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President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

jesus WEP posted:

poor old baby, saw a “you are now breathing manually” meme and died

meme state by default

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Fuzzy Mammal
Aug 15, 2001

Lipstick Apathy
my buddy's baby was 4 weeks preemie and they monitor for that and wake them up manually if it happens. his only did it one time the second night and is doing fine now thankfully.

Kenny Logins
Jan 11, 2011

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A WHITE WHALE INTO THE PEQUOD. IT'S HELL'S HEART AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I STRIKE AT THEE ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, ISHMAEL.

Sagebrush posted:

Babies are maybe even dumber than horses
human babies are normally born a good 3-6 months premature compared to other animals
mostly because labor and delivery of a 15 month old in utero would have a natural 100% maternal mortality rate lol

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

my buddy's baby was 4 weeks preemie and they monitor for that and wake them up manually if it happens. his only did it one time the second night and is doing fine now thankfully.

we had that for our younger son. he was born 8 weeks early. went off a few times. wife is a nicu nurse by training so it was pretty chill.

Destroyenator
Dec 27, 2004

Don't ask me lady, I live in beer
i had a date with a nicu nurse recently and she said there was a huge drop in preterms during the covid lockdown here. mothers just being at home and chilled out was good for the babies

graph
Nov 22, 2006

aaag peanuts

PIZZA.BAT posted:

i am so loving glad i'm not in school right now because jfc doing it all via zoom has to be the worst thing ever and i 100% would be failing every class

seriously

Fuzzy Mammal
Aug 15, 2001

Lipstick Apathy
also be safe on motorcycles goons. my coworker is still not out of hospital after 16 weeks post wipeout and just lost his leg. saw his wife commuting home and caught up to her to hotdog around and crashed right in front of her. rough times.

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

also be safe on motorcycles goons. my coworker is still not out of hospital after 16 weeks post wipeout and just lost his leg. saw his wife commuting home and caught up to her to hotdog around and crashed right in front of her. rough times.

lol. if i did something like that hopefully the crash would kill me because my wife would come after me like homer throttling bart.

FMguru
Sep 10, 2003

peed on;
sexually

Uptime Sinclair posted:

human babies are normally born a good 3-6 months premature compared to other animals
mostly because labor and delivery of a 15 month old in utero would have a natural 100% maternal mortality rate lol
ive seen it suggested that the first three months after birth constitute a "fourth trimester" in developmental terms

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



that's a pretty common term, you'll see that a lot of places

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


FMguru posted:

a "fourth trimester"
this kills the sagebrush

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)

jesus WEP posted:

this kills the sagebrush

:hmmyes:

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)
reminds me of gradechat from a while back. 4.2 on a 4.0 scale :smuggo:

FAT32 SHAMER
Aug 16, 2012



FMguru posted:

ive seen it suggested that the first three months after birth constitute a "fourth trimester" in developmental terms

i prefer the term "larvae" myself

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

President Beep posted:

my children avoided this by never loving sleeping

if they're crying they're alive

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

Insect larvae can feed themselves, find shelter, and fight off similarly sized predators. Even by the most generous definitions humans can't do that before they're 2 or 3

Infants are screaming pooping eggs

Kenny Logins
Jan 11, 2011

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A WHITE WHALE INTO THE PEQUOD. IT'S HELL'S HEART AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I STRIKE AT THEE ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, ISHMAEL.

jesus WEP posted:

this kills the sagebrush
nice catch

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

jesus WEP posted:

this kills the sagebrush

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003

I’d make eye contact with him and fart. I did it all the time for like two years. I didn’t even know his full name, just heard that his coworkers thought he was a nut for complaining about “the guy who would fart on me in the break room”

Sagebrush posted:

Insect larvae can feed themselves, find shelter, and fight off similarly sized predators. Even by the most generous definitions humans can't do that before they're 2 or 3

Infants are screaming pooping eggs

gently caress off, shithead.

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012



i bet none of my undergrad students know what "mr. britannica" means.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'


calvin and hobbes is really great

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)
i really missed the boat wrt bullshitting my first son like that. good thing we have another.

