Time to get tactical!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Time to get tactical!

Escape From Noise

Listen, I have some real bad news for you. You are in constant danger of being a victim of violence at all times (yes even in your own home!) It's a harrowing realization for sure, but don't worry! We have an answer. Tactical items. That's right. Everything in your life should be able to be immediately weaponized so that, under your expert martial arts maneuvering you will constantly have a deadly weapon within your immediate grasp. We've seen the flashlights and ice scrapers covered in blades, spikes, and straps, now it's time to come up with other tactical items with deadly stopping power.

Tactical butter knife. This butter knife has a tempered spike at the butt of the handle with a handguard covered in deadly spikes so that it could be used as a pair of brass knuckles so anyone attacks you while you're preparing your toast. Butter their bread, but good!

Tactical drawers: The handle of the drawer detaches to reveal a hidden punching dagger. The inside lip also contains a retractable wire garrote so that nobody will catch you with your pants down!

# ? Sep 30, 2020 18:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 20:30

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Tactical Butt- my butt is so bony that sitting on your lap causes immediate, immobilizing pain.

# ? Sep 30, 2020 19:48

google THIS

Tactical hot knife - Kind of drawing a blank with this one, maybe someone else will come up with something

# ? Sep 30, 2020 20:31

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

Tactical tiny ball peen hammer used for breaking glass of "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" joint case - Surprise, this tiny ball peen hammer can also be used to hit intruders on sensitive parts of their body! Like the kneecap where you will inflict a blow that will cause a reflex in the attackers leg, causing them to be sent off balance!

# ? Sep 30, 2020 20:50

The Voice of Labor

this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done

# ? Sep 30, 2020 21:22

Finger Prince

I mount my toilet paper on a picatinny rail.

# ? Oct 1, 2020 01:16

Escape From Noise

The Voice of Labor posted:

this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done

Very good

# ? Oct 1, 2020 03:55

Pissed Ape Sexist

The Voice of Labor posted:

this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done

God guided your hand, friend

# ? Oct 1, 2020 04:55

The Voice of Labor

tactical stainless steel takedown aerosol cream whipper. can make and dispense whipped cream with the star tip, can be used for nitrous hits with the mouthpiece tip. by swapping the n02 cartridge with a bleach cartridge and inserting the filter straw tip it can be used to filter water

# ? Oct 1, 2020 07:28

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Tactical field-pooping handbook: covers all sorts of insider information from *real* operators about how to go on the go, including some techniques (such as the Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon) that just skirt line of the Geneva convention. 19.99 + s+h. Scholastic Publishing Inc.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Oct 1, 2020 17:19

Macnult

tactical bidet. remember when you first tried one and it felt kinda good? intruders will not have the same experience

# ? Oct 1, 2020 21:05

Sham bam bamina!: ƨtupid cat

it;s 2020 and coughing is now tactical

# ? Oct 1, 2020 21:33

Sham bam bamina!: ƨtupid cat

The New Tactical

# ? Oct 1, 2020 21:34

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

deploying a tactical shitpost itt

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Oct 2, 2020 19:31

The Voice of Labor

tactical beer. just drink so much you can puke on your assailant

# ? Oct 2, 2020 19:45

Sing Along: by Athanatos

if you're going can you pick me up a cheesy gordita crunch and a medium baja blast?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 3, 2020 05:53

Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

I will share with any invader or adversary the gift of BYOB, thus defeating them without having to wage war. The most chill and serene victory, one that is achieved without violence. - The Art of Chill by Sun Rznv

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Oct 3, 2020 06:42

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

Dick Bastardly posted:

I will share with any invader or adversary the gift of BYOB, thus defeating them without having to wage war. The most chill and serene victory, one that is achieved without violence. - The Art of Chill by Sun Rznv

tactical chillaxe

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Oct 3, 2020 11:47

Jaguars!

Amateurs talk tactics, professionals talk logistics and BYOBers talk cats and helping each other out :glomp:

# ? Oct 11, 2020 10:48

Heather Papps: hello friend

upgrade your bandolier: take out the shotgun shells and you can fit m&ms minis tubes in there

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Oct 11, 2020 17:41

FactsAreUseless

Someone asks if I like Final Fantasy Tactics so I show them the NES cart I've taped a knife to.

