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Crits Week 347 – Le Carré tribute week For the most part stories this week ended where they should have begun. They were just getting to the good parts. Or the ending creates more questions than it answers which leaves the reader unsatisfied Yoruichi – Episode Two: All Is Calm, All Is Fight I could read a new episode every week. They’re so fun. This story does a great job getting me invested in small numbers of words because every time the POV changes I get annoyed because I want to know more about each of the characters. But the ending fell flat. Probably because it didn’t match the absurdity that the rest of the narrative promised. More kudos for trying to shoehorn this to fit into the week’s theme. It almost worked. Brotherly – Bad Craft This story took me several read-throughs to feel like I had a clear understanding of all the action. But I still don’t think I understand the mechanism by which a lot of the technology works. While I don’t really have to (cyberpunk doesn’t explain all of its tech) I also can’t picture what it looks like and that’s where the problem is for me. Like if the protag has her hands in her pockets but is looking at pie recipes… how is she doing that? The touchpoints are in her pockets, got that, but where are the visual parts? Does she have something implanted in her brain? A heads up display? Do her fingers just know what they’re doing? This is one of the stories that needed more scenes. Obviously 1200 words isn’t a lot but there were plenty of details that could have been cut that didn’t add much to the scene. I want to know what happens now. Does she have to lug the body back? Who is the overlord? Why would anyone want these secrets? The actual action worked well. I had no trouble following the tracking and the chasing. But the details we need are the ones that make readers want to know what the file is. My suggestion would be to keep writing this one and see what happens next. Nikaer Drekin – The Way Things Used to Be Strong first paragraph. Good characterization though some awkward phrasing. The two bits from Onslo’s POV I think are fairly strong in terms of setting an atmosphere. But I don’t know that the first tells us as much about his character as it’s meant to. The trip over to the motel and the final scene from Willow’s POV are almost too straightforward. Everything happens too easily. But the juxtaposition of these two vibes could work in the story’s favor, contrasting how Willow sees the situation and how Onslo does. But I don’t see any indication that this was intended in the story. In my head there is more to this story than what we first get to see. And I want there to be more. I feel like there’s an epic veteran spy battle about to break out. Or for the two veterans to be playing spy tricks on the newbie. Another story that needed more words. I’m not sure I understand the nature of Willow and Onslo’s relationship. Is Willow there to take care of Onslo while also making sure he doesn’t spill any secrets? What kind of training does someone get for that? Obviously not enough if he doesn’t know how to deal with a suicide attempt. Some great bits here, but needs more thought for how to connect it all up. Flerp – Bullshit Puzzles I don’t know if this is supposed to be sweet. I want it to be sweet. But why is the narrator so angry about puzzles? Since the narrator’s relationship to Z is never actually spelled out the reader can only guess at a lot of detail. By the end we learn that they’re closer than friends, but since the only aspect of their relationship that we see is the part that most annoys the narrator, it doesn’t feel very genuine. The reader needed to see that the narrator had other emotions toward Z. Sure they kept buying Z puzzles, but that seemed almost masochistic. The actual flow of the story and the characterization work well. I’m never confused. I definitely get a sense of the narrator, though it’s not a particularly favorable one. Both Z and the narrator feel like real characters. I just wasn’t drawn in. I didn’t quite care about either of them. Sitting Here – Once Called Mine A tiny story within a larger narrative. Complex without being confusing. The story is told directly, there’s not much subterfuge or subtlety in what the MC is thinking and I can’t decide whether or not the atmosphere would have been better with a little less detail. I like that everything is out there. As a reader I’m able to understand exactly how things stand between the characters based on the larger narrative as well as their two-person battle. I don’t feel like I’m missing any context like I was in other stories. But on the other hand, being led along I don’t get a feeling of anticipation of what’s going to happen. So there’s no driving force to read. I get that it’s set up so that both characters can talk and act with no pretension but “They’d retaliate openly without fear of sanctions, force your people out of the shadows they love so much.”is just very up front. Worldbuilding is good. I can picture all of the tech and understand the “war” that’s going on without a lot of detail. The story delivers gobs of information in just a few sentences. But similar to a lot of stories this week, I wanted to see another scene or two. Barnaby set a difficult word limit for the genre. Because if there was any sentence that didn’t work for me it was the second to last. Because making sure he gets back to Earth feels like a lot of action that I’m missing out on. Thranguy – Conflict of Interests The setup for this story was the closest one to what I had been expecting for the prompt this week. The surveillance, the clandestine meeting, the guards that could be friend or foe, the missing predecessor. But then the remainder of the story was too coy. The reader never actually finds out who the Interests are, what they want in the world, what they don’t want in the world that they would be at odds over it, why they do or don’t, how their powers work, why they would