Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

morestuff posted:

Wonder how Deadspin's going�

Did not click

What's the sketch of the argument there? I'm not clicking.

# ? Oct 14, 2020 23:55

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:34

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.

lmao

this stupid rear end article posted:

Deep down, LeBron James knows what�s gnawing at him.

It�s the reason he hasn�t been able to bask in all his accomplishments during his 17-year NBA career.

It�s the reason that on a glorious night � winning his fourth championship on Sunday night � he asked, er, begged for respect.

�I want just my drat respect,� James said to the media after the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Miami Heat in six games in the NBA Finals.

James, 35 wasn�t talking about the Skip Baylesses of the world. It�s deeper than just TV sports analysts and sports writers not being onboard the LeBron is the G.O.A.T. train.

It�s the other former NBA greats and some of his peers.

It would be easy to dismiss those who never laced them up and played on the hardwood at the highest level. But for people who have actually competed in that arena to join that choir, it has to be painful.

James acts as if it�s pure hate, jealousy.

Or this lack of total approval has to do with the ghost of Michael Jordan�s nearly spotless career.

It�s neither.

LeBron hasn�t gotten his full due from the masses for a simple reason. He cheated us, cheated the game.

This isn�t a Patriots �SpyGate� or Astros �trash can� situation.

James cheated us from his journey. We wanted to see the blood, sweat and tears. We wanted to hear all the naysayers doubt his ability and talent. Most of all, we wanted to see him finally break through and punch his ticket as the prodigy that was promised when he came to the league straight from high school.

This was supposed to be an epic mini-series. It was supposed to be a seven-course meal, not an add water and stir meal.

Yes, LeBron took the easy way out. Instead of fighting for his place in NBA lore, he simply joined the guys he believed he couldn�t beat on his own.

He spoiled the end of the movie before it got to the good part.

James� shortcut off the NBA interstate is hard for people to overlook or embrace � no matter how many records he sets or titles he wins.

With all his talent and potential, there was no need for James to have to stack the deck to win.

The Decision to leave Cleveland and take his talents to South Beach wasn�t just about doing it his way, taking control of his career and destiny.

It disrupted the NBA, ruined it, if you will. James altered the competitive balance. Without competition, your sport becomes the WWE.

James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh became the Harlem Globetrotters, and the rest of the league the Washington Generals. It was no shock they went to the NBA Finals all four years the trio was together.

It was a bad look.

The cool part about the NBA was that teams had to usually fight and claw their way to a title. There was a road though, a process that often had many disappointments along the way. But that�s what made it so special when you saw the �Bad Boy� Pistons finally get past the Boston Celtics and start winning titles.

The same with Jordan and the Bulls. They finally got past Detroit. And it was thrilling.

Many thought Jordan was a great player, but questioned if he ever was going to win a title. Don�t forget Jordan was drafted by the Terri-Bulls and it took a long seven years before he could raise his first championship trophy.

Sounds like James� story in Cleveland, too.

Instead of gutting it out, believing in himself, James fled like a scared rabbit.

It would be hard to believe Jordan�s legend would be as great if he skipped to the Pistons because he couldn�t get past them. It would have changed the way we look at him.

That escape to Miami has done more damage than people want to admit. LeBron has moved around so much that his statue one day will have him holding a basketball � and a suitcase.

LeBron was set up to overcome again. First, he made it out of Akron, Ohio, to the NBA. Then he was going to overcome a bad franchise in Cleveland and make it a winner. What theater, what a payoff.

Instead of people marveling at his latest accomplishment, many had to watch LeBron put on a cut-rate Rodney Dangerfield act, asking for respect.

Respect isn�t given. It�s earned.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 00:04

DildenAnders: Mar 16, 2016; "I recommend Batman especially, for he tends to transcend the abysmal society in which he's found himself. His morality is rather rigid, also. I rather respect Batman.â

I'm sure they're nice enough people, but holy crap even the headlines for Vichy Deadspin hurt to read. I refuse to give them click-business, but could anyone sum up the (I assume inane) clickbait article about LeBron?
EDIT:Someone posted it while I was writing my comment and it is somehow worse than I imagined. Who the hell has time to worry about "The Decision" during this living nightmare? Not to mention the fact he literallly went back to Cleveland to get them a ring.

