Jerusalem posted:

There is no Transformer, is there. You're on the writing team and leaking out legitimate storylines.

quote:

Randy Orton did a promo about setting The Fiend on fire. Alexa Bliss teleported in on a swing set and said if the Fiend returns it'll be like nothing you've ever seen before. Ok. What happened next was straight out of a WWE Main Event. Mickie James returned to SmackDown for the first time since her four-month run in NXT.

Alexa Bliss revealed that the captain of the SmackDown women's team was going to be in the battle royal at Survivor Series to decide the final entrant. Naomi, Becky Lynch, and Nikki Bella all talked about how they wouldn't get the chance to be captain and ran down Naomi for winning the title. The group then turned on Becky, and the crowd let her have

quote:

As Vince McMahon approached Jesus Christ at the gates of Heaven, Jesus said "Only those who have domineered and commanded the wills of the most men may enter."

When Vinnie Mac shouted out "Mankind," they opened up the gates to let him into heaven.

Vince and Jesus are locked in mortal combat in the ring.

Jesus wins with one more knockout punch.

Christian interrupts the ref and smashes Vince McMahon with a 2 x 4.

Christian says "Only those who have overcome their own sins and turned to God will enter."

Vince McMahon runs out of the church yelling "Jesus loves you!".

The congregation turns on Christian and run him out of the church.

When Vince

quote:

Dexter Loomis was making cartoon caricatures but people kept changing them with photoshop!

Dexter Loomis sat on the couch with his legs crossed and a cup of hot cocoa.

He started to type in his avatar's settings but couldn't remember.

He didn't like this.

He decided to send a call to Jacks (his imaginary friend who he has yet to find in real life) to see if he could figure it out.

After typing in the words JackSearr, and hitting send, Dexter got up and headed to the shower.

When he got out he found that his dad had come home and decided to watch some T. V. With no lights or T.

quote:

Slaughter originally balked at the villain Anti-American role, but backed down when it became obvious McMahon would hire him no other way.

Cactus Jack won the WWF World Heavyweight Championship from Andre the Giant at WrestleMania VII in a match where most of the spectators were cheering for Andre.

Cactus was dropped into a canvas wall as he stood on Andre's shoulders.

This was the most famous moment of McMahon's career, which led to much speculation over his place in the company, but he remained the head of the board of directors.

On March 23, 1991, McMahon created the "Empire State Government" in an attempt to control the

quote:

In an attempt to re-capture lightning in a bottle, WWE will send a tank to 'invade' Daily's Place in Jacksonville. Wrestlers involved with the 'invasion' include the 4 Horsewomen, WWE Hall of Famer 'Ravishing' Rick Rude and former World Heavyweight Champion 'Playboy' Buddy Rose.

"The WWE Universe has always supported independent wrestling," said Buddy Rose. "Some of our biggest names came from independent promotions such as ECW, WWE and WCW. This tribute to the past will remind the fans that independent wrestling is alive and well."

Tickets for the 'Tribute to the Wrestling Capital of the World' event will go on sale this Friday at Ticketfly.com.

reignofevil posted:

quote:

Cody Rhodes, with all due respect given, was not the greatest TNT champion that the company had ever had.

He did, however, have the distinction of being the first "new face" champion in a generation.

Nobody knew he was the future.

And you know what?

It didn't bother me.

Cody was a great big shiny new toy with a lightning bolt on his tights, and he could take the heat from Pat Patterson for all I cared.

Eventually, the Shield would step up and take the torch that Cody had been forced to carry by The Great Khali, but, unfortunately for Cody, that torch has led to big, glorious light burns for

quote:

Life turned out to be pretty much the same for Evil Uno these days. The dark order was under new leadership, and was able to grow. The sun system was again threatened by a hungry but unstoppable Great Neptune, but was quickly rebuilt. The Syndicate of All Iron Men Wars was pushed back into the distant past.

There was plenty of fighting, and plenty of blood spilled for what seemed like the wrong reasons. After centuries of fighting and conquest, the Syndicate was seemingly out of danger. But suddenly, a small force appeared. Mantle’s Corp of Agents, led by the Original Archangel himself. Mantle stood

quote:

Triple H revealed his new plan to shake up the business: Every single member of the roster was now registered to carry a firearm. Vince had a gun. Hunter had a gun. R-Truth had a gun. Cesaro had a gun. Triple H had a gun. Steph had a gun. Dean Ambrose had a gun. All this gun noise and bluster went on for weeks until there was even talk that a showdown between Triple H and Vince was in the offing.

Which brings me to Monday’s episode of Raw. I would like to take a moment to assure you that the WWE Universe isn’t as soulless as a Vince McMahon, so I was glad to hear the company come up with a proper way to introduce the new Triple H. No self-serving (gun) red herring. No stunt

reignofevil posted:

quote:

Triple H woke up. He walked to the bathroom and washed his face. When he looked in the mirror, he realized his worst fears - he'd been transported into the body of vanilla midget Kyle O'Reilly! Triple H looked like a nine-year-old kid and not the human specimen he was. He stumbled through the house, noticing only how tiny his hands were, how short his limbs were and how his mouth didn't look like a mouth at all. He ran to the kitchen and grabbed a spoon to eat a sandwich with.

