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assigned fighter at birth
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# ? Oct 25, 2020 19:59 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 05:49 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:Popping in from page 1 to say that I'm really enjoying this thread so far! I like the balance between the original text and OP's commentary. Thank you! You will see from the text that she also only identifies two types of sex: earth shattering and rape.
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# ? Oct 27, 2020 00:00 |
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There's also the two types of parents: useless and abusive.
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# ? Oct 27, 2020 00:26 |
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As promised!Leng posted:NANOWRIMO HAS ARRIVED AND THE REWRITE HAS BEGUN! Now that you're all duly alerted, this is the last time I'll plug the Let's Rewrite thread in here. Once NaNoWriMo wraps, I'll let everybody know when normal Let's Read programming will resume (at this stage, December, though we'll see how I feel by end of my NaNo attempt).
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# ? Nov 3, 2020 16:08 |
I am disturbingly pleased by your continually quoting me about how bad this series sucks.
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# ? Nov 7, 2020 08:33 |
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Hi all and happy Thanksgiving to American goons! A quick update from me: now that NaNoWriMo is drawing to a close, I can say with a reasonable amount of confidence that I have two more chapters left in the rewrite before I can call Rewritten Book 1 done (about 10k-12k words). I should finish the first of those before the end of NaNoWriMo to hit my word count goal, though the final chapter is going to fall into next week. That means the Let's Read will resume from 7 December, rather than 1 December, give or take a day (mainly so I can have a complete break from the Blendingverse for a few days). See you guys back here then!
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# ? Nov 26, 2020 14:06 |
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quote:CHAPTER SIX We're about to meet the hot dumb jock of the entire series. quote:“I hate this, Bron, I really hate it,” Nialla complained, leaning up on her elbows in the bed. “I expected you to stay for a while, and here you are getting ready to leave.” Just so you know that Bron's an Evil Villain, he's the kind of guy who will and then leave his partner to figure out theirs. Mainly because unlike the other Evil Villains, Bron is apparently not into messed up nonconsensual BDSM stuff. quote:“Some of us do have obligations in this life, Nialla,” Lord Bron Kallan replied distractedly while checking his long, dark-red hair in Nialla’s full-length mirror. “I happen to have an appointment this afternoon, and I don’t care to be late for it.” In text confirmation that basically everyone in the nobility knows that the Blending competitions are fixed. There's either a plothole here, or Rion's childhood was that awful that somehow this critical piece of intel never made it to him. I'm going to give Green the benefit of the doubt here, because Rion's childhood is all sorts of atypical but I feel like she forgot about this angle. quote:“That’s because none of you can think,” Bron retorted with a snort, turning to look directly at her. “The only reason the Advisors have chosen a predominantly female Blending this time is because women are easier to give orders to. Instead of arguing about things they don’t like, they simply cry a little and then obey. The Advisors are tired of sharing the running of this empire with a strong Blending, so this time they’ve chosen a weak one.” Written and published after second wave feminism guys. Green actually lived through it, and I can't understand why she wouldn't use fantasy as a vehicle for showing how the world could be, instead of rehashing the same crap that already happened in a way that completely lacks any sort of nuance. quote:“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nialla returned with a sniff, abruptly changing her position when she discovered how flat her breasts looked in the old one. You know she's part of the Evil Villain entourage, because no female character other than Tamrissa and Jovvi are allowed to be fully realized characters in their own right. And I personally have my doubts about those two. quote:“No one in their right mind would choose a weak Blending, not when they have to be strong enough to defend us from all those crises the Prophecy always talks about. You’re just jealous because you’ll be nothing but stage dressing for the performance the Advisors will put on.” In case you forgot about that Prologue back in Book 1. quote:“Of course, Nialla, you’re correct as always,” Bron said smoothly, not about to try to explain the difference between strong in talent and strong in character to the featherhead. Nialla had just one talent, and Bron had already made use of it. “It’s been as marvelous as always, and I’ll certainly see you again soon.” In point of fact, we'll see Adriari's Blending on screen exactly twice, and they'll prove to be neither strong in talent nor strong in character. quote:“If I’m free,” Nialla put in, her pretty face set in a sulk, getting the last word as she so loved to do. Bron ignored it as he left her bedchamber, but his mood was far from light and forgiving. There were quite a few things Nialla didn’t know about, and the uncertainty of one of them had been keeping him in a perpetual temper. I am a classically trained pianist. Any time people make "art" out of destroying pianos I have to look away and cringe. If anyone ever has the opportunity to go tour a high end piano factory (I highly, highly recommend the Steinway factory tour in Queens for US goons; their other factory is in Hamburg for Europe goons and if you're near neither of those places, but close to Asia, then try the Kawai or Yamaha factory in Hamamatsu, Japan, though neither of those are easily accessible by public transport), you should because it's just amazing craftsmanship. What Bron just did is a crime against the universe and I hate him for it. I feel like Green was following the anti-Save the Cat principle (even though Save the Cat wasn't published when Green first wrote this) - in case you didn't pick up on the numerous other cues before this malicious act of vandalism. quote:Feeling how much his mood had lightened, Bron left Nialla’s house and called over his carriage and driver. The man was there and waiting for him, of course, and would have been in the same place even if Bron had been twice as long in coming out. His drivers were either constantly and immediately available or they were dismissed, something they were all well aware of. However, I can get behind this. If I were rich enough to pay a private driver, I too would expect this level of service from my employee, as I would assume anybody else who is able to afford a private driver. Is there some sort of different standard that I'm unaware of? quote:Once Bron was settled the carriage moved off in the direction of Kambil Arstin’s house, where the meeting was being held this week. Yay, what fun. So not only do we have to slog through ANOTHER meeting, we get to watch multiple people get ready for the meeting. quote:The Advisors had appointed fools from the lower nobility to work with their group of five and strengthen their talents, and once a week an Advisor’s agent held a meeting in one of their homes to discuss the group’s progress. It was usually a rather unpleasant time, as agents had a tendency to act as if they were one of the Advisors themselves. Bron hated to be told how badly he was doing because of his laziness, but this week’s meeting ought to be different. Here comes the theme: the nobility suck and all of their children, including the grown adults, are a bunch of babies, because said nobility cheated at life and gave their kids everything and never required them to earn anything. quote:He smiled at that thought, knowing the meeting ought to be different for all five of them. It was certainly true that Bron’s parents knew how much he hated to be pushed and rushed and so had never distressed him with unreasonable demands, but now he had a special purpose for pushing himself. The five of them had decided, privately, of course, that they would become the Seated Blending. Adriari and her five were weak in all ways, and their competition would be very public. When Bron’s five defeated Adriari’s in front of hundreds of people, they would become the ones who were ultimately Seated on the Fivefold Throne. Actually... quote:Bron’s smile changed to a grin as he pictured the way they would all assure the Advisors how loyal and obedient they would be once Seated. That would mollify and silence all protests from the Advisors, but once their Five was Seated their first official action would be to arrest that pack of fools. Bron have you heard of this thing called Spirit magic? quote:Simply dismissing them and sending them home would be a good deal more satisfying, but Delin said they were too dangerous to be treated lightly. Accurate. quote:Bron’s grin disappeared as his thoughts turned to Delin Moord, high lord and Earth magic practitioner. Delin might have been the one to first suggest that they go against the Advisors wishes, but Bron couldn’t swear to that. For some reason he thought of it as his own idea, one that Delin simply supported. Bron sometimes found himself confused in Delin’s presence, but most often he felt flattered. Delin’s power and social standing were a bit higher than his own, but it was always clear that Delin admired him. Most certainly as he should. Delin is definitely doing all of the manipulating however spoilers for Book 3 on a reread this makes me wonder if Kambil was actually already messing around with his prospective Blendingmates. This is the first POV of someone who later is revealed to be under someone's control and this internal narration is fishy, which would actually be a nice bit of foreshadowing on Green's part. quote:And Bron was certainly the leader of the group that everyone looked up to. Delin made that clear every time they got together without the agent, just as he quietly took over handling things when the agent did happen to be there. Lord Rigos and his high-handed ways tended to upset Bron, and it was a relief to have Delin handle the man for him. Especially since Delin made no effort to keep control. Keep Bron's impression of Delin in mind as we read through the next set of chapters. He is not very smart. quote:But the carriage was moving too slowly, Bron suddenly noticed. A glance at a clock before leaving Nialla’s house had shown that Bron was running late as usual, something his driver should have known without being told. He’d certainly have to dismiss the man tonight, no matter that the low-class peasant had worked for him for years. The man deserved to be dismissed, but now he needed to be hurried. While Bron's earlier expectations were reasonable, this really isn't UNLESS his driver actually has Spirit magic, in which case I suppose it would be, technically. Except we're in an Empire where people basically are told not to use the innate magical abilities that they're born with. quote:Bron leaned forward to shout at his driver, picturing how upsetting Lord Rigos would be when Bron walked in late again… That has to be a typo. I think Green meant "picturing how upset Lord Rigos would be..." Summary: There's nothing in the text to indicate what day in the overall timeline it is, because as you might recall from Tamrissa's annoying closing narration at the end of Book 2 Chapter 5, she's inserting these next bits as pseudo flashbacks/alternate POVs or whatevers because...reasons. Anyway. This was the shortest chapter so far, except for the Prologue in Book 1. Bron Kallan (Fire magic) is a hot dumb jock who casually vandalizes his lady friend's antique piano because she insulted his ego during their post-coital conversation. Counts so far: (I'm gonna carry the counts forward for Book 2 stuff, but keep it all together since all of the books in the first series just kind of blur into one gigantic mess. The sequel trilogy is actually better written in some ways, so worth starting the count anew, except for maybe tea drinking and baths) NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 22 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 10 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 12 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 39 COACH RIDES: 22 (21 of them in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 4 OTHER MEETINGS: 3 INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 31 "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 11 TEA DRINKING: 22 BLATANT MORALIZING: 19 BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Cut this POV! It won't feel this way for another twenty or thirty chapters but the POVs from the antagonist Blending we mainly get are from Delin then Kambil, because they are the two most proactive antagonists in the whole series (Book 3 spoilers: and because Kambil has put his other Blendingmates under control so they are basically his puppets). Leng fucked around with this message at 04:57 on Dec 10, 2020 |
# ? Dec 7, 2020 12:02 |
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Green is a libertarian and lady libertarians believe that sexism is bad, but treating it like a cultural problem to be tackled collectively is worse. Women need to just be tough and smart enough to convince men that they're equals, also women and men have different roles, also some women just deserve to be treated like poo poo because they ask for it with their weakness. It is, as should be no surprise, an insensible mess.
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# ? Dec 7, 2020 18:07 |
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Men should be tough enough that women respect them, but not so tough that they become sadistic sexual predators. Women should be tough enough to stand up for themselves against these bad men, but they shouldn't be so tough that they become like men themselves. Self-driven women are good, ambitious women are bad. Sexually confident women are good, sexually proactive women are bad. Also people have the power and responsibility to chart their own course in life without being influenced by external factors, but the number one predictor of whether someone is a good person is how permissive their parents were.
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# ? Dec 7, 2020 18:30 |
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there wolf posted:Women need to just be tough and smart enough to convince men that they're equals, also women and men have different roles wizzardstaff posted:Women should be tough enough to stand up for themselves against these bad men, but they shouldn't be so tough that they become like men themselves. Dare I ask what the libertarian view on trans and gender diversity is? Or is that a horror show that should best be avoided?
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# ? Dec 8, 2020 11:25 |
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quote:CHAPTER SEVEN We've had the hot dumb jock; now meet his counterpart, the hot rich bimbo. quote:“Selendi, dear, why are you rushing around like that?” Mother asked from where she sat at her precious loom, paying more attention to the weaving than to her own daughter. “I did remind you of your appointment just when you asked me to, you know.” This is the second set of the parent/child interactions that we get to see on screen (the first being Tamrissa and her parents) and it's going to be the template for 90% of the parent/child dynamics in the nobility. quote:“But dear, you were with that marvelous young what’s-his-name, the son of Alette Rumil,” Mother protested in that high voice she used when she felt unjustly accused—and which never failed to jangle Selendi’s nerves even more. “He’s going to be a very important man some day, just like his father, so how could I interrupt?” The inconsistence levels around what "very important" is off the charts and we'll come back to it. For now, just note that hot and dumb Bron is not good enough to be "very important" despite his father being very important, but also the hot and dumb son of Alette Rumil is good enough to be "very important" because his father is very important. quote:“Don’t be crude, dear, it isn’t ladylike,” Mother corrected absently, the same thing she always said when she’d driven Selendi into the foulest of moods. “Alette is simply a bit … easygoing when it comes to understanding things, and her son obviously takes after her. But he also takes after her in looks, you’ll have to admit. He’s one of the handsomest men I’ve ever seen.” Uh, yay? Selendi's mom only objected to the fact that Selendi phrased her observation as an insult, as opposed to telling her off for sleeping with him or disagreeing with her. quote:“You’ve always been partial to blondes, and if you weren’t sitting there doing manual labor I would have brought him in to meet you,” Selendi said, partially distracted by the fact that she’d now discarded every scarf in the chest, and still hadn’t found the one she wanted. “What could have happened to it? I know I saw it in here only a few days ago.” I'm getting serious super rich kid Instagram model vibes off Selendi. quote:“I want that pale blue scarf of yours,” Selendi answered, turning away from the scattered mess. “It’s the only scarf that goes really well with this dress, and I’m not leaving here until I find it.” If I were Selendi's mother, I would just treat both of my daughters like twins and buy two of everything, because I am a rich noble's wife and this is not the parenting battle I want to die on a hill for. quote:“We’ll have to continue this discussion later, Mother,” Selendi interrupted as she headed out of her mother’s bedchamber. “And you can be sure I’ll remember this the next time Emar Rumil comes to visit. Do enjoy your manual labor.” Since the protagonists are so awful, Green needs to make the antagonists really awful so you don't root for them by accident. Hence Selendi's casual everyday physical assault on the servants aside. Also, doesn't a tea service by definition include the tea that is inside the tea pot that forms part of the tea service along with the tea cups? Did she mean "Both servant and tea ended up on the floor"? Really sucks to be that person, because they probably just got third degree burns from the scalding hot tea. quote:Her driver knew the way to Kambil Arstin’s house, so she simply had to say where she was going and they were on their way. Her driver was an absolute delight, and not too bad in bed, either. She’d used him a time or two when no one else was available, and the way he’d strutted afterward had amused her. Most peasants knew when they were more than ordinarily privileged, and his strutting would remain amusing as long as he didn’t try to put on airs with her. This is the second time Green's used the pun "put on airs" with a character who has Air magic. quote:Not that he would, unlike some of the men of her own class. Most of them were absolutely insufferable, even the thick-headed ones like Emar Rumil. Bron Kallan was one like that, and as soon as she tried him in bed she’d probably tell him exactly what she thought of him. Unless he was as good as she’d heard. If he was she’d wait until she tired of him, which wasn’t likely to take long. It never took long with any of them, probably because they were so insufferable. Spoilers, Green does not write the horrible sex scene between Bron and Selendi. I kind of wish she did; mainly because these two characters are both so crazy selfish that I can't imagine either of them caring about whether or not the other person had a good time, or communicating well with each other, so it would actually be a hilarious scene of bad sex instead of just being badly written bad sex pretending to be good sex. quote:Selendi made herself more comfortable on the carriage seat, finally having the time to think about where she was going. The rest of the five she’d been forced to join were men, but they seemed to want as much out of life as she did. It was difficult to imagine men being dissatisfied when most of them at least had the chance to do anything they pleased. Their mothers were never constantly at them, insisting this or that wasn’t ladylike or refined enough. She was beyond being sick of hearing about limits, and had hated it even more when the Advisors’ agent had forced her to do what she had no real interest in. Also part of Green's theme: all of the Evil People are Evil because they want vengeance on people whom they believed did them wrong; our protagonists just want to be left alone, except they are allowed to have homicidal fantasies about exacting vengeance on people whom they believe to have treated their friends wrong, and that makes them Heroes who are clearly Not Evil. quote:That still left Leta to be gotten even with, which would certainly turn out to be something of a problem. Selendi frowned and shifted in annoyance at the thought of her older sister, whom everyone said took mostly after Father. Leta had no more magical talent than anyone else, but somehow she’d always managed to do exactly what she wanted to. The one time they’d had a serious argument, Selendi had lost. Make Leta the protagonist–I mean, the antagonist instead. quote:She’d shoved Selendi away then and had straightened and left, but it had been quite a while before Selendi had been able to leave herself. Leta had terrified her, and as much like Father as Leta was, Selendi didn’t doubt for a moment that Leta had spoken the absolute truth. She’d taken pains to stay away from her sister and her sister’s possessions after that, but her hatred of Leta had grown stronger and stronger over the years. Why don't you tell us exactly WHAT you saw in Delin's eyes? Oh because Green is writing this. Summary: Bron Kallan (Fire magic) is a hot dumb jock who casually vandalizes his lady friend's antique piano because she insulted his ego during their post-coital conversation. Selendi Vas (Air magic) is a hot rich bimbo who is a spoiled brat. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 11 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 13 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 39 COACH RIDES: 23 (21 of them in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 4 OTHER MEETINGS: 3 INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 31 "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 11 TEA DRINKING: 22 BLATANT MORALIZING: 19 BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Selendi actually has a pretty sad/messed up character arc (Book 5 spoilers: turns out that the reason she keeps sleeping with all these men is because she was sexually abused by her father as a young girl and she's trying to recreate that experience with another guy because once she got older, her father stopped sexually abusing her). Unfortunately she's too dumb to actually do anything effective plotwise. In the hands of a better author, she could have been so much more interesting, though I think functionally Eltrina is like a more competent version of the "woman trying to play the game as a man but in her way" minus the abusive childhood. So yeah, I'd cut this POV altogether along with Bron's POVs. We can get exactly the same information about her characterization via Kambil and Delin in a few chapters. Leng fucked around with this message at 04:57 on Dec 10, 2020 |
