google THIS posted:

Thread title: nosferatu was an incel

Gluten Free Dad posted:

i regret nothing, least of all my crippling horse tranquilliser addiction

Khanstant posted:

nut posted:

what if it's a mouse

Khanstant posted:

google THIS posted:

blaise rascal posted:

https://vocaroo.com/1a12BxfVyPhk

Thanks for nut for the request and to chewbecca for the custom lyrics!

FutonForensic posted:

mark rippetoe: squeeze your glutes, hard enough that you go crosseyed

me *squeezing my butt real hard*: hnngh

mark rippetoe: _{heh heh. mark you old scamp. made a fool out of them again with the old squeezy butt trick}

me *still crosseyed*: what was that?? what was that mark??

mark rippetoe: heh heh. nothing at all. nothing at all

Macnult posted:

Prof. Crocodile posted:

i think it’s time for a byob fall hoedown!

bow to your snail
ain’t she pretty
try not to stare
at her human titties

blaise rascal posted:

But that’s not all folks! We’re going out in style, with a brand new version of a song from Beauty and the Beast, with custom lyrics written by myself. I request you go into this one blind, and only after you’ve listened to it, check out my lyrics in the next post.

https://vocaroo.com/1142LiIrtHrI

blaise rascal posted:

little page in the SA forums
every post better than the last
little place full of little posters
waking up to say...
just post
just post
just post

there goes the wednesday frog like every wednes day
a brand new schmarson pic to share
every Wednesday just the same
since the wednesday that I came
to this b y o b place "gmungo poster"

gmungo wednesday frog “where you off to!”
The welcome hello and chat thread! I just finished recording my dog making these whistling sounds in her sleep I know everyone will want to see the video
“that's nice. My dudes! hurry up!”

there's manifisto with his 3d renders
thanks to one goon we all can blend
now I’m here in nut’s clydestown
and the rain is pouring down
no denying it's a funny place that byob

goodnight
mods knew
time to get posting
free nut
fart gently caress hell
where is the ring?
show us your pets
turn off your screen man (ooo)
there can't be more to forums than this byob

ahh gmungo
gmungo butttheshitmanfart. Back to my thread so soon? I couldn’t wait to see if you’ve posted Ah, have I ever! Feast your eyes on the hundreds of posts I’ve made lately
Oh gosh this one’s so so good!
(laughing) If you like it all that much, it’s yours
a post from butttheshitman fart? Just for me? But sir!
I insist!
Well thank you! Thank you very much!

oh here come some gbs goons

look there it is that byob is so peculiar
I hope it gets deleted soon
with a purple and blue look
and a byorabian book
what a puzzle to the rest of us is byob

sexual snail with titties
humnan snail that I’m attracted to
look isn't she so pretty
But she won’t be posted in this thread until page two

the goblin thread has got some brand new artwork
and luvcow’s cyoa too
and at midnight gmt
there’s a film for us to see

it really is a wondrous place
yes really it’s an awesome place
it really is a crazy place that byob

annd post
wow you posted up a storm blaise rascal! You’re the greatest poster in the whole world!
I know!
I bet you could conquer any forum you post in!
It’s true and I’ve got my sights set on that one!
B Y O B?
That’s the one! The lucky forum to which I’ll endear myself forever.
But how will you do that?
the quickest way to the heart of any internet forum: self-referential music!
Well, your music is pretty good..
Good? My music is the best! So why shouldn’t I post it in the forum that’s the best?
Right from the moment when I met it saw it
I said this place could be my stage
They will all put down their bongs
When they hear my disney songs
I am going to get a five star thread in byob

I love (oh poo poo) your sig (weed rear end)
vanisher made it (I’m depressed)
I’d like (hell same) to help (carefully)
lurkers must post (1x per month)
that poor (naw girl) milk ape (smoobled again)
don’t post your dick, please (australia)

there can't be more to forums than this byob
just watch I’ll post a great thingamabob!

