Unwritten Law Enforcement

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google THIS

Cop: Sir, are you aware how fast you were going?

Me: Uh, 10mph?

Cop: Exactly. That's faster than you were going before you switched lanes. Can I see your license and registration, please?

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:09

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 02:47

google THIS

Stewardess: Are you enjoying your in-flight meal, sir?

Me: Y- (notices multiple other passengers starting to rise from their seats) I mean no no, not in the least, it's awful.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:11

Macnult

google THIS posted:

Stewardess: Are you enjoying your in-flight meal, sir?

Me: Y- (notices multiple other passengers starting to rise from their seats) I mean no no, not in the least, it's awful.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:13

google THIS

Sky Marshal: (to another passenger) Ma'am, do you have a permit for that quiet baby?

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:14

Macnult

*police dragging me out of the men�s bathroom*

it was only two!!! i swear!! that was a shudder, not a shake!!!

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:15

nut

desperately trying to read the expression on the officers face as he peers in over the wall of the stall and I vacillate the toilet seat from an up to down to back up, terrified to let it go

# ? Sep 18, 2020 18:35

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

The judge throws the book at me for taking the last slice of pizza. 10 years in the slammer (the pog slammer)

# ? Sep 18, 2020 19:48

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

The more you're going to soil your pants the faster over the speed limit you can justify to yourself going

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Sep 18, 2020 20:13

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

The police waiting for me outside the church after I mix up the departed's mistress and wife in my eulogy.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 21:57

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

you have been found guilty of picking the m&ms out of the trail mix. you are sentenced to finish the rest of the bag of nuts and salty raisins, though you can never truly pay for such an awful crime.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 22:07

super sweet best pal

Death's too good for double dippers.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 22:11

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

Upon taking 3 hits and passing the dutchie to the right hand side, a man and women dressed in sharp black suits with matching sunglasses materialize infront of you. "We just received a report of someone hitting a joint more than twice and starting the roto in the wrong direction. Do you know what the punishment for such a crime is?"

Shocked and scared you shake your head "no"

"You're coming with us where you will be put into a circle of heads who have been sentenced to smoking a quadra-blunt of bammer weed. By the time that quadra-blunt is a roach you will never again forget that you hit it two times and pass it to the left."

# ? Sep 18, 2020 22:15

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

there are three open urinals but someone takes the one right next to a dude who was already there
they both hear glass shattering and a loud bang as a SWAT team rappels down from the ceiling

# ? Sep 18, 2020 23:25

super sweet best pal

On the run. Farted and forgot to say "excuse me"

# ? Sep 18, 2020 23:47

alnilam

Stadium security dragging me out for crying at the baseball game, until i begin kicking and screaming and they say "that's more like it"and let me go

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Sep 20, 2020 04:24

Rags to Liches: future skeleton soldier

in witness protection, forgot to turn on the fan after pooping

# ? Sep 20, 2020 04:34

Escape From Noise

Waking up in a dark cell, my head throbbing. The last thing I remember was picking up a chip from the floor after I dropped it 31 seconds earlier and putting it in my mouth...

# ? Sep 20, 2020 12:51

google THIS

"But really I think it was Edward Norton's best film and..."

(sirens in the distance)

"Cheese it, it's the unwritten fuzz!"

# ? Sep 20, 2020 14:29

xcheopis

Placed on a PIP and a note in my HR file after chiming in on lunchtime period talk "Actually, mine have never been more than just annoying"

# ? Sep 20, 2020 16:23

Prof. Crocodile

canyoneer posted:

there are three open urinals but someone takes the one right next to a dude who was already there
they both hear glass shattering and a loud bang as a SWAT team rappels down from the ceiling

# ? Sep 20, 2020 17:31

Christoph

Me? I'm in for putting an empty pizza box back in the fridge. That's why I can't walk the yard without getting shivved.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Sep 20, 2020 19:25

more falafel please: forums poster

alnilam posted:

Stadium security dragging me out for crying at the baseball game, until i begin kicking and screaming and they say "that's more like it"and let me go

my sentence for swinging at a 3-0 fastball while we were up by 6 was reduced to 10 years because of the mitigating circumstances (I grounded into a double play)

thanks Saoshyant and nesamdoom for the sigs!

# ? Sep 20, 2020 20:37

Rags to Liches: future skeleton soldier

Chewbecca posted:

I'm serving time in the big house for standing too close to the person in front of me in line at the grocery store

these days it really cheeses me off when people do this

thanks Saoshyant and nesamdoom for the sigs!

# ? Sep 21, 2020 00:07

Chewbecca: Just chillin' : )

A red laser dot appearing between the eyes of the guy who pretends he didn't notice his dog took a dump on the footpath

# ? Sep 21, 2020 00:18

google THIS

Chewbecca posted:

A red laser dot appearing between the eyes of the guy who pretends he didn't notice his dog took a dump on the footpath

Tough, but fair

# ? Sep 21, 2020 00:48

google THIS

Creepy guy with a sledgehammer: Your sentence has been decided. This will teach your to tread on sidewalks so carelessly.

Me: P-please don't hurt me!

CGWAS: (sneering) Oh no, young man. Not you.

My mother: !!!

# ? Sep 21, 2020 01:32

Chewbecca: Just chillin' : )

Men in dark suits with sunglasses and ear pieces monitoring all entrances to ensure people say thank you and do the little run when someone holds the door open for them

# ? Sep 21, 2020 01:39

alexandriao

nut posted:

desperately trying to read the expression on the officers face as he peers in over the wall of the stall and I vacillate the toilet seat from an up to down to back up, terrified to let it go

# ? Sep 21, 2020 01:48

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

Chewbecca posted:

Men in dark suits with sunglasses and ear pieces monitoring all entrances to ensure people say thank you and do the little run when someone holds the door open for them

# ? Sep 21, 2020 02:34

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

a tourist in philadelphia gets in line at a cheesesteak shop, and a uniformed food police officer gets in line behind him. tourist decides not to risk it, and steps out of the line and walks across the street to a mcdonalds

# ? Sep 21, 2020 19:44

alnilam

canyoneer posted:

a tourist in philadelphia gets in line at a cheesesteak shop, and a uniformed food police officer gets in line behind him. tourist decides not to risk it, and steps out of the line and walks across the street to a mcdonalds

In a new york pizza shop, dragged away while trying to use a fork and knife on my pizza, i quietly slip the fork into my sleeve in the shuffle. I may be going to pizza jail but there's no way I'm using my hands to eat pizza like some kind of heathen.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Sep 21, 2020 20:29

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 02:47

Rags to Liches: future skeleton soldier

On my way to death row for calling Sonic a drive thru and not a drive in

# ? Sep 21, 2020 20:32

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