# ? Dec 8, 2020 12:11 |
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quote:CHAPTER EIGHT And now we get to meet the only "headline" character who is not good looking or smooth or charming or courageous or any other positive attributes whatsoever other than the fact that he is a High in Water magic, i.e. the token who is about as far from Vallant as you can get. quote:Homin crept through the bedchamber, holding his breath to keep it from coming out in great, noisy gasps. His father’s new wife Elfini was currently taking her nap, and the last thing Homin wanted to do was waken her. She’d certainly arranged things so that he would awaken her, but it was just possible he might get around that. Actually he had to get around it, as the time to leave for the meeting was fast approaching. Going through the litany would take much too long, but if Elfini awoke she would certainly insist on it… Here's the first obvious instance of nonconsensual weird BDSM stuff that tells you we're in an antagonist POV. quote:“Lord Rigos will force me to tell him why I’m late!” Homin blurted out, his desperation almost as great as his fear. “You know how frightened I am of him, and when he turns those eyes on me I simply can’t lie. He’s already said he’ll take stern measures with anyone who tries to disrupt our group, and the anyone includes our families. Lord Rigos is—” "furious anger now rippling her control" has to be one of the worst dialogue tags, ever. quote:The flood of relief made Homin stagger, but he caught his balance then forced himself to go closer to where Elfini sat. Because of the dimness he was just about on top of the night table before he saw the bracelet, and after a nervous glance at his stepmother he snatched it up. He’d almost expected her to grab his wrist when he reached for the bracelet, but that wasn’t the way she did things. We're going to get a recap of all of this again later, by the way. quote:She made a sound that was probably dismissal, but in any event that was the way Homin took it. He turned and fled her bedchamber, and didn’t slow down until he was through the house and out the front door. His carriage waited outside so he climbed right in, told the driver to take him to Kambil Arstin’s house, and only when the carriage began to move did he make the effort to try to relax. So did the late Lady Weil understand the concept of consent? Or was Homin actually abused by his mother as a child as well, if he lived in constant fear and Elfini is "somehow worse" than his mother, which implies that he didn't think someone could be worse than his mother? quote:Elfini apparently wanted to break him, just as if he were strong and virile and defiant. Homin whimpered softly as he hid his eyes behind the handkerchief, at a loss to understand how she could think of him like that even for a moment. He hated and feared discipline and so made every attempt to do exactly as Elfini wished, but she still wasn’t satisfied. If only Mother hadn’t taken sick and died… Oh, well, that last part is interesting information! Having your offspring drafted as a member of a competing Blending is detrimental to your political position? Green doesn't go into the politics any more than this and I wish she would. We know the competitions are fixed, we know that they've picked the winners in advance, we know that all the competitions are given mind control drugs, so why even go through this farce of drafting in noble competing Blendings? Is it a political punishment or fine? This is way more interesting than everything else that has happened in the 3 noble POV chapters so far and we will never discover anything more to it. quote:Time and distance were working together to drain the tension from Homin, so he took the handkerchief from his eyes and leaned back in his carriage seat. The drive would be long enough for him to pull himself together, but the day was rather warm and he needed something to help calm him even further. To that end he brought down some moderately cold water from the upper reaches of the sky, applied it to his brow, then sighed in temporary satisfaction. Obligatory wielding of magic in a petty or vindictive way by one of the noble antagonists because– oh wait, it's neither petty nor vindictive and Homin is the only one I'm feeling any sort of sympathy for, and it's way more sympathy than I felt for most of the protagonists when they were first introduced in their chapters. quote:“Very temporary satisfaction,” he muttered, already beginning to dread the meeting with Lord Rigos. No one of their class had any interest in wasting time being part of a pretend Blending for the competitions, not when everyone knew who had been chosen to win this time. But the Advisors needed challenging Blendings from the nobility to make the sham look good, so they sent out agents like Lord Rigos to coerce people into cooperation. He still didn’t understand how they’d been chosen, not when people without normal ability were somehow involved. Write about this instead! quote:But he had been chosen, along with the other four, and now the other four had embroiled him in some sort of secret plot. Homin had been very tempted to tell Lord Rigos about it and then withdraw completely, but the thought of what he might achieve had stopped him. If their rather silly little plot succeeded somehow, they each would have their own wealth, power—and households. He would no longer need to share his father’s house, and would never need to see Elfini again. He could look for his own woman, one who would be gentle with him, just as Mother had been… So...Homin has Oedipal issues too? I'm so confused. Vallant's only heir to a merchant as opposed to a noble's only son, and he can afford to rent out a SUITE in a seaport inn permanently. Does Homin's abuse extend to financial abuse too? quote:And he would no longer need to lie, as he had about Lord Rigos. Homin had taken the chance that Elfini would, at the very least, be wary of Lord Rigos, and that part of his desperate, hastily-made plan had worked. She did indeed know the Advisory agent, but hadn’t needed to bother threatening Homin into silence. Lord Rigos couldn’t have cared less about the five of them, as long as they were all able to make some kind of showing in the competitions. Having just attempted my own rewrite, I can now pick out why this bit bothers me. We SAW this happen from Homin's perspective, but instead of interweaving Homin's thoughts so we can get a sense of being in the scene with him, we just get the flat he said/she said dialogue exchange with weird dialogue tags and THEN an internal monologue afterwards that gives us Homin's thoughts. WHY? It would have taken so little effort to just MOVE THIS PART like a few pages earlier and adjust the tenses so we see what he's thinking as he's trying to figure out a way to escape Elfini. Instead we get this weird reflection in the carriage, so it feels like a complete retcon instead of a character who would otherwise be a completely passive incompetent participant being dragged along by the plot showing a hint of an initiative that gives us some hope for future chapters. quote:Homin’s carriage now passed the fringes of a pretty little park, a taste of the countryside in the middle of the city for those who didn’t care to travel out to the real countryside. It would have been wonderful to have his driver turn into that park and drop him off, with orders not to come back or tell anyone where he was. Losing himself would have been marvelous, but he couldn’t have stayed lost. As soon as the next mealtime came around he would be forced to return home, where Elfini would be waiting even more angry than she was now. There has got to be financial abuse going on. A noble who can't even afford to eat out anywhere except at home (presumably because he doesn't carry any money)? Why can't he just charge it to his father's account? Has the concept of credit not been invented in the Gandistran Empire yet? quote:And he couldn’t face the thought of her discipline, he really couldn’t. Faint beads of sweat formed on his brow again at what would be waiting for him when he returned home, but he had no idea how to avoid it. There were days and days yet before he would need to stand with the others in the competitions, so even if he begged Lord Rigos’s help he wasn’t likely to get it. He’d be over the disciplinary session by the time he was needed, so Lord Rigos would simply sneer and dismiss the matter. Green's REALLY trying to build up Delin with three introductory chapters all ending on this kind of note. In contrast, despite the repeated mentions of Adriari's Blending, they are so worthless that the "twist" Green has planned for Book 3 (all of the recent Seated Blendings are made up of Middles rather than Highs so they're easier to control, so Adriari's group are all Middles too) is seen coming a mile away, hence why I'm not including them in the antagonist count. quote:Homin dabbed at his brow one last time before putting his handkerchief away, now actually looking forward to the meeting. Or rather to the time after the meeting, when he would be able to speak to Delin. His membership in the group might turn out to have more benefits than he could have possibly imagined… I really wish Green would learn that it is possible to end chapters (and entire books) without trailing off like this. Summary: Bron Kallan (Fire magic) is a hot dumb jock who casually vandalizes his lady friend's antique piano because she insulted his ego during their post-coital conversation. Selendi Vas (Air magic) is a hot rich bimbo who is a spoiled brat. Homin Weil is the token fatty who's been abused his entire life and is currently being abused by his stepmother. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 12 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 14 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 40 (39 of them in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 24 (21 of them in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 4 OTHER MEETINGS: 3 INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 31 "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 11 TEA DRINKING: 22 BLATANT MORALIZING: 19 BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Homin also had the potential to be much more interesting than the token nod to "diversity" (hahahahahaha, it's so bad that the only diversity represented in Green's books is whether someone is hot or not), mainly because he is actually quite different to the other characters. But I guess it was too hard to try and write a character that was so different because Green pretty much drops the Homin POVs as soon as the first subplot he's involved with is over and then Book 3 spoilers he just becomes an extension of Kambil. So yeah, I'd be cutting this POV too. Leng fucked around with this message at 04:56 on Dec 10, 2020 |
# ? Dec 9, 2020 12:24 |
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quote:CHAPTER NINE This guy is supposed to be the most sympathetic one out of all the antagonists. I like the idea of having an antagonist that could reasonably be the protagonist in another version of the story. Unfortunately this is Green so there's not enough nuance in the story to support this. The main characters are right and righteous saviors of the world and anybody standing in their way is just supporting an evil and corrupt regime. quote:“Since your guests should be arriving soon, I’ll get out of the way, Kambil,” his grandmother said, giving him one of her usual warm smiles. “But if you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to call. I won’t be doing anything important.” Spoilers for Book 5 I think: Grami Arstin is actually a real piece of work. She's basically a High in Spirit magic herself, and put her own husband, her son, her daughter-in-law and her grand children under her control. It's super messed up and she would have been a fantastic antagonist. quote:“Yes, you are a worrier, and I love you for it,” Kambil said, walking her half way to the corridor which led to her wing of the house. “I’ll come to your apartment later, and tell you how things went.” Spoilers continued: like this is some crazy skill in Spirit magic - the fact that Grami has her grandson under such strong and subtle control that Kambil comes off reasonably sane for most of his POVs. The worst part is Green doesn't really do foreshadowing that well so the reveals that come later feel like they come out of nowhere quote:“Like this whole affair,” Kambil muttered, turning back to see that everything in the sitting area was prepared for the arrival of his guests. It might have been some comfort if he’d fallen into evil company through his own efforts, but he’d actually had nothing to do with being made a part of this group. He’d been noticed by some Guild man or other and been assessed a strong talent, so when they’d needed someone with Spirit magic to round out a group, he’d been drafted. So is being drafted into the competitions politically detrimental or not? We'll get some reveals later on in Book 3 or 4 where Kambil discloses the fact that his father apologized to him for the fact that he was being drafted, despite the fact that he was a) loved by his family, b) had a good governmental job lined up, c) doesn't have any behavioral issues so people see him as an asset rather than a loose cannon. The inconsistency here really bugs me. quote:And now he was part of another group, and that was only a bit more voluntary than his membership in the first. The others had decided that they wanted to be the new Seated Blending, and had made plans to defeat the Blending chosen by the Advisors. It couldn’t possibly turn out to be as easy as his four associates expected, but they were all too emotionally involved with the idea to see anything but the end result they aimed at. These guys cannot possibly be the only noble pretend Blendings that have come up with this idea. And the complete avoidance of "what happens to people who were in noble pretend Blendings" as a topic is so irritating. quote:Kambil sighed, when he really would have been happier cursing out loud. Because his associates were so far out of balance, he had to be constantly in control of himself in case of an emergency. He was just as human as they were and therefore just as likely to lose his temper over something, but now he couldn’t afford to. Physically he happened to be larger than all of them, but now he was stuck in the role of gentle giant. Can you not just use Spirit magic on yourself? Because every other aspect can affect themselves with their own talent. quote:“Excuse me, Lord Kambil,” a voice said, and he turned to see one of the servants. “Lord Rigos’s carriage has just pulled up, and you asked to be informed when it did.” Kambil is the only member of the nobility (other than Rion) whom we ever see demonstrate basic courtesy to servants and staff. quote:The servant bowed his agreement and withdrew, leaving Kambil alone again for the moment. But that wasn’t likely to last, as Rigos usually arrived only a few minutes before the others were due. Not that most of the others were expected to be on time. Unless the meeting was being held in their own house, Kambil was the only one who appeared when he was supposed to. Rigos knew that as well as he did, but the Advisory agent enjoyed seeing the others squirm when he pretended he’d been waiting for hours. I hate the fact that Green constantly info dumps us to the point where even minor characters get info dumps about them, instead of just letting us deduce who these characters are and what they're like from seeing them interact with other characters. quote:“Good afternoon, Lord Kambil,” he said in a voice that would never be deep enough to satisfy him. “Obviously it was too much to hope that one or more of your associates would arrive before me.” Is this the Blendingverse equivalent of "my dog ate my homework"? quote:“Yes, you’re truly a jewel among the dross,” Rigos murmured as he drifted around the room, looking at the displayed examples of Kambil’s father’s collection of antique teacups. “I feel so much closer to you than I do to the others, as though you and I were just alike and I might tell you anything. It’s my fond hope that you feel something of the same.” It would be nice, while we're in the head of a Spirit magic user, to understand why Rigos hates them all so much. Is it political tension between their families? Is it because Rigos really wanted to be doing something else instead but he's stuck shepherding around ungrateful brats for a farce of a competition? Is it purely for shallow reasons? quote:“Well, we do have quite a lot in common,” Kambil allowed slowly and thoughtfully, as though he had no idea what Rigos might be after. “Our fathers have almost the same position in society, but you’ve gone ahead and established your own position. I haven’t managed that as yet, so it wouldn’t be fair to say we’re just the same.” What's suss is that Kambil should be picking up on the fact that this is entirely a lie, since we'll see later in Book 4 that only the winning Blending is left standing, and everyone else gets drugged and sent off to the armies – though since all of the noble Blendings except this one were killed in the first round of the competitions so it's unclear whether noble survivors would have been sent away as well. Unless Rigos was lying earlier in order to cover up this lie, which then either means Kambil is not that good at Spirit magic (unlikely) or there are limitations to Spirit magic. quote:“I’d like to feel that you can confide in me under any circumstances,” Kambil said, even more carefully than before. “How can I help you?” We know the commoner Blendings were drugged, but what about the nobles? Is this confirmation that they were also drugged? Like I really see nothing being used to coerce the noble participants, except through political pressure on their families and those parents then enforcing the requirements on their children. Do we not have a single noble rebel who cut ties with their family like Tamrissa did? Are there no noble kids who inherited their parent's position early? quote:“If they are, they have my sincere condolences,” Kambil said, then gestured to the service a maid had brought and left. “Let’s have some tea while we wait, and continue our discussion sitting down, like civilized people. I’d still like to know what you mean about my achieving a mark of my own after this competition nonsense is over.” TEA! quote:Kambil let a flash of intense interest and casual greed show briefly in his expression, but not so briefly that Rigos didn’t notice it. An innocent man who was uninvolved in plots and plans would certainly pursue the subject, and that should put Rigos even more off-guard—which it did. Uh, please explain how you flash intense interest and casual greed briefly in your expression. That sounds like a microexpression to me, which is not really something you can control, as far as I understand how physiology works. Of course, if Spirit magic users could force themselves to feel those emotions, that would make sense. quote:“When I referred to your future achievements, I was proposing a trade of favors, so to speak,” Rigos explained as he reached out to pour himself a cup of tea, no longer paying more than token attention to Kambil’s reactions. “You attend quite a lot of receptions that the members of the other groups do, which means that if there’s something to be heard, you’re most likely to hear it. If you’ll do me the favor of passing on anything you might hear, I’ll be pleased to return the favor by recommending you for any post which might catch your eye.” We will never see Kambil schmoozing with other nobles. Because that would be interesting and require the politics of this world to be fleshed out. quote:“If you happen to hear anything of real value, my generosity will be just about guaranteed,” Rigos began, then abruptly fell silent when a servant appeared. So Homin could totally have just gone to Rigos and asked him to sort out his domestic situation! I really don't find conflicts caused by deliberate misunderstanding to be interesting. quote:His words broke off as Lord Delin Moord was announced, and they both turned to look at the man. Handsome and charming was too pale a phrase for Delin, communicating nothing of the personal power he radiated when he entered a room. The man was better than six feet tall, almost as large as Kambil, in fact, but somewhat more sleekly built. Women tended to lust after him at first sight, drooling over his long black hair and light blue eyes and muscular body, and Delin was usually only too willing to accommodate them. The contrast between how Delin is introduced and where his arc ends is night and day. quote:Kambil and Delin exchanged a quick glance as Rigos turned away from them, both of them very much aware that Rigos was deliberately not going into details. It was almost certain that he had something definite in mind, but he didn’t seem ready to share the something yet. This is a classic Green sentence and I hate it with a passion. It's her go to technique for creating "suspense" and all it does is annoy me. quote:Delin helped himself to a cup of tea while Rigos and Kambil chose chairs, and then the newcomer joined them. They sat chatting about nothing of consequence for a number of minutes, and then Selendi Vas was announced. Why is this sentence even here? Why are we getting blocking information that reveals nothing about plot, character or setting? Why couldn't we have had some sort of interesting transition? Keep in mind that we've had THREE WHOLE CHAPTERS to introduce all of these people except for Kambil and Delin. I HATE THIS WRITING. quote:“Lady Selendi, how gracious of you to grant us your presence,” Rigos drawled as she bustled in. “And no more than twenty minutes late.” And with three paragraphs, Green's just rendered Selendi's entire chapter redundant. She doesn't even rotate through all of the noble Blending's viewpoints like she religiously does with the main characters, so her editor really should have made her axe the last 3 chapters. quote:Once the girl had a cup of tea she chose her own chair among them, and the chatting went on. This time, however, only a few minutes went by before Bron Kallan was announced. AGAIN??? quote:“Sorry to be late, people, but there is such a thing as common courtesy,” he drawled as he strolled into the room, one hand smoothing his dark red hair. “I tried to leave the sweet little thing earlier, but she simply wouldn’t hear of it. What can one do when one is … so much better than average?” Rigos has obviously never heard of the study that was done on parents being fined. Is the Advisory board supposed to be a terrifying political body with insane powers or kind of like getting dragged into the principal's office when your kid decided to eat all of the crayons? quote:“I can and I will,” Rigos said comfortably, obviously enjoying himself immensely. “I’ve already gotten the approval of my superiors, and my associate is now waiting outside in his own carriage, noting down four arrival times. The information will be given to the Advisors even before our meeting is over, and then things will continue as I’ve described. I wonder if you’ll be getting the same spanking and lecture Lady Selendi will, Lord Bron. I mean, a man who’s so obviously more than average…” Yet another spanking reference. Apparently used unironically. quote:Rigos let the words trail off in a drawl, either not feeling or ignoring the waves of hatred coming from the husky Bron. Kambil could feel the uncertainty also coming from Bron, as though the red-haired man was uncertain of what his parents’ reaction would be. Considering the way they’d indulged him all his life there shouldn’t have been a problem, but public humiliation has a way of reaching even the most foolishly indulgent of parents. I don't know. I feel like anyone who has been a parent would be pretty familiar with the experience of being publicly humiliated by their children. It's kind of a rite of passage. quote:And Rigos was obviously not as unimpressed by their talents as he pretended to be. The small man had made it clear that someone else was around who would report to the Advisors, so doing away with him would be pointless. It was a clever move, but overlooked one possibility: when irresponsible people get angry, they sometimes act before considering consequences. If Bron lost control and burned Rigos to ash where he sat, it would help Rigos not at all that Bron would certainly be prosecuted for murder. Why does every single character go straight from zero to murder? quote:But Bron, after a glance at Delin, simply continued on to the tea service without another word. Kambil had caught the very slight headshake Delin had given Bron, but Rigos wasn’t seated in a position to have seen it. Selendi still glared daggers at the agent while the silence dragged on, but after another moment Delin broke it. Wait wait wait wait wait. This went by so fast that I forgot the detail was even here in the first place. The political structure in Gan Garee is now very confusing. The way all the characters carried on for the first book implied it was an absolute co-monarchy (oliogonarchy?) with their key advisors, but now there's an assembly comprised of major noble Houses? Do the House(s) actually meet to ratify Advisory decisions? What about the Seated Blending? Also the Prologue referred to Duchies, so what is going on? quote:“Do you really expect to assemble the major Houses on your say-so?” Rigos came back, Kambil noticing that the agent sounded a good deal more assured than he felt. “In their opinion you’re just a boy, and not even heir to your father’s estate and position. You’d be wasting your time, and I know it even if you don’t.” Loss of standing and therefore influence, sure. How does this "ruin" anybody who still controls the same amount of property, etc? quote:“So I’m afraid you’re going to have to find another way to turn this group punctual, or you won’t have a group to worry about.” Delin’s words were very gentle, with none of the victory Kambil knew he felt coming through at all. “I suggest you see to the matter now, before it grows beyond the control of our efforts.” It would have been way more interesting if Rigos hadn't bothered gloating whatsoever and just had the plan proceed. But that would require Green to do less infodumping via dialogue and be strategic about the use of description. And also stuff would have actually happened. quote:Selendi kept eyeing Bron where he sat sprawled on a couch, but before she could decide to join him there Homin was announced. The man rushed in completely out of breath, obviously having moved too fast for someone with such an excess of weight. Oh no, looming vague sense of "disaster", wow, this is so convincing! quote:Which meant he’d have to keep his eyes wide open, and head matters off before they went too far for anyone to pull them back. He just hadn’t as yet figured out how he would do that… Said right after Kambil is reflecting on his own ineffectualness. Summary: Bron Kallan (Fire magic) is a hot dumb jock who casually vandalizes his lady friend's antique piano because she insulted his ego during their post-coital conversation. Selendi Vas (Air magic) is a hot rich bimbo who is a spoiled brat. Homin Weil is the token fatty who's been abused his entire life and is currently being abused by his stepmother. Kambil is basically a male version of Jovvi minus the sex work. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 15 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 41 (39 of them in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 24 (21 of them in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 4 OTHER MEETINGS: 4 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 11 TEA DRINKING: 23 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 19 BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: This one event–the noble Blending meeting with Rigos–takes place over this chapter and the next chapter. I would cut Kambil's POV and cover the whole event from Delin's perspective, and you'll see why once we get into the next chapter. Leng fucked around with this message at 04:58 on Dec 10, 2020 |