DildenAnders fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Oct 15, 2020

# ? Oct 15, 2020 00:12

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Spoeank posted:

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.

lmao

This is the sort of sportswriting that Deadspin was literally founded to make fun of.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 00:14

Scaramouche: Mar 26, 2001; SPACE FACE! SPACE FACE!

Yeah they figured a symbiosis old Deadspin posts the incredibly bad hot takes and nuDeadspin roasts them. Perpetual motion

# ? Oct 15, 2020 01:21

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

That author of the Lebron article is Rob Parker, the man who called RG3 a "cornball brother".

# ? Oct 15, 2020 01:59

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Spoeank posted:

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.

lmao

[in a really stupid dumb and wrong voice]Respect isn't given. It's earned.

like who are you my loving dad

# ? Oct 15, 2020 02:20

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

Spoeank posted:

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.

lmao

That's the whole article? There's only two actual paragraphs, what the hell is this?

# ? Oct 15, 2020 02:24

Spring Break My Heart: Feb 15, 2012

Spoeank posted:

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.

lmao

Really insane premise. That he hasn't gotten his due from the public, that the naysayers did not doubt his ability and talent, that the Heat (and his teams after???) didn't have competition.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 02:27

DeimosRising: Oct 17, 2005; �Hola SEA!

It's literally like it was written before the 2011 playoffs. He went 2-2 in Miami for gently caress's sake, and one of those losses was an absolute wrecking. They were a single shot away from 1-3.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 17:40

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Continuing to be mad about the decision in 2020 is one of the funniest possible sports positions to stake out. Even Cleveland fans don't care now! He went back and did the thing you are getting mad at him for not doing

MourningView fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Oct 15, 2020

# ? Oct 15, 2020 17:45

DeimosRising: Oct 17, 2005; �Hola SEA!

MourningView posted:

Continuing to be mad about the decision in 2020 is one of the funniest possible sports positions to stake out. Even Cleveland fans don't care now! He went back and did the thing you are getting mad at him for not doing

It is funny though because he accuses him of teaming up with the guys he couldn't beat like Durant did. Lebron never lost to (or even played against) Wade or Bosh in the playoffs. Ironically, he did end up teaming up with Rondo and Howard to win a ring though...

# ? Oct 15, 2020 17:54

El Gallinero Gros: Mar 17, 2010

Carrying the saddest city in sports history to a title doesn't earn his respect?

# ? Oct 15, 2020 20:42

rare Magic card l00k: Jan 3, 2011

El Gallinero Gros posted:

Carrying the saddest city in sports history to a title doesn't earn his respect?

I think he got his start in Detroit sports so there's a good chance he's still mad about Game 5 of 2007.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 20:48

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

rare Magic card l00k posted:

I think he got his start in Detroit sports so there's a good chance he's still mad about Game 5 of 2007.

Bron's an Akron native.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 21:53

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

espn's falcons reporter suddenly died

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1316843875445637126

https://twitter.com/AtlantaFalcons/status/1316844284960747521

# ? Oct 15, 2020 21:59

Niwrad: Jul 1, 2008

He was a writer in Chicago for awhile. Seemed like a real good guy based on the reaction from his former colleagues.

Looks like it was sudden as he was posting reports a couple days ago on Twitter.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 22:12

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Vertical Lime posted:

espn's falcons reporter suddenly died

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1316843875445637126

https://twitter.com/AtlantaFalcons/status/1316844284960747521

i know schefter�s being sincere but �what a nice man he was� is such a weird phrase

# ? Oct 15, 2020 23:03

rare Magic card l00k: Jan 3, 2011

DJExile posted:

Bron's an Akron native.

I meant the writer.

# ? Oct 15, 2020 23:18

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

rare Magic card l00k posted:

I meant the writer.

Oh jeez

yeah Parker's been all over Detroit, believe the Free Press was his first gig.

# ? Oct 16, 2020 01:41

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

He was fired from the Free Press for asking Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.

