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Patrat posted:The thing is? US fighter pilots actually call each other poo poo like 'Hawk', I met 'General Hawk' in London last year: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_J._Carlisle Yeah, I know about callsigns. My dad was a pilot in Vietnam, callsign Troll. IIRC, in the book, Hawk was the guys actual name.
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Dec 8, 2020 18:01
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Yes. The protagonist of the Wingman series was Hawk Hunter, who was not only a supremely skilled fighter pilot, but also an engineering genius, an expert mechanic, amd had a built-in psychic radar.
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Dec 8, 2020 18:08
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I completely forgot about his magic internal radar that was more accurate than his navigation equipment.
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Dec 8, 2020 18:10
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How big was his dick?
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Dec 8, 2020 18:10
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Lucas Archer posted:Yeah, I know about callsigns. My dad was a pilot in Vietnam, callsign Troll. You can't leave us hanging like that! What's the story behind that callsign?
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Dec 8, 2020 18:42
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Wibla posted:You can't leave us hanging like that! What's the story behind that callsign? Honestly? He never told me or my brother, as far as I know. According to him, callsigns were usually not something cool or interesting, they were insults that stuck and became what they were called.
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Dec 8, 2020 18:57
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http://www.f-16.net/callsigns.htmlquote:OPEC (added: 19 Sep 2017) quote:Bambi quote:Salako quote:Tank Dan Hampton, "Viper Pilot" posted:Now, this particular ritual ends in a ceremony simply known as the “Naming.”
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Dec 9, 2020 11:00
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A Templin Institute video on the Frontline series got me to check out the first book. Really enjoyed it and starting the second one. Lots of action, military jargon, dystopia, all of that. It's basically the movie "Aliens" presented as a series of novels, which frankly is exactly what I was looking for, and so far it's way better than any of the actual Aliens / AVP books that I've read. The protagonist doesn't seem to be completely OP and the prose doesn't make my eyes bleed. Great background noise for painting 40K minis.
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Dec 11, 2020 01:11
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Lol - I ended up pounding out all six of the Frontlines audiobooks in the last three weeks. They're really good! Total mil scifi porn, but with a "realistic" presentation and an interesting cast of characters. Once I ran out of those books I started the Palladium Wars series by the same author, which is basically post WW1 / Versailles Europe in SPAAAACE. Super entertaining though. Both book series remind me a lot of the Expanse, where there isn't really any new ground being broken, but the typical tropes and characters are handled really well and it's obvious that the author cares about the details and his world-building. I guess the author (Marco Kloos) was also responsible for a couple of the cooler chapters in the Netflix series Love, Death, and Robots. Lucky Thirteen was even adapted from a Frontlines short story.
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Dec 29, 2020 00:28
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I thought the thread might like to know: https://twitter.com/HNTurtledove/status/1345216419365941248
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Jan 2, 2021 06:53
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FuturePastNow posted:I thought the thread might like to know: Well, poo poo.
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Jan 2, 2021 07:04
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Well that sucks. Good to see the thread at least isn't dead. e. Anyway, the very first published (1960) Bolo story was Night of the Trolls This starts off with a very annoyed test pilot coming out of suspended animation. We find out very soon that there’s a project to launch an interstellar probe with a crew in hibernation. He’s testing the process and thought he was down for a three-day test. When he wakes up, there’s nobody around, no hot mug of soup, and the whole place looks deserted. As he explores the abandoned facility it gets creepier and creepier, and he’s seriously confused about how long it really has been since he went under. His explorations culminate in a big fat rat running around a high-tech Air Force research project, and then literally stumbling over the desiccated corpse of a security guard. The corpse provides a loaded revolver, which is good, but kicks his estimate of “how the gently caress long ?” way