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This is the absolute best chance you’ll get to start building those boundaries, you don’t need to make excuses and you’re doing the morally correct thing
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Dec 4, 2020 07:35
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So my mom's best friend's youngest kid, who I've known since he was born in 1989 and we were raised together like cousins, unfriended me on Facebook because I'm a sheep who thinks covid is a big deal and an idiot for stressing the importance of mask-wearing. They all just keep picking themselves off, it's amazing. Ive been reluctant to remove any of them because I thought it would create a ton of drama, and apparently it's fine. I don't even have to do anything other than just be myself and care about the safety of others!
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Dec 4, 2020 07:44
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Sisal Two-Step posted:I keep daydreaming about the few years I spent in Korea and how nice it was to have so much distance between myself and my family. One of the reasons I love being an ESL Teacher is not only that I get to live a continent away from my parents, but that it is an iron-clad reason to which they cannot reasonably complain.. edit: Picnic Princess posted:So my mom's best friend's youngest kid, who I've known since he was born in 1989 and we were raised together like cousins, unfriended me on Facebook because I'm a sheep who thinks covid is a big deal and an idiot for stressing the importance of mask-wearing. BrigadierSensible fucked around with this message at 08:05 on Dec 4, 2020 |
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Dec 4, 2020 08:00
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Sisal Two-Step posted:I wish I was better at standing up to my family. Especially my mom. She wants to come up this weekend for our annual Christmas cookie baking get-together, even though I live in a red zone and we are technically in lock down. I was only tentatively okay with her coming to visit because she doesn't go anywhere or have any friends, but I found out during a call today that she's attending some kind of cookie exchange in her office next Friday? I felt like I didn't have time to process it. But . . . they really are capable of preventing poison from getting into the food. They're adults. They're capable of learning cooking hygiene and safety. They just choose not to. They choose to make unhealthy food for you to eat. They've been feeding it to you since you were a child. I literally was just reading this: quote:“This is going to be hard. Because I know they do good things. They are not 100% bad.” Anyway. I don't mean to dump a lot of stuff on you. The issue right now is that you're not comfortable with your mom coming over and it might actually be dangerous for her to come over. She might not be able to see that, but that doesn't mean you have to let her put you in danger. You're allowed to cancel. (And you're allowed to lie and say you have a cold or something if you don't feel like you can stand up to your mother right now.)
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Dec 4, 2020 17:03
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trickybiscuits posted:(And you're allowed to lie and say you have a cold or something if you don't feel like you can stand up to your mother right now.) One of the more liberating lessons I learned in life is that it's much healthier to lie to others than to oneself.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:12
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Yeah honestly, I'd lie. It's good to have firm boundaries and sick to them but that takes energy, and this time of year, this year in particular, I'm not judging anybody for cutting what social corners they can when it comes to preserving their own peace of mind. Just say you've got the worst diarrhea possible and now your whole house stinks like poo poo and you feel awful. Nobody wants to see that.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:14
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Huntersoninski posted:Yeah honestly, I'd lie. It's good to have firm boundaries and sick to them but that takes energy, and this time of year, this year in particular, I'm not judging anybody for cutting what social corners they can when it comes to preserving their own peace of mind. Just say you've got the worst diarrhea possible and now your whole house stinks like poo poo and you feel awful. Nobody wants to see that. Okay, so I tried this once and then had to spend nearly an hour justifying why I don't want someone around while I'm making GBS threads myself stupid. IT TOOK AN HOUR TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE I WAS (granted lying) BLASTING POOP OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:17
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Thing is with toxic people, there's ones who it's surprisingly easy to lie to and will accept whatever excuse, and there's ones who will just take almost anything as an invitation. Having siblings more socially adept than me is a fun experience. Turns out my mother, an otherwise toxic influence and generally hilariously bad at any form of communication unless there's others around who might question her, is incredibly easy to fool.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:27
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Literally A Person posted:Okay, so I tried this once and then had to spend nearly an hour justifying why I don't want someone around while I'm making GBS threads myself stupid. IT TOOK AN HOUR TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE I WAS (granted lying) BLASTING POOP OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE. This is where I'd start asking why they want to smell my poop so bad and tell them to stop being a weirdo.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:38
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:This is where I'd start asking why they want to smell my poop so bad and tell them to stop being a weirdo. Listen buddy, I already get a constant stream of guilt-tripping I don't need to add any more logs to that fire.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:45
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Literally A Person posted:Listen buddy, I already get a constant stream of guilt-tripping I don't need to add any more logs to that fire. Oh no, don't do that to yourself. I'm speaking for myself here.
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Dec 4, 2020 17:56
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Literally A Person posted:Okay, so I tried this once and then had to spend nearly an hour justifying why I don't want someone around while I'm making GBS threads myself stupid. IT TOOK AN HOUR TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE I WAS (granted lying) BLASTING POOP OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE. Haha Post the most messed up thing you've done to maintain your space Married a girl they didn't like
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Dec 4, 2020 18:15
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Literally A Person posted:Okay, so I tried this once and then had to spend nearly an hour justifying why I don't want someone around while I'm making GBS threads myself stupid. IT TOOK AN HOUR TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE I WAS (granted lying) BLASTING POOP OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE. Yeah I was operating under the assumption that this was a "not the most horrible" kind of relationship where an excuse like that might just work. Obviously everyone knows their own folks best. Hell see if you can rope a friend into helping you out - maybe their "car got a flat" on the highway and you're not even home now, don't bother coming up, you're gonna have to wait with your friend at the mechanic.
