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Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

nine-gear crow posted:

I wonder if there ever was a goon who regged Bball24 as their user name and if they did, what became of them?

amusinginquiry posted:

I have occasionally used bball24 as a username for things

Looks like they haven't posted since June :tinfoil:

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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

Fuschia tude posted:

Looks like they haven't posted since June :tinfoil:

June is when LowtaxBeatsWomenGate blew wide open, so maybe they were one of the folks who bailed on SA after that.

GodFish
Oct 10, 2012

We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.
I hate dropbox's ui too

FlocksOfMice
Feb 3, 2009
A part of me misses this era of the internet, before it was just a handful of big corporate social media sites and a billion clickbait adhells.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers





This book actually taught me what cookies were, fwiw

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

This book actually taught me what cookies were, fwiw

Cookies, thermals, and the soul-shredding horrors of war. We all learnt a lot from this series!

rollick
Mar 20, 2009
How did the website guy figure out the same spelling of "Yeerk" -- maybe there are other pages with different variants.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Animorphs-Book 16:The Warning-Chapter 3

quote:

If you’ve never seen a computer chat room before, it’s kind of confusing. It’s like a conversation between people who aren’t really listening to each other.

Sounds like certain message boards too....

quote:

Plus everyone can only type about ten words at a time, so it gets pretty confusing. But you get used to making sense of it after a while.

The six of us watched, fascinated, as the conversation went scrolling down the screen. A conversation about things we thought only we knew about.

YeerKiller9: there’s no way!
GoVikes: You have to chop them up to be sure they’re really
Chazz: Why don’t we get serious here? The Yeerks are
GoVikes: dead.
YeerKiller9: Listen to me, I was infested by a Yeerk. It
Chazz: Only getting stronger. And instead of using this Chat to plan
YrkH8er: Kill all Yeerks!
Gump8293: I think my dad is one. What can I do?
Chazz: some action, we end up doing nothing.
YeerKiller9: was only by a miracle that I escaped.
Gump8293: I mean it’s weird because my dad actually seems in some ways. But
GoVikes: Yeerks are like worms. If you just cut them in
CKDsweet: can anyone help me? There’s this organization called
GoVikes: half they just grow again.
Gump8293: he is too nice. He’s got all these new friends suddenly and
YrkH8er: Kill all Yeerks!
CKDsweet: the sharing, and I think they are all Yeerks

I looked at Marco. He nodded.

“The Sharing,” he muttered. “Interesting. See if anyone stomps on that.”

Sure enough, someone did. The supposedly enthusiastic Yeerk hater.

YrkH8er: The sharing is okay. I checked them out.
Chazz: Wrong. The sharing is a Yeerk front organization.
YrkH8er: No way. They’re like Boy Scouts.

“Whoa,” Rachel said.

“This Chazz guy seems fairly serious,” Tobias offered.

“YrkH8er may be a Controller himself,” I said.

“Or he may just be mistaken,” Cassie pointed out.

Gump8293: he’s with them all the time. The other day I
Carlito: I’ve discovered that Yeerks need to go someplace secret and
Gump8293: heard my dad and these new friends whispering about
Carlito: feed or replenish. Every three days. I think they
Gump8293: someone called “Visher” or “Vister” or something.
Carlito: get out of their host body to do this
MegMom: Gump, I think it’s “Visser.” I think a Visser is like a
GoVikes: they’re like snails, only without a shell.
MegMom: general or something. I think Visser is a rank.
GoVikes: Rank. LOL. Totally rank.

“GoVikes is just your standard chat room moron,” Marco said. “But Chazz and Meg and Carlito seem like they may know something.”

“Gump is sad,” Cassie said. “Worried about his dad.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a sad world all around,” Marco said harshly.

I had known for a while that Marco’s mother is a Controller. In fact, she’s Visser One, a very high-ranking member of the Yeerk hierarchy. But the others had only learned recently. And Marco is allergic to pity so he has to act extra tough.