up because “...there wasn’t a lot left of that soldier.” Along the way he scrounges a fancy, high-tech piece of survival wear, a temperature-controlled “weather suit”. There’s nothing left on base, and his family should be at home in town, so up and out he climbs. The base is in rough shape, buckled concrete pavement (“Something had sent a ripple across the ground like a stone tossed into a pond”), faded paint, and apparently the research base doubled as a missile base because some of the silos are open. Whatever happened involved at least a limited nuclear exchange. Then we meet one of the eponymous Trolls. “I heard a sound and stopped dead. There was a clank and rumble from beyond the discolored walls of the blockhouse a hundred yards away. Rusted metal howled; then something as big as a beached freighter moved into view. Two dull red beams glowing near the top of the high silhouette swung, flashed crimson, and held on me. A siren went off - an ear-splitting whoop! whoop! WHOOP ! It was an unmanned Bolo Mark II Combat Unit on automated sentry duty - and its intruder-sensing circuits were tracking me. The Bolo pivoted heavily; the whoop! whoop! sounded again; the robot watchdog was bellowing the alarm. I felt sweat pop out on my forehead. Standing up to a Mark II Bolo without an electropass was the rough equivalent of being penned in with an ill-tempered dinosaur.” Our so-far unnamed protagonist evades the Bolo by turning his “weather suit” to “full insulation” to retain heat and drop his infrared signature, combining that move with grabbing a scrap of paper and lighting it on fire to create a decoy. We don’t know his name yet, but his wife is Virginia or “Ginny” and their son is Tim. “At twenty yards, looming up like a pagoda, the Bolo halted, sat rumbling and swiveling its rust-stained turret, looking for the radiating source its I-R had first picked up. The flare of the paper caught its electronic attention. The turret swung, then back. It was puzzled. It whooped again, then reached a decision. Ports snapped open. A volley of antipersonnel slugs whoofed into the target; the scrap of paper disappeared in a gout of tossed dirt.” Before Our Hero can actually get away, a convoy shows up from town to see what woke up the Troll Bolo. If the Bolo takes a dim view of unauthorized personnel on base, it’s dead set against a convoy of unidentified vehicles loaded with armed personnel.
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Jan 2, 2021 07:12
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FuturePastNow posted:I thought the thread might like to know: he deserves it for me being dumb enough to read his books
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Jan 2, 2021 10:28
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jng2058 posted:Well, poo poo. I hate his books, but I hope he recovers. If only so he can finally loving finish them. (Also, get well even if you don't finish them, Weber!)
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Jan 2, 2021 10:46
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As I understand it, he isn't exactly a well man to begin with, so this is a very dangerous situation.
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Jan 2, 2021 14:51
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I dislike his books but sincerely hope he recovers.
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Jan 2, 2021 21:28
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anybody got some recommendations for post-apocalypse stuff that isn't right-wing? I'm tired of wannabe tom kratmans making GBS threads out dreck.
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Jan 2, 2021 21:54
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I'm just glad Weber lived long enough to finish his sequel to Out of the Dark. I'm serious. He made a sequel. It drops January 12th.
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Jan 3, 2021 06:38
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It's a collaborative 'BIGNAME & nobody' book though and you know how those things work. So Weber wrote the outline and Chris Kennedy actually wrote the prose.
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Jan 3, 2021 10:17
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Worst case, they hire General Battuta to finish them. No wait, that's good plan no matter what happens.
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Jan 3, 2021 10:25
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mllaneza posted:Worst case, they hire General Battuta to finish them. Goon Project- Buy the good General the IP rights to the Honorverse.
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Jan 3, 2021 11:47
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Mycroft Holmes posted:anybody got some recommendations for post-apocalypse stuff that isn't right-wing? I'm tired of wannabe tom kratmans making GBS threads out dreck. The Stand The Handmaid's Tale World War Z New York 2140
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Jan 3, 2021 15:49
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It's an old book now, but I've always really enjoyed Wyndhams The Kraken Wakes.