Look here it is this place is strange but special
Let’s all go shitpost on the job
It’s a pity and a fix
That we can’t give byob a six

it really is a funny place
it’s odd but it’s a funny place
it really is a funny place
that byob
just post
just post
just post just post just post

canyoneer posted:

one time i got a chicken quesadilla at taco bell and they ran out of normal cheese so they subbed in the melted nacho cheese and it was so delicious but i've been too embarrassed to order it like that again on purpose.

i think about that quesadilla often. this was in 2014

Prof. Crocodile posted:

This post is not necessarily laugh-out-loud funny, but there is so much right about it that I think it belongs here.

Prof. Crocodile posted:

This post is not necessarily laugh-out-loud funny, but there is so much right about it that I think it belongs here.

Manifisto posted:

that looks like a nice salad . . . FOR ME TO CROUTON

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

I stol this joke and told it in a dream last night so it definitely needs to be in here:

Macnult posted:

“...how about now?”

“you had it right the first time”

pseudorandom posted:

ChubbyChecker posted:

Prof. Crocodile posted:

Cuz nothing lasts forever
And we don't have any buns
And it's hard to take a hot dog
In the cold November sun

Terry Harri posted:

Hello B.Y.O.B.,

My name is Terry Harrison and I am a simple man and a longtime "lurker" of the B.Y.O.B. subforum on Something Awful.

When I think of why I love the B.Y.O.B. subforum, I think of friendship, good will, and a willingness to help your fellow "poster".
It is for these reasons that I reach out to you all today, as Terry Harrison, long time "lurker" and regular in the B.Y.O.B. community.

When I see your smiling posting faces, I think, "hey, here are a group of good, smart people, who might just love my website!"

You might be wondering, "what website?" Thank you for asking--it's my website! For I am more than just a loyal and longtime "lurker" on the B.Y.O.B. subforum. I am also a world renowned expert on the Nuthatch, planet Earth's most mysterious, but best, bird (if you are curious, the Earth's worst bird is the nuthatch's permanent enemy, the Chickadee). I have funneled my universe of knowledge into a single digital location on the World Wide Web, the Nuthatch as presented by Terry Harrison.

If you have a minute, please take the time to check out my digital resource for such an amazing creature. And feel safe in the knowledge that this doesn't have anything to do with my horrible analytics nor any desperate plea to co-opt a community in a last ditch bid to afford hosting fees.

Oh, and please remember to sign the guestbook!



https://thenuthatch.neocities.org/

Luvcow posted:

really the whole thread too:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3948371

Stoner Sloth posted:

because he got grilled at work today

google THIS posted:

Slush Garbo posted:

Glutes Are Great posted:

Asking the officer at the Ramstein airforce base like
Du
Du hast
Du hast taco bell
Du hast taco bell

The Klowner posted:

Santa's Journal. December 24th, 1985:

Black soot in chimney this morning, yule logs on burnt hearth. This town is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended Christmas trees and the trees are full of hope and when the presents finally arrive, all the children will frown. The accumulated coal of all their naughtiness will build up about their waists and all the boys and girls will look up and shout "Put us on the nice list!"...

...and I'll look down, and whisper "ho."

google THIS posted:

Santa: Chief, I need to secure a couple billion warrants tonight so I can enter every household in the world.

Chief: Why on earth should I give you that?













Santa: I have probable Clause

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Performed the procedure to separate DickButt back into Lt. Dick and Mr. Butt, despite his right to continue living as an individual.

nut posted:

Glutes Are Great posted:

Thread: The Ghost Who Sucks My Dick Has Returned

nut posted:

it is a crime to not include the op to that thread here (I’m on my phone so pretend this post is an homage to the proper quote I will give it in the future)

wimsy posted:

Attn: The Ghost Who Sucks My Dick has Returned
To: Everyone@GiegerFitzwilliam.com

Dear Colleagues,

As many of you know, several years ago I was haunted by a ghost that sucks my dick at work. At that time, this was a new experience not only for me, but for all of us at Geiger Fitzwilliam Associates, and caused considerable disruption. Finally, in consultation with experts, we were able to identify the problem and put together an unprecedented plan of action. An exorcism was performed in July of 2017, and when no signs of paranormal activity had surfaced by the beginning of the following year, I was deemed to be ghost-free, and life here at GFA returned to normal. I am forever grateful to the support of the entire GFA team during that time.