# ? Dec 10, 2020 04:55 |
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quote:CHAPTER TEN The only character who is called out as a psychopath by every other character. quote:Delin sat completely relaxed while Homin babbled out his excuse for being late, letting nothing of agitation reach him. He’d spent some time in the beginning raging at blind chance for linking him with this pitiful group, but then he’d finally seen the truth. There were more advantages than disadvantages in being part of this Blending, and once he understood that he’d even been able to test them. The plot thickens, in regards to how much of the fixing of the competition and what happens to noble survivors is generally known to the nobles. quote:To begin with, this group accepted his leadership without argument. Another man, brighter than Bron Kallan, would be harder to convince that he was leader rather than Delin, and would also be harder to manipulate. The others tended to avoid arguing with Bron because of the man’s uncertain temper, which let Delin run everything without being obvious about it. Because Green is completely opposed to having competent antagonists, it's not enough that the noble Blending are all just awful people anyway, they also have to be at each other's throats constantly for internal power struggle reasons. She has a theme about leadership going on where the people who should be in charge are people who are competent but don't want to be in charge, and people who want to be in charge should be automatically barred from the position (and a character actually will come right out and say so in Book 6 or something). The idea is you would then force the competent people to be in charge as a weird reverse prison sentence where you basically tell them they just need to lead the Empire for X years and after that they can retire and do whatever and that would be their incentive because you would only allow good and competent people to be in charge. So American goons, how exactly do libertarians vote at all the US elections? Because if I'm not mistaken, you have no compulsory voting laws and also by Green's thematic definition here, anyone who runs for office wants to be a leader and therefore is not suited to be a leader. quote:It was difficult for most people to believe, but the other members of this group were almost as powerful in their talents as he was. Erratic or objectionable personalities aside, there didn’t seem to be anyone else in their class who could match them. Why–in a world where there is a whole magical talent that revolves around RATING how strong magical talents are AND you can literally feel someone's magical strength in your own aspect–would this be hard for most people to believe? quote:That meant there was no one anywhere who might be considered equals, since peasants certainly didn’t count. Another theme that will get bashed into our heads repeatedly, over and over again. I just finished reading all three of the Baru Cormorant books which are out (which if you have not read, you really should because they are amazing books) and while Hesychast's philosophy is basically nature determines everything, it's just treated with such nuance by General Battuta that I'm feeling completely bludgeoned coming back to Green here. quote:And Rigos Baril had no idea that that was so. It had been something of a blow to discover that Rigos—of all people—had been assigned to bully his group into behaving properly. The two of them had been enemies from boyhood, and if Rigos had gotten the least hint of what Delin was up to, the slimy little no-talent would have reported him immediately. At the moment Delin’s father’s political position was slightly better than Rigos’s, and exposing Delin’s plan would change that circumstance drastically. It's kind of hilarious that the antagonists are all overgrown children whose go to threat is "I'll tell Daddy/Mommy on you!" which is Green's whole theme about abusive parents screwing up their children, though I think this written shortly after the term "helicopter parenting" was coined but before it really took off. I think I would take a lot less issue with Green's plot and characters if she had done the entire thing as satire instead of attempting it as a High Fantasy Adventure (seriously who would think this even remotely qualifies as high fantasy? It barely qualifies as adventure) and ripped out all of the repetition. quote:But Rigos saw only the weakness of the group, nothing of their strengths. He was a fool to be so blind, and doubly a fool for thinking Delin would let him get away with humiliating the others. They would have exploded out of control and ruined Delin’s plans, so Delin had had to pretend a personal objection to Rigos’s nonsense. By making it a political issue he’d forced Rigos to back down, which had also made it unnecessary to kill him. I would be a lot more horrified reading this if Delin was the only homicidal character in these books. Except we've seen eerily similar (if less specifics in the description) thoughts from Vallant who is meant to be one of the protagonists so quote:“Now then,” Rigos said, drawing Delin’s attention back from the realms of marvelous daydreams. DUN DUN DUN FORESHADOWING quote:“I have the weekly reports from your trainers, and we’ll go over them one by one. Some of you are performing adequately, but others…” Someone needs to tell Green that most (sane) people HATE meetings and spend as much of their lives trying to avoid them and that it is probably a bad idea to structure so much of her story around meetings. I know this is technically the same meeting as the one from Kambil's chapter but I hate this stupidity so much I'm going to increment the counter again. quote:Rigos let the words trail off as he glanced around, surely trying to terrorize as many of the others as possible. But they were his people, his special Blending, and if Rigos tried to go too far Delin would haul him up short. Somehow "haul him up short" feels incomplete - surely our psychopath should be thinking about strangling Rigos with his own entrails or something. quote:“Earth magic, Delin Moord,” Rigos announced, giving most of his attention to the report in his hands. “Works fairly diligently, but tends to be too casual about practice… Advancement through the exercises satisfactory… Attitude: less than fully eager to cooperate… General progress: average but adequate.” This is where the logic behind this whole competition goes from falling apart to spontaneous combustion. Why the hell do the nobles even bother? They use the competitions as a political penalty/opportunity to clear the "deadwood" from their ranks (we will hear this basically verbatim later in Book 3 or 4) so why bother even training anybody at all? For a government so supposedly fixed on accumulating wealth to benefit those in power, this is a ridiculously expensive outlay for basically zero return on investment. I miss reading a book with an accountant protagonist in a world where the economics actually make sense. quote:“… and so forth and so on,” Rigos was finishing up. “I believe it’s fairly clear that there aren’t many objections to the progress made by our Earth magic practitioner. If that was the worst report I’d be pleased, but unfortunately it’s not. The next report is on Selendi Vas, Air magic.” Continuing with the classic Green style of using cryptic little internal narration like this and then doubling up on a "for dummies" explanation via butler and maid conversations later, this will get explained in a dialogue between Delin and Kambil at some point in Book 3. quote:“Work habits are a bit sloppy and ill-disciplined,” Rigos went on, reading the evaluation with relish. “Practice is almost certainly being ignored, as progress has been somewhat slow. Exercises are sometimes regarded as indignities, but are executed when trainer insists… Attitude is extremely sensitive to all criticism, therefore subject must be treated gently… Overall progress … painfully slow.” Spoilers - yes he did and technically he wasn't the one who was asking, and yes we will also get this recap from a Selendi POV later. Ugh. quote:“He’s a dull and tedious fool, and usually completely unreasonable. I’m a lot more accomplished than I was to begin with, so that proves he’s lying.” So. Hamfisted. quote:“Work habits are efficient and based on a full sense of cooperation,” Rigos recited with relish, as though deliberately taunting Delin. “Practice is sometimes overlooked in favor of other undertakings, but progress is satisfactory in spite of that. Exercises are being progressed through at too slow a rate, but that seems to stem from excessive caution. Attitude is excellent in this subject, and overall progress is only just under the best to be expected.” You did, little wannabe Cersei, and it didn't work! quote:“I would suggest, Lady Selendi, that you first try applying yourself to the work,” Rigos answered when Kambil just sighed and shook his head. “This is the sort of report I expect to get on all of you in the near future, so kindly keep it well in mind. The next is Bron Kallan, Fire magic.” In case each of the POV chapters weren't blunt enough, Green has to infodump us all this stuff as well. Am I supposed to be scared for the protagonists or not? Because right now I'm just seeing another bunch of clowns who are incompetent when Our Heroes just effortlessly breezed through their first level masteries. Why are we wasting all of these pages on the opposite noble Blending when the true conflict is actually with the organizers? Spoilers for the end of Book 2 and Book 3 there will be one "confrontation" between Rion and Kambil at the end of this book, which is a conversation at a masked ball, then they will actually fight each other as Blendings at the end of Book 3 where–to no one's surprise–the noble Blending gets steamrolled by the protagonists and only survive because the competition is fixed. Zero suspense whatsoever and there's not even the draw of "oh but I want to see HOW it happens because the how will be interesting" that usually hooks a reader along because it is literally impossible for Green to write an interesting scene. Somehow she takes all of her interesting ideas and then bleeds the interesting parts out of them during her writing process! quote:“There’s considerable room for improvement, which I expect to see rather soon. And last, as dessert, so to speak, we have Homin Weil, Water magic.” Okay, forget the satirical take, how about stripping out the sex mechanic and everything that would be age inappropriate and setting this in like...junior high or something? I don't know the American terms but in Australian equivalents where high school starts in Year 7, it's like a Year 8 house group being berated by their house teacher for not paying attention in their classes. Which in my experience is not something house teachers do, that kind of conversation is saved for the parent/teacher night meetings, but let's say the kids knocked over a library shelf or something. quote:He looked around at all of them then, the look on his face fierce. “Yes, that’s what will happen when you perform in the competitions. Everyone will laugh at your efforts, but that doesn’t include the Advisors. You may take my word for the fact that they will not be laughing, but they will certainly have something to say to you afterward. And to your families.” Hahaha wow, bonus equivalent threat of being sent to the principal's office and having your parents called. quote:The others promptly began to look almost as upset as Homin, but it was the opening Delin needed. He’d been looking for a reason to speak up, and now he had it. Someone with life experience as a high school teacher please do a rewrite from Rigos's perspective. quote:“But we really do need to discuss our next move, and Bron has told me he’s ready to do just that.” Uh, no. No you do not do this. Once again, this is not how you run meetings. You have one general agenda, usually structured so that people can leave as they get done with their parts. Rigos has left, but you guys are still supposed to be finishing the rest of your meeting. If you need to have a separate discussion between a subset of the attendees, that's tabled (or "taken offline" as the current hot business jargon goes) until the REST of the agenda is done, so you don't have to do a recap for 40% of the attendees. Has Green never been to a meeting in her life? Is this why she writes so many meetings, because she's got meeting envy? quote:Homin nodded and followed Delin to the far side of the large room, the cup and saucer in the heavy man’s hands clattering faintly as he moved. Delin knew that that was due to nervousness rather than to clumsiness, and turned to the other man with a soothing smile. quote:“Yes, ordered,” Homin confirmed with a sigh, his eyes trying to close again. “My father’s new wife, Elfini. She insists on being in complete charge of the household and everyone in it, and won’t hear of my practicing. She can’t control it, you see, so she simply refuses to allow it. The one time I tried she used one of her whips on me, and it was the next day before I could move my back without fainting from the pain.” I do not understand how–if political influence is everything–all of these noble characters wouldn't have internalized a deep understanding of the complex web of political relationships and histories between all of the different houses. We now have characters infodumping to each other. quote:The possibilities inherent in that situation were fascinating, giving Delin a marvelous idea. “Why, yes, Homin, I’ll be glad to go home with you and speak to her. But there’s a stop I have to make on the way, so I’m afraid you’ll be put to the bother of waiting a short while. Will you mind terribly much?” "Wot wot, old chap, let's drink some more tea" quote:“We’re here to help one another, so that all of us might benefit. Right now we need to rejoin the others, and go into a bit of detail about the proposed changes in our efforts. After that you and I will leave together, eh?” That... that is not how you use that idiom. Wrinkles are BAD THINGS that happen to plans! You do not want there to be wrinkles in your plans, least of all add them to your own plans. quote:Now you’ve met our opponents, and certainly know them better than we did to begin with. HOW ARE YOU WRITING ANY OF THIS TAMRISSA. YOU HAVE TO LITERALLY BE MAKING THIS STUFF UP because there's no way you would have any ability to get access to this knowledge while you're writing this during the events of Book 5. quote:I remember hearing someone wonder aloud about why it is that people struggle to make better lives for them and their families, and then turn around and ruin their children by indulging them too far or being too hard on them. The man was referring to the nobility, but I can’t see that they have a monopoly on children-ruining. You don’t even need gold and social position to do that, just … well, maybe it comes from having been ruined in some way yourself. And finally a full statement of not just the theme, but Green's beliefs via her self-insert Tamrissa. quote:But wondering how people got the way they are is the last thing you think about when you’re faced with needing to deal with them. Their being unbalanced doesn’t mean they’re incompetent, Actually, in this case they are CLEARLY incompetent. Green is on record as saying her area of interest is in following hyper competent people who struggle with being capable in basic skills. Her whole narrative is structured around how these super flawed heroes save the day despite of their flaws. Except instead of showing that they're actually hyper competent, she just nerfs all of the other characters and they don't really have real flaws. Contrast that to Stormlight Archive where so many of the protagonists are deeply flawed or have serious issues that they struggle with to the point where spoilers for Rhythm of War I was really tired of having another arc of Kaladin at the very bottom. His journey is amazing, the payoff was incredibly moving and no doubt if I struggled with depression myself I would be feeling so validated with every chapter but I really didn't need so much dramatizing in so many chapters because well, we know what it's like for Kaladin. We get it. quote:and usually they have no qualms of conscience to keep them from doing anything they please to you. But I’m sure you already know that, so let’s get back to what happened in what order. So can you please stop making your useless commentary Tamrissa? You are a waste of ink. Summary: Bron Kallan (Fire magic) is a hot dumb jock who casually vandalizes his lady friend's antique piano because she insulted his ego during their post-coital conversation. Selendi Vas (Air magic) is a hot rich bimbo who is a spoiled brat. Homin Weil is the token fatty who's been abused his entire life and is currently being abused by his stepmother. Kambil is basically a male version of Jovvi minus the sex work. Delin is an acknowledged psychopath. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 of them in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 24 (21 of them in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 4 OTHER MEETINGS: 5 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 24 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 19 BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Now that the first rewrite attempt is done (it focused on becoming a High), from here on out I'm going to be speculating about what I would do in rewriting Book 2 (which would focus on the competitions). I will try and keep the discussion at a structural level, rather than getting too bogged down in the details. So, to begin with, if I'm gonna get antagonist POVs–especially if it's from a character who has been set up as someone that deserves to be hated–I'd like it to feel very different from being in the POV of a protagonist. Being in Delin's head is nowhere near as creepy as it should be. The Stormlight antagonists POVs Taravangian/Sadeas/Moash are all amazing because you can see exactly why these characters think the way they do, and their actions are totally consistent with who they are, and the whole of it–both their way of thinking and their actions–is so completely repugnant. Also the second book should usually raise the stakes or expand the world, and here we've got neither. The stakes are the same, and the expansion to the noble POV which SHOULD have given us a whole lot of rich political intrigue is completely lacking in detail because of course Green's picked a useless bunch of spoiled rich kids who don't know anything and don't do anything as her POV characters. Opening Book 2 with Eltrina's POV (perhaps as a prologue) instead of sticking it at the end of Book 1 (and moving those first five chapters of Book 2 into Book 1) would have been so much better. We would have gotten all of the recap that Green clearly wanted to do, but we would have expanded the world at the same time. Eltrina is actually an Influential Person Doing Things and Knows Stuff, so she's perfect for us to get teasers of the imminent threats and the political games behind the competitions.
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# ? Dec 14, 2020 12:43 |
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Leng posted:So American goons, how exactly do libertarians vote at all the US elections? Because if I'm not mistaken, you have no compulsory voting laws and also by Green's thematic definition here, anyone who runs for office wants to be a leader and therefore is not suited to be a leader. quote:I think I would take a lot less issue with Green's plot and characters if she had done the entire thing as satire instead of attempting it as a High Fantasy Adventure (seriously who would think this even remotely qualifies as high fantasy? It barely qualifies as adventure) and ripped out all of the repetition.
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# ? Dec 14, 2020 16:00 |
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Hobnob posted:There's been a bit of a shift of definitions here. It used to be fairly set (e.g., see the Encyclopedia of Fantasy) that a "high fantasy" was a constructed world with magic and so on - so Green's stuff certainly fits - as opposed to a "low fantasy" where magic intrudes into our world (think say the Harry Dresden novels). But more recently, I think because the canonical example given of high fantasy is always The Lord of the Rings, people have been using high fantasy to mean "looks like Lord of the Rings", i.e. there must be Elves and Dwarves and poo poo. I've even seen ASoIaF referred to as low fantasy, perhaps because it's too grimdark to seem high. To be honest, it's a crappy and useless definition anyway, probably used more for marketing than anything else. In Tolkien's view, Middle Earth is supposed to be our world, but very very long ago, so he himself would argue that LOTR isn't high fantasy even though everybody gives his text as the definition of high fantasy. And maybe I'm just being too critical here. Green's world building is just so flimsy (oh, magic is part of this world? Everybody can do magic? Okay, so HOW has it actually made the Blendingverse fundamentally different to 17th century England besides the most casual of find/replace surface behaviors of people when they remember that they have magical powers?) and the writing is so bad that even though technically the plot is on an epic scale (the fate of the Empire/known world) so much of the action deals with stupid character high school level drama that it never feels that way.