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Jan 3, 2021 16:48
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Sad news about David Weber. Still doing the SFL Archives readthrough, David Weber started getting mentioned in 1992. ------------------------------ Date: 30 Mar 92 16:03:05 GMT From: jdnicoll@watyew.uwaterloo.ca (James Davis Nicoll) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: Reviews: short takes msmith@beta.tricity.wsu.edu (Mark Smith) writes: >>Title: Crusade >>Author: David Weber >>Author: Steve White >>Publisher: Baen >>Date: March 1992 >>Format: paperback, US$4.99 >>Pages: 426 >>ISBN 0-671-72111-9 > >>The author of _Mutineer's_Moon_ utters yet another grand galumphing >>space-opera. This is the kind of book for which describing the plot and >>characters is silly; they're just excuses to frame lots of gaudy >>space-battle scenes and hardware blowing up in all directions. If you >>like that sort of thing (as I for one do), you'll enjoy this. If not, >>avoid this book as you would the plague. > >Actually, you forgot to mention the enemies religious fanaticism for Holy >Terra. And they aren't even human!! Actually, I like this kind of space >opera much better than Star Wars. Hmm, maybe we can get a series from >them? A whole trilogy, no, DEKOLOGY of super dreadnoughts blowing their >drive cores!! OOOHH, 3 pages of watching an individual rivet being blown >from its hull!!! > >Really though, It felt to be more of a commentary on fanaticism and >terrorism and the harsh and brutal retribution that it deserves and needs. Scrounge up a copy of 'Starfire' and 'Starfire Empires' by Task Force Games. Both Crusade and Insurrection are, hmmm, based on might be a tad too strong, very heavily influenced by 'Starfire'. This isn't too surprising, since Weber and White had playtest credits in the newest edition. Don't think 'sequel'; think 'scenario fodder'  I think Weber and White tweaked some of the game mechanics which are there for reasons related to game design, but which aren't necessary in a book and are not plausible (Missile move drat close to C in 1st edtion Starfire, if memory serves) Insurrection has the 'good guys' (Who have legitimate gripes about gerrymandering) commit a genuine Atrocity fairly early on. James Nicoll ------------------------------ Mycroft Holmes posted:anybody got some recommendations for post-apocalypse stuff that isn't right-wing? I'm tired of wannabe tom kratmans making GBS threads out dreck. Read the Wasteland 1 paragraphs. They are Michael A Stackpole's best writing work.
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Jan 3, 2021 19:50
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That's a bit on an interesting excerpt. Weber wasn't just a starfire playtester by then - pretty sure he was already writing setting books.
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Jan 3, 2021 21:08
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The Starfire series definitely read like novelizations of wargame campaigns. Insurrection isn't very good but I was entertained by the other three Weber co-wrote (though I never got around to the later ones Steve White wrote without Weber). There are a lot of setpieces and a lot of characters he changes the names of and re-uses in his later books.
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Jan 3, 2021 22:26
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The later Steve White ones are awful, don't touch them.
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Jan 3, 2021 23:54
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GD_American posted:I'm just glad Weber lived long enough to finish his sequel to Out of the Dark. I don't know, you're assuming the sequel doesn't end on a cliffhanger when Santa Claus leads an alien fleet in a sneak attack on Earth. The saga may not be over. Seriously though, while I found David Weber's books to be a mixed bag I did enjoy some of them and they basically introduced me to Mil-SciFi. I do hope he recovers. Disclaimer: If the sequel does in fact end with Santa Claus showing up, no, I didn't read an advance copy. Bremen fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Jan 5, 2021 05:32
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Mycroft Holmes posted:anybody got some recommendations for post-apocalypse stuff that isn't right-wing? I'm tired of wannabe tom kratmans making GBS threads out dreck. which post-apocalypse stuff have you bounced off of before
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Jan 5, 2021 08:49
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FuturePastNow posted:The Starfire series definitely read like novelizations of wargame campaigns. Insurrection isn't very good but I was entertained by the other three Weber co-wrote (though I never got around to the later ones Steve White wrote without Weber). There are a lot of setpieces and a lot of characters he changes the names of and re-uses in his later books. Insurrection was so weird. First the atrocity seems to foreshadow the sad, but inevitable victory of the good guys, then the bad guys pull out a last-minute reinforcement with big deus ex machina ships to defeat the good guys. The ending was so dumb it hurt.
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Jan 5, 2021 11:34
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Whoever recommended Marco Kloos, thank you! I’m into book 3 in the frontline series and it’s amazing: language is a bit spare but having a space grunt character who is thoughtful and not a fascist is a very nice change. E: seriously it’s so nice to have a POV character in mil sci fi who isn’t a shithead. Beefeater1980 fucked around with this message at 08:57 on Jan 12, 2021 |
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Jan 12, 2021 08:50
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his other series, palladium wars, is neat too. the protagonist's side lost the war, and he was part of some elite rear end in a top hat regiment, apparently responsible for war crimes on other fronts than where he served. any other book would have the bitter veteran being like 'yeah, so what?' but this dude is legitimately ashamed and trying to hide it lol. totally incompatible with the generic psychotic american sci fi writer mindset.