Today, it is my duty to inform you that the ghost who sucks my dick has returned. Two weeks ago I began to experience a strange spiritual sensation in my private regions. I immediately informed Rhonda in HR, who looped in Richard and the rest of the management staff. They decided that we would keep an eye on the situation to see what developed. It was hoped that these otherworldly tingles would subside.

As the incident of this Tuesday demonstrates, these hopes were sadly unfounded. The ghost who sucks my dick is back full force. For the last three days, the ghost has sucked my dick between one and four times daily. It shows no indications of being satiated. We must assume that these spectral blowjobs will continue into the indefinite future.

Typically, Human Resources would send a letter to need-to-know parties, but they have graciously allowed me to write this letter because my being the recipient of oral sex from a ghost is something that affects us all, and because it allows me to destigmatize my condition while gaining a measure of control over the otherwise apparently arbitrary occurrences of supernatural fellatio which befall me.

I am relieved that so many of you were here the first time I dealt with this issue, but in the interests of refreshing your memory, and particularly to educate new employees at GFA who are undoubtedly experiencing this for the first time, please read through the following FAQ.

Q: Who is the ghost?
A: This particular paranormal entity has never manifested in a recognizable human form. Research into the history of the building provides no information about any individuals who may have died in it.

Q: So you don’t even know if the ghost is male or female?
A: No. I assure you that, at first, this was even more confusing for me than it is for you, but I’m cool with it now.

Q: Why does the ghost suck your dick?
A: The best guess is that the ghost died in the middle of sucking dick and is now doomed to wander this space, sucking dick to completion.

Q: Why you?
A: We just don’t know. Perhaps I have some similarity to a person in the ghost’s life, or perhaps it is just random.

Q: Does it happen at home too?
A: No, it only happens at work. This is why we feel fairly sure that the ghost is the spirit of a person who died on this land, perhaps even the ghost of an indigenous person who died before this land was developed.

Q: What are some signs that the ghost is sucking your dick?
A: The earliest indications that the ghost is sucking my dick are usually flickering lights. If you see the lights flicker, you are advised to begin saving any documents you are working on, and to consider wrapping up or rescheduling any important phone calls which may be in progress. Electrical interference tends to build as the ghost moves from licking my balls and shaft to sucking my dick in earnest. The surge protectors you have been provided will keep your electronics from harm (if you’re using them!), but there will likely be service interruptions as I get closer to orgasm. You may also hear two different kinds of unearthly moaning: an “open-mouth” moaning, which is probably me, and a “closed-mouth” moaning, which is the ghost (obviously).

In the final stages of the blowjob, cum will drip down the walls. Do not be alarmed. At the moment the ghost is satiated, everything will return to normal and the cum will disappear. Any cum you see after this time is my cum: please be patient, use one of the orange safety cones provided to mark the location, and know that I will be along to clean up as soon as I have recovered from my ordeal.

In the past, the photocopier would start producing some really weird stuff, but Jeremiah from Facilities knows to unplug it when the ghost starts sucking my dick. If he happens to be absent, just be aware that it gets freaky. If you know rule 34 you know what I’m talking about.

Q: Will I see the ghost? What does it look like?
A: In some cases you may see a pale globe of light bobbing up and down on my penis. In most cases, you will not see the ghost at all but its presence should be obvious from context clues.

Q: What should I do if the ghost is sucking your dick?
A: Aside from the precautions noted above, the best things you can do are.
If you are close by:

1. Clear the area of objects so I don’t hurt myself.
   
2. Observe from a safe distance.
   
3. If you do not feel comfortable observing, call for someone who does.
   

If you are in the office but not close by:

1. Aside from saving your files as noted above, go about your business as usual.
   
2. If the psychic manifestations become too distracting, this is a good time to take a short walk or get a snack from the vending machine.
   

Q: How long will the ghost be sucking your dick?
A: I assure you that I am making every effort to blow my load as quickly as possible. Depending on a number of factors it could be anywhere from 3-15 minutes.