consider the MC to be of use, who the MC is working for to get their secrets, etc. There’s so much left unsaid that by the end, when the MC becomes one of them, that generates more interest, but no more answers. And as a reader I am left unsatisfied. On a craft level, the pacing is a bit slow. All of the extra details about Mr. Desmond and destroying notes feels like stalling. The sentences all add to the story and scene setting, but they don’t answer any questions. And the addition of Rumor feels rushed. I don’t know enough about the MC to have this feel like it’s in character to make this type of decision in this way. I would also like this one to be fleshed out more. Sebmojo – You Cannot Betray What You Do Not Love Tight. But I got the feeling of what was going to happen basically from the beginning. Maybe it’s just because I work with people who have delusions, so it just felt natural that someone who sat down and started going on with non-sequiturs wasn’t going to be taken seriously. There’s something about the setup that might be meant to convey that he’s a well-trained spy, but to me it comes across like someone who thinks they are a spy trying to do things they think are spy-like. But perhaps that is the point. Perhaps I only wanted for this to be true spy-craft because that was the point of the week and instead the reader is meant to question Malthus. Regardless, depending on what you want the reader to expect from the narrative that might be a way to rethink the presentation of Malthus at the beginning. Otherwise, not really a wasted word here. Self-contained. Unlike most of the stories this week, I don’t feel like it needed more explanation or another scene.
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Dec 23, 2020 00:20
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here is a thing
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Dec 23, 2020 00:28
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I think this has been brought up before, but I wanted to revisit, which is Losertars in general. Losertars have been a mainstay of Thunderdome since its inception, but the community has also grown and changed a lot over time. We’re not a hugbox, there’s still kayfabe, but I think we’ve managed to lose some of the more vitriolic and off-putting elements from the early days, which I think (or I hope) has encouraged more beginners to stick around. The argument had been made in the past that the Losertar serves as an advertisement to the wider forums, which is great, but is it really our only option? And while some people may view it as a free avatar or a badge of pride, there’s no denying that for most people it’s got a level of stigma attached to it. And, given that the only way to get rid of it is to pay money (or hope someone else removes it for you), it feels weird to brand someone in a way that follows them around the rest of the forums. I don’t even mind the idea of having a “loser” for the week, although some judges recently have abstained from assigning a loss in the weeks they ran, which is fine. However the mark of shame aspect that goes with it doesn’t quite sit right with me. One way or another, I love TD and this thread. Thanks for helping me get better at my wordvomit. 
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Dec 23, 2020 01:09
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curlingiron posted:I think this has been brought up before, but I wanted to revisit, which is Losertars in general. I had planned on making an effort post about this as well, but luckily a better, more articulate person did so first. I agree with this sentiment. I don't think we need the losertar. I do know that it draws attention to the dome, which is good, but I think it's at too much of a cost. I can tell you that I participated in TD, from the jump, in spite of the losertar. I promised myself if I ever lost, which I did quickly, I'd treat it as a cost of doing business and just plunk down the 5 to fix it. Thing is, not everybody can just do that. It feels crappy that a loss should come not just with a penalty, but one that requires cash to fix. And yes, we often implore the community to rise up and amend losertars once someone has won. But, I say that a person shouldn't have to risk that part of themselves to participate. Yes, this is a silly online community and avatars may well also be silly. But, my avatar is an important thing that I really like and don't want messed with. I have to imagine I'm not the only one. Having said all of that... if nothing changes, that's still totally cool and Thunderdome is the loving best. But, for now, as a Christmas present to the dome. If you currently have a losertar and want to change it, message me and you'll find a SA gift cert in your stocking
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Dec 23, 2020 01:21
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If we do continue with losertars going forward, I'll reinstate my old offer now that we're in the post-Lowtax era, and broaden it a little: I'll buy an avatar gift cert for anyone with a losertar who gets a positive mention in a week, wins a brawl, or has posted three stories without negative mentions since their loss.
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Dec 23, 2020 01:43
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I love and hate wearing the losertar. I hate it because I don't like losing, but I love it because it feels like a badge of belonging to this bonkers community. I also like seeing my losertar lined up next to the other losertar-havers, it reminds me that everyone poos bad words sometimes and writing the stinkiest poo one week is not actually that bad! I'd be sad to see it go, but I'd like it if it was a gif that didn't spin quite so fast because it makes my eyes feel funny. If someone had the losertar and didn't want to participate in TD again or was just done with wearing it it would be nice if they could get their av back for free, if the cost was an issue.