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Jan 12, 2021 17:15
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I listened to a Templin Institute interview of Marco Kloos after getting hooked on Frontlines, and he's a super interesting guy. He's German, and served in the West German Army prior to the collapse of the Belin Wall. I tend to think that's why he has a different perspective on the genre and why it's not quite so jingoistic and way more cynical. Really is a breath of fresh air. I'm all out of Kloos books to read now (sad), so moved on to Scalzi's Interdependency series. All of the quippiness and copy-paste characters gets really old. It's like he's trying to write a Joss Whedon script or something, and I don't remember Old Man's War being that crappy. Really makes me miss Frontlines and Palladium Wars.
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Jan 13, 2021 00:21
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i really liked red shirts, because the setting fit john scalzi's writing a lot better. i don't remember old man's war being that way, but its been like 7 years since i read it
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Jan 13, 2021 01:39
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It finally happened. The first Honor Harrington book finally got discussed in the SFL Archives readthrough project I've been blogging about off-site. Since this thread is roughly 79% Honorverse chat by post-count, let me inflict some 1993 views of Honor Harrington, David Weber's other mil-scifi books, and some other non-Weber space navy opera fiction onto this thread. ------------------------------ Date: 6 Mar 93 03:58:43 GMT From: dani@netcom.com (Dani Zweig) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: David Weber: Honor Harrington on Basilisk Station "Honor Harrington on Basilisk Station" is the first of what's obviously meant to be as many "Honor Harrington" novels as Baen can sell. (The second, "Honor of the Queen", will be out in two months, and presumably sequels will depend on sales.) This didn't deter me from trying it: It looked as though it might be intereting space opera and these opening novels of would-be series generally have to be pretty good. And so it was. Pure space opera: Honor Harrington is a brilliant captain in the Manticoran space navy, the kind who's in the right place at the right time, and whose ship can outfight ten times her number because she's a tactical genius and her heart is pure, who's made the mistake of seriously embarrassing a petty officer. Unfortunately, when an admiral decides to be petty... So Harrington's ship is assigned to the nether end of beyond, which is *how* she happens to be in the right place at the right time. Pure space opera, but fun. I'll keep reading it as long as it doesn't disappoint. Dani Zweig dani@netcom.com ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 1 May 93 16:05:40 GMT From: d93mykle@hfk.mil.no (BKM) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: David Weber I have just finished the book "Honor HArrington on basilisk station" by David Weber, and IMHO it is one of the best books I have read this year. On the cover I found a list of other books by Weber, has anyone read them?, are they any good? Path of the Fury Mutineer's Moon Insurrection (with Steve White) Crusade (with Steve White) I would appreciate it if someone would share his opinion of these books with me. Thanks for your time. Bjorn Kj Myklebust d93mykle@hfk.mil.no ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 1 May 93 18:32:04 GMT From: dswartz@osf.org (Dan Swartzendruber) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: David Weber d93mykle@hfk.mil.no (BKM) writes: >I have just finished the book "Honor HArrington on basilisk station" by >David Weber, and IMHO it is one of the best books I have read this year. >On the cover I found a list of other books by Weber, has anyone read >them?, are they any good? > >Path of the Fury Similar type of book to Honor Harrington. I like them both. >Mutineer's Moon If you can get by the initial suspension of disbelief required at the beginning, it's a good book too. And it cries out for a sequel. >Insurrection (with Steve White) >Crusade (with Steve White) Similar to Honor Harrington. Good books. Insurrection is a sort-of sequel to Crusade (only in the sense of being later chronologically in the same universe). >I would appreciate it if someone would share his opinion of these books >with me. Basically, Weber's books all seem to be a combination of space-opera and military SF. I liked them all. If you like the one, you'll probably like the others. Dan S. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 2 May 93 19:16:38 GMT From: cpf@alchemy.tn.cornell.edu (Courtenay Footman) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: David Weber d93mykle@hfk.mil.no (BKM) writes: >On the cover I found a list of other books by Weber, has anyone read >them?, are they any good? > >Path of the Fury This book wins my nomination for last year's "Worst blurb on a good book" award. It describes a fairly typical revenge story in a fairly typical "space empire" setting, with one highly atypical addition. The heroine is aided (and inhabited by) a literal Greek Fury, Tisaphone, who had apparently been in "hibernation" for the last few millenia. Naturally, the villains, a group of especially nasty "space pirates", do not stand a chance - the real question is whether the heroine will survive her ally. The book is not perfect: it wastes three chapters describing the villain's atrocities - three paragraphs would have been better. However, the rest of the book is very good indeed. >Mutineer's Moon His first book, and good enough that it made me look at _Path of the Fury_ despite the awful blurb, but nothing special. For a first book it was good, but _Fury_ and _On Basilisk Station_ were much better. >Insurrection (with Steve White) >Crusade (with Steve White) Unread. Courtenay Footman cpf@alchemy.ithaca.ny.us ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 12 May 93 07:40:20 GMT From: dani@netcom.com (Dani Zweig) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: David Weber: "The Honor of the Queen" "The Honor of the Queen" is David Weber's second novel about Honor Harrington, a space captain who defeats incredible odds because her heart is pure, her tactical sense is unparalleled, and her ship has particularly good electronic counter-measures. Yeah, it's space opera, but it doesn't try to be more, and Weber is good at what he does. The point of reading the book isn't to find out whether the right will triumph; it's to go along for the ride as it does. A nice, if slightly mindless, change of pace from developing your palate. Dani Zweig dani@netcom.com ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 13 May 93 02:58:38 GMT From: moudgill@cs.cornell.edu ( Mayan Moudgill) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: David Weber: "The Honor of the Queen" I enjoyed the first book, and probably will enjoy the second, too. _BUT_ I'm really getting upset - much of the cultural flavor of the story is a rip-off of Alexander Kent and C.S.Foster. For crying out loud, the whole story reeked out loud of ``Royal Navy!''. It's just the Battler Briton/Commando/Boy's Stories pulp and comics of the 30-50s period about the Royal Navy, updated somewhat, and written well. But like I said, I enjoyed it. Mayan ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 17 May 93 18:16:56 GMT From: rcrowley@donne.zso.dec.com (r crowley) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: David Weber: "The Honor of the Queen" I only just got around to reading _On Basilisk Station_, the first of the Honor Harrington novels, which, as has been stated, is fun, if mindless. I suffered a slight case of analogical whiplash, however, when the steely eyes necessary to an angered hero intersected with the dark, brown, exotic, almond shaped eyes of Honor, resulting in the classic, if inconceivable (literally) : "like dark brown steel". Out of context, this might cause me to reminisce about late 70s sedans. In context, I giggled. A very fun book, however. Rebecca Crowley rcrowley@zso.dec.com ------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: 23 Jun 93 05:46:08 GMT From: cpf@alchemy.tn.cornell.edu (Courtenay Footman) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: The Helmsman One of my objections to the Helmsman series is that the space battles are totally unbelievable. He has deep space battles taking place at ranges that are more appropriate to Napoleonic sea stories. (Incidentally, this is one reason why I like Weber's Honor Harrington stories: the battles are believable. At one point, someone decides to hold fire until reaching a suicidally close range. How close is suicidally close? Twenty thousand kilometers!) Courtenay Footman cpf@alchemy.ithaca.ny.us ----------------------------- ----------------------------- Date: 18 Jun 93 13:29:33 GMT From: ted@usasoc.soc.mil (Mr. Ted Nolan) Reply-to: sf-lovers-written@Rutgers.Edu Subject: Re: The Helmsman buliavac@isvax.lmsc.lockheed.com writes: >Has anyone besides me ever read Bill Baldwin's ongoing series about The >Helmsman? I enjoy these books, but additional novels seem to disappear >from shelves quickly, never to be seen again. Isn't anyone else reading >them? If they disappear quickly from the shelves, maybe someone _is__ reading them.. I have been reading and enjoying this series for a couple of years now. I like the combination of Doc Smith and C.S. Forrestor and the books are fun reads. It's exactly the kind of space opera you'd figure no one could write anymore. However, I felt that the most recent one (can't remember the title right now) was a little weak. In the previous books, the conflict with the DarkStar League had been like Hornblower vs Napoleon, in this one, they go for a WWII analogy, and some of the parallels are just too pat. (In particular the Prince's rephrasing of Churchill's "Never have so many owed so much to so few"). I plan to keep following the series, but IMHO, David Weber is doing the best Hornblower in space right now with his Honor Harrington books. You might also seek out A. Bertram Chandler's tales of John Grimes. Ted Nolan ted@erg.sri.com ------------------------------
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Jan 22, 2021 05:35
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I read 2-3 of the earlier Honor books. Where'd he end up going in the end with everything? Carbon copy tactical genius kids, or is 930 year old Honor Harrington still saving the multiverse?