Q: Should I, you know, “help” you? We’re all trying to get work done here.
A: Thank you for the offer but the ghost is intensely jealous. Again, please know I am doing my best to satisfy the ghost’s thirst for my man-juice so that we can all get back to work ASAP.

I hope this FAQ is helpful. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have!

That said, while curiosity about this is absolutely normal, questions about my penis are not appropriate, and conjectures about the basis of the ghost’s obsession with sucking my dick, while sometimes nominally flattering, are hurtful and demeaning. The fact that a ghost constantly sucks my dick does not make my body an open topic of conversation.

In addition, statements such as “boy, I wish a ghost would suck my dick,” or “who do I have to kill to get my dick sucked around here” may be offered in the spirit of levity and to make me feel better. They do not make me feel better. Imagine what it’s like to have to go home and tell your loving wife “not tonight honey, the poltergeist was sucking me dry all day.”

Finally, a few “housekeeping” notes.

We have all been interested to learn who would be the new occupant of Cheryl Kingsley’s old office when she retired. Tanya and Simon have decided that since it has a door, I will be moving from my cubicle to this office effective immediately. I understand that this disrupts our seniority system, but I am sure you can see why this would be necessary. This move is only temporary, until the ghost stops sucking my dick all the time. At that point, I will move back to a cubicle and we will again take up the issue of a full-time occupancy for that office (after it has been disinfected, of course).

I also want to thank Omar in IT for unblocking Pornhub on our network. As I understand it, the structure of our permissions system does not make it possible to allow access to websites for individual users, only for usergroups, so this will have the effect of making Pornhub unblocked for all GFA employees. Rhonda would like me to remind everyone that just because this site is unblocked does not mean that it is ok to access it, unless, like me, you have a documented condition which requires it.

The return of the ghost that sucks my dick has been a serious blow for me, but I am buoyed by my memory of how we all came together those years ago. So many people lent a helping hand and I think Geiger Fitzwilliam Associates emerged from the situation stronger and more determined than ever to provide high-quality home refinancing underwriting to clients around the country. I feel confident that with some flexibility and proactive problem-solving, the same will be true as we once again confront (and eventually beat) the ghost that sucks my dick.

Thanks!
Paul

biosterous posted:

BORN TO THREAD
GEORGE IS A gently caress
Wash Em All 1947
I am trash goblin
410,757,864,530 DEAD GRANDMAS

Kief Richards posted:

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I drew a mustache on a Cheronian, with a sharpie and whiteout.

Buttchocks posted:

Installed truck nuts on the shuttlecraft, stirring confusion and concern among the alien crew that have internal genitalia

Bright Bart posted:

The USS Enterprise might not "roll coal" now, but it sure did for one fine day when I was chief engineer.

nut posted:

listen all y’all it’s a decoupage

nut posted:

iiiii can’t stand it
I know you planned it
that picture of kate
you cut and paste
on the side of used tin can of peach jam
where you can keep your loose pencils and pens in

BlueDekuNuts posted:

Tune in on the adventures of Snowball and V̶̝̐̀͟͟͝O̷̵҉̢̭͚̜̠ͫͣ͐͢͟͢͠͞͝I҉̡̯̺̜̅́͋̃͢͜D҉̣͍̓̎͗͜͜M̶̶҉̳͈̺͟͢͠͠ͅA҉҉̦̣̤͔̟̩̋̿̏ͦ̈́̍͟͠Ṡ̷̢̫̞̻͈͋͛̓̅͜͜͜͠͠͠T҉̘͙͖̠̓ͦ͑̄͜͜͟͞E҉̰̰͎̆͞R̴҉̷̨̖̮̉͑ͯ̑̋͟͠

google THIS posted:

(munching on something out of a big bag I'm carrying around)

Someone: So what does "d.i.c.k.s." stand for?

Me: ...Stand for?

barnold posted:

more falafel please posted:

what I'm hearing is that skanky mostly just means missouri

prepuce repurposed posted:

from the skanky ppl thread