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Dec 23, 2020 01:47
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I'd support making it a toxx consequence. And also making it garfield.
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Dec 23, 2020 02:22
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I don't really care either way, but I can see how the threat of getting a losertar might dissuade people from joining in. Maybe they really like their av and don't want to risk getting it booted, and maybe they're afraid of getting ID'd as a filthy TD'er. Maybe we can have some sort of "No losertar for your first three subs, even if you lose" rule to let new folks feel a little more comfortable. Or maybe we can do a losertar as a gang-tag, so you keep your normal AV, but you get a shame ribbon below your name or something. I do think Yoruichi is on to something with saying that the losertar is as much of a badge of belonging as it is a badge of loss.
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Dec 23, 2020 02:28
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alterative, changing your own avatar is $5 so for the few people who are horrified by it, they can view it as a bad story tax. avocado toast, etc.
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Dec 23, 2020 02:52
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I'd like to turn the losertar question outward--is there anyone lurking who wants to participate but feels wary of the losertar? No need to justify why you feel that way and no judgement on my part, I'm just wondering what people outside of the Thunderdome Cabal feel about it.
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Dec 23, 2020 04:37
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Personal opinion on losertar: Having something at stake helps ensure that submissions meet a minimum standard of effort, but I think if people find the losertar onerous a loser-gang-tag (like a 'loser' version of a proper TD tag) might be a good middle ground between losertar and no losertar.
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Dec 23, 2020 04:38
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I have no real commitment to the losertar and don't mind if it went away, but I admit when I do finally clock my inevitable big ol' L, I'll be a bit sad if the losertar isn't there to commemorate it. For me, when I started doing TD, it just felt like the cost of entry, but that it was tied in with all the other sacredly-held aspects of TD-- that anybody can crit anybody, that entering in a week would (should!) guarantee you at least one crit of your entry, that you never respond to crits, and that if you were earnestly interested in improving as a writer there'd be a host of people looking to help you do that, even if it meant forging you in the flames of losses and DMs. If anybody felt dissuaded to join in because of the Losertar I would have no issues with it going away, but I guess to me it's more like ante in poker. Even if the bid is only 10 cents, it still puts some symbolic skin in the game, and I think that pushes a lot of us to bring our best. I wouldn't have any issue with it being a tag instead of an avatar, though.
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Dec 23, 2020 05:10
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p r o m p t
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Dec 23, 2020 07:01
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Losertars should stay.   
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Dec 23, 2020 07:26
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i think this is the most in line with previous losertars
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Dec 23, 2020 07:44
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Djeser posted:Personal opinion on losertar: Having something at stake helps ensure that submissions meet a minimum standard of effort, but I think if people find the losertar onerous a loser-gang-tag (like a 'loser' version of a proper TD tag) might be a good middle ground between losertar and no losertar. To me losing itself is the stakes. I don't want to lose. At the point of a loss, the losertar feels gratuitous. I think a gang tag may be worse as there's no easy way to be rid of it.
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Dec 23, 2020 07:48
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Thunderdome Week 438: Deck the halls with wtf Let's keep this simple - it's Christmas but it's gone really fuckin' weird. 1250 words, 2359 PST Fri/Sun Hellrules on request with  Judges to determine naughty/niceness Me, Weltlich, ... Elves: yoru flerp brotherly djeser flesnolk friendly penguin sparksbloom thrnagles aphid licker third emporer sebmojo fucked around with this message at 06:35 on Dec 26, 2020 |
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Dec 23, 2020 07:57
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in no heckrule
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Dec 23, 2020 07:59
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As you know I can't write weird stories because I have no imagination, so please give me a hellrule to assist me with this.