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# ? Dec 14, 2020 22:23 |
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I'm just grateful that Green decided to shake up the structure a bit when introducing the antagonists. We could have had five chapters of meeting preparations instead of three.
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# ? Dec 15, 2020 00:24 |
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I've been reading a story recently that takes the whole central theme of bad parenting and how it screws up people in a fantasy world and does a million times better job. The Villainess's Pet, about a young noblewoman who has no appreciable skills or name to trade on who attaches herself to various noblewomen who have a lot more social power than her and basically acts as a safety valve for them. Their society has real trouble with how emotions are seen as weakness, and everyone is encouraged to hide them or face social punishment. So she lets them vent and also gives them praise and encouragement to get through their stress. It's not all positive to the protagonist as she sometimes suffers physical and emotional abuse in their venting, but the noblewoman is always so thankful that she is let into the higher society and gifts are lavished upon her, so she sees it as a fair trade. Hence her status as a 'Pet', where its her lesser absolute status that makes it safe for them to vent to without losing face. She is seen by some as a social leech, but it lets her survive without having to suffer what her parents would have done to her if she hadn't: Marry some old man so her family can have some of his status and power. And basically everyone has similar abuse done to them in the name of power. The titular Villainess is the crown prince's fiancee who has suffered his overly permissive parents, so he has more or less slacked off with his studies required to become a ruler and spends all of his time having sex with any woman he can get his hands on, while she is forced to be pure and chaste or face severe punishment, as well as undergo extremely strict schooling, leading to a lot of unhappiness and strain in her relationship with the crown prince and her father. And her father is actually one of the better parents because he eventually realizes how much he's hosed up and works to fix it. The theme is actually there from the start but it actually only starts becoming OBVIOUS later on because the author takes her time to build it up so it's not dumped on you so blatantly. Sorry for the long rambling, but it's just urgh Green lays the whole theme on so thick and doesn't really say anything about it. The missed potential is so frustrating.
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# ? Dec 15, 2020 09:34 |
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quote:CHAPTER ELEVEN We are picking up right back where Chapter 5 left off, so all of the protagonists can have repetitive conversations recapping what happened in Chapters 1-5 in their various coach rides because we've had 4 chapters of filler in the 5 intervening chapters. I'm starting to think that Green maybe would have done very well publishing this as a web serial on Wattpad or something. quote:“Let me guess,” Jovvi said to Tamma with a happy grin of relief. “You’ve already tested for some of your masteries, and you’ve gotten them.” Somewhere Green must have read an actually good book that had some really beautiful and effective juxtapositions that were also insightful. And her takeaway must have been "Aha! Clearly the secret is to stuff all of my prose with words that mean opposite things and my readers will think that I, the author, am incredibly clever and articulate." quote:“It feels as if we’d better watch even more carefully as we continue to move ahead,” Jovvi went on, seeing the way Tamma now listened closely. “I think it’s safe to say there’s something coming that they know about but we don’t, but it’s not necessarily bad for us. Yes, why, watching is obviously the right answer in the face of vague impending doom, rather than actively doing stuff to investigate what is going on. And why is Green getting her protagonists to undercut all of the (terrible) work she's done to establish that vague sense of doom? quote:If they knew we were certain to be Seated, for instance, they’d worry about what we might do once we were in power.” Two grown women discussing how they are completely oblivious to how the world works. We are supposed to believe that all of society is terrible and cutthroat, shaped by a corrupt nobility, yet Jovvi and Tamrissa are all like, oh why would people be afraid of powerful people when the entire Empire revolves around people accumulating power and abusing those with less power? We are the noble and smart protagonists who are Good People so clearly the problem is that anyone reacting like this is just being small and spiteful. quote:Let’s not let that spoil our pleasure over what we’ve accomplished.” Are we done with congratulating ourselves for being complete Mary Sues yet? quote:I’m still somewhat nervous about the next batch of tests where I’ll have to do the same thing while protecting myself against attack, but I’m suddenly starting to believe I can do it. That makes a big difference, doesn’t it? Believing in yourself, I mean.” "Clearly Lorand's flaw is just a stupid not real flaw, and we had to give him one because otherwise he would be too perfect and there would be no unnecessary drama." quote:“Maybe we can talk him into taking a temporary loan,” Jovvi said with as much of a smile as she could manage, FORESHADOWING! quote:then suddenly decided she needed to change the subject of discussion. “But while we’re talking about the others, what do you intend to do about Vallant Ro? He hates the way you’ve been ignoring him, and I have the impression that he might decide to do something about it.” No please don't explain how you think romantic relationships should work Green, I really hate these little lectures of yours. quote:Once again there was just the creak and jangle of the coach’s motion to break the silence, so Jovvi took that as an encouraging sign and continued. Because this is the sort of fascinating conflict that I would love to read about in dialogue rather than seeing the characters struggle with it and work through it. NOT. In case you haven't already figured it out, Green has a very simple formula. It goes something like: Character A is being dumb > Character B points how Character A's dumbness with Facts and Logic > Character A acknowledges Character B is so right > roll dice to see whether 1) Character A's problem magically goes away now that they have "the answer" from Character B; or 2) Character A throws their hands up and goes "I know but I still can't oh woe is me" and continues being dumb for another book until Event X happens and they acknowledge that Character B was totally right and now their problem has magically disappeared due to the revelation. But somewhere in every situation will be one character telling another character how they're being dumb and what the Right Answer is. quote:And what if he decides not to let you ignore him? He won’t hurt you, I know that for a fact, but men can be such incredible pests when they put their mind to it…” And even before you had your masteries, you spent two years in an abusive marriage without once trying to defend yourself. quote:“Even if he were the sort to hurt me, what could he possibly do?” This is foreshadowing for a pointless love triangle that happens across Books 4 and 5. quote:“That’s the whole point,” Jovvi said slowly and clearly, knowing the girl was still having trouble understanding. “That’s the way a normal man might decide to pester, and you won’t be able to justify hurting him even to yourself. Or maybe especially to yourself. You have to handle the matter differently, in a much more reasonable way. Why don’t you take him aside and tell him the truth?” Uh Jovvi weren't you just saying that Tamma should try having a relationship? quote:“As if admitting it would make a relationship easier and more possible,” Tamma said, her voice filled with weariness. “Then what am I going to do, Jovvi? If he starts to follow me around, I’ll probably have a screaming fit.” Spoilers: she doesn't. quote:The rest of the ride went by too quietly, and from all the thinking Jovvi did there should have been the smell of burning wood. Tamma was obviously also thinking, but Jovvi had never seen a more unproductive time. Except, possibly, where their questions about the competitions were involved, and even those were being slowly answered. No, they are not! Also you guys are not asking any good questions. quote:When they pulled up to the residence with no sign of the coach the men had used, Jovvi hoped that was because she and Tamma had gotten home first. If not, and she ran into Lorand, there was an excellent chance that she would join Tamma in that screaming fit a lot sooner than either of them had expected… OMFG Summary: Day 6 (continued) Jovvi and Tamrissa have girl chat about Vallant and Lorand in the coach ride home, bonus Green lecture included. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 25 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 5 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 5 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 24 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 9 WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I'm actually beginning to think that all of these conversations that happen in the boring coach rides could just be cut completely from the book and you wouldn't feel like you've missed anything. Inevitably whatever the characters discuss in the coach rides, the other half of the characters aren't there for it so it will get recapped in far less painful detail later. Leng fucked around with this message at 12:57 on Dec 18, 2020 |
# ? Dec 16, 2020 02:19 |
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quote:CHAPTER TWELVE With all of this stuff about coaches and even plot points revolving around the immediate arrival of coaches instead of having to wait for one, I don't think Green ever worked out any of it. Is "the coach" Tamrissa's own private coach or one paid for by the testing authority? It only serves to highlight the stupidity of the forced co-living in a private residence situation, since you can't just set up a regular schedule of coach departures to and from the mastery facilities and the communal living areas. quote:So it surprised him when they began to slow, and he looked out of the lefthand window to see Vallant Ro and Pagin Holter waiting beside the symbol for Water magic. Two strange men stood with them, just as Hestir, his Adept guide, had waited for the coach with him. It had been Hestir’s idea rather than Lorand’s, and even from a distance it seemed that Ro and Holter were no more eager for the company than he had been. Hold on a moment, since when is Lorand joining in with the other sociopathic protagonists? The need for human connection is a basic, fundamental one. I'd argue that most people need friends in the same way that they need food and shelter too–Pagin is not an anomaly in this regard. Also aren't you supposed to still be in mourning for Hat? I mean your supposed best friend is presumed dead and it's been less than a week. I get that Hat is a terrible friend but I'm not getting the sense that Lorand understands what friendship entails either. quote:Ro parted his lips to say something, but that was when the coach began to slow again. We've now reached an all time low, where we are now getting recaps of recaps within the same chapter paragraphs apart. quote:“And Holter said something I was about to disagree with when the coach stopped. You said we would never have friends again, man, but you’re forgetting something important. You and me and everyone in our group are now friends, and no one will ever be able to change that. Don’t you think that counts for something?” Do never ask Vallant to go cheer somebody up. He's so unempathetic that he's literally telling a man who is grieving the loss of his friends and his entire known existence that "it's all in your head" and to just get over it. quote:“I know you been tryin’ t’treat me kindly,” Holter said after a brief hesitation, apparently struggling for the right words. “You’re all good folk who don’t like talkin’ down a man jest ’cause he don’t use purty words, but you cain’t see yer bunch frum th’ outside. You all fit t’gether, even Mardimil there who din’t fit in nuthin’ to start with, but me? I don’t fit, friend, an’ never will. If y’ever hadda choose betwixt Ro an’ me, which one would y’choose?” Not to me! Ignoring the authorial choice to given Vallant POVs, what have we actually learned about either of the Water magic users and the rest of the characters that would lead us to this conclusion, except for the superficial traits of Pagin is not a tall hot blond and he speaks with a low class dialect? quote:But why would they have to choose? The only place they would need a single representative of each aspect would be— Did you guys literally forget you had this EXACT CONVERSATION after Pagin pointed out the EXACT SAME REVELATION back in Book 1 Chapter 18. It's been like...at least 100k words of filler ago for us but for you guys it's been FIVE DAYS. quote:“I think that covers the question about choosin’,” Ro said after the moment they all seemed to need to adjust to the new situation. “We could be kiddin’ ourselves and find they don’t want us after all, but we should be braced in case they do. And we’ll have to tell the ladies about this.” More Green quote:Mardimil and Holter withdrew back into their brown studies, Ro fell into one of his own, and even Lorand was captured by his thoughts. More textual evidence that Green was trying to set this in the late 17th century or similar. quote:He’d been concentrating so hard on winning to a Seated High position, that he’d never even considered being part of a challenging Blending. Now that he’d been forced to consider it, he saw the benefits in the changed circumstance immediately. In the Prologue, you were pointing out all of the ways that you, as a Middle in Earth magic, could make money especially given your rare skill with animals. Even when thinking about being a High, you were dreaming about gold. Green is trying really hard to paint all of the protagonists as wanting to win for moral reasons but my only conclusion is that they're all oblivious to their own greed. You do not need to be part of the Seated Blending to earn and put aside gold for a comfortable retirement!!! quote:He chuckled at that thought, then spent the rest of the ride daydreaming about how wonderful it would be if—when!—Jovvi became his alone. Hahahahahahahaha you've got no idea. quote:They were only a block or two away from the residence when a coach passed them going in the opposite direction. That said the ladies had gotten back before them, So these are the testing authority's coaches? They're running a private fleet of coaches to ferry people to and from six residences for the commoner challenging Blendings? All in different neighborhoods? And housing in Gan Garee is in such short demand that across the presumably thousands (or even tens or hundreds of thousands) of people living in the Empire's capitol that it's a competitive process to apply? The noble challenging Blendings eventually get moved into a residence of their own in like...the back end of this book or the next book, but that means there's only another six houses at most. Green is seriously saying with her world building that it's hard to find 12 houses in the whole capitol that are suitable. Once again, how tiny is this Empire? quote:which raised Lorand’s spirit even more. He wanted to see Jovvi and tell her how much better their prospects for happiness had become, Yes, by all means, continue with your awful attitude of telling the woman how she's wrong. In this case, there has been no tangible change to your future prospects from where you were before, so it's even worse. quote:but when they left their coach and entered the residence, the entire downstairs appeared deserted except for the servants. Oh thank goodness! Yay for avoiding yet another– quote:“I could use a bath myself, but waitin’ until he’s done won’t hurt,” Ro said then. “I’ll just go to my bedchamber and get a wrap to wear instead of these clothes, and if I take my time he ought to be finished just about when I’m ready to start.” ...damnit! quote:Lorand was happy to add his own agreement, so they went upstairs and separated to go into their respective bedchambers. Just for an instant before he opened his door, Lorand fantasized finding Jovvi in his bed, gloriously naked and eagerly waiting for him. Seriously?!??!??!?! There's nothing more than pure physical attraction holding these people together. I do not buy that they are in love, not for one second. quote:Then he opened the door and found the chamber empty, which made him sigh as he walked in and closed the door again. If he didn’t get things straightened out with Jovvi soon, he just might find himself daydreaming about her at the wrong time. Like when he was supposed to be achieving a mastery, and that couldn’t be allowed to happen. Only the best of the best would be chosen to be in a challenging Blending, so that’s what Lorand would have to be. Of course, now that Lorand has had this internal thought, you know that there's no possibility of him screwing up. Because this is a Green novel and Green's protagonists are perfect because we couldn't have them failing for any reason. quote:He took his time getting out of his clothes and into a wrap, but he still reached the sitting alcove near the back door first. He had no idea how long he would have to wait for Ro, but before he had time to consider the question the man appeared. And a moment after that Mardimil came in through the back door, wearing a towel wrapped around his middle and carrying his worn clothing. He nodded his thanks for their patience when he saw them, then headed for the front hall and the stairs leading upward. That meant the bath house was now theirs, so they went outside together and walked to it. We needed this useless paragraph...why? quote:The silence he and Ro maintained during the walk and while they undressed felt somewhat strained to Lorand, so he decided to restart the conversation and see how it went. If the strain disappeared, all well and good. If it didn’t, he might have to cut short his own bath time. And we're meant to think Rion is the socially awkward one. quote:“Once I’m dressed again, I intend to go looking for Jovvi,” Lorand stated with a brief glance over his shoulder, giving most of his attention to entering the bath. “She and I have a—disagreement going on between us, but that’s no reason for us to avoid each other. I still don’t know why she seems to feel for me what I feel for her, but I’m not about to question the best luck I’ve had in my entire life.” Dude. You are the worst at reading people. I liked you much better when you were looking out for Rion in the tavern. quote:“I suppose it was,” Ro answered with a grin, just standing there in water up to his chest. “I didn’t know it was, but I’m happy to say I know it now. I like you, Coll, and I would have hated to find that I had no choice but to murder you in cold blood. Now murder won’t be necessary, so I can get on with plannin’ other, more pleasant things.” This is supposed to be a joke, but we've been in Vallant's POV and seen him daydreaming about murdering Tamrissa's father and intended second husband, and we've also been in Rion's POV and seen him plotting to murder Lorand. The psychopath quotient here is off the charts. quote:“Ah, now I understand,” Lorand said with his own grin, also understanding about the strain in the silence they’d earlier shared. “You’re having a problem with Tamrissa, and you were afraid I’d take advantage of that to make time of my own with her. Well, you can believe it won’t be happening, so what do you have in mind for healing the rift between you two?” Vallant is a literal High talent in Water magic, the elemental opposite of Tamrissa's talent of Fire, and his magical powers includes the ability to summon ice. I don't see the problem! Also Green is so symbolically predictable with romantically pairing ice and fire together. GRRM ASOIAF chat: I'm still holding out for Winds of Winter, because please let that be the book where the long foreshadowed Jon/Dany stuff happens and I hope it's actually good because I was so mad after A Dance with Dragons came out that I was tempted to throw my Kindle and I'm like...60% certain it won't turn out as bad as the TV series. quote:The two men used soap and shampoo first, and only then chose resting areas to relax in for a while. The constantly recycling water was fresh and warm, silently urging soaking, so they let themselves be talked into it. The ordering of these two sentences plus the word choice makes me go quote:Once they were settled, though, Ro looked over at Lorand with a less hopeless expression. quote:“I hate throwing cold water on your idea, but I’d hate seeing you turned into a pile of ash even more. She could decide that business about our being a challenging Blending has nothing to do with how she treats you, and you’d need a compelling—and not necessarily logical—counter argument.” The worst part about the Valissa dramas is how pervasive it becomes to every freaking chapter. SHUT UP GUYS I would like to have more action adventure and less juvenile "we're on/we're off/we're in love/we hate each other" drama. quote:It’s too bad we don’t know more about how this Blending thing works. Both for your problem and for our general one.” This is a good question! You guys should go and investigate this! Of course you're not going to, because all you guys do is sit around and wait for things to happen to you! quote:“Truthfully, I wish I knew,” Ro admitted, his brow furrowed. “Every time we think about or discuss this mess we’re in the middle of, we come to a conclusion that answers one question but breeds a dozen more. I can’t help thinkin’ we’re in way over our heads, and no matter how long we tread water we’ll come to the point where we’re too tired to go on doin’ it. If we don’t have a good, solid ship to climb up into by then, our only other option will be to drown.” This is such a toxic depiction of what a romantic partner should be and I was reading this for the first time as a fourteen year old girl. quote:They would almost certainly have a fight on their hands, but what sort of fight? OMFG. quote:And what, if anything, would winning gain them? The answer to that should have been obvious, but was it…? DOUBLE OMFG. Summary: Day 6 (continued) Jovvi and Tamrissa have girl chat about Vallant and Lorand in the coach ride home, bonus Green lecture included. Vallant, Lorand, Rion and Pagin rehash the point about being a challenging Blending, then Vallant and Lorand finally clear up their misunderstanding about their respective romantic targets in yet another bath scene. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 26 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 6 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 5 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 24 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: The only new thing that happened was Vallant and Lorand figuring out that they aren't competing for the same woman's affections. This would have been more interesting if they actually had some sort of confrontation but no. Green's trying to paint her protagonists as mature adults who don't brawl. Which is all fine, but there was no dramatic tension in this scene whatsoever. I am so bored reading this. If I had to guess the proportions, I'd say these books are like 50% annoying on the nose dialogue and 45% awful pointless introspection, with 5% of everything else. I think what I would do differently is have some of the characters already be in established relationships or have a history together, so there's less of this initial awkwardness in figuring stuff out. The question of who should be the POV characters is also potentially interesting; I don't think rotating through all five POVs was helpful in telling the story because of so much overlap but sticking purely to Lorand's POV would be boring. I think a Jovvi or Rion POV could be interesting–Rion especially since that gives us an in to the world of political intrigue between the noble houses (though Rion's backstory would need some changing).