Gump8293: Isn’t there any way for me to get my dad to stop being
YrkH8er: Kill all Yeerks!
Gump8293: a Yeerk?
YrkH8er: Talk to your dad. Tell him what you think.
Chazz: NO Gump. Say NOTHING to your father. If you say anything you’ll be next
MegMom: Gump, listen to Chazz. He’s right. You can’t do
Fitey777: Hi everyone.
MegMom: anything to save your father. All you can do is get hurt.
Fitey777: I have a name to add to the list of known Yeerks.
Gump8293: I have to DO something.
Fitey777: Charles J. Sofor. He’s the deputy police chief in
YrkH8er: Kill all Yeerks!
Chazz: Hello Fitey.
MegMom: Good, Fitey’s here.
Fitey777: the capital. I am close to getting the location
GoVikes: chop him up in little pieces.
Fitey777: of a Yeerk feeding area.

“So, what do we think?” I asked the group.

Rachel sighed. “Who can tell? Maybe some of these guys are for real. But maybe it’s all a Yeerk scam to lure people in.”

“Like Gump,” Cassie said. “They may be trying to get his name and address so they can warn his father, the Controller.”

“I suspect a Yeerk scam,” Tobias said.

“I’d go that way, too,” Rachel said.

Cassie shook her head. “I’m not so sure. There’s something real and genuine about some of these people. Not all. YrkH8er is probably a Controller. But Gump is real. I’d bet on it.”

I learned to trust Cassie’s instincts about people long ago. “I get the same feeling,” I said. “Ax?”

“Who can tell? This primitive means of communication makes it impossible to judge. Now that humans have the telephone, why do they still use this primitive system?”

“Actually, the phone was invented first,” I said. “This is more modern.”

Ax laughed. “Humans. You invent the book first, then the computer. Puter. Telephone before computer. Very backward.”

“Marco? What do you think?”

Marco tilted his head back and forth in a “who knows?” gesture. “If I had to guess, I’d say a little of both. Maybe this Web page was created by Yeerks to help them locate any humans who know about them. But at the same time, maybe it got a little out of their control. I mean, maybe Chazz, Carlito, Fitey, and Meg are all for real.”

I nodded. “We need to try and find out who these people are. Ax? Can you hack in and penetrate the protected screen name files?”

I stood up and Ax sat stiffly in the chair. He placed his unfamiliar human fingers on the keys.

“What is ‘Caps Lock’?”

“Forget ‘Caps Lock.’”

“Yes, Prince Jake.”

I sighed. “I’m not a prince,” I said for probably the millionth time.

Ax entered the computer’s software and began to write furiously. But after a few minutes he was obviously frustrated.

“What?” Marco mocked. “A superior Andalite can’t hack into the Web Access America computer?”

“Can you?” Ax asked him.

“No.”

“Ah.” He went back to typing furiously. Then he pushed the keyboard away, almost angrily. “The most basic systems are not usable.”

“In other words, you can’t do it?” I said.

“No. This machine and the central computer are both too primitive. I tried to reconfigure the software, but it is not enough.” He brightened. “However, I fixed it so Marco will now be able to win any online computer game he plays.”

“I already win every game,” Marco lied.

“Your win and lose ratio is stored in the computer, Marco,” Ax pointed out. “You do not win every game. You win forty-two percent of the time. Ratio. Horatio. Ray. Shee. Oh.”

Ouch.

quote:

“It would be nice to know if these guys are for real,” Cassie said. “We may have allies out there. And there may be people like Gump who we could help.”

I held out my hands. “So? How do we get the real names behind the screen names?”

“If we busted into WAA’s main office …” Marco began.

“Invade Web Access America?” Rachel said, grinning.

“Yeah,” Marco said. “Invade Web Access America. Bust into their main computers. Get the screen names. And while we’re at it, turn off that stupid program that keeps offering you a Web Access America Visa card.”

So what do you think about the chat? Who's real, who's clueless, and who's a Yeerk? And would you get a Web Access America Visa card? What if we threw in points if you charged your WAA subscription on it? Would that help convince you?

Chapter 4

quote:

The Animorphs are like the world’s greatest burglars. I mean, we don’t steal stuff, of course. But when you can become any kind of animal, it’s usually fairly easy to get into places.

Just one problem. Web Access America was not in our town. The headquarters of Web Access America was a couple of hundred miles away. Too far for us to get to. Even if we morphed into birds, we couldn’t cover that much distance in the two-hour morph time. And if we stopped and demorphed and remorphed, we’d still never make it there and back in a day.

So we needed some other means of transportation. And that’s why we were at the airport in the terminal that Saturday morning, watching through the floor-to-ceiling windows as flights took off.

“It’s a one-hour-and-thirty-minute flight,” Marco said. “Plenty of time.”