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Dec 23, 2020 08:34
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Yoruichi posted:As you know I can't write weird stories because I have no imagination, so please give me a hellrule to assist me with this. Your presents are all alive and screaming and the tree is made of hairspray
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Dec 23, 2020 09:19
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Losertar: dying in Dark Souls Winning and allowing yourself/nice domers to buy it back: retrieving the Bloodstain
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Dec 23, 2020 09:30
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In And about the losertar, as an outsider and someone pretty new to TD, I came back because of all the weird quirks. I want fear of failure and ridicule to motivate me to write dumb little stories every week, and the losertar is a part of that. I like it and look forward to getting it for the first time, even though I never will, because I'm not a loser (except for that one time five years ago but that doesn't count okay). Maybe make it easier to get the losertar removed? Only one person at a time has the losertar each week, and it moves from person to person? I actually sort of assumed that was how it worked but I can see how that might be a pain. brotherly fucked around with this message at 12:21 on Dec 23, 2020 |
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Dec 23, 2020 11:57
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I am in to get freaky with Santa. Here is another losertar option, one that perhaps better celebrates the courage and grit that it takes to enter the Dome: 
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Dec 23, 2020 15:16
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brotherly posted:Maybe make it easier to get the losertar removed? It's already customary that if you win, your losertar gets replaced, and I think extending that to entering three times without a loss (kind of like Antivehicular's offer) would also be a good custom to adopt, because that means when you get a losertar the way out is to simply write more. (My idea with a loser-tag was that it'd get replaced with the regular TD gang tag upon 'redemption', whatever form that might take.) (also in for one of them spicy rules)(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Dec 23, 2020 17:33
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In because I must overcome my fear of Sebmojo hell rules. My opinion, unimportant as it is, is that we should keep as many things that make Thunderdome special as we can. It's what distinguishes it from what you'll find in other writing communities. I'm saying this as someone who still dreads getting the loser avatar. The kayfabe (which is hardly required, see me for an example of someone who is utterly incapable of it), the brutal crits (which aren't as brutal as they once were), the void stories and other forms of experimentation and collaboration all help to make this one of the best proving grounds for those who want to improve their writing while also having fun and getting to know some other awesome writers. If we're looking to get more dabblers who would write a story on a lark, then I think what Sitting Here did for week 420 was perfect. Every once in a while having gimmick weeks where we go out of our way to invite posters from elsewhere on the forums to participate. During those weeks we might think about eliminating the loser avatar or the kayfabe if we think that will stop people from just enjoying the fun. But for regular weeks, keep this train going.
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Dec 23, 2020 18:33
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I’m in
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Dec 23, 2020 18:56
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a friendly penguin posted:If we're looking to get more dabblers who would write a story on a lark, then I think what Sitting Here did for week 420 was perfect. Every once in a while having gimmick weeks where we go out of our way to invite posters from elsewhere on the forums to participate. During those weeks we might think about eliminating the loser avatar or the kayfabe if we think that will stop people from just enjoying the fun. But for regular weeks, keep this train going. Cross-forums promotion is p cool and I'm down for it whenever it happens, though it can be tricky to set up. Though honestly, having a full kayfabe week where we invite a bunch of people in might be fun too, kind of like letting people come to the theme park version of TD, where everything's played up but no one gets hurt.
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Dec 23, 2020 20:04
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Djeser posted:It's already customary that if you win, your losertar gets replaced, and I think extending that to entering three times without a loss (kind of like Antivehicular's offer) would also be a good custom to adopt, because that means when you get a losertar the way out is to simply write more. (My idea with a loser-tag was that it'd get replaced with the regular TD gang tag upon 'redemption', whatever form that might take.) your christmas ham is expanding at an unprecedented rate and all the children are missing a friendly penguin posted:In the ornaments are rustling and the tinsel is coiling, snakelike. perhaps they fear the Fat Man, or perhaps, this year, they are taking the fight to him?
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Dec 23, 2020 21:34
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Speaking for myself but I got the losertar and it's like whatever, I think getting a funny gif under my name actually blunts the impact. The worst result is getting no mention anyway, this is known. <-- this one however stung a little - and I will wear it as a mark of shame until I deem myself fit to remove it!! remember kids: it's okay to lose - but failing is for losers
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Dec 23, 2020 22:16
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oh and my critrate has been dire lately so here's a to catch up on all my 2020 crits by 31 Jan 2359 pst
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Dec 23, 2020 22:34
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In
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Dec 23, 2020 23:57
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In toxx hellrule I vote no more losertars, they make me anxious and feel like adding insult to injury.
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Dec 25, 2020 00:00
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Flesnolk posted:In toxx hellrule Your Christmas is melting
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Dec 25, 2020 04:50
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Not many people can say they signed up for thunderdome on Christmas... Are you Mad enough to join that small Elite band...?
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Dec 25, 2020 21:25
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About
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Dec 25, 2020 21:55
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aphid_licker posted:About 
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Dec 25, 2020 23:11
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i'm in also what's the prompt
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Dec 26, 2020 02:18
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The prompt is racism
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Dec 26, 2020 04:02
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ThirdEmperor posted:i'm in also what's the prompt christmas but weird
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Dec 26, 2020 06:32
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 15:54 |
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in
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Dec 27, 2020 02:40
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