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# ? Dec 18, 2020 00:17 |
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quote:Once they were settled, though, Ro looked over at Lorand with a less hopeless expression. "We need to be on good working terms with each other, so she'd better warm up to me as a romantic partner." That's....not how it works, dude. (Well, it actually is how it works because of Strictly Heterosexual Sex Magick, but he has no reason to know that yet because as they just finished saying, they don't know anything about that yet.) Also Leng, check the inbox on the account you made for the google docs rewrite.
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# ? Dec 18, 2020 01:22 |
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wizzardstaff posted:Also Leng, check the inbox on the account you made for the google docs rewrite. Oh wow what a cool holiday gift! All I can say is, thanks (again!!!) for your support and all of the time you have invested and continue to invest in the threads. I hope I can continue to deliver good posts for you!
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# ? Dec 18, 2020 12:51 |
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quote:CHAPTER THIRTEEN Somebody should really tell Lorand at this point that he doesn't need to do his own laundry. quote:then continued on up to his bedchamber. Wearing nothing but a towel about his middle would have made him feel ridiculous at one time, but right now it felt like a statement of freedom and independence. Okay, I have whiplash. So Vallant made a point of being surprised when Rion wasn't a ball of flabby guts, and now this. Were we meant to get a memo at some point that showed Rion to be somebody who is self conscious about his body? quote:Mother would have thrown a fit if she’d found him walking around one step short of absolute nakedness, and he would have been lectured for an hour on top of it. But now Mother’s likes and dislikes no longer concerned him—although the same couldn’t be said for her wants and demands. This is why Rion is the best. He noticed something weird going on during his masteries, he got them out of the way and then he followed through and got actual answers! Interestingly, the line "[Padril] himself had gone through the same thing Rion had" implies the lower nobility who make up the Adepts aren't treated any differently to the commoners, and it's only the noble challenging Blending candidates who are given private tutoring. Even more convoluted weirdness in the plotting/world building because that makes no sense whatsoever. quote:Then a knock came at the door, interrupting the mood, so he rose and went to the door. He was prepared to enjoy the relief of any distraction, but couldn’t help raising his brows when he saw Tamrissa standing there. Yep, she's here for exactly what you think. quote:“I—hope I’m not disturbing you,” she said, taking in his wrap with a glance and a faint blush. “I only need a moment of your time, and then you may certainly return to your privacy.” Reading sections like this, I'm reminded of a 15 minute children's musical I was invited to critique. The writers were following the principle of "tell them what will happen, show the thing happening, then tell them what just happened" because that's what they believed to be effective writing for children. The general consensus was even in a kids musical, they could loosen up a lot on that repetition. I am getting serious déjà vu here. quote:“As it’s for the good of the group, I’ll certainly participate,” Rion responded in a matching whisper, then couldn’t help sighing. “But as far as being of use is concerned, I’ll probably be more of a hindrance.” Somehow Tamrissa, who has never had a friend in her life, is giving another person who's never had a friend in his life this advice. I just do not buy this. quote:“I doubt that will happen this time, but if you insist,” Rion agreed slowly. The truth was that he really didn’t want to go back to solitary fretting, not when he might have such pleasant company for a time. “Please take a seat while I consider the best place to begin.” What a convenient authorial out to not have to go to the trouble of figuring out the complexities of cutthroat high politics. Even though that would be way more interesting than everything else in the plot. quote:“And never mind what happens to you, because you’re an unimportant pawn?” Tamrissa demanded so indignantly that Rion looked up in surprise. “Well, you’re not an unimportant pawn, you’re our friend, and I really resent someone trying to use you like that. I can see why you’re disturbed, but I don’t understand why you’re letting it get you down. They threw you to the wolves, but instead of being devoured you’ve become one of the pack. Doesn’t that interfere with their plans to some extent?” This is considered a power move in an apparently bloodthirsty game of continual one upmanship. quote:“If they do, then the rest of us will help you to cope with it,” Tamrissa said promptly, refusing to let anxiety get a grip on him. “You keep picturing yourself as all alone, Rion, but you really aren’t. Or don’t we count as much as members of the nobility would?” I would believe this a lot more if these antagonists ever actually try to do something that's deadly enough to qualify as destruction. Oh no, someone tried to change the name on my identification! Woe is me, I must immediately collapse like they've stabbed me. Let me slowly expire upon this awfully uncomfortable chair which is akin to a torture device! quote:“If they consider us as helpless as you do, we should be able to give them quite a shock,” Tamrissa returned with an unsteady smile. “I might have to keep reminding myself that I’m not helpless, but it’s been getting easier to do and the others don’t have my problem. We’ll all stand together against whatever comes, so won’t you please stop being upset?” Facts and Logic! quote:“Well, if you mean that, you can,” she replied, suddenly blushing a bright red and no longer able to meet his gaze. “I mean, only if you really want to. It’s a great imposition, I know, and I can’t imagine where I’ve gotten the nerve to ask in the first place, so if it’s really too much of a bother…” Yes, really. She's fresh out of two years of abusive marriage, so terrified of both emotional and physical intimacy that just the thought of being kissed was paralyzing and has told Jovvi flat out that sex is the worst thing in the world while chocolate is the best. But somehow she decides to proposition Rion after knowing him for less than a week. Wait until you guys find out how she thinks this makes sense in the next chapter. quote:And that, from Rion’s point of view, was the biggest surprise and shock of the day! You and me both, buddy. Summary: Day 6 (continued) Jovvi and Tamrissa have girl chat about Vallant and Lorand in the coach ride home, bonus Green lecture included. Vallant, Lorand, Rion and Pagin rehash the point about being a challenging Blending, then Vallant and Lorand finally clear up their misunderstanding about their respective romantic targets in yet another bath scene. Tamrissa propositions Rion for sex. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 26 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 6 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 5 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 24 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 2 REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Rion is the wrong viewpoint character for this part. This chapter should have been split up with the first part tacked on at the end of his first level masteries back in Book 2 Chapter 3 and the second part shoved into the next chapter which is from Tamrissa's POV. I think I've figured out Green's formula–unlike other authors who generally make sure each chapter has an arc–she likes her chapters to have a V shape kind of structure, where the current chapter always straddles the end of the arc begun in an earlier chapter and kicks off another arc that will be continued in the next chapter so she can end on a convenient cliff hanger. That tavern sequence from Book 1 is actually satisfactory because it's the only sequence where she breaks from this formula. I wonder how much of these books could be fixed simply by splitting up the chapters differently. The plotholes, grating prose and lack of character development would still be problems but the stupid trailing off in the middle of stuff would be gone.
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# ? Dec 18, 2020 13:36 |
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Oh man. I read these books in my early/mid-teens (by picking them out because of their covers, as appears to be true of everyone who read them at that age), and every so often, twenty years later, I think "man, I kind of want to reread them" and can't find them anywhere. Googling the author got me mostly her romance works if I found her at all, and I'd almost convinced myself I'd imagined reading this series. I'm loving this breakdown, especially going over plot beats that I somehow liked as a teen and now finding them.... um, lacking. Thank you for this!
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# ? Dec 19, 2020 02:43 |
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POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING Obviously there's a sex scene in this chapter. Things are a little murky about whether genuine consent is given. So uh, proceed with caution and skip this chapter entirely if you need to. quote:CHAPTER FOURTEEN This is the first time I genuinely feel bad for Tamrissa. Rejection hurts and for someone with her past, it would be terrifying. Or maybe confusing, since she's self-admitted that she's hot stuff. This is a point in the story where a little MORE introspection would be nice, so we can tell what she's thinking and feeling other than "embarrassed". If we had the lead up to this moment from her perspective that'd help us understand her attempt at growing as a character better, but Green decided to go with Rion because FIVE FIVE FIVE. quote:“No, please be calm, it’s all right,” he soothed in that deep voice of his, one big hand coming gently to my arm to keep me from rising. “Your request just startled me, coming as unexpectedly as it did. I assure you I’m not in the least reluctant, but I do find myself curious. I’d thought your interest had turned to Vallant Ro, so I don’t understand why you’ve put this request to me rather than to him.” quote:He was really such a handsome man, and was studying me so closely… “Vallant Ro is the reason I’m doing this, so I can’t very well ask his help. I’d meant to ask Lorand because he’s a friend, but then I realized that you’re a friend as well. If she had gone to Lorand, it would have forced the issue of his Book 7/8 spoilers hypocrisy much earlier than Green wanted so here's reasons for why she didn't. quote:I—don’t want Vallant to be interested in me, and something Jovvi said suggested he might lose his attraction if I allow another man to lie with me.” A "strong" female character written by a woman who is supposedly a feminist refers to women in general as possessions belonging to men. This is a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to read as a fourteen year old girl trying to figure this stuff out. quote:“I know Lorand feels that way and Jovvi says it’s not unusual, so I’m inclined to believe it. And it also occurred to me that we may just manage to get ourselves out of this competitions mess, and then discover that we need something to do with our lives. Jovvi means to open a residence for courtesans if that happens, and has invited me to remain with her. I thought I would be of more use if … I …” Or, as has been pointed out by other people in this thread, you could just stay on as a landlord, or a silent partner in Jovvi's business. Nobody says you have to join in on the frontlines as well. If you really don't want to, you don't have to. quote:“How strange that the matter should disturb some men,” Rion said, shaking his head and shrugging. “Considering the pleasure involved, it seems mean-spirited to refuse to allow someone the experiencing of it. And how is one to learn all the possibilities of the act, if one refrains from indulging?” Rion: "I'm doing this for (and not because I just discovered sex and I desperately wanna bang you)" quote:“Is it really all that pleasurable?” I asked without looking at him, fighting to hold down nightmare memories. “Everyone says it is, but my dreams still writhe with the pain of my own experiences. And if it’s supposed to be pleasurable, why did my husband make it such an abomination for me?” Rion: "You are obviously trying to force yourself to do something despite two years of horrific sexual and other abuse but since you were the victim and not the perpetrator, you have nothing to worry about because it's not his fault either, just the fault of the unknown people who taught him to behave that way, most probably his parents or more likely society at large. Anyways, let's right now and hopefully you'll totally forget all of the recent trauma that's been giving you nightmares because I am the Highest Aspect's gift to all women " quote:“Now?” I echoed as my heart began to thump, my head flying up to let me see if he were joking. “But I was thinking about later, in the deep night, when everyone will be asleep…” Rion: "I gotta jump you right now before you come to your senses and realize that maybe this is something you haven't really thought through all that well and change your mind, because then I might never get to bang you." quote:“But it’s still light out!” I blurted as he rose to his feet, using the hand he held to urge me to do the same. “In daylight… I couldn’t possibly…” Isn't it so convenient that Rion has Air magic? quote:“This shield of opaque air can’t quite manage blackness at this time of day, but surely it will do? I’m barely able to see you, which should keep your sense of modesty intact. Do you agree?” This is a great (terrible) example of (un)informed "consent" for a fourteen year old girl reading this. Because this is the exact kind of script a fourteen year old girl should be seeking to emulate: let a guy who you think is a friend do whatever he wants to you after he handwaves all of your objections (that are most likely not being made for logistical reasons but because you are emotionally NOT READY for this) because you're just best off going ahead and getting it over and done with. Green, you have no idea how much damage you have done by writing this scene and the way you have portrayed it afterwards. quote:which made him smile that incredibly attractive smile. TAMRISSA NO THAT WAS NOT CONSENT IT CAN STILL BE RAPE EVEN IF THE PACKAGING IS IN A DECEPTIVELY MORE PLEASANT FORMAT COMPARED TO YOUR DEAD HUSBAND. quote:“Marvelous,” he said, drawing me up by the hand he still held and then kissing the hand. “Come along, then, and we’ll begin at once. Would you prefer to have the shield up before we start to remove your clothing?” Tamrissa, who is suffering severe PTSD after two years of sexual abuse and violence in a horrific marriage that she only escaped due to her husband dying of chronic health issues, has just been coerced into having sex with a guy who's only had sex on one occasion with a woman he believed to have been a paid sex worker in a cheap tavern somewhere in a seedy part of Gan Garee (though according to Lorand he heard Rion and Naran going for at least seconds that night BUT STILL). This is a Very Bad Idea. I am so uncomfortable reading this. quote:“We?” I echoed, beginning to follow him toward the bed almost without thinking about it. “My husband always demanded that I come to him … unclothed, except for the times he tore off what I happened to be wearing. But you can’t tear these clothes, not when I need them for the practice and qualifying area.” ...and that's it. That's all Rion has to do to demonstrate that he cares about her feelings. Because while yes, a single childhood incident where other children tore your new clothes off you is pretty traumatic especially if you are very young, this IN NO WAY can be equated with the TWO YEARS of suffering that we can infer Tamrissa experienced. quote:“And now I wonder… My father didn’t want my sisters and me forming attachments to any of the boys we associated with at school and at receptions, so any time one of us seemed interested in a particular boy, he paid the boy to get us alone and pretend to attack us. That was to make sure we would be available for the husbands he picked out for us, and that we would still be untouched when we married. Oddly enough, most of the boys took his silver eagerly. I finally found out about it when, during one of the times my husband drank too much, he shared that very amusing story with me.” And OMFG on top of this messed up stuff?!??!?!??! quote:“Personally, I find it a good deal less than amusing,” he said, a sharp look in his eyes. “But I fail to see what connection your experience had with mine.” Yeah THIS GUY who is not in tune with his feelings at all is NOT THE RIGHT GUY to be working through all your sexual trauma with. Really. Though to be fair, neither are Vallant and Lorand, both of whom have their own issues. Really Tamrissa, the healthiest thing for you to do is to GO TO JOVVI your new best friend and ask her to: 1) work some Spirit magic healing, not to mess around with your mind but to help you begin to process your trauma in a healthy way; and 2) explain to you how to feel comfortable with your own body and discover what you enjoy! And I can't believe I have to say this, but obviously not in the stupid male fantasy way but just as a friend who is comfortable with her own sexuality and very experienced and who won't judge you. Though who knows, you are so inexperienced that you might be bi or gay but you wouldn't know, would you, because you're rushing into sleeping with Rion because of your crappy "logic" that it'll somehow make Vallant less into you and for practice in the hypothetical future where you join Jovvi's stable of courtesans. quote:“Well, we decided your mother might have arranged to have you sent here with us because she thought you would find it intolerable, and would immediately run back to her. Do you think she might have dressed you in a particularly ridiculous outfit that time, and then gave those children a chance to attack you? If she knew how vicious they would be, she could have used the opportunity to bind you more closely to her.” this random tangent in the middle of what should be verbal foreplay. Does anyone buy that these two characters are making a genuine connection here? quote:But speaking of courses of action, let’s dismiss thoughts of parental misbehavior and continue on with what’s been barely begun.” This. Is. Not. A. Good. Sign. quote:“I have no wish to make this anything but pleasurable for you, dear lady,” he said, his expression having softened. “If at any time you wish me to cease what I happen to be doing, you have only to say so. We’ve both of us been forced to the pleasure of others far too often for this to be done in any other way.” Green would point to this statement here as the reason for why what follows is not rape. quote:The absolutely determined look in his eyes as he said that should have frightened me, but strangely enough it was more reassuring. I believed Rion in a way I would have had trouble believing almost anyone else. The kind of pain we’d each been given had, for the most part, been different, but it provided a shared bond that neither of us could deny. The smile I gave Rion didn’t have to be forced, and he seemed to know it. He showed one of the same kind, sat down on the bed, and then his shield of air was around us again. Does ANYONE buy this? We've seen throughout the course of the last...60 chapters or so, that Tamrissa isn't exactly the most stable of people. quote:“I’ve also taken the precaution of putting a block of thickened air before the door,” he murmured as he moved just a little closer. “We won’t be disturbed and you certainly won’t be embarrassed, so put all thoughts of distraction from your mind. Rion: "Yes this magical obstruction of Air that your Fire talent cannot nullify is totally there for your comfort and protection and absolutely in no way is here to block your only path of escape." quote:Now, let’s begin by making you more comfortable. You’re surely not old enough yet nor … over-endowed so far as to be corseted?” Uh, no. Corsets =/= tight lacing. Bernadette Banner has some words for you to disabuse you of these idiotic misconceptions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rExJskBZcW0 quote:May I help you to remove your blouse?” I don't even know what to say here. She's never experienced physical arousal, ever. Every sexual contact she's ever had in the past has been inextricably linked to pain. She's forcing herself to stop automatically cringing. quote:And things continued on that way. Rion spent an incredibly long time proving to the frightened part of my mind that my responding to his delightful urgings would not result in my being immediately hurt. By the time his fingers found the buttons of my skirt I actually almost believed it, and so helped him to remove my skirt, petticoats, stockings, and shoes. My blouse had already been put aside, which meant that he was able to begin to kiss me all over. "Almost believed it"? That means you DON'T BELIEVE IT. quote:Again, quite a bit of time passed, but none of it seemed wasted. Rion’s kissing became quite intimate, and although he did absolutely nothing to hurt me, I soon discovered that I neared the end of my ability to endure any more of that kind of attention. Moaning and moving against him feebly was the best I could manage, but strangely enough that proved to be sufficient. He stopped what he was doing, moved above me, and then we were joined together. I can tell Green thinks that what she's written is two people having amazing sex. But to me, the whole thing reads like one person taking advantage of another person's sexual inexperience and insecurity, where the latter doesn't even really understand what informed consent means and probably is unable to distinguish physical arousal from genuine desire. It reads like a rape fantasy masquerading as consensual sex. Imagine reading this as a fourteen year old girl. Imagine subconsciously internalizing all of this messaging about men and "their women", that any objections you might have against becoming sexually intimate with a male friend are silly, any sexual abuse you experienced is not the fault of your abuser, that you should suppress any signs of your discomfort (like cringing, flinching, etc) because the best thing for you is to just "get it over with", that your feelings of insecurity or fear or anxiety or whatever else are just temporary and don't merit any more consideration after they've been addressed by Facts and Logic. Now imagine there's a cool older guy you've been crushing on for ages. You can hardly believe he's paying any attention to you of all people, instead of the cooler, older girls he must know. He picks you up in his own ride unlike the boys your age who can't drive. You're in his bedroom, on his bed, and there's nobody else home. He's twice your size, he's on top, he's kissing you and it's kinda nice but you're finding it hard to breathe and you're not really sure if it's from the kissing or because he's half-crushing your rib cage. Then his hands are moving and you're not really sure about that either but you're on the other side of town in an area you don't know and you need him to give you a ride home, or at least to the closest train station. Next thing you know, he sticks one hand up your skirt and uses the other one to shove your hand down his pants. What does everything that you've read or seen on TV or in movies tell you you're supposed to do? quote:but … Rion, wherever did you learn all that? If your mother kept you so closely tied to her, how were you able to avoid her often enough to gain such expertise?” quote:“I’ve only just begun to learn, but I had a marvelous teacher. She’s the most … compelling person I’ve ever known, and the more time that passes without my seeing her, the more frantic I become. I’ve discovered that she’ll also need protection from my mother, so I don’t dare try to find her until I have gold in my pocket and the power of a sufficiently advanced position in my hand. But then I will find her, and she and I won’t need to be parted again.” This is what passes for humorous banter, according to Green. quote:and then he glanced at my flame. “Tell me something: isn’t that glow supposed to be in the palm of your hand? It seems to me that anytime I’ve seen someone with Fire magic use a glow like that, it was in their palm. And someone said once that the glow had to be in contact with the magic user, but apparently they were mistaken.” Continuing the trend of terrible post coital conversations to shoehorn in random exposition about the magic system, how the protagonists are all special snowflakes and never any answer as to why, they just are. quote:“I’m certainly familiar with that state of affairs, so please be assured that I’ll say nothing about it to anyone. It would seem logical that friends also keep each other’s secrets.” From crippling PTSD to casually joking around with being a sex object in just under 3000 words. quote:The two of us were just joking, of course, but as I dressed, part of my mind insisted on thinking about what Vallant Ro’s reaction would be to seeing me naked. The rest of me didn’t care, of course, not about anything concerning the man, but that one small part … now that I knew how pleasurable lying with a man could be … it couldn’t be even better, as Lorand claimed, with someone who meant something special… Summary: Day 6 (continued) Jovvi and Tamrissa have girl chat about Vallant and Lorand in the coach ride home, bonus Green lecture included. Vallant, Lorand, Rion and Pagin rehash the point about being a challenging Blending, then Vallant and Lorand finally clear up their misunderstanding about their respective romantic targets in yet another bath scene. Tamrissa propositions Rion for sex, he delightedly obliges and it's really hard to tell if she gave informed consent. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 15 Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 26 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 6 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 5 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 18 POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 24 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 3 (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: If there are going to be sex scenes that are portrayed as amazing consensual sex, then there needs to be informed consent present on all sides and it needs to be unambiguous. Period. I can't believe I had to type that.