# ? Oct 16, 2020 14:18

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Henchman of Santa posted:

He was fired from the Free Press for asking Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.

Holy poo poo I forgot about this. That kinda owns.

# ? Oct 16, 2020 14:27

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

Henchman of Santa posted:

He was fired from the Free Press for asking Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.

This is probably the only thing I respect Rob Parker for

# ? Oct 16, 2020 14:33

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Henchman of Santa posted:

He was fired from the Free Press for asking Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.

Which defensive coordinator was this about?

# ? Oct 16, 2020 16:58

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

Which defensive coordinator was this about?

Joe Barry during the Lions 0-16 season.

# ? Oct 16, 2020 17:02

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

Which defensive coordinator was this about?

joe barry; this was during the 2008 winless season

rod marinelli was a huge prick about it because he thought rob parker had insulted his daughter (and by �he thought� i mean he decided to take it in the worst possible faith)

# ? Oct 16, 2020 17:02

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Henchman of Santa posted:

He was fired from the Free Press for asking Rod Marinelli if he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator.

lmao holy poo poo

# ? Oct 16, 2020 17:59

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Minnesota sportswiting legend Sid Hartman died this afternoon at age 100.

He started his newspaper career at the age at 18 in 1938 and was still working the press boxes at sporting events as late as 2019, for a career that literally spanned eight decades of work.

His career in sports was so long that he was actually in the front office of the Minneapolis Lakers.

He could be an rear end if he disagreed with someone but he was absolutely tireless.

Crazy Ted fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Oct 18, 2020

# ? Oct 18, 2020 20:42

Sarcastro: Dec 28, 2000; Elite member of the Grammar Nazi Squad that

Spoeank posted:

He's complaining about LeBron going to Miami. Literally.
(article)
lmao

Holy poo poo, if someone had told me that was written by Peter King I would 100% believe it. What a garbage piece of writing.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 20:53

Algund Eenboom: May 4, 2014

Neat, after about a decade i finally rediscovered my least favorite sports article of all time

quote:

COOL, THE onetime giant of sports culture that had long been in declining health, died in seclusion last month. In a measure of how forgotten Cool had become, the moment of its passing went largely unnoticed even though the event was witnessed by millions on television, shortly after the Boston Celtics won the NBA championship by defeating the Los Angeles Lakers. In the ensuing celebration Celtics star Kevin Garnett was asked how he felt about winning the first title of his 13-year career. He threw his head back and bellowed, "Anything is possible!" as though he had just accomplished something previously thought to be beyond human capability, like walking on the sun or deciphering the plot of Lost. With Garnett's scream, Cool took its dying breath.

Authorities say that Garnett will not be held responsible for the demise of Cool, ruling that he was no more culpable than thousands of other modern-day athletes who have an overwhelming need for self-congratulation and a tendency to overdramatize. Those athletes avoided Cool like a subpoena during its final years, instead embracing midair chest bumps, primal yells and the kind of elaborate, multistep hand jive that grade-school girls do on playgrounds.

Cool was on a respirator as the end neared, its breathing more shallow with every poststrikeout fist pump by Joba Chamberlain, every dunk-and-sneer from Vince Carter and every one-act play performed by Chad Johnson after a touchdown catch. In its weakened state, it was hard to believe that Cool once walked with kings, that Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Julius Erving, Bjorn Borg and Walt Frazier were never caught without Cool, in competition or away from it. Cool not only added to their mystique but also served a practical purpose. "I always felt that [Cool] gave me an advantage," Frazier says. "It's like in poker, if the other players can't read you, it puts that uncertainty in their minds and that puts you in control."

Its age was hard to pin down, but Cool is believed to have been born in the late 1960s, around the time Joe Namath began wearing full-length fur coats and dating models (no one said Cool couldn't be fun) and John Carlos and Tommie Smith stood silent and stoic on the Olympic medal podium in Mexico City, their leather-gloved fists raised in a human rights salute (no one said Cool couldn't be serious).