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Jan 22, 2021 05:49
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GD_American posted:I read 2-3 of the earlier Honor books. Where'd he end up going in the end with everything? Carbon copy tactical genius kids, or is 930 year old Honor Harrington still saving the multiverse? Heh. Funny story, that. It was supposed to be the former with Honor retiring and then her twin kids being the ones to save the universe from the next threat. But then Weber and Eric Flint got together for a side series of novels in the Honorverse that were more espionage based than warship based, and since Flint needed an in-universe enemy to fight who were sneaky and hidden, so Weber rather than create a new idea just brought the enemies that Honor's children were supposed to fight in 20 years and put them in the "present", so that in the end older Honor ends up destroying them too. Theoretically there's supposed to be some kind of future series with Honor as the wise old deskbound admiral giving out missions and advice while new characters do the fieldwork, but I've seen no announcements of new stuff, and with Weber's recent health problems, it may never happen at all. So as it stands right now, Honor does in fact solve all the galaxy's problems, apparently forever. 
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Jan 22, 2021 07:10
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GD_American posted:I read 2-3 of the earlier Honor books. Where'd he end up going in the end with everything? Carbon copy tactical genius kids, or is 930 year old Honor Harrington still saving the multiverse? 
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Jan 22, 2021 16:53
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A little correction: Honor has solved all the galaxy's problems. There's now nothing left for her to do. Which is, imho, the main reason there'll be no more Honor-books. Weber's health can't possibly help, though.
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Jan 22, 2021 17:08
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Kloos's Frontline series is ok, but the main character is promoted pretty fast/is a special snowflake and not really hosed around with by the military in the first book. No, the old-rear end Bill the Galactic Hero book written back in 1965 is still the most realistic depiction of enlisted life in mil-fiction that I've stumbled across. Drill instructors === “I hear Eager Beager turned out to be a Chinger spy,” Deathwish said, closing the box of candy and sliding it under the pillow. “I should have figured that one out myself. I knew there was something very wrong with him, doing his buddies’ boots and that crap, but I thought he was just nuts. Should have known better …” “Deathwish,” Bill said hoarsely, “it can’t be, I know—but you are acting like a human being!” Deathwish chuckled, not his ripsaw-slicing human-bone chuckle, but an almost normal one. Bill stammered. “But you are a sadist, a pervert, a beast, a creature, a thing, a murderer …” “Why, thanks, Bill. That’s very nice to hear. I try to do my job to the best of my abilities, but I’m human enough to enjoy a word of praise now and then. Being a murderer is hard to project, but I’m glad it got across, even to a recruit as stupid as you were.” “B-but … aren’t you really a …” “Easy now!” Deathwish snapped, and there was enough of the old venom and vileness to lower Bill’s body temperature six degrees. Then Deathwish smiled again. “Can’t blame you, son, for carrying on this way, you being kind of stupid and from a rube planet and having your education retarded by the troopers and all that. But wake up, boy! Military education is far too important a thing to be wasted by allowing amateurs to get involved. If you read some of the things in our college textbooks it would make your blood run cold, yes indeed. Do you realize that in prehistoric times the drill sergeants, or whatever it was they called them, were real sadists! The armed forces would let these people with no real knowledge absolutely destroy recruits. Let them learn to hate the service before they learned to fear it, which plays hell with discipline. And talk about wasteful! They were always marching someone to death by accident or drowning a squad or nonsense like that. The waste alone would make you cry.” “Could I ask what you majored in in college?” Bill asked in a very tiny and humble voice. “Military Discipline, Spirit-breaking, and Method Acting. A rough course, four years, but I graduated sigma cum, which is not bad for a boy from a working-class family. I’ve made a career of the service, and that’s why I can’t understand why the ungrateful bastards went and shipped me out on this