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# ? Dec 19, 2020 13:07 |
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I have a hard time believing anyone would find that scene sexy, even if they shared Green's politics and blindness to consent issues. "Beep boop, I'm looking for sex, Facts and Logic say we should bone. Now we are doing foreplay. Now you are inside me. Ah! I have had my relief! Now we tell jokes."
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# ? Dec 21, 2020 16:57 |
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quote:CHAPTER FIFTEEN Because it's soooooo important to understand where everybody is sitting! (T = Tamrissa, L = Lorand, V = Vallant, R = Rion, J = Jovvi, P = Pagin): pre:T P L J V R quote:He’d meant to speak to her this afternoon, but when he’d knocked on her door he’d gotten no answer. Jovvi later told him that Tamrissa had gone to speak to Mardimil and Coll just as she had sought out him and Holter, and Vallant hadn’t had to ask why it hadn’t been Tamrissa who contacted him. She apparently still refused to speak to him or even to acknowledge his existence, and his frustration level was mounting rapidly. Leave the woman alone, Vallant. Seriously. quote:“My goodness, this place feels more like a mourning house than a residence for the victorious,” Jovvi suddenly announced as the servants began to bring out their meal. “Am I mistaken in believing that we all achieved our first levels of mastery today? No? Well then, we’ll just have to celebrate our success after dinner, if all of you will unbend enough now to simply smile.” Subtlety is not Jovvi's strong suit. quote:Vallant thought she was telling them that maintaining a funereal atmosphere while pretending to have a party just wouldn’t do, as even a blind and deaf fool would become suspicious about what they might really be doing. It was an excellent point, and it was quickly proven that he wasn’t the only one to pick up on it. Uh, yeah, that IS what she just said. And if you thought you had to translate that, then I guess maybe it's a good thing Jovvi isn't subtle. quote:“I suppose I should be smiling,” Coll agreed, actually managing something that could be called a small specimen of a smile. “I hadn’t expected to gain those masteries quite so soon, which means I thought I’d have more time before needing to face the next level. There are a couple of things waiting that I’d much prefer not to think about.” quote:“But I have to think about what comes next in my aspect,” Tamrissa put in, giving Coll a wan smile. “I’ll need to do the same thing I did today, only this time while I defend myself from attack. And don’t ask me why I’ll be attacked, because I haven’t any idea. My supposed Adept guide will be doing the attacking, and although she isn’t quite as strong as I am, it was hate at first sight for the both of us.” We've now gotten to the point where Green has her characters hang lampshades on her terrible convoluted plot holes. quote:“But that’s exactly why we need to celebrate,” Jovvi said, interrupting as Vallant was about to indignantly announce that no one would attack Tamrissa while he stood alive and able. Belatedly he realized what a stupid thing that would have been for him to say; Tamrissa would not have welcomed his interference even if they were getting along, and interfering in any event would almost certainly cost her the mastery. Dude just thinks he's gonna be able to launch a pre-emptive strike at any would-be attackers. Is this supposed to be romantic? quote:But his sudden worry about her was almost enough to distract him from his own problems. Man, you're really dense. That's a pointed "keep your mouth shut" look, not a suggestion. quote:“That’s why we ought to celebrate tonight, so as not to rob ourselves of the victories we’ve earned. I want to pat myself on the back tonight, and let tomorrow take care of itself for now. Does anyone else feel the same?” Conveniently forgetting that Spirit magic is A Thing. Not to mention that none of you are good at pretending so this has to be the most unconvincing farce in the world. quote:After dinner they would have a party, I KNOW this has only been said like twelve times already. quote:and in the meanwhile they began to apply themselves to the food. By the time the second course arrived they were beginning to chat with one another, and the serving of dessert found them all a good deal more relaxed. What, no inane descriptions of the food in this meal? quote:Tamrissa had called over one of the servants earlier and had given the man what seemed to be instructions. It seemed odd that it wasn’t Warla, Tamrissa’s companion and temporary majordomo of the residence, who gave the servants their orders, but Vallant hadn’t even seen the girl today. She might be away seeing to personal business, or simply taking a rest from the frantic running-about she’d been doing. spoilers for Book 5 I am secretly hoping that Warla's disappeared off to report to Ristor, the leader of the hidden Sight magic people quote:But Warla, sweet and helpless little thing that she was, wasn’t Vallant’s primary concern. I don't know why but Green consistently writes like this and it annoys the hell out of me. Nobody thinks like this! quote:finished her cup of tea, then rose to tell everyone that it was time they began their party. They all dutifully rose in turn and followed after her, but not to the library, where they’d had their first gathering. Tamrissa led them to the back door and outside instead, then gestured to the garden. What kind of illumination was Tamrissa planning on exactly, if they weren't going to use lanterns? quote:The others all made sounds of approval and agreement, so Vallant added his own sounds of the same sort this is the worst kind of prose. quote:and walked with everyone to the white-clothed table which had been arranged for them. With everything already brought and prepared there was no need to have servants under foot, which was the main reason for the party in the first place. quote:“This garden is almost as lovely at night as it is during the day,” Jovvi said in normal tones as she looked around, then she lowered her voice without changing expression. “Lorand, can you tell whether or not there are any listeners lurking in the shadows where the lantern light doesn’t reach? That one servant standing near the house won’t be able to hear what we say, but I want to be certain he’s the only one out here.” Isn't that a fine and dandy skill that would be super handy and has not been foreshadowed whatsoever? quote:“I’m glad to have you confirm my own opinion,” Jovvi told him with one of her beautiful smiles. “I felt nothing in the sense of a human being out there, but it is possible for some people to hide from my perceptions. Blanking your mind completely and simply listening can do it… But that isn’t what we’ve gathered here for. No, please go on, finding out more about how magic works would be so much more interesting that what you guys are about to discuss. quote:While we each supply ourselves with a glass of brandy, I’ll tell you that I’ve confirmed the guess that we don’t have any time to waste. If we’re going to be part of the competitions, we have to qualify for them as quickly as possible.” Yes. That's right. Everything that we saw happen in Chapters 1-5 of this current book is going to be recapped yet again in this scene. quote:“I’m not looking forward to having Soonen, my Adept guide, attack me, but I’m certain she isn’t nearly as strong as I am. And neither is that male Adept who witnessed my masteries, which reminds me about something else which should be mentioned. Were the rest of you also treated differently after you achieved the masteries than you were before them?” Spoilers for Book 5: yes they are quote:“Those people are allowed to call themselves Adepts because most of them are members of the lower nobility. They were undoubtedly given the positions as repayment for political debts to their families, and they’re the strongest representatives those families were able to supply. All those stronger than them are either members of other families, or uninterested in wasting their time in such a way.” Or being drafted into the other noble challenging Blendings. quote:“But—that’s stupid,” Vallant couldn’t help protesting, even though the idea of political favors was nothing new to him. This is the first time you've ever had any sort of thought that indicates you are familiar with the concept of political favors. quote:“Givin’ somebody a job they should have to qualify for makes the whole system rotten, especially since we almost died gettin’ to where we are. Where do those fools get off handin’ out things like Adept positions while everybody else has to fight just to stay alive?” Remember this conversation. It's going to come back in Book 4. quote:“I’d be willin’ to put money on that,” Vallant agreed, his sense of outrage suddenly turning to come forth on Mardimil’s behalf. “Personally I’m glad you’re here, but that’s one dirty way to treat somebody who’s supposed to be one of your own.” We will never get any further explanation on why Vallant is suddenly so outraged on Rion's behalf. They've shared one bath, during which they first insulted each other and then agreed to exchange information, then Vallant thought Rion gave him a magical invisible cloud and wanted to thank him later for it (but of course he has forgotten all about that now in his outrage and so the topic will never come up until it's forced in Book 5). quote:“It doesn’t surprise me either,” Coll said with a grim nod. “It takes intelligence and compassion to show a sense of honor, and those testing people obviously have neither. But how does that affect what we were discussing this afternoon, about us being chosen as members of a challenging Blending, I mean?” Are you serious? Both of you ALSO forgot this conversation from the first dinner less than a week ago? quote:“Well, that was one of the things we meant to tell you right away,” Coll said ruefully, his glance around making Vallant feel as though he and the other men had been keeping secrets. “Holter there was the first to notice that except for Water magic, our residence holds only one representative of each of the five aspects. And if you add to that the fact that when two of our group didn’t qualify as quickly as the rest of us they were moved out, you have at the very least an extremely strong possibility.” Make Pagin the protagonist. Notice he's not saying anything in this meeting. Probably because he's not a Main Character and therefore Green only has him speak when he's conveniently infodumping or pointing out stuff the main characters are too dumb to figure out. My headcanon is that he's just a nice guy trying to let these idiots feel like they are smarter than they actually are. quote:The ladies exchanged a glance without saying anything, both of them looking faintly stunned, and then Jovvi raised her brows. This is what passes as foreshadowing for Green. Just have one of the characters point out "it doesn't feel right". quote:Well, hopefully it will come to me later, but right now I have a question: why two representatives of Water magic?” Please stop using that metaphor. We've seen over and over again that you could faceplant and your situation would be no worse. Also none of you are able to come up with any useful questions, let alone ask them, and the majority of you never try to find out anything. If it were for Rion and Pagin, I'm pretty sure you guys would just sit around in a circle wailing about how terrible your lives are, all the time. quote:It’s possible I’m just being a silly woman about all this…” I should have started a count of how many times a woman self-deprecatingly refers to herself as "silly" but I would have to re-read Book 1 for that and I'm not going to put myself through that agony right now. quote:“I keep gettin’ a feelin’ very much like yours, which takes the … pleasurable excitement from the possibility of bein’ put in a challengin’ Blendin’. If they’ve been handin’ out Adept positions to people who don’t deserve them, what about the Seated Blendin’ itself?” They won't figure this out until Chapter 17 in Book 3, after one of the main characters witnesses one of these challenges. quote:“So we may have a chance after all,” Tamrissa said, her brows raised in partial disbelief just as Jovvi’s had been. “I think what we have to decide now is whether or not to go for it. Please, Dom Holter, tell us your opinion. You’re the only one of us who seems to have done any real thinking about this.” Yes he is. Because the rest of you are idiots. quote:“Yeah, I done some thinkin’ on it, ma’am, but I don’t see as how it helps much,” Holter answered slowly, obviously reluctant to speak but unable to refuse Tamrissa. “It waren’t me who made the real point, but Dom Mardimil there. He said like as not we ain’t gonna get th’ choice, just have it made fer us. That sounds like a purty fair guess t’me, so I’ll jest go along with ’er.” Of course Green has to deflect back to her main characters. Can't have them being outdone by a minor character. quote:“A statement which gives us all something to think about,” Jovvi suggested in a distracted way. “It might be best if we pretend to be partying for a while, and return to serious conversation after we’ve had the chance to consider what we’ve heard. Does anyone think we ought not to?” Uh. Okay. Does 6 people just wandering off drinking and thinking by themselves scream "party" to you guys? quote:Vallant finally took a sip from his own glass, but just a sip to bolster his courage. The time had come to speak to Tamrissa, and he wasn’t about to play the coward and let it slip past. It's called being a stalker. quote:The object of his intentions stood alone just a few feet away, clearly doing the thinking Jovvi had mentioned. Vallant moved slowly and calmly until he stood beside her, his back to most of the others. Atta girl! quote:Vallant blinked, not having seriously considered that even for a moment. The outlook was no reflection on Holter and his abilities, simply an awareness of Vallant’s own. Or simply a reflection on the fact that you're an arrogant rear end in a top hat. quote:“But what if he isn’t chosen instead of me?” Vallant pursued almost at once. “I happen to like Holter and respect what he can do, but I’m the better practitioner. Once I prove that everyone will be forced to acknowledge it, Wow, he sounds like Beldara, doesn't he? But it's acceptable because he's got a and also a main character. quote:so I repeat: Are you goin’ to keep on blamin’ me for somethin’ I’m not guilty of and make us lose, or will you listen to reason and bring us closer to winnin’?” Tamrissa's knocking Vallant back and putting him in his place is the only thing salvaging this chapter for me. quote:“But why not?” Vallant demanded, fighting to keep his voice soft and his temper from flaring out of control. Because you're an rear end! quote:“You know I’m not guilty of anythin’, so why can’t we go back to the way things were before two vindictive people forced their way in here and between us?” Honestly the last thing she needs to do is to jump straight into a relationship with someone like Vallant. quote:“Because the … ‘way things were’ should never have happened,” she replied in a whisper, now looking down at the brandy glass in her hands. “I’ve … thought about the whole thing, and I realize now that I was wrong to lead you on. The truth is I’m … involved with a large number of other men, so becoming involved with you as well would simply be unfair. I know you dislike the idea of … sharing a woman, so it would be best if we forgot the entire thing. Please excuse me now.” As pointed out in the previous chapter, this was a terrible idea to begin with and now she's actually going through with it. You can guess where this is going. quote:With that she hurried away from him, and Vallant was too open-mouthed with confusion and startlement to even consider following. She’d been “leading him on?” How? By making him all but drag her out for a simple walk in the garden? And was he really supposed to believe that she was involved with a “large number” of other men? He almost wished she was, and with men who would give her pleasure rather than pain. She’d had enough hurt in her life to justify any change for the better. Just wait until Book 5 to see how sincere Vallant is. quote:But he wanted to be the one to give her that pleasure, along with excellent reasons for letting him be the only man to do it. Vallant is yet to realize that sexual compatibility is just one thing on a list of many things that women want in a partner. Personally, I'd rank "treating me like a person", "respecting my decisions" and "listening to me" way higher. quote:He’d been raised to understand that the decision should always be the woman’s choice, and it was his place to influence her choice only with superior ability, not with superior strength. He’d never minded rising to the challenge, so to speak, one of the things which had made him so popular with the ladies. You're not doing a great job of that, buddy. She's told you repeatedly that she wants nothing to do with you, so LISTEN and stop bugging her. And is this crap about "superior ability" anyway? The only way I can read it is "superior ability in bed" given the context. You can influence her choice by being a good human being, how about that? quote:So where could she have gotten the idea that he disliked having to share a woman? It was true he had no intentions of sharing Tamrissa once he made her his wife, but if she needed something like that to make her really happy… He would do his best to make it unnecessary, but if his best wasn’t good enough and her happiness depended on it… drat it, where had she gotten those ridiculous ideas? Where indeed? quote:Vallant took a calming sip of brandy, trying to rid himself of the feeling that he stood alone on the deck of a sinking ship without a single bit of dry land in sight. He would even have settled for a log canoe if it were seaworthy, and would refrain from spinning him around in dizzying circles. He’d managed to get Tamrissa to talk to him, but the conversation had ended with her being “honest” and “fair” with him. The whole thing was ridiculous, but what was he supposed to do now? Leave her alone! Go find courtesans, which is what you swore to do way back in Chapter 5 of Book 1. quote:Frustration returned to Vallant with the question, and it was only worsened by seeing Coll in what looked like a pleasant conversation with Jovvi. He wanted to have the same with Tamrissa, No, you don't. You just want to bang her. quote:but the maddening woman had gone to the refreshment table, and was apparently replacing her glass of brandy with a cup of tea. What could he say to her…? Here it comes. quote:And then an idea came, one that wasn’t very nice but which still made Vallant grin slightly. It's really telling what kind of person Vallant is. quote:So Tamrissa was involved with a “large number” of other men, was she? Only a real innocent would say something like that and expect to be believed, but she was the one who’d opened the door. If he pretended to be hurt by having been “led on” by her, he could then insist that the only way she might make it right was to give him what she was giving all those other men. Vallant. quote:Vallant chuckled just a little as he watched Tamrissa, knowing he would never actually force her into his bed. Yeah, but SHE doesn't know this, you dimwit. You've seen first hand how she reacts to just being threatened with being kissed and you're going to do this anyway. Because you want to marry her. quote:His aim would be to get her to admit she was spinning yarns, and then they could go on from there. But if she refused to admit it and became determined to prove she spoke the truth, there was only one thing he would accept as proof. The choice would be hers, but then it would be his turn to exercise some ability… In text confirmation that the earlier reference to "superior ability" is indeed in relation to how good he is in bed. quote:Vallant quickly added some details to his plan, then began to walk toward Tamrissa to start it. She stood gulping her tea, something she’d certainly want to do again once he began to speak to her, but he was only half way there when an interruption came. One of the house servants appeared on the path, and cleared his throat loudly for attention. It's obviously been way too long since a random encounter, so quote:Everyone but Pagin Holter seemed to freeze in place, and that included Vallant. They hadn’t yet been told who the caller was for, but each of them stood clenched in the fist of dread. Someone was about to be given trouble again, but which of them? That was the question: which…? Plus Green needed an excuse to 1) defer the next Valissa dramabomb and 2) end on another stupid cliffhanger. Summary: Day 6 (continued) Jovvi and Tamrissa have girl chat about Vallant and Lorand in the coach ride home, bonus Green lecture included. Vallant, Lorand, Rion and Pagin rehash the point about being a challenging Blending, then Vallant and Lorand finally clear up their misunderstanding about their respective romantic targets in yet another bath scene. Tamrissa propositions Rion for sex, he delightedly obliges and it's really hard to tell if she gave informed consent. After dinner, the main crew + Pagin hold a meeting during a sad pretend garden party to recap the recap in the first five chapters of the book. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 16 (15 in Book 1) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 26 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 6 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 6 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 19 (18 in Book 1) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 26 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 3 (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: I stand by my earlier comments to cut the stupid conspiracy angle. It leads to stupid chapters like this one and it's not robust enough to stand up against any serious, competent investigation. If I were to keep the conspiracy plot, I would do it from Jovvi's POV since she was the one who introduced all the to begin with. The standard promise in a conspiracy plot is the protagonists will outwit the antagonists–i.e. they uncover the conspiracy and overcome it with cleverness by taking advantage of loopholes in the system that facilitates the conspiracy. That means she would be the only one to believe in the conspiracy, and she'd have to do some work to convince the others that there IS a conspiracy. She either convinces them with proof or engages them to help her in exchange for favors/gold and by the end of Act I, the whole team should be all in. Act II would be discovering the conspiracy. Act III would be about beating it. You guys will see later on in Book 3 how Green has put her characters in the unfortunate position where they can't really do anything effective in a conspiracy plot, except for One Critical Thing, that Book 3 spoilers of course doesn't go anywhere because the conspiracy is deep and they're idiots, and even their temporary victory was basically handed to them and never in doubt at all. We are now roughly 30% of the way through Book 2 (which properly ends 5 chapters into Book 3, following the pattern of Book 1) and due to go to our next POV rotation. So on that note, Merry Christmas everyone and I'll see you back here in the new year for the next cycle of antagonist POVs.