Triple H woke up. He remembered where he was. He knew that he'd just consumed some blueberry flavored bowel-damaging paste but he decided not to tell anyone. He bought some more, ate a few more and ate the one

quote:

When Triple H ate the mystery blueberry paste he felt different.... He felt a transformation take place in his mind.

He looked back down at the sticker on the paste and started to read it.

"Best Blueberry Pudding - Never Enough In This World.

Buried By A Lion."

When Triple H finished reading the tag, he thought about the words of that tag.

The tag spoke about receiving the cake from a lion for surviving a mysterious blueberry paste.

Triple H heard it, but he could not accept it.

Triple H could not come to accept the tag.

It came down to the line of trust and Triple H could not

quote:

"Scrap Iron" Adam Pearce had just won the WWE Universal Championship from Roman Reigns when Vince McMahon appeared to announce that the match would be no-contest, and that Pearce would go on to face Triple H at WrestleMania XXVII, the following week on "Raw", where Pearce lost his championship.

Vince then did an on-camera interview with an enraged Triple H, telling Vince he would not settle for a draw, and could not allow Pearce to retain the title because Triple H was in the mood for revenge.

At the Royal Rumble on January 27, 2012, John Cena defeated King Barrett to win his fifth WWE Championship, and thereby

quote:

So now Vince was demanding someone get the virus in his office so he could ask it what the hell it was doing infecting his superstars. The T-Rex skull in his office watched with disinterest while some early bird rushed in to check their phone and all of Vince’s allies froze.

A woman rushed in carrying an envelope, and the woman who had been cutting Vince’s hair ran out and grabbed the envelope from her.

“Open this,” Vince said.

She sat down, looked at the T-Rex skull and started to shake. The T-Rex skull remained calm. She opened the envelope, pulled out a stack of photographs and several CDs. Vince looked down and saw a picture of his wife and the four kids looking up at him.

quote:

"I'm gonna do the same thing I always fuckin do when the chips are down Vince. I'm gonna save this fuckin' show." Triple H growled right before he chugged the magic sword spray to guard against viral agents. "That fuckin' Storm. Keep us all safe. That's your job, isn't it?" He then yanked off the gas mask. "You okay up there," he asked the suit while reaching over to the side of the stage.

"Not really." Davey replied while sliding into the second row. "He's gonna get his way and we're gonna see that fuckin' fire you called him on."

"No! He's gonna do it all. He'll be fuckin' fuckin' fire at the Battle of the Billionaires! The end of the fuckin' whole fuckin' show. So that the next time you're up

quote:

Alexa Bliss cast fireball on Randy Orton, who shrieked in pain and confusion. Triple H had been teleported away, perhaps into Mark Henry's void? They then continued on, the backstory-swapping only adding to the anticipation.

Bliss threw Orton into Henry and forced him to submit to the Dis-Arm-Her.

At first, it seemed like the face finish would be the story of the night. But as soon as the match was over, it was clear that WWE was moving away from that in favor of a feud with Jax and Bayley.

One of the highlights of the night was the babyface Bayley playing off her frustration after Jax won her title. The heels aren't supposed to

quote:

Vince had finally gotten one over on The Devil. "Spend more every year or I'll take your heart away" The Devil had said, not knowing Vince had torn out his heart and locked it safely in a lockbox years ago-scars up his arm to prove it-and delivered to him on the day of his return.

Not until now had he ever seen the lockbox's contents.

The box held pictures of long ago Vince's favorite women-there were photos of the woman he thought to be his soul mate from when he was ten, pictures of the woman he thought was his wife when he was in his twenties, and then one of the woman he had married and then killed himself after learning she was having an affair with his best friend.

The Devil had killed

quote:

Suddenly the lights went dark! Triple H felt a strange breeze and suddenly he was in the depths of the WWF boiler room! "Ah poo poo where did I leave the key to this truck..." he thought. He hit his head on the outside of a furnace as he went down, then he got smashed by an unknown box, sending him crashing through the window of the truck. He fell through the window and landed face first on a small table.

Triple H looked out the window and saw...

The Undertaker! At the sound of the Undertaker's boots, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin came from behind, kicking the oversized wrestler in the jaw and sent him flying across the room.

"Sucks to be you, you son of a b * tch!"

quote:

Brandon Cutler said he'd fight luchasaurus if he had a week to build the match. Luchasaurus countered and said he wanted a month to build the match. Brandon wanted a year to build the match so Lucha wanted a decade to build the match.

Luchasaurus picked John Walters to be his partner. He'd take on Brandon with the stipulation of Luchasaurus having to pay him in steroids every year for the first 12 years.

DAMIANO VS. BLACKHEART

Luchasaurus vs. Brad Hollister vs. Ray Rowe for the second "Vendetta For The Fallen"

Luchasaurus came out with two garbage cans, handing one to Ray and one to Ray Rowe.