“Right.”

“All we have to do is morph, fly aboard the plane, try not to get swatted, and demorph when we get there,” he said. “We can take United or Northwest.”

It was just me and Marco at the window. The others were spread around the terminal. We try not to congregate together. We don’t want to look like a group. Yeerk eyes are everywhere. They think we’re a bunch of Andalites, not humans, but we have to be careful all the time.

“United or Northwest?” Marco asked.

I shrugged. “Flip a coin. Who cares? The problem I have is with the idea of being a fly on a plane. Lots of people looking to swat. And if anything goes wrong, how do we demorph on a plane?”

“You want to cancel out?”

I thought about it for a minute. Out on the runway, a 747 was rumbling down the tarmac, picking up speed for a takeoff. “Nah. I guess it’ll be okay. It’s a risk, but it’s worth it.”

Marco smiled. An actual, nonmocking smile, which is rare for him. “I remember back when you didn’t want to have to make all the big decisions.”

“I still don’t want to make them,” I said. “But someone has to, right?”

“Yep.” He nodded.

“I just want to get back to a life someday where I don’t have to make decisions that might get people killed.”

“Do you?” Now Marco’s smile was definitely of the mocking variety. “You really think someday we can all go back to being regular kids? You think after being the leader of the Animorphs you can go back to being Joe Average Student?”

“Yes, I do.” I said it forcefully. I meant it.

“Uh-huh,” Marco said dryly. “Come on, let’s round up the others.” He squinted to see the board announcing flight departures. “Let’s catch the United flight. It leaves soonest. We have fifteen minutes. Gate nineteen.”

“Is there a movie on the flight?” I asked, trying to catch Marco’s casual tone.

“On a one-hour-and-thirty-minute flight? More like an in-flight cartoon.”

We found the others, drifting from Cassie and Rachel to Tobias and Ax. We explained the plan. It was Tobias who asked the question I had overlooked.

“How are we going to find gate nineteen when we’re in fly morph? How good are fly eyes?”

Tobias had never morphed a fly before. He’d just acquired the DNA earlier that morning.

“Pretty bad, actually,” I admitted. “Compound eyes.”

“The sense of smell is good, though,” Marco said. “I mean, flies can sense poop or garbage from a long way off.”

I looked at Marco. He looked at me.

“Oh, puh-leeze,” Marco said. “Where would we find it? And what would we do with it? Hand it to the flight attendant at the gate? Tell him, ‘Hang onto this for us. We’ll be right back as flies’?”

A plane was disgorging passengers from a nearby gate. The people all looked tired and annoyed. Some smiled for the relatives and friends who were picking them up. But I guess it must have been a long flight, because some of the people had pressure marks on the sides of their faces. You know, like
they’d been sleeping with their heads leaned against the windows of the plane.

Remember when you could just pick people up at the gate?

quote:

Then there was the mother and father with their baby. The baby was squalling and squirming in its mother’s arms.

They stopped just a few feet away.

“He needs to be changed,” the mother said.

“Whose turn is it?” the father asked.

The mother handed the baby to him and he groaned. “Please let it just be number one.”

“I don’t think so,” the mother said. “I think you’re getting a full load.”

I turned to Marco, Tobias, and Ax. “Okay, we need a volunteer for a very hazardous and disgusting mission. Someone has to get that diaper.”

It turned out the volunteer was me. Ax couldn’t even understand the basic concept. Which left three of us. We did rock, paper, scissors. Whoever didn’t match the others was the volunteer.

Tobias and Marco took paper. I did rock.

I swear somehow or other they cheated.

Two minutes later I had an absolutely vile Huggies wrapped in a couple of paper towels.

“I don’t suppose you want this,” I said, offering it to Marco.

“What is it?” Ax wondered.

“A diaper,” I said. “Baby poop.”

“Diaper gravy,” Marco said. “We’re going to use the diaper gravy to guide our flight as flies.”

“I don’t understand.”

I sighed. “This would be one of those things I really don’t want to explain, Ax,” I said. I carried the diaper toward gate nineteen. I stuffed it into a large, standing ashtray and returned to the others.

“That should do it. Let’s get back with Cassie and Rachel.”

“See, now this is why we aren’t Batman or Spiderman,” Marco complained. “Spiderman never has to follow the trail of baby poop.”

“Who is this spider man?” Ax asked.

They're off on their plane/poop adventure.

