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I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums, so here's this one. ------------------------------ I HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF COVID-FARTS and I wish to publicize it so others can enjoy fartless COVID-19!!!! Short version: It induces temporary lactose-intolerance, which results in flatulence/diarrhea/cramps/bloating. Treatment: Switch to lactose-free milk while sick with COVID-19. You can go back to real milk once you are well. Long version, so you can skip this if you don't care: I'm on my second round of COVID-19. First round, in April, lasted 25 days, and I had covid-farts for about 20 of it. This round started Sept 29, so I'm on Day 20. The very good friend who does my grocery shopping when I'm sick was talking about going on a trip, so I asked for Fairlife milk instead of real milk, cuz its use-by date is farther away, plus it's high protein so if I got too sick to cook, I could just have a big glass of milk-based beverage to wash down my zillion pills I take every day, and call it supper. Also, their chocolate milk isn't too bad for no-sugar-added and has the same amount of sugar as non-choco, real milk. Fairlife is also lactose-free. Instead of huge amounts of loud, stinky farts, I had one or two medium-loud, moderately-stinky farts per day. Then, this Friday, I switched back to real milk, and several hours later developed full covid-farts! TA-DA!!!! Somehow, covid-19 induces thank-god-it's-temporary lactose intolerance. Now, I just have to convince a few doctors and scientitians to recommend this approach to enough covid-fart sufferers to turn it into a real study, and my Nobel Prize For Medicine is in the bag!
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Oct 19, 2020 20:38
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 07:51 |
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Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP?
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Oct 19, 2020 20:44
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are you sure it wasn't BOVID?
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Oct 19, 2020 20:48
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milk is for babies when you grow up you have to drink beer
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Oct 19, 2020 21:04
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Pawn 17 posted:Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP? The ONE TRICK doctors hate!!!
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Oct 19, 2020 21:47
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GoodyTwoShoes posted:I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums,
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Oct 19, 2020 22:47
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Just wear a mask on your rear end and then you can drink all the milk you want!
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Oct 19, 2020 22:48
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Also avoid heavy drinking and drugs when posting on the forums. It lowers your immune system and makes you suspectable to disease and stupidity.
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Oct 19, 2020 22:53
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I'm not convinced, OP. You should bottle and date/timestamp each fart for analysis. Your doctor will appreciate this
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Oct 19, 2020 23:14
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A simpler solution is to just think about how fuckin gross milk is and stop consuming it
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Oct 19, 2020 23:16
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Oct 19, 2020 23:21
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Finally, a good post.
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Oct 20, 2020 00:17
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Mega64 posted:Just wear a mask on your rear end and then you can drink all the milk you want!
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Oct 20, 2020 00:20
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Anti rear end Maskers are now a real threat.
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Oct 20, 2020 00:24
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Have you maybe thought that the farting is an evolutionary response to keep other people away from you so you don't spread COVID?
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Oct 20, 2020 00:26
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Maybe you should get better at social distancing OP
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Oct 20, 2020 00:36
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GoodyTwoShoes posted:I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums, so here's this one. Have you given this information to the C-SPAM mod twoday? Completely seriously this could be the missing piece that will enable them to cure coronavirus
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Oct 20, 2020 02:06
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What do you do for a living to get covid twice
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Oct 20, 2020 05:19
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ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:What do you do for a living to get covid twice dick sucking factories have been hit hard by this pandemic my guy. have some sympathy
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Oct 20, 2020 05:51
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Chinatown posted:dick sucking factories have been hit hard by this pandemic my guy. have some sympathy The factory i work at lets me use this 6 foot rubber hose. I got another thats about 3 miles long that i use to work from home.
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Oct 20, 2020 06:02
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ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:What do you do for a living to get covid twice Stay-at-home cripple with hosed-up immune system, only go out to grocery shop once a week. You know, all the high-risk stuff.
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Oct 20, 2020 20:18
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Pawn 17 posted:Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP? Yes. I failed.
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Oct 20, 2020 20:19
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:I'm not convinced, OP. You should bottle and date/timestamp each fart for analysis. Your doctor will appreciate this Given that she almost laughed herself off her chair when I told her about the covid-farts last spring . . . she just might.
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Oct 20, 2020 20:20
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