# ? Oct 11, 2020 21:12

aldantefax: ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

all toilet paper roll holders must have tactical quick reload https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c3N1Jzl7qw

# ? Oct 12, 2020 04:48

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Introducing the Tacticles: a unique male prosthetic that detaches to reveal a deadly set of bolas.

# ? Oct 12, 2020 08:23

Bacon Taco: Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

Tactical anal beads. Chill and good for people who enjoy such things as intended. Wave those things around at an intruder, though, and it's going to be "eww, yuck, keep those things away from me" until they run away.

# ? Oct 12, 2020 19:11

Prof. Crocodile

aldantefax posted:

all toilet paper roll holders must have tactical quick reload https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c3N1Jzl7qw

cross post to dude shootem thread pls

# ? Oct 12, 2020 19:57

Heather Papps: hello friend

don't get caught off guard this fall! buy my spearake. all the leaf gathering power of a traditional "rake" but with the home defense properties of a spear.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Oct 12, 2020 20:13

The Voice of Labor

tactical doormat

regular doormat but it's covering a drop trap in the front steps

# ? Oct 12, 2020 20:25

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

tactical calculator

your in school, and some bullies are after your lunch money. what do you do? roll over and probably get a wedgie as well?

not today! with a few minor adjustments, your ol' math buddy can double as a highlander claymore, and any adversary can easily be turned into a pile of viscera and broken bones

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 12, 2020 20:35

Diorama: i remember when all this was fields

tactical tic tacs

# ? Oct 12, 2020 20:38

aldantefax: ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

all plants, mirrors, and furniture in my domicile are laid out in order to blast evildoers with extreme qi up the yinynag

tactical feng shui

# ? Oct 12, 2020 22:05

Thunder Moose: S.J.C.

Tactical Spork.

https://www.amazon.com/Ka-Bar-Tactical-Spork-Spoon-9909/dp/B01FYJ6ICK

# ? Oct 13, 2020 00:12

The Voice of Labor

taccafe

no one can resist the heady aroma and no bowels on earth can resist the laxative power of taccafe instant coffee.

# ? Oct 13, 2020 02:33

owlhawk911: come chill with me, in byob

The Voice of Labor posted:

taccafe

no one can resist the heady aroma and no bowels on earth can resist the laxative power of taccafe instant coffee.

welp

https://giant.gfycat.com/PlasticAngryHousefly.webm
_{this sig a mf'n vanisher joint. gobbos by khanstant}

# ? Oct 13, 2020 03:28

Escape From Noise

Tactical wristwatch: shows hours in military time!

# ? Oct 13, 2020 05:03

PostsYouCanDanceTo

Doing aerobics to my Olivia Newton-John record "Tactical"

With my newfound lithe and oily body I will have the upper hand when I submission wrestle home invaders.

# ? Oct 13, 2020 05:10

Jaguars!

One time I went to the science museum and went into the tactical dome instead of the tactile dome. Boy was that a rough 2 days

# ? Oct 13, 2020 05:18

Prof. Crocodile

PostsYouCanDanceTo posted:

Doing aerobics to my Olivia Newton-John record "Tactical"

With my newfound lithe and oily body I will have the upper hand when I submission wrestle home invaders.

# ? Oct 13, 2020 19:28

Prof. Crocodile

Jaguars! posted:

One time I went to the science museum and went into the tactical dome instead of the tactile dome. Boy was that a rough 2 days

# ? Oct 13, 2020 19:28

google THIS

Tactical tactlessness. Telling the intruder their pants make them look fat and bluntly criticizing their entry into your home without being constructive until they flee to seek therapy.

# ? Oct 14, 2020 15:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 20:30

Finger Prince

google THIS posted:

Tactical tactlessness. Telling the intruder their pants make them look fat and bluntly criticizing their entry into your home without being constructive until they flee to seek therapy.

I'm so jealous you can just get out of bed looking like that!

# ? Oct 14, 2020 18:09

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Time to get tactical!

«‹›2 »