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# ? Dec 24, 2020 14:26 |
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TRIGGER WARNING for rape in this chapterquote:CHAPTER SIXTEEN Please, do tell me what these "demands" are, because we literally never see you guys do anything other than go out to eat at dining parlors or have sex. quote:And Delin had something fairly important to take care of. Homin needed help with his father’s new wife, and Homin was going to get it. Nothing could be allowed to interfere with the purpose of the group, which was what interfering with one of its members really accomplished… If you turn your heads sideways, squint really hard and read this backwards, it almost doesn't quite entirely not resemble one of those sage sayings. quote:“I’m ready, Delin,” Homin said, bringing Delin out of his thoughts. “Shall we travel together in one carriage, letting the other one follow?” You've both been drinking tea during this whole meeting. And leaving Homin's carriage there is not suspicious whatsoever. quote:Homin nodded jerkily, as though he would find it possible to disobey even a suggestion, Did Green mean "as though he found it impossible to disobey even a suggestion"? quote:then trailed along behind Delin to the door. Delin used warmth when he thanked Kambil for the hospitality of his house, deliberately reminding himself that Kambil had acted for the good of the group. He still didn’t really like the man, but that was unimportant beside the fact that Kambil was now one of his. Dude's a High in Spirit magic, I don't think you're fooling anyone Delin. quote:Delin went to his carriage while Homin scurried to his own to tell his driver to follow, using the time to give his own driver instructions. Wait, what? So what's the point of taking the one carriage anyway? Oh, because you need to have another meeting. quote:When Homin finally joined him, puffing a bit from having hurried, they were immediately off. That's right, Delin's telling Homin that he needs to wait around for him while he visits a courtesan. quote:It didn’t take long for them to reach their local entertainment district, an area of perhaps two blocks in the center of their residential district. Going into the city proper for a simple afternoon or evening out would have been too bothersome for people like them, who lived a fair distance out, so entertainment districts had been approved and built. There were dining parlors for full meals, tea rooms for snacks, theaters for plays and auditoriums for music recitals. This is all so FASCINATING (not). quote:Once out of sight of the patrons of the tea room, Delin took the stairs to his apartment two at a time. He first had to change out of his fashionable clothes into something less noticeable, and then he would leave again by the private entrance in back. His interview with Elfini would go a good deal more smoothly if Homin was nowhere about. Oh ho! An interesting development at last! quote:The stables across the street from the back of the tea room was as private as the apartments, and Delin kept a horse there to be used when a carriage simply wouldn’t do. He saddled the horse himself as was the custom there, with only the half-blind old caretaker left on the premises. The boys who cleaned the stalls and exercised the horses were long gone, which effectively meant no one was there to see him leave. Alright I am confused, all these nobles are supposed to be the children of very powerful High Lords, so why would their estates not be common knowledge amongst the nobility? quote:The ride wasn’t a long one, and Delin made sure to avoid the front drive. Going through the woods separating that house from the estate next door was a much better idea, and also let him leave his horse tethered in those woods. Just take a moment to put this bit together with the normal honorific of "Dom" and "Dama". Yes, that's right, women are addressed as "Dama" in this world instead of "Domme" because it would just be WRONG for a woman to be the dominant in a BDSM relationship. quote:So he lost no more time opening the terrace door quietly and stepping inside. Now he could see the full array of whips and switches and straps displayed on the righthand wall of the room, along with chains and rods and half a dozen instruments of pain which might have been of original design. Elfini sat three-quarters turned away from him and so failed to notice his presence at first, but suddenly she looked up and saw him. Oh no, not TROUSERS! Witch! quote:“Lady, you mistake me,” he said, causing her to stop after only a step or two in the direction of the wall holding her toys. “I’ve come here to speak on Homin’s behalf, not my own. Homin tells me that you’ve forbidden him to practice his aspect talent, and that you also intend to distract him even further by including him in your … pastime despite his unwillingness. Is this true?” Wow, Delin actually saying something that is not horrible, in contrast to the rest of his thoughts. quote:“Homin has earned himself an even more thorough … inclusion by speaking out of turn,” she said, all trace of the least amusement now gone from her. “And he was supposed to come directly home and present himself to me, which means he has even more to answer for. Unless you mean to offer yourself in his place, Lord Delin, you may now leave. Before I decide you’ve earned punishment of your very own.” I hate this. All of it. quote:“You’ll do nothing at all,” he interrupted her ragged indictment, almost able to feel her inner frenzy. If she had been unstable before, now she was doubly so. “But you certainly can’t be trusted to stay in your proper place without assistance, so here it is.” In case you haven't figured out that Delin is Evil and messed up in the head. quote:But he didn’t have an infinite amount of time, so he couldn’t allow the pleasure to continue until he reached climax. That would have to wait for another time with another … helper, so he increased the pressure on her heart just a bit. The woman tried to scream as the organ abruptly ceased functioning, not yet realizing that she was already dead. Then all movement from her ceased, finally and permanently for all time. Uh, no. That's not how investigations work. quote:Then Delin left the same way he’d come, and once he reached his horse he let himself whistle a merry tune all the way back to the stables. Kill me. Summary: Day 6 (continued) Meanwhile, Homin waits for Delin at the local entertainment district, who has excused himself to meet a lady friend but has secretly gone to rape and then kill Homin's step-mother, Elfini. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 16 (15 in Book 1) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 27 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 7 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 6 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 32 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 19 (18 in Book 1) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 27 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 4, including 1 rape scene (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: Sorry all for the delay in picking this up again - I've been out sick for the last two weeks which has been a great start to the new year. Anyway. This whole scene is just...awful. I really detest the gratuitous use of sexual violence and this whole scene feels like it falls under that definition. Elfini's extreme BDSM thing was already established in Homin's POV. We've already seen Delin established as a character through all of the various noble POVs, including a hint of what his sexual appetites are like. The important thing that needed to happen here was Delin confronting Elfini on Homin's behalf. It feels very much like the rape and then subsequent murder was used for shock/horror value and to establish Delin as Evil. Elfini's murder kicks off some other consequences for the nobles and is Green's attempt at illustrating the political dynamics between the noble houses. Surprise, surprise, it isn't great. Green hasn't really thought out the implications of having basically everyone wielding magical powers that could commit murder without much of a trace. She hasn't set up a gritty dark world, like the Final Empire in Mistborn, where the noble houses basically use Mistings and Mistborns to assassinate each other all the time. We don't learn anything more about the magic system, or how Delin as an Earth magic talent stacks up against Lorand, which I think is a lost opportunity here. All in all, we've had 6 chapters to establish Delin as a lead antagonist and I've learned he's a sadistic but charming murdering rapist. Okay, that's bad, but I'm entirely unclear on why or how he would even pose a threat to Lorand or the rest of the protagonists, or how their arcs are going to intersect, or how Delin's even going to be an antagonist. I mean, obviously he's the Earth magic counterpart so presumably they're going to meet each other in the competitions, but that means I'm unclear on why I'm getting Delin's whole freaking backstory right now when I don't care about it. I care about Delin only to the extent that he's going to create problems for Lorand and co, and right now, Delin's not creating any problems. It just feels like we're getting the beginning of somebody else's story, in which case if Green wanted to do it that way, she should have put some noble POVs in the first book, so that those storylines would collide during the competitions. That is probably what I'd be doing if rewriting it–I would focus on establishing the different factions, their stakes in the results of the competition and then have one POV from each faction, but I wouldn't be including those until they became relevant. I thought Will Wight did this pretty well with Underlord/Wintersteel–obviously we went into it rooting for the Akura faction but he did a good job in establishing the stakes for the other factions by including POV from their representatives, who had already been introduced as characters in earlier books. It gave us new insight to the motivations for those characters and expanded the world.
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# ? Jan 9, 2021 06:04 |
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Welcome back! Regretful that this chapter is what you get to return to after a bout of sickness. Aside from the obligatory "have a character rape someone to show they're evil" we've got an incredibly weird portrayal of BDSM, where the dominatrix is apparently incapable of meeting a man without trying to strap him into a frame. I'm starting to think that Green might not be very nuanced at characterization.
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# ? Jan 11, 2021 00:04 |
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quote:CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Homin, you might wanna see a physician about that poor bladder control... quote:And then, finally, Delin was striding toward him across the floor, a big grin on his very handsome face. Homin lurched to his feet at once, more than ready to leave, but Delin chuckled and gestured at him to sit down again. Is the tea in this universe magical? quote:“But Elfini will be furious,” Homin whispered as he sank back down, watching Delin gesture to a serving girl. “The angrier she gets the worse it will be for me, and that no matter how charming she finds you. Please, Delin, I’m begging…” Everyone in these books are so immature, it's bizarre. I just finished reading Brent Weeks' Lightbringer series (which starts off promising, has a whole crap ton of weird author sex/sexist issues and then just ends badly with a literal deux ex machina so I can't recommend it in all honesty) and most of the protagonists there are pretty drat immature in their internal monologues, but at least there were the odd one or two who genuinely seemed to be mature (Orea Pullawr). None of Green's characters have any semblance of maturity whatsoever, regardless of their age. And "demanded" or any variant thereof ("demand", "demands", "demanding") always comes across as a toddler throwing a tantrum instead of assertiveness or high standards. quote:“Ah, thank you, my dear,” Delin said, and Homin looked up to see that the serving girl had brought Delin’s tea. The girl smiled at Delin and swung her hips as she waited to be paid, something she hadn’t done with Homin. She’d all but demanded the payment as well as a tip, showing the method worked well enough for her. quote:But for Homin to use it, that was quite out of the question… We literally just spent 600+ words following these characters to the men's room. quote:“Time is passing, old fellow, and you’re the one causing the delay,” he said in a mock-serious tone. “But I’ve sent the boy for our carriages, so the time shouldn’t be entirely wasted. Come along now, and we’ll complete this mission of mercy.” Why can't you guys just sit in the same carriage again? quote:But Delin didn’t desert him, even though Homin’s stomach was in knots by the time he reached home. Delin’s carriage followed up the drive directly behind his own, and a moment later they were both climbing out in front of the house. This is the only nice little detail of characterization that exists in this whole sequence. quote:then turned the knob and entered. Delin had caught up to him by then, and entered right behind him. Dun dun DUNNNN! quote:“And were you given permission to bring home one of your little friends with you?” And now we know that Delin's an unreliable narrator. Like everything else in her writing, Green just goes from zero to infinity right away. I like unreliable narrators a lot as a reader because I like having to puzzle things out. I know Shallan grates on a lot of people's nerves but reading her arc in Stormlight Archive is genuinely enjoyable for me because of how unreliable she is as a narrator. And the payoffs in Rhythm of War were so well foreshadowed! quote:His right hand groped until it found the doorjamb, and only just in time to keep his knees from buckling and sending him down to the floor. This was a nightmare and it couldn’t be happening, not when it was so important, not again… Reminder that Spirit magic and Earth magic is a thing in this world. Yet somehow neither Delin nor his family has ever thought of seeking medical attention for these weird fits of fantasy that he has had for at least a decade. quote:And now it looked as though the condition had returned, at the worst time it possibly could. This matter of the competitions would be his one and only chance to make his mark, and if he failed he would be trapped in obscurity forever. Forever in Father’s house, a concept too horrible to contemplate without shuddering. Concretely, what is so terrible about this? quote:“Delin, are you all right?” Homin asked anxiously, hovering only a step away as though ready to catch him if he fell. “Do you need to sit down? Perhaps a cup of tea would help…” At this point, I'm really not sure why Delin wouldn't just make good on that threat. quote:But until he made his mark nothing would change, so he’d have to do anything and everything to protect his group. And in the real world, not in some delusion that his mind dreamed up for him. And yet how odd it was, that the chamber looked exactly as it had in the illusion, all the way down to the specialized devices on the wall with the whips. How that could be he had no idea, unless he’d actually come to the house, looked in through the window, and then fantasized the rest. But that would make him a crippled coward who couldn’t even admit his failures to himself, so it couldn’t possibly be true. Whenever a character thinks something couldn't possibly true, this is Green's way of telling you that it absolutely did happen/is happening/is going to be exactly like that! quote:Delin paced up and down the hall, his thoughts black and ugly and hating, until Homin finally reappeared. The fat fool was being followed by a servant carrying a small trunk, which explained what had taken so long. Without saying anything Delin turned and stalked off toward the front door, letting Homin and the servant catch up as best they might. And he would insist that Homin use his own carriage, to keep the jittering fool away from him as much as possible. Yay! A character actually does something he threatens! quote:That idea made Delin feel a good deal better, and helped to convince him that his second decision was just as necessary as the first. Tonight, after retiring to his apartment, he would sneak out and return to kill Elfini, this time in reality rather than illusion. He had to do it now, there was nothing else possible, not when making his mark was at stake. Nothing could stand in the way of that, nor would it be allowed to. His group meant his future, and he would defend it with everything he had. It was time to really act, it was time… Or...you know, you could treat it as a merciful do-over of your poorly thought out decision to go straight to murder which would definitely start rumors and require an investigation. But never mind, all of this is here to leave us in no doubt that Delin is really Evil. Summary: Day 6 (continued) Meanwhile, Homin waits for Delin at the local entertainment district, who has excused himself to meet a lady friend but has secretly gone to rape and then kill Homin's step-mother, Elfini. Except Delin fantasized the whole thing, so when he and Homin show up at the Weil residence, Elfini's pissed and only lets them go after Delin threatens to get his father to ruin her husband. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 24 Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 16 (15 in Book 1) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 29 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 7 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 6 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 33 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 19 (18 in Book 1) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 28 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 4, including 1 rape scene (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: All of the noble manoeuvrings/shenanigans needs to be consolidated into like, 1-2 chapters MAX before we get the protagonists crashing the party as well. And preferably if we're going to have some unreliable narrator stuff going on, we don't go from "seeming totally reliable" to "oh, wow, this character regularly lives in fantasy land" within the space of 4000 words/2 chapters. I'm not a fan of Delin's delusions being a known long term condition that's already in its final stages; if it's going to be a plot device, I'd rather it be a mystery that he notices developing (in response to some specific catalyst), tries to cover it up and eventually it gets so bad that he messes up big time. That at least would give what is otherwise a terrible character one direction of growth. Leng fucked around with this message at 12:18 on Jan 11, 2021 |
# ? Jan 11, 2021 12:13 |
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I am barely able to skim-read this stuff. My God she's a tedious writer. I like slow character bits but this is just *dull*. Who edited this poo poo, did anyone?!