Stardom quickly followed for Cool. Kids aspired to it. Men tried to embody it. Women were attracted to it. Cool reached out to established coaches, giving their gentlemanly, controlled personas a new cachet. As Tom Landry walked the Dallas Cowboys' sideline wearing a suit, a crisp fedora and an unchanging expression, Cool was on his shoulder. It was there, too, beside UCLA's John Wooden as he directed his nearly flawless Bruins�perhaps the coolest crew ever�without rising from his courtside seat. It seemed not so much that winners were cool, but that Cool created winners.

Only in retrospect is it clear when Cool began to hit hard times. In the opener of the 1979--80 NBA season, the Lakers beat the San Diego Clippers on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's buzzer-beating hook shot. Abdul-Jabbar was the kind of Cool customer who would hit a game-winner, stroll off the court and go put on a Miles Davis album. But this was the pro debut for Magic Johnson, the league's No. 1 pick. Magic jumped on Abdul-Jabbar and wrapped him in a bear hug, surprising the captain but charming the fans with his joy. No one knew it then, but Cool was doomed.

Though Magic's jubilation was genuine, over time fans and players alike became so hooked on open displays of emotion that they didn't care if those displays were real or not. Partly because of the huge salaries that athletes were making, the public wanted to see players in agony or ecstasy, as proof that they cared about more than the paycheck. The athlete who preened for the cameras and pounded his chest was assumed to have more passion than the one who kept a lid on his emotions. Cool became confused with Bland and Uninterested. Now it's not the player who bashes in the occasional watercooler who's criticized, it's the one who doesn't.

Like most stars of another era, Cool had several aborted comebacks, with the occasional athlete attempting to revive it. Tom Brady, Mariano Rivera and Ichiro Suzuki were among the last advocates of Cool, but few of their colleagues followed suit. Cool's condition was terminal.

There will be no funeral service, which is how Cool would have wanted it. In lieu of flowers, mourners are asked simply to appreciate players who don't feel the need to punctuate every accomplishment with an over-the-top celebration, who understand the beauty in letting a performance speak for itself. That would be totally Cool.

# ? Oct 19, 2020 21:08

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

so that has to be a bill simmons article, right?

E: or Reilly

# ? Oct 20, 2020 03:44

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

i think it�s whitlock or nu-spin

# ? Oct 20, 2020 22:46

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

Based on when that would've been written, I think it's Phil Taylor.

# ? Oct 20, 2020 23:07

Algund Eenboom: May 4, 2014

It is indeed phil taylor, which is the only way he even remotely gets away with saying �primal,� �jive,� and �avoiding a subpoena� in the same sentence

# ? Oct 20, 2020 23:09

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Among other issues, this month's "Real Sports" has a huge dive into the statistics of the Negro Leagues by Larry Lester, who has been compiling box scores going back to 1862

# ? Oct 21, 2020 01:04

Dexo: Aug 15, 2009; A city that was to live by night after the wilderness had passed. A city that was to forge out of steel and blood-red neon its own peculiar wilderness.

https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/1318978701854388224

https://twitter.com/DrunkUncTony/status/1318986229791084544

hahahahaahahahahahaha

Dexo fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Oct 21, 2020

# ? Oct 21, 2020 19:42

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

lmao goddamn

# ? Oct 21, 2020 20:00

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

My good friend Jason Whitlock, powerful man, a tremendous college football player, who, by the way, has been treated very unfairly by ESPN and Fox Sports, he said to me, Mr. President, you can say it. All these rappers say it, so I think you should too. And he's so right. So we're going to consider saying it very strongly.

MourningView fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Oct 22, 2020

# ? Oct 21, 2020 20:32

BWV: Feb 24, 2005

MourningView posted:

My good friend Jason Whitlock, powerful man, a tremendous college football player, who, by the way, has been treated very unfairly by ESPN and Fox News, he said to me, Mr. President, you can say it. All these rappers say it, so I think you should too. And he's so right. So we're going to consider saying it very strongly.

Rothian accuracy

# ? Oct 21, 2020 23:00

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:34

Scaramouche: Mar 26, 2001; SPACE FACE! SPACE FACE!

Dang he found the one outlet more respected than 60 minutes

# ? Oct 22, 2020 01:49

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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