to fat rear end anime babes on the pantheon steps

slumpy

# ? Sep 17, 2020 04:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 00:47

alnilam

Slumpy posted:

diogenes jerking off to fat rear end anime babes on the pantheon steps

I'm looking for an honest waifu

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Sep 17, 2020 04:26

FutonForensic

diogenes: *holding up plucked chicken* behold, i've brought you a man

plato: that's a chicken dude lmao what are you smoking

diogenes: :doh:

# ? Sep 17, 2020 04:33

Khanstant

i solved the trolley problem the first time i heard of it

# ? Sep 17, 2020 05:49

The Voice of Labor

quote:

This is the right way for you, my lad, and if you do what I say
you'll be eternally blessed
with a strapping body, a gleaming complexion,
huge shoulders, a tiny little tongue,
big buttocks, and a small cock.

the writers of comedic plays however...

# ? Sep 17, 2020 05:58

Sally: Don't post Small Dash!

Khanstant posted:

i solved the trolley problem the first time i heard of it

but seriously if Phillipa Foot loves virtue ethics so much why doesn't marry them?

# ? Sep 17, 2020 06:35

nut

me, at the mouth of the cave:

Plato: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

# ? Sep 17, 2020 08:45

Goons Are Gifts

This belongs here, too

loving philosophers

# ? Sep 17, 2020 11:36

Finger Prince

Khanstant posted:

i solved the trolley problem the first time i heard of it

Hell yes, strap a mouth on that sucker and get your dick out :hfive:

# ? Sep 17, 2020 11:44

Finger Prince

True fact: Descartes originally was going to go with "I am, therefore I am", but after workshopping it with the marketing committee, changed it to "I think, therefore I am" after that phrase was found to be more impactful with the key 18-25 demographic.

# ? Sep 17, 2020 13:54

Macnult

what�s that? you�re feeling nauseous?
awwwe is wittle baby bulgy eyes wealizing dey have to find their own life meaning? 🥺

# ? Sep 17, 2020 16:02

Macnult

�hell is other people�

we get it dude like spare us the walls of text about how �introverted� are or w/e

# ? Sep 17, 2020 16:03

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Macnult posted:

�hell is other people�

we get it dude like spare us the walls of text about how �introverted� are or w/e

lmao

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Sep 17, 2020 17:02

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

magic cactus posted:

murderer in an interrogation room:

M: So you see, using Kripke's possible world semantics we can prove that there is a world where didn't murder my girlfriend.

Philosopher Cop: Yes but epistemically speaking, the only world that matters is the one that obtained, and in this current world, you did in fact murder her.

M: ...

Cop:

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 17, 2020 20:41

oscarthewilde: I would often go there
To the tiny church there

gottfried leibniz: The Monad, of which we shall here speak, is nothing but a simple substance, which enters into compounds. By �simple� is meant �without parts, And there must be simple substances, since there are compounds; for a compound is nothing but a collection or aggregatum of simple things' etc.

beavis and butthead: heheheheh monad hehehehe

# ? Sep 17, 2020 21:11

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Nietzsche getting syphilis but still dying a virgin is the ultimate self-own

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Sep 17, 2020 21:57

FutonForensic

magic cactus posted:

Nietzsche getting syphilis but still dying a virgin is the ultimate self-own

lmao

# ? Sep 17, 2020 22:46

google THIS

Nietzsche's mom: For the last time, young man, it's an Abyss. It doesn't even have eyes. Go back to bed.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 00:58

nut

god is dead? ya he prob offed himself after having to listen to you for real blah blah blah blah blah blah

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:01

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

I am the first person to ask the biggest question of all. Why butts?

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:11

Khanstant

i dont know this for a fact but i just loving get the feeling that the word "hypocrite" was derived from some robe wearing greco-roman fuckwit with some really goofy on-the-nose rear end name with all the subtlety of a latin Hideo Kojima like Hypocrates and let me guess he had some philosophy about how triangles are in your brain and thats what causes brain disease or people to be disingenuous assholes and he's like let me drain the bad triangles out of your brain dude but the guys like no you let me do it first but he's too ascared so everyone just starts using his name as a derogatory and then a thousand years later it just means hypocrite

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:28

alnilam

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:45

Prof. Crocodile

alnilam posted:

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:28

Macnult

alnilam posted:

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um

lol

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:30

google THIS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl4VD8uvgec

Cheesy joke or a scathingly accurate critique? I'll leave that question to the philosophers, because it'll be hilarious to watch them feebly attempt to come up with a concise answer to a simple binary question without launching into a barely coherent treatise

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:34

Sally: Don't post Small Dash!

alnilam posted:

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um

lmao

# ? Sep 18, 2020 04:06

Prof. Crocodile

john rawls: hey look i drew a graph about justice between the most advantaged and least advantaged

me: big deal you fucken nerd, i can draw a graph too. check it out:

# ? Sep 18, 2020 04:32

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

philosophy is what happens when a dungeon master gets stoned

crimes

# ? Sep 18, 2020 04:59

FutonForensic

Prof. Crocodile posted:

john rawls: hey look i drew a graph about justice between the most advantaged and least advantaged

me: big deal you fucken nerd, i can draw a graph too. check it out:

# ? Sep 18, 2020 05:02

Khanstant

alnilam posted:

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um

# ? Sep 18, 2020 06:15

Macnult

Prof. Crocodile posted:

john rawls: hey look i drew a graph about justice between the most advantaged and least advantaged

me: big deal you fucken nerd, i can draw a graph too. check it out:

# ? Sep 18, 2020 07:07

Goons Are Gifts

alnilam posted:

Greek guy: check out this triangle math i figured out

Me: wow drat that's genuinely amazing

Greek guy: i even correctly worked out the diameter of the earth with it

Me: holy crap that's impressive

Greek guy: the triangles are in your brain too i can get them out

Me: um