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# ? Jan 11, 2021 20:38 |
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quote:CHAPTER EIGHTEEN This is the opening line of the chapter, just so you know that Day 6 is done and we're finally moving onto Day 7. That's right, we're STILL in the first freaking week of these books. quote:“All ready to begin the day’s practice?” Somewhere in Green's childhood, a strict teacher must have given her the idea that being late is a manifestation of the cardinal sin of sloth. quote:“It wasn’t sleep that kept me, it was the news,” Deever said, raising supercilious brows. “You can’t mean you haven’t heard?” Oh look, we haven't had a butler-and-maid dialogue exchange for a while! quote:“It’s difficult to understand how anyone could have missed hearing,” Deever replied, still looking around the sitting room rather than at Bron. “Lady Elfini Weil was murdered last night, and they suspect one of the household staff—or a common tramp—to have done it.” Probably because you're an rear end. quote:“How could anyone who valued his own life have killed her?” Bron asked, determined to get the details now. “And how can they suspect ‘one of the staff or a tramp’ in general? Doesn’t knowing which aspect was used narrow it down a little?” Green can't seem to keep her world building straight - is the use of magic in the Empire suppressed and so most people use mundane means to perform stuff that could otherwise be done magically? How much strength is required to actually murder someone? Could someone of Low strength do it? Who knows! But this looks like she's going against established world building and saying that most murders would be done by magical means! quote:“Just as I probably would,” Bron muttered after feeling his face pale. “I’ve never even heard of anyone being killed like that… It must have been done by some talentless freak, but … How do you hack someone to pieces and keep it quiet? Surely the woman screamed at least a little before she died, so why didn’t someone—like Lord Aston, for instance—hurry in to help her?” The level of incompetence in this government is just inspiring, isn't it? Here's some super secret information that nobody should know about in a world where people have Earth and Spirit magic so the investigators could just force everybody to keep silent but ehhh let's just let the gossips say whatever they want while a murder investigation of a very important noble's wife is going on. quote:“What a mess!” Bron said with a headshake, then another thought occurred to him. “But what does Homin say? I nearly forgot that that’s his family, and he’s a member of my group. He should know what happened, because he was right there.” Convenient how the whole confrontation took place in Elfini's sanctum isn't it? Also convenient that the most uninteresting information is presented as a great mystery. Maybe Green doesn't understand the definition of "mystery"? quote:“That’s too bad,” Bron said with a fatalistic shrug. “For a moment I was able to hope that he would turn out to be the murderer, and then he would have to be replaced in the group. He’s the worst among us, and if he doesn’t improve we’ll—all look like fools in the competitions.” As smart and subtle as an ox, Bron. quote:“Your training results could bear some improvement as well, Lord Bron,” Deever said, safe behind the authority given him by the Advisors. “Shall we visit the training cubicle now? I must be off to my next student as close to on time as possible.” Get ready for some repetition of repetition that has already been done! quote:Bron would have enjoyed giving the dolt a piece of his mind, but Deever was backed by too many influential people. And as understanding as his father had been all Bron’s life, the one thing that would turn him to thoughts of severity and unreason was Bron’s trying the patience of the Advisors. His father’s own position would be put at risk then, so the old man refused to even entertain the idea. Or continue to support Bron if he entertained it. I would really, really, really like some distinct motivations for these characters. I'd even go so far to take bizarre motivations, like maybe Bron wanting to be Seated because he's convinced that's the only way he could enact a law that makes it illegal for anyone to be awake before noon. quote:The cubicle, which had been placed to the far left side of the garden and away from the house, was made of clear resin. It was also much too small to accommodate the presence of a decent chair, and a small shed installed beside it contained all sorts of paraphernalia that was meant to be used inside the cubicle. Right now there was only a box fitted out with a foot pedal, a fixture Bron had grown so tired of that he was delightedly relieved it had become time to advance. The bigger question here is, why wasn't Rion taught? Spoilers for Book 3 it's because the testing authority didn't consider him to be a real noble but that doesn't make sense given what we know of Hallina Mardimil. quote:But it was now time to get rid of this device for good and all, so Bron stomped down on the pedal. The lid of the box flew open and a cloud of soil was thrown into the air, a cloud that didn’t stay aloft long. But Bron was ready, so he reached out with his woven fires and burned all that soil the way he wanted to burn Deever and his superior Lord Rigos. It felt marvelous, magnificent, and then it was all done. This isn't any more exciting the second time through. And way to undercut any hint of any threats towards the protagonists! quote:“You talk as if the competitions are to begin after this week’s end,” Bron scoffed, annoyed that he wasn’t yet to be allowed to return to bed. “There’s a lot more time than that, so why must we engage in this ridiculous rush?” Summary: Day 7 Bron's trainer passes on the news of Elfini's murder before Bron squeaks through on the first of the first level masteries, after an entire childhood's worth of pattern training and a lower bar for passing. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 25 (24 in Book 1) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 16 (15 in Book 1) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 9 Book 1: Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x1), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 3 Book 1: Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 43 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 29 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 7 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 6 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 33 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 19 (18 in Book 1) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 28 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 4, including 1 rape scene (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: There is no purpose to this chapter whatsoever, other than Green being able to say that she's cycling through all five of the antagonist POVs. Delete!
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# ? Jan 12, 2021 05:25 |
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I think of I were reworking it, Bron's madness would be a slowly unsettling thing caused by his utter terror of his father fighting back against the Spirit magic manipulation being used on him. Maybe his father already had his mind changed to hide the madness, and now that's unravelling under the pressure of a second set of compulsions?.
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# ? Jan 12, 2021 13:57 |
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Liquid Communism posted:I think of I were reworking it, Bron's madness would be a slowly unsettling thing caused by his utter terror of his father fighting back against the Spirit magic manipulation being used on him. Maybe his father already had his mind changed to hide the madness, and now that's unravelling under the pressure of a second set of compulsions?. Bron had overindulgent parents I believe while Delin was sexually abused by his father and his father's cronies though Kambil was the one being secretly manipulated by his grandmother and went unhinged after Delin had her killed. Your point is a great one though, which is that Delin's delusions are the only thing that's given considerable screen time but is never actually explained, and Kambil's issues ARE explained but we never really see the impact of it upon his actions, so prima facie the two things should just be combined and arguably we don't need multiple POVs per antagonist group, we only care about the jockeying for position/dynamics within a Blending insofar as the protagonist group.
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 00:00 |
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quote:CHAPTER NINETEEN The names are just getting worse and worse. What kind of name is "Pracer"? I keep reading it as "Prancer", which I guess is consistent with this guy's character. quote:“About Lady Elfini?” Selendi said, putting her cup aside and leaning forward. “Every servant in the house is chattering about it, and my mother has gone to visit one of her friends, who lives only a short distance away from the Weil estate. If she doesn’t get all the details no one will, but what have you heard?” ...can we NOT rehash all of the details that we already went through last chapter? quote:“That poor Lady Elfini was hacked to death by a deranged Guild member,” Pracer said as he took a chair and began to pour his own cup of tea. “People are remembering that no one liked the idea of having a Guild for the talentless, but the Advisors have always insisted on protecting them. No matter how this turns out, the Advisors will have some answering to do.” A pretty good theory, since according to Green's worldbuilding, Guild members are immune to being directly affected by talent, though they have to be actively concentrating on doing so. quote:“We heard that the deranged lunatic tied Lord Aston to a wall and whipped him almost to death,” Selendi said, more interested in discussing the good parts. People who went on about the Guild were so boring… “Lord Aston may or may not be able to identify the murderer, depending on whether or not the monster wore a mask.” Does this mean the Guild talent is a recessive trait? quote:“Well, I’ve never met any of them either, but everyone knows the truth,” Pracer admitted reluctantly. “The Guild is full of abnormal deviants, and shouldn’t be allowed to continue in existence.” Who literally says this stuff out loud even if they believe it? quote:“Certainly,” Selendi agreed coldly, thoroughly insulted. She began to rise from her chair, but then a thought came to her. “Just a minute. If Lady Elfini and Lord Aston were attacked by someone without any talent, why didn’t they use their own talent to protect themselves? Even ordinary ability can overcome someone without any at all, so how did that … talentless deviant get away with it?” Selendi either doesn't understand how the Guild talent works, or there's a plothole here! quote:Pracer suddenly looked stricken rather than handsome and cool, bringing Selendi a good deal of satisfaction. She’d wanted to get even for that comment he’d made about how unimportant she was, and now it looked like she had. You know what? Atta girl, Selendi. Put that sexist jerk in his place. quote:“Why … they were probably … taken unawares, that’s it, they were taken unawares,” Pracer suddenly suggested, his expression clearing. “Yes, the monster crept up on them while they weren’t looking, and then it was too late to stop him.” I like this flash of characterization for Selendi, to go counter to everyone's impression of her as a vapid blonde, but unfortunately Green never goes anywhere with this. quote:“If you ever murdered someone, it would be someone male and it would be in bed,” Pracer said with a sudden grin, finally abandoning his ridiculous stance and air of superiority. “I apologize profoundly for upsetting you, my sweet, and hope my foolishness won’t keep us from ending your practice time in the usual way.” If someone called me sweetling, I think I'd throw up. quote:“Raela’s father said that same exact thing all those years ago just before he spanked her so hard she couldn’t sit down for the rest of the day,” Selendi pointed out, again keeping him from taking her hand by moving it back out of reach. “He also forbid her to associate with the rest of the girls in our group, so we were never able to visit that marvelous house again. I don’t like things done for my own good, not unless I decide they need doing.” There goes that attempt at making Selendi a more three dimensional character. quote:“I promise to be absolutely marvelous for you,” he answered with a grin, then stood aside with a small bow. “After you, sweetling, who nevertheless remains a lady who cannot be matched.” Remember this bit. Even within the same chapter, Selendi's characterization is inconsistent. quote:When the servants saw them coming they entered the small building, and a moment later Selendi led Pracer inside after them. The lamps behind their clear resin windows had already been lit, and the servants had lined up in a straight row. Selendi found a place on the comfortable couch she’d had installed while Pracer sealed the building, and by the time he sat down beside her she was ready to start. As if watching a repeat of this wasn't enough, we have to suffer through a repeat with LOWERED stakes (Rion had to handle himself and six people). quote:He got up then and went to unseal the door, and Selendi was so delighted that she forgot what she was in the midst of and released the protection around the servants before the door was open. The heavy smoke immediately began to make them cough, and as soon as the door was open they rushed outside. Selendi joined Pracer at the door, both of them waiting for the smoke to clear out completely, and once it had Pracer closed the door again, then turned to her with a grin. Yep, that's Selendi's entire motivation. Spoilers for Book 5 it's because she was sexually abused by her father as a child but now that she's older he won't touch her so she's trying to find a guy who will make her feel the exact same way which is just messed up all round. But honestly, she should not be repeatedly sleeping with Pracer because there's only so much time in the day, she should just have a string of new guys on magical speed dial so she can try as many as possible. quote:But she’d come closer to having enough once she and the others were Seated on the Fivefold Throne. Then no one would ever be able to refuse her anything, which was only the way things were meant to be… I do not follow how becoming one of the five rulers of the Empire is necessary to achieving the goal of sleeping with every guy in the Empire? Summary: Day 7 Bron's trainer passes on the news of Elfini's murder before Bron squeaks through on the first of the first level masteries, after an entire childhood's worth of pattern training and a lower bar for passing. Selendi and her trainer also trade gossip about Elfini's murder before she achieves two of her first level masteries at a significantly lower bar for passing. Counts so far: NAMED ON-SCREEN CHARACTERS WHO WE'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN: 26 (24 in Book 1) Book 1: Mildon Coll, Phor Riven, Jeris Womal, Eldra Sappin, Fod, Lord Astrath, Torrin Ro, Vish "the Fish", Jamrin, Hark, Reshin, Fellar, Ennis, Vosin, Parli Hafford, Regensi, Weeks, Adept Aminto, Mem Follil, Toblis, Kogrin, Lemmis Admen, Miklas Book 2: Nialla, Emar Rumil, Leta Vas, Grami Arstin, Deever, Pracer TOTALLY INDISTINCT ON-SCREEN LOCATIONS: 13 (9 in Book 1) Book 1: Rincammon, Haven Wraithside, Tamrissa's house in Gan Garee, Port Entril, testing facility in Gan Garee, Regensi's shop, Ginge's tavern, Magross bridge, mastery facility outside Gan Garee, Nialla's house, Vas residence, Weil residence, Arstin residence in Gan Garee MEALS ON-SCREEN: 16 (15 in Book 1) Book 1: Day 1 (lunch, dinner), Day 2 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 3 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 4 (breakfast, lunch, dinner), Day 5 (lunch, dinner), Day 6 (breakfast, lunch, dinner) EUPHEMISMS FOR BODY PARTS: 10 (9 in Book 1) Male: <character name>'s body (x2), discomfort (x1), manhood (x1), desire (x2), renewed need (x1), large and hard, the most perfect of men (x1) Female: womanhood (x1), entrance of ultimate bliss (x1), desire (x2), incredible tunnel (x1) TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: 5 (3 in Book 1) Male: love (x1), my fleeting love (x1) Female: sweet girl (x1), my sweet (x1), sweetling (x1) ANTAGONISTS: 16 (11 introduced in Book 1) General: Unnamed Chairman/Ollon Kapmar (?) and the five Seated Highs in each aspect, Eltrina Razas, Bron Kallan, Selendi Vas, Homin Weil, Kambil Arstin, Delin Moord Lorand: Eskin Drowd Jovvi: Allestine and her henchmen Ark and Bar Clarion: Hallina Mardimil, Eskin Drowd Tamrissa: Storn and Avrina Torgar, Beldara Lant, Odrin Hallasser, Soonen Vallant: Mirra Agran PLOTHOLES: 44 (39 in Book 1) COACH RIDES: 29 (21 in Book 1) MEETINGS IN COACHES: 7 (4 in Book 1) OTHER MEETINGS: 6 (3 in Book 1) INTERRUPTED MONOLOGUING: 33 (31 in Book 1) "CLIFFHANGERS": 19 (18 in Book 1) POINTLESS TAMRISSA NARRATION: 12 (11 in Book 1) TEA DRINKING: 29 (22 in Book 1) BLATANT MORALIZING: 20 (19 in Book 1) BATH SCENES: 10 (9 in Book 1) WILFUL MISUNDERSTANDINGS: 6 MIND CONTROL: 5 BADLY WRITTEN SEX SCENES: 5, including 1 rape scene (2 in Book 1) REPETITIVE POV EVENTS:
Possible fixes: If there needs to be an Elfini death reaction scene, we seriously just need the ONE scene and we do not need to watch the antagonists all go through their easier masteries. Ugh. DELETE!
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 00:22 |
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I'm annoyed at all these filler scenes while we watch the antagonists react to Elfini's death. I want to see Delin forced to entertain Homin at an indefinite sleepover party.
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 00:48 |
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Not sure what's worse, the depiction of the sadistic (though imaginary) rape-murder (that later turns into a real murder? Though possibly by someone else?), or the sheer disgust at the idea of a dominant, rather than submissive, woman that the author doesn't seem to actually disagree with. Also, did Green develop a spanking fetish between writing these books? I don't remember it being mentioned in the previous one, but now it's reaching Robert Jordan levels.
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 00:57 |
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Hobnob posted:Also, did Green develop a spanking fetish between writing these books? I don't remember it being mentioned in the previous one, but now it's reaching Robert Jordan levels. Didn't she write some other fantasy series with a spanking fetish protagonist? Alternatively, I'd believe that she's so unimaginative as to think that spanking is the height of deviancy that BDSM can reach.
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 01:01 |
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wizzardstaff posted:I want to see Delin forced to entertain Homin at an indefinite sleepover party. A+++++, would read and keel over in stitches laughing. Hobnob posted:Also, did Green develop a spanking fetish between writing these books? I don't remember it being mentioned in the previous one, but now it's reaching Robert Jordan levels. wizzardstaff posted:Didn't she write some other fantasy series with a spanking fetish protagonist? She wrote multiple fantasy/erotica series that heavily featured spanking, both voluntary and nonconsensual, as key to the plot of those novels. I posted an excerpt earlier in the thread, let me see if I can dig up more.
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 02:31 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 05:49 |
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Alright, we're gonna go to some other stuff in Green's work for a moment. My hot take: Sharon Green is worse than Robert Jordan in every way with respect to spanking. Here's the proof in just ONE of her other books. Take note of the protagonists' eerie similarities to the Tamrissa/Vallant dynamic from the Blendingverse. It's like Elissia and Derand are alternate universe Tamrissa and Vallant, but both of them (and their relationship) is worse in every conceivable way.Leng posted:Also, spanking references! I believe it will not be the last one that we see. I normally wouldn't even remark on it except for the fact that it's central to Green's Brat series: I posted the horrible cover and an even more horrible sex scene when we were discussing Book 1 Chapter 22. Trigger warning for loads of nonconsensual stuff, humiliation, and of course, spanking. I'm gonna spoiler these so no one is inadvertently assaulted by Green's terrible rape fantasies. Here's the FIRST spanking scene in Princess Brat, which appears at the end of Chapter 1 (): quote:Once again she turned toward the door, obviously meaning to leave the way she wanted to, but Derand had had enough. A man would have paid for the assault and insult with his life, but Elissia was a woman. She might later decide that she would have preferred to pay with her life, but that was too bad about her. This appears in the following scene from Elissia's POV, the titular "Princess Brat": quote:Some of the girls tried to draw her into conversation while she bathed and dressed, wanting to lighten her mood the way they often did. One of the girls, noticing her darkened backside, tried to lighten Elissia's mood by relating her own trip over her brother's knee just the previous night, seemingly sharing it with the other girls. Two of the others, who had not noticed Elissia's punished buttom, chimed in with stories of their own. One girl related spying on a particularly unpleasant sister-in-law as she had received a punishment over her husband's knee. The young wife had been spanked severely with a limber, polished rod, but the incident was regarded as more amusing to the women than anything else. As they spoke, Elissia's mood only darkened. She'd been very sheltered, she realized, from the reality of women's lives. Her own women apparently were subject to such punishments on a regular basis. Meanwhile, her brother Prince Gardal has gone missing so Elissia disguises herself and runs away to rescue him. Derand catches up to her and then this happens: quote:He moved forward fast to take her by the arm again, and Elissia found it impossible to avoid him or pull free. His hands were so disgustingly big that one of them wrapped completely around her arm, and it took only a fraction of his strength to move her wherever he wanted her. At the moment that happened to be next to a straight-backed chair, which he immediately sat down on. The next instant she was pulled across his knees, which made her yelp in protest. Absolutely no idea where Elissia would get such an idea from, Derand! Further debate about what befell her brother ensues. Elissia wants to be included in the rescue party and Derand has conditions: quote:"Tell me what you want," Elissia ground out, hating what he had in mind even without hearing the details. If he was taking the trouble to threaten her before mentioning the details, it had to be something really extreme. That evening, things take a left turn into humiliation: quote:"And now it's getting close to bed time," he added, stretching casually where he sat. "Isn't there something you wanted to ask me?" It gets worse: quote:"All right, I'm ready to do as you so nicely asked me to," he announced, walking to the rough wooden chair the room held in order to sit. "Come over here and put yourself across my knees." Next, into real territory: quote:"Hating an unnatural invasion of my body is not the same as being broken," she finally pointed out, forced to lie still due to what the abomination made her feel when she moved. "This wasn't in any way a part of our agreement, so I insist that you take that thing out of me." Finally, here's what passes for foreplay ahead of the sex scene I posted earlier: quote:The beast's big hand came down on her bottom with a sharp smack, but rather than accept the beating in silence as long as possible, she couldn't hold back an "Ohhhh!" of utter mortification. Feelings she'd never experienced before flashed through her body because of the presence of the abomination, and even the rate of her breathing began to increase. She also tried to speak, but now the words insisted on coming out sideways. There's another 7 chapters and a sequel of this horrible stuff. This is without even getting into her unfinished Argent Swords series or her Terrilian series which has five entire books of this crap. She's written way more that I haven't (and will never) sample, because I've already spent way too much of my life reading her terrible writing about terrible sex (and sexual abuse).
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# ? Jan 13, 2021 05:00 |