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003

I’d make eye contact with him and fart. I did it all the time for like two years. I didn’t even know his full name, just heard that his coworkers thought he was a nut for complaining about “the guy who would fart on me in the break room”

Sagebrush posted:



i bet none of my undergrad students know what "mr. britannica" means.

I bet no one likes your posts, shithead.

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

President Beep posted:

i really missed the boat wrt bullshitting my first son like that. good thing we have another.

my oldest should be entering the why stage soon, i'm looking forward to it for exactly that reason

we already have her thinking that the tv "needs to sleep" sometimes

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)
lol

Agile Vector
May 21, 2007

scrum bored



Sagebrush posted:



i bet none of my undergrad students know what "mr. britannica" means.

its the guy that hides in a free standing blue work cubicle

President Beep
Apr 30, 2009





i have to have a car because otherwise i cant drive around the country solving mysteries while being doggedly pursued by federal marshals for a crime i did not commit (9/11)
...

...a porta-potty?

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

President Beep posted:

i really missed the boat wrt bullshitting my first son like that. good thing we have another.

i was just so looking forward to Calvins Dadding my son but when he got here I just couldn't do it, I dont know why.

Workaday Wizard
Oct 23, 2009

by Pragmatica

rotor posted:

i was just so looking forward to Calvins Dadding my son but when he got here I just couldn't do it, I dont know why.

it's because this stuff is cute in cartoons but irl you want your kid to be grounded to reality a bit more than that

e: this doesn't mean you should teach your kid about sex at five years old or such hippie bullshit

Fortaleza
Feb 21, 2008

When I was little back in Texas my dad told me to avoid armadillos because they're radioactive. I confronted him about it like 20 years later and he said "well technically son, all living things emit a bit of radiation", so that's me owned.

He also convinced me that jackalopes are real, but only common back in Lubbock so wasn't going to see any.

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
santa claus is watching you all the time and knows if you pee the bed and don't tell us

Fortaleza
Feb 21, 2008

I'm totally going to do that stuff when I have a kid. Things like "ya know, back in <wherever my future wife's family comes from> they used to eat pinecones for fun" and see if it comes up at a thanksgiving years later or something.

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan


Fortaleza posted:

I'm totally going to do that stuff when I have a kid. Things like "ya know, back in <wherever my future wife's family comes from> they used to eat pinecones for fun" and see if it comes up at a thanksgiving years later or something.

eagerly awaiting the post where you're waiting in the ER because your kid ate a pinecone

Fortaleza
Feb 21, 2008

PokeJoe posted:

eagerly awaiting the post where you're waiting in the ER because your kid ate a pinecone

Well hopefully I'm a good enough parent to teach my kids how to chew and not swallow things like a duck.

Workaday Wizard
Oct 23, 2009

by Pragmatica

Fortaleza posted:

Well hopefully I'm a good enough parent to teach my kids how to chew and not swallow things like a duck.

children don't give a gently caress. we had a kid at school who would get frustrated with shelling salted sunflower seeds so he ate them outright shell and all. i have no clue how his intestines didn't clog.

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

my favorite little kid fiction was some rural hippie types who told their kids that the tv was broken and only worked when it was raining.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Fortaleza posted:

When I was little back in Texas my dad told me to avoid armadillos because they're radioactive. I confronted him about it like 20 years later and he said "well technically son, all living things emit a bit of radiation", so that's me owned.

i mean they do carry leprosy so that's probably good dad advice you were given there.

a classic I heard is that the ice cream van only plays music when it's run out of ice cream to save you a wasted trip

Fortaleza
Feb 21, 2008

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

i mean they do carry leprosy so that's probably good dad advice you were given there.

a classic I heard is that the ice cream van only plays music when it's run out of ice cream to save you a wasted trip

Yeah he told us that armadillos are radioactive and have leprosy, which sounds crazy as hell but turns out the leprosy part is real!

Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



it’s hilarious in the abstract but the fundamental problem with calvin’s dadding your kids is that if you don’t stop doing it soon enough they’ll discover that you’re lying to them for your own benefit, and you can’t really get that credibility back.

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Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

That's why you just need to lie for no benefit beyond entertainment, like my grandpa maintaining completely matter-of-factly for my entire life that he had no brain because when he was a kid he hit his head and his brain popped out and he lost it.

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