Ray Rowe said Brandon Cutler got the first one in Lucha's hands when he let Cutler take him down, so Ray wanted to steal the

quote:

Retribution: These contracts are really low. They’re bad contracts.

Vince: well you’re not over and the crowd thinks you’re losers. You want more money.

Jon: really?

Vince: yes.

Jon: why?

Vince: look at your team.

Jon: I have a team. I’m not teamless.

Vince: how many bunnies do you have

Jon: a couple.

Vince: do you have a winter house

Jon: a joke.

Vince: the winter house is a nightmare.

Vince: you have to shovel

Jon: people don’t shovel in the north

Vince: you live in Canada. You need to shovel all the time. That’s how winter is

Jon: I don’t live in Canada

Vince: sure you do

Jon: canada is north of us.

V

quote:

Slapjack, T-Bar, Mace, Reckoning, and Mustafa Ali introduced their new RETRIBUTION member, Riptide. Cole tried to walk out but Shane McMahon came out to save Shane (who was in the building) as he suggested that Cole should induct Sting. The idea was obviously to bring together the four factions of the Royal Rumble match at Wrestlemania to face off for the Intercontinental Championship, but Cole turned down Shane’s offer.

These are the four superstars who officially entered the match at #30:

#30 Kofi Kingston

#31 Mark Henry

#32 Jack Swagger

#33 Dolph Ziggler

#34 Roman Reigns

quote:

Randy Orton's whole face was burnt and he only had a spot at the rumble "if he could continue to endure the pain"

"For the first time in history Randy Orton was in pain." The commentator took a look at the amount of Dr Jerry Jones Brands that were on his body "Unfortunately I don't know if Randy Orton could continue to endure the pain" "In this sequence and this character we have the character known as Randy Orton the plumber as well as his opponent Edge who is going to wrestle in this match tonight

quote:

hear me out: a 30-fiend royal rumble where every entrant is WWE Superstar The Fiend is a strange gimmick that, somehow, was made by a wrestler who had zero support from a major promotion at the time. The jacked, amped-up wrestler dressed in yellow bell-bottoms was, in essence, a cynical gimmick whose sole purpose was to take advantage of what the general wrestling audience could identify with: a low-tier worker getting more attention than they deserved. When not wrestling, Fiend would scream “BITCH” as he delivered perfect jackknife suplexes to his dorks, who would shake

quote:

WWE repeated Randy Orton's interminably long and boring promo from the previous week. Alexa Bliss is possessed by the Fiend or something, Charlotte Flair hurt another wrestler again.

I would find these nights completely unbearable even if it wasn't for the fact that Jeff Hardy still refuses to return. I would need a pair of spectacles to make it through what would undoubtedly be a double-team assault.

The match got started with The Revival in control. They distracted Hardy with some killer new antics, leading to a tag team match.

Things looked to be going in the right direction for The Revival until Bray Wyatt pulled a fast one and the whole ring came apart. That's how

quote:

Please do better, the fans begged Vince Mcmahon. He responded by having them wrestle as midget men. Or more specifically, as The Wee Wee People. They wrestled their bloodiest match yet on November 13, 1998, on the Topps tour. The match, which saw the Wee Wee People accidentally puke during a series of midget slams on Vince McMahon, resulted in a disqualification and then a five-minute match. Another one for the lawsuit books.

Continue Reading Below Advertisement

A week later, they lost the match they'd been booked for, and the Wee Wee

quote:

"YOU WANNA BREAK STUFF?" Taz yelled at Darby Allen and Sting as Team Taz tore up an innocent merchandise table.

Taz's kid is only 10 and, normally, isn't allowed on camera. But Taz came up with the idea of charging the kids two bucks for the wrestler-ish experience of being in the ring with him and Sting. So here are a few kids looking on at Taz and Sting.

I remember getting in the

reignofevil posted:

quote:

Randy Orton was horribly burnt but now he's fine. John Cena was stranded on a sinking ship but now he's free.

These stories also helped open my eyes to the most peculiar thing about professional wrestling. Why are some performers, like Brock Lesnar, who spend half their time in the ring in a dark, never-ending pit and the other half hopping through train tunnels wearing the wildest outfits imaginable, the best draws in wrestling?

It's because fans like seeing them torn apart.

Yeah, Vince McMahon won't give us Michael Corleone in a shark

quote:

Kick down the cockpit door, Hulk Hogan. Shove the controls into a nosedive, Hulk Hogan. The Hulkster takes off, smashing into the steel framed cockpit window. Even though he has no control over the plane, Hulk Hogan is victorious.

Sources:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/show_an_obsolete_word?f=0

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/hulk-hogan-amusing-salmonella-case-article-1.3479771

http://www.teenvogue.com/story/hulk-hamana-banana-plant-snort-happiness

http://blogs.amoral.com/moldypundit/2012/11/13/hulk-hamann-look-alive-death-newborn-test-formula-underwear-p