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers





I just want to congratulate Yrkh8er on their spycraft. Absolutely magnificent work.

Piell
Sep 3, 2006

Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer


Young Orc

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

I just want to congratulate Yrkh8er on their spycraft. Absolutely magnificent work.

They said "Kill all Yeerks!" like five times, no way a Yeerk would say that

Piell fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Jan 20, 2021

SirSamVimes
Jul 21, 2008

~* Challenge *~


KILL ALL YEERKS KILL ALL YEERKS the sharing is totally legit ignore the sharing KILL ALL YEERKS you should talk to your dad about your suspicions

:allears:

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013
How many Twitter followers do you think Visser Three would have if he 1) had a Twitter account, and 2) made no effort to hide that he was all caps VISSER THREE?

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers





Donald J Trump is Visser 3 but without the andalite body or killiness

QuickbreathFinisher
Sep 28, 2008

by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`
I don't remember chat rooms having a text limit per message but that might just be because I didn't get into them until after the tech had improved.

I agree with their assessment that Chazz, Meg, and Carlito seem like they know what's up. Poor gump :smith: I don't remember if they actually mention whether this is all fabricated by Fenestre or if it's an actual chatroom and Chazz Meg and Carlito are all real people who have found some stuff out. I remember that Fenestre is the guy that comes in at the end there though. Which I guess would point to it being a bunch of bots to lure people in.

This book is a total blast.

wizzardstaff
Apr 6, 2018

Zorch! Splat! Pow!
A Hork-Bajir came up to me the other day, huge fellow, you know how those Hork-Bajir are, some people say they're too much, well you know what people say but I don't know about that, he comes to me with tears in his eyes and he says, "Sir?" He says, "Sir, are we going to defeat those Andalite bandits?" And I took off his head for insubordination, took it right off and let the Taxxons eat him, real fine people, those Taxxons, they got a real bad rap from the Andalites but I say they're the best people I know, and that's why we're going to find those bandits, we're going to find them and make them pay!

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys
"Forget Caps Lock" is sound advice, thanks Jake.

Epicurius posted:

Next book is "The Warning". It's a Jake book. It's....a book that I don't think could be written today.

I assumed this was because it had some kind of particularly harrowing scene, or references to terrorism or something. (This late 90's pro-haxx stuff is far, far worse.)

Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010


If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER


Ultra Carp
oh god I'd forgotten a lot of this book but I remember exactly what's coming next

OctaviusBeaver
Apr 30, 2009

Say what now?
Taking a 1 hour 40 minute flight in a morph is probably the most dangerous thing they have done so far.

HisMajestyBOB
Oct 21, 2010


College Slice
Ash trays at the gate. Man, remember when smoking was still common in public areas in the US? Or smoking areas in restaurants?

Also, I'm pretty sure the AOL chat rooms allowed more than 10 words. At least the ones I used did.

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

OctaviusBeaver posted:

Taking a 1 hour 40 minute flight in a morph is probably the most dangerous thing they have done so far.

Yeah, even on this side you need to fly in there juuuuust before they close the gate, then you have to pray they don't get held up on the tarmac in Silicon Valley, then you've still got a very risky window of time to find a bathroom stall in an unfamiliar airport, while in fly morph, and hope nobody walks in - and think about how trafficked airport bathrooms are! - and try to morph your hands out as quick as possible to click that stall lock shut.

Epicurius posted:

Remember when you could just pick people up at the gate?

You can still do this on a domestic, can't you? You can in Australia, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, I had a thought about the ending of the last book where Rachel tells Marco she heard the sub so his mum might still be alive, and why Applegate specifically chose her. Because from memory it's also Rachel telling him about a similar maybe she's dead/maybe she's not scenario at the end of another Marco book about or 15 or 20 down the line, and then they hang out and watch Xena, which I think is the only time the two of them ever hang out one-on-one in the entire series. It's partly because they're the ones who are normally combative with each other and it's a way of Applegate demonstrating that, hey, deep down they all do actually care about each other, even Rachel and Marco. But it's also because Rachel, whose parents got divorced and whose dad moved away, is the only other one who really understands remotely what it's like to "lose" a parent. Tobias never knew his in the first place, Ax misses his but they're alive and well, and Jake and Cassie still have both their parents and a good relationship with them. But Rachel, to some extent, understands what Marco's going through in a way the others simply can't.