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Dec 4, 2020 18:16
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Epitope posted:Haha Moved to the opposite end of the continent
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Dec 4, 2020 18:29
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I'm honestly not sure whether to consider it worse that dumb and half-hearted excuses will work.
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Dec 4, 2020 18:30
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Epitope posted:Haha moved to Canada
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Dec 4, 2020 18:49
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Epitope posted:Haha As stated, moved out with my first boyfriend who I'd only been dating for a few months when we were both 17. Ironic that the only dump 2 kids could afford was across the alley from my mom's workplace 
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Dec 4, 2020 19:07
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Literally A Person fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Dec 4, 2020 |
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Dec 4, 2020 19:19
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Literally A Person posted:Okay, so I tried this once and then had to spend nearly an hour justifying why I don't want someone around while I'm making GBS threads myself stupid. IT TOOK AN HOUR TO CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WHILE I WAS (granted lying) BLASTING POOP OUT OF MY BUTTHOLE.
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Dec 4, 2020 20:21
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Epitope posted:Haha Joined the Navy. Signed up for duty every Thanksgiving for six years, claimed it lasted for 12 hours and that I wasn't allowed to use a phone during.
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Dec 4, 2020 21:08
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subpar anachronism posted:moved to Canada Samesies.   
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Dec 5, 2020 00:20
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subpar anachronism posted:moved to Canada Took the offer from the school farthest from home that accepted me because I knew if I didn't I would obviously be the rear end in a top hat for not wanting to come home every single weekend. Worst decision ever for my career, best decision ever for my sanity.
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Dec 5, 2020 00:31
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Epitope posted:Haha Moved to Belgium.
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Dec 5, 2020 01:19
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cinnamon rollout posted:Moved to the opposite end of the continent also, failed classes on purpose so i’d be sent to summer school
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Dec 5, 2020 02:39
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Epitope posted:Haha I moved 45 minutes away, and when that didn’t work I moved two hours away, and when that didn’t work, I moved six hours away... I’ve now moved halfway across the continent and it seems to have finally done the trick. I also quit speaking with my mother at my wedding reception. My maid of honor gladly accepted the responsibility of dealing with her and I would just say, “Oh, I need to go over there,” and walk away every time she tried to yell at me for how we were all doing it wrong. I’m a bad judge but I’d say both of those things are pretty messed up.
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Dec 6, 2020 05:59
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The Atlantic's 'Dear Therapist' column had this one today:quote:Dear Therapist, 'Neither of our adult kids like us. Should we throw money at them?'
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Dec 7, 2020 20:16
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Goddamn there's a lot going on in between the lines there.
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Dec 7, 2020 20:23
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Explicitly mentioning the kids’ sexualities when it’s not relevant to the story is a huge red flag.
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Dec 7, 2020 20:28
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big dyke energy posted:Goddamn there's a lot going on in between the lines there.
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Dec 7, 2020 20:37
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I like that they know and state the issue clearly (their homophobia) and then walk right past it.
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Dec 7, 2020 20:44
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whydirt posted:Explicitly mentioning the kids’ sexualities when it’s not relevant to the story is a huge red flag. I was just thinking that!
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Dec 7, 2020 20:55
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whydirt posted:Explicitly mentioning the kids’ sexualities when it’s not relevant to the story is a huge red flag. It is relevant. To the letter writer's mind, they're just another example of the kids' failures.
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Dec 7, 2020 21:00
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Epitope posted:Haha Volunteered for a war deployment. Twice.
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Dec 7, 2020 21:22
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Pththya-lyi posted:It is relevant. To the letter writer's mind, they're just another example of the kids' failures. Right? “We tried so hard, but they still turned out broken! Halp!”
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Dec 7, 2020 23:09
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GORDON posted:Volunteered for a war deployment. Forgot about this one. I tried for an IA deployment to Afghanistan, but too many people in my rating volunteered and they had more skills than someone fresh out of A school.
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Dec 7, 2020 23:28
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BUT OUR SON IS GAY AND FAT Wow, that rules, sorry you're lovely parents tho
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Dec 7, 2020 23:39
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Pththya-lyi posted:It is relevant. To the letter writer's mind, they're just another example of the kids' failures. I agree. Also note that they don't say why the kids are mad at them, (apart from the daughter calling them out on their homophobia). What I read is that these parents are always going on about "You could have been a lawyer, you were so bright in highschool. You were such a handsome boy, but now you are fat and marrried to someone we disapprove of. A barista? You had so much potential." And whilst they say they never offered money, I bet they do all the time in passive and condescending ways. Coz their big idea is to buy stuff for their kids, who seem to be doing OK and living, whilst not luxurious, but normal lives.
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Dec 8, 2020 00:00
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Mx. posted:BUT OUR SON IS GAY AND FAT Hell yeah
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Dec 8, 2020 04:58
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I wonder what % of estrangements are parents not being able to accept their queer and/or former gifted children. My guess is "extremely high".
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Dec 8, 2020 05:45
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 23:19 |
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Picnic Princess posted:I wonder what % of estrangements are parents not being able to accept their queer and/or former gifted children. My guess is "extremely high".
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Dec 8, 2020 08:07
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