crummy can!” He lifted his gold-rimmed glasses to flick away a developing tear. “You expect gratitude from the service?” Bill asked humbly. “No, of course not, how foolish of me. Thanks for jerking me back into line, Bill, you’ll make a good trooper. All I expect is criminal indifference which I can take advantage of by working through the Old Boys Network, bribery, cutting false orders, black-marketing, and the other usual things. It’s just that I had been doing a good job on you slobs in Camp Leon Trotsky, and the least I expected was to be left alone to keep doing it, which was pretty drat stupid of me. I had better get cracking on my transfer now.” He slid to his feet and stowed the candy and gold-rimmed glasses away in a locked footlocker. Military Chaplains === Bill stepped through and snapped to attention when he saw the officer behind the single desk that almost filled the tiny room. The officer, a fourth lieutenant, though still young was balding rapidly. There were black circles under his eyes, and he needed a shave. His tie was knotted crookedly and badly crumpled. He continued to scratch among the stacks of paper that littered the desk, picking them up, changing piles with them, scrawling notes on some and throwing others into an overflowing wastebasket. When he moved one of the stacks Bill saw a sign on the desk that read LAUNDRY OFFICER. “Excuse me, sir,” he said, “but I am in the wrong office. I was looking for the chaplain.” “This is the chaplain’s office but he’s not on duty until 1300 hours, which is, as someone even as stupid-looking as you can tell, is in fifteen minutes more.” “Thank you, sir, I’ll come back …” Bill slid toward the door. “You’ll stay and work.” The officer raised bloodshot eyeballs and cackled evilly. “I got you. You can sort the hanky reports. I’ve lost six hundred jockstraps, and they may be in there. You think it’s easy to be a laundry officer?” He sniveled with self-pity and pushed a tottering stack of papers over to Bill, who began to sort through therm. Long before he was finished the buzzer sounded that ended the watch. “I knew it!” the officer sobbed hopelessly, “this job will never end; instead it gets worse and worse. And you think you got problems!” He reached out an unsteady finger and flipped the sign on his desk over. It read CHAPLAIN on the other side. Then he grabbed the end of his necktie and pulled it back hard over his right shoulder. The necktie was fastened to his collar and the collar was set into ball bearings that rolled smoothly in a track fixed to his shirt. There was a slight whirring sound as the collar rotated; then the necktie was hanging out of sight down his back and his collar was now on backward, showing white and smooth and cool to the front. The chaplain steepled his fingers before him, lowered his eyes, and smiled sweetly. “How may I help you, my son?” “I thought you were the laundry officer,” Bill said, taken aback. “I am, my son, but that is just one of the burdens that must fall upon my shoulders. There is little call for a chaplain in these troubled times, but much call for a laundry officer. I do my best to serve.” He bent his head humbly. “But—which are you? A chaplain who is a part-time laundry officer, or a laundry officer who is a part-time chaplain ?” “That is a mystery, my son. There are some things that it is best not to know. But I see you are troubled. May I ask if you are of the faith?” <Bil talks with the chaplain> <sharing his issues> <and concerns about > <one weirdo guy> <named Eager Beager> This ritual was quickly finished, and Bill helped stow the things back in the box and watched it vanish back into the desk. He said good-by and turned to leave. “Just one moment, my son,” the chaplain said with his warmest smile, reaching back over his shoulder at the same time to grab the end of his necktie. He pulled, and his collar whirred about, and as it did the blissful expression was wiped from his face to be replaced by a surly snarl. “Just where do you think you’re going, bowb! Put your rear end back in that chair.” “B-but,” Bill stammered, “you said I was dismissed.” “That’s what the chaplain said, and as laundry officer I have no truck with him. Now—fast—what’s the name of this Chinger spy you are hiding?” “I told you about that under oath—” “You told the chaplain about it, and he keeps his word and he didn’t tell me, but I just happened to hear.” He pressed a red button on the control panel. “The MPs are on the way. You talk before they get here, bowb, or I’ll have you keelhauled without a space suit and deprived of canteen privileges for a year. The name?” ===
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Jan 22, 2021 17:55
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