GodFish
Oct 10, 2012

We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.
KILL ALL YEERKS

What an absolute time capsule.

rollick
Mar 20, 2009
AYAB

someone awful.
Sep 7, 2007


thinking about the fact that they tried to release "modernized" books with updated pop culture references is a series that has this book in it :allears:

Piell
Sep 3, 2006

Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer


Young Orc
Eh it would just be a discord today and the kill all yeerks message would a gif with sparkly glitter font

disaster pastor
May 1, 2007


Epicurius posted:

quote:

Marco smiled. An actual, nonmocking smile, which is rare for him. “I remember back when you didn’t want to have to make all the big decisions.”

“I still don’t want to make them,” I said. “But someone has to, right?”

“Yep.” He nodded.

“I just want to get back to a life someday where I don’t have to make decisions that might get people killed.”

“Do you?” Now Marco’s smile was definitely of the mocking variety. “You really think someday we can all go back to being regular kids? You think after being the leader of the Animorphs you can go back to being Joe Average Student?”

“Yes, I do.” I said it forcefully. I meant it.

We're kind of at a turning point here, where Jake isn't just the nominal leader falling into the role by default, but he's genuinely, actively taking leadership. Unfortunately, that means the decisions will generally get harder, not easier. And clinging to the fading hope that there's a "normal" life waiting after this is probably also bad for his mental health.

Epicurius posted:

quote:

“It’s a one-hour-and-thirty-minute flight,” Marco said. “Plenty of time.”

If you were reading this for the first time and looking for clues as to where they lived, this is another pretty strong California hint; WAA can be safely assumed to be headquartered in Silicon Valley, and an hour and thirty minutes is a pretty normal LA to SF projected flight time.

Bobulus
Jan 28, 2007

Assuming no delays on a flight is pretty dang dangerous. I'm surprised they're not trying to demorph in the cargo area of the plane or something.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

freebooter posted:

You can still do this on a domestic, can't you? You can in Australia, I'm pretty sure.

Not in the US, at least. After 9/11, they put security screening into the terminals, and to get past it, you need to show a valid ticket. It actually led to some economic problems for airports, as bigger ones put a bunch of retail stores and restaurants near their gates and the restrictions into the terminals reduced their business.

rollick
Mar 20, 2009
Parasitic brain slugs more plausible than a functional rail system in the US, I see.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Are you ready to KILL ALL YEERKS!!!!?

Animorphs-Book 16:The Warning-Chapter 5

quote:

We went to a men’s room to morph. Cassie and Rachel went to a ladies’ room. I guess there are times when we Animorphs just can’t work as a team.

“We could all fit together in the handicapped stall,” Marco suggested.

“You’re not supposed to do that,” I said. “Let’s just each get our own stall.”

That's very considerate.

quote:

But that was easier said than done. There were a lot of flights coming and going. The men’s room was busy. The best we could do was get two stalls.

“Oh, this doesn’t look too weird,” Tobias muttered as he and I entered a stall together.

“Wait a few seconds. Things will be quite a bit weirder,” I told him.

We closed and latched the door. We stripped off our outer clothing and shoes and stuffed it all into a backpack we’d brought along. We set the bag behind the toilet. You can’t morph street clothes or shoes, just something form-fitting. Like the bike shorts and T-shirt I was wearing. If we were lucky mwe’d get our clothes back later at the lost and found. If not … well, we lose a lot of clothing.

“Fly morph, huh?” Tobias whispered.

“Yep.”

“Is it as gross as I think it will be?”

“No. It’s much, much grosser.”

Tobias made a face. Then he started morphing. But not into a fly. See, when you morph you can only do it from your natural shape. Strange as it may seem, Tobias’s natural shape is now that of a red-tailed hawk.

So as I waited nervously, Tobias grew feathers and wings and talons and a beak. And in the next stall Ax grew a scorpion tail, two stalk eyes, and four hooved legs.

“Ready?” I whispered to Marco.

“Yeah. Let’s do it. It’s crowded in here.”

I looked at Tobias. Funny how even I was used to the idea that the real Tobias was the Tobias with the fierce gold-and-brown eyes and the beak designed to tear apart flesh.

“Ready?”

<Yeah. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.>

“You might like it,” I said. “You should see how well flies fly.”

<I fly better than anything else with wings already,> he said. <Okay. Let’s get this over with.>

I closed my eyes and began to focus on the fly morph. The truth is, it made me feel better to have Tobias nervous. It distracted me from the fact that morphing a fly made me sick.

There may be something more disgusting than a fly, but I sure haven’t become it yet.

The first change was that I began to shrink.

The steel walls of the bathroom stall seemed to rise up and up and up. They grew to be the size of skyscrapers. Graffiti that had been in inch-high letters was now big enough to fill a billboard.

When I looked down I got a real scare. It looked exactly as if I were falling into the toilet bowl. That toilet bowl got bigger and bigger and seemed to be sprouting up from the floor like it was a big mouth trying to swallow me whole.

I saw the toilet paper dispenser go zipping by. One minute it was below waist level, the next minute it took off, straight up. It was an odd thing to see.

The linoleum squares grew vast. The scraps of tissue on the floor became bedsheets. A piece of chewed gum became a big, pink boulder.

But shrinking was the easy part. The other changes were infinitely worse. For one thing, there’s the fact that your nose and mouth sort of melt together and grow into this insanely long, hairy, sticky, spit-dribbling thing the books call “mouth parts.”

<AAAAAHHHH! Jeez!> Tobias yelled in thought-speak.

His own beak had just sprouted into the long, spring-loaded, utterly nasty-looking mouth parts. It was not a pretty thing to watch.

Sprooot! Two big legs sort of burst out of my chest. You know how in the movie Alien the alien baby exploded out of that guy’s chest? It was a little like that. Only instead of some fake-looking puppet, these were two long, black, jointed legs, each bristling with daggerlike hairs.

Morphing is never totally logical. It isn’t a smooth transition. It’s not like each part of you gets gradually more flylike. Things happen suddenly, and in unexpected sequences. I was still about a foot tall when the legs pushed out through my ribs. I still had human eyes and a mostly human body. Aside from the monstrous mouth parts.

“Hey, anyone in there?”

I heard the voice. And I heard the way the door of the stall rattled. But I couldn’t answer. I didn’t have a mouth.

<Someone’s trying to get in!> Tobias said.

<I know!>

<What do we do?>

<Keep morphing. It’s too late to back out now.>

“Hey, is anyone in there? I gotta go bad.”

My hands had become the appendages of a fly. There were two hooked, talonlike claws and small, hairy pads that oozed a kind of glue. I could hear my internal organs going soft and squishy as entire things like a liver and spleen and kidneys were re-formed to make the infinitely more primitive
guts of a fly.

My bones were weakening so that my still-mostly-human legs were getting wobbly, turning to overcooked spaghetti.

At this point I was about the size of a small dog. I had fly legs but no wings. I had human eyes and massive fly mouth parts. Tobias was a similar mess. And that’s when the guy who had to go bad reached over the stall door and undid the lock.

The door opened. There wasn’t anything I could do.

“Oh. Ohhh. OOHHH! Oh, No! NOOOO! NOOOOOO! AAAAAHHHH!”

The man stood there and stared.

I waved one dagger-haired, clawed leg at him.

“AAAAHHHHH! Help! Help! Help!”[quote]

They get into so much trouble in bathrooms.

[quote]The door slammed shut again.

<Quick! We better be flies before he brings help!>

“Help me! Police! Someone!”

I continued shrinking, and now I noticed my gossamer fly wings coming in, attached to big springlike muscles in my back.

“There are monsters in the toilets!”

<What’s going on over there?> Marco demanded from the next stall over.

<We’re busted,> I said. <Make it quick.>

My human eyes dimmed, then went dark. Seconds passed in total blindness as my compound fly eyes grew. Then, all at once, I saw a world of shattered images, like a thousand tiny television sets all tuned to a slightly different picture.

<By the way, Tobias, watch out for the fly instincts,> I warned.

In my weird field of vision I saw something black and blurry go zipping by. Another fly. Tobias?

<Tobias, is that you flying?>

Rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, RUMBLE, RUMBLE.

Thunderous pounding vibrations distracted me. Many heavy feet were running toward me.

WHAM! The door of the stall opened. I felt the wind whoosh past overhead. It excited the hairs on my back. My antennae quivered madly.

Danger!

I pushed off with my six legs, turned on my fly wings, and blasted up off the dirty linoleum.

<We’re airborne over here,> Marco reported.

“They were here, I’m telling you. Monsters! Like … like weird, mutated things!”

“Sir, just how many drinks did you have on your flight?”

<Tobias,> I called. <Are you okay? Tobias!>

There was no answer.

I zoomed crazily around, zipping past the Statue-of-Liberty-sized humans. My senses were picking up about a hundred interesting smells: rot, sweat, filth, garbage. All of which were fascinating to my fly brain.

But I still did not see Tobias.

Tobias still, obviously, has less morphing experience than the rest of them and less ability to resist the instincts of the creature he morphs into.

Chapter 6

quote:

<Tobias! Where are you? The fly brain has you. Fight it!>

<Yo, Tobias,> Marco said. <Come on, get a grip. We don’t have a lot of time.>

<Tobias! It’s me, Aximili. Reassert your individual consciousness.>

<Say what?> Marco laughed. <Reassert his what?>

Then there came a shaky, uncertain thought-speak voice. <Uh, hello? It’s me. I mean, it’s me, Tobias.>

I was inscribing crazed fly circles around the bathroom. I did a quick somersault and landed upside down on the ceiling. My claws gripped tiny irregularities in the paint. And the sticky pads on my feet did the rest.

<Tobias? Where are you? Are you okay?>

<I guess I kind of lost it there for a minute.>

<Well, that happens sometimes with a new morph. You know, until you get used to the animal’s instincts.>

<Yeah,> Marco said. <But then you can “reassert your individual consciousness.”>

<Tobias, where are you?>

<Well … it’s smooth. Um, it was different when I first landed here. It was smooth and white. Wet, though. There’s dampness on the surface. And I think there’s a big lake or something below me.>

<Are you right side up or what?>

<I’m sideways. I’m sideways on a smooth, damp surface I think was white. And there’s a big lake below me.>

We all considered that description for a moment.

<Oh, man!> Marco yelled. <Tobias, you’re in a toilet!>

<Tobias, get out of there before someone flushes,> I said, stifling the urge to laugh.

<I’m … remember how I said it was different when I first landed here? It was light. Now it’s dark.>

We all considered this new information for a moment.

<Uh, guh-ROSS!> Marco said, half-laughing, half-scared.

<Tobias, I think the reason it got dark is that someone sat down.>

<Wait. You’re saying I’m in a toilet bowl. And someone sat down. But then … oh, man.>

<Caution: falling objects,> Marco said.

<What does all this mean?> Ax wondered.

<Tobias, I think for the sake of safety, and also for the sake of avoiding something way too gross to even think about, you need to get out of there.>

<How? How? The exit is blocked, to say the least!>

<Try the space between the toilet seat and the porcelain.>

<Oh.>

<Look for the light. There will be some light shining through,> I said.

<Go into the light,> Marco said.

<Get out of there!>

<The space! I found the space!>

<I am completely confused,> Ax confessed.

<Okay, I’m out,> Tobias said. <This so totally sucks. I’m starting to wish the Ellimist had never given me back my morphing powers.>

<It’s the glamorous life of a superhero,> Marco said.

<Speaking of glamour, we need to find the gate and get on that plane,> I reminded everyone.

<Rachel and Cassie are probably already there.>

<I can find the door from the air currents,> Tobias said.

<Yeah. Fly against the influx of air. That should get us out into the terminal. Then all we have to do is pick up the scent of that diaper and follow it to the gate.>

<Hey, Tobias can lead the way,> Marco said brightly. <He sort of has experience at that kind of thing.>

<Oh, shut up,> Tobias grumbled.

<Will you explain what has been going on?> Ax asked.

<When you get older maybe,> Marco said.

Is it wrong that I have questions now about Andalite execratory practices? We know they have toilets.

MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

Something I learned recently that might be helpful for the Yeerks: if you are going to swat a fly the best way to do it is slowly. They are very rapid creatures and if your hand is moving slowly they don't actually perceive it as movement. I've yet to try this but heard the advice from an entomologist.

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys

MrNemo posted:

Something I learned recently that might be helpful for the Yeerks: if you are going to swat a fly the best way to do it is slowly. They are very rapid creatures and if your hand is moving slowly they don't actually perceive it as movement. I've yet to try this but heard the advice from an entomologist.

Are you sure you're not thinking of Tyrannosaurs?

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

Tree Bucket posted:

Are you sure you're not thinking of Tyrannosaurs?

It's probably hard for Tyrannosaurs to swat flies with such little