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Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011
Some people say that the oldest trick in the book is tying someone's shoelaces together while they're sitting down. Other people think that it's setting a bag of doggy doo-doo on fire on their front stoop. Of course, we're all much smarter than those people, and know what the actual oldest trick is...

Bonus points if you can elucidate what the book is too

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teen phone cutie
Jun 18, 2012

last year i rewrote something awful from scratch because i hate myself
haha this thread OP? i’m not falling for it this time. that’s the oldest trick in the book

Deadbeat Poetry
Mar 6, 2004

Sorry if my costume scared you
which arrhythmia are you

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls


Getting someone to pay money to have their dick pleasured OP.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

Deadbeat Poetry posted:

which arrhythmia are you

Look, does it matter? Ask me something only I would know and shoot the other one!

ConanThe3rd
Mar 27, 2009
Whatever the weak did to the strong to convince them that an imaginary number, represented by coins and bits of paper, that summiesed their assets meant anything in the 'Do not murder and steal their assets' stakes.

Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017
The "oldest trick" is a prostitution term, which is coincidentally the oldest profession.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
I've always been a fan of the ol "bucket on top of the door" trick

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

Rad-daddio posted:

The "oldest trick" is a prostitution term, which is coincidentally the oldest profession.

Oh, if that's the case, I'm pretty sure the oldest trick is your mother.

Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017

Arrhythmia posted:

Oh, if that's the case, I'm pretty sure the oldest trick is your mother.

Her favorite trick was to crouch down behind Johns and have the other hookers push them over. it was good laughs.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

The ol’ spicy keychain

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Suckin out the rear end lining for to make sausage

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

The Epic of Gilgamesh is widely considered the oldest book, so I’m guessing the oldest trick is contained somewhere in its pages. That Enkidu is a wily son of a bitch so I bet he definitely got up to some crazy shenanigans OP!

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


for like 600 years you could have someone killed and all you had to do was accuse them of heresy, that's a pretty good prank

mexican willie
Mar 17, 2007

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgO1LUijb0k

Frankie
Feb 22, 2006






It's pretending to go in for a peaceful handshake then stealing your Schwartz ring instead.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
Turning them.

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!

Arrhythmia posted:

Some people say that the oldest trick in the book is tying someone's shoelaces together while they're sitting down. Other people think that it's setting a bag of doggy doo-doo on fire on their front stoop. Of course, we're all much smarter than those people, and know what the actual oldest trick is...

Bonus points if you can elucidate what the book is too

Murder

FlocksOfMice
Feb 3, 2009
Hitting your brother with a rock in the back of the head when you tell him to look over there

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
going 'oh no, look behind you!' and then running away

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
The ol' spicy snake apple trick

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

FlocksOfMice posted:

Hitting your brother with a rock in the back of the head when you tell him to look over there

it's actually convincing someone that this fancy forbidden fruit will make them equals to god

a close second involves draping a bunch of goat furs over yourself so your blind idiot dad mistakes you for your hirsute (werewolf?) older brother and grants you the firstborn's inheritance

witchy
Apr 23, 2019

one step forward one step back
prob something from the bible, like when god pranked abraham by pretending to make him kill his son

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

witchy posted:

prob something from the bible, like when god pranked abraham by pretending to make him kill his son

Or before that, the time Lot's daughters got him drunk enough to have sex with them. Can you imagine that lmao. Give your old man some wine and then go for a roll in the hay. Twice.

NLJP
Aug 26, 2004


Farting in your man's lap

null_pointer
Nov 9, 2004

Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45 right. Stop. Center and stop.

A handful of dust thrown in someone's eyes

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES
the sucker punch

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

Ligma

Tinestram
Jan 13, 2006

Excalibur? More like "Needle"

Grimey Drawer
turn off your monitor

witchy
Apr 23, 2019

one step forward one step back

Jose Oquendo posted:

Or before that, the time Lot's daughters got him drunk enough to have sex with them. Can you imagine that lmao. Give your old man some wine and then go for a roll in the hay. Twice.

yea dam there's a lot of good japes, ruses, and pranks in there. maybe like the whole thing is the ancient equivalent of jackass

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

The ol’ spicy keychain

the heebie-gbs
Apr 23, 2007

♫ twerrrmmmmm ♫
       /
:sax:
I've got you Dedi to rights here OP

World War Mammories
Aug 25, 2006


Jose Oquendo posted:

Or before that, the time Lot's daughters got him drunk enough to have sex with them. Can you imagine that lmao. Give your old man some wine and then go for a roll in the hay. Twice.

surely the original trick would be creating this incredible garden for a couple of semi-sentient automatons and going DON'T EAT FROM THIS ONE TREE. NO I WILL NOT EXPLAIN WHY NOR USE MY OMNIPOTENCE TO LIKE PUT A FENCE AROUND IT OR MAKE SURE NO ONE ENCOURAGES YOU TO OR ANYTHING. LMAO PRANKED

Scott Lame
Jan 8, 2014

witchy posted:

prob something from the bible, like when god pranked abraham by pretending to make him kill his son

Genesis 1:10 And God sayeth unto Adam, 'Sayeth ye what'? And Adam did replyest 'What?' And the Lord did speaketh 'Chicken Butt'

Spazzle
Jul 5, 2003

Scott Lame posted:

Genesis 1:10 And God sayeth unto Adam, 'Sayeth ye what'? And Adam did replyest 'What?' And the Lord did speaketh 'Chicken Butt'

It is funnier in greek.

Banana Republican
Jul 12, 2007



Is that a young Cenk Uygur?

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




probably that thing where you tap someone on the shoulder, but it's on the opposite side from the one you're standing next to, and they look over and nobody is there

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
they actually photoshop porn dicks to look SMALLER, those big ole dongs are far larger IRL

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Frankie posted:

It's pretending to go in for a peaceful handshake then stealing your Schwartz ring instead.

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Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017

20 Blunts posted:

they actually photoshop porn dicks to look SMALLER, those big ole dongs are far larger IRL

object in mirror are CLOSER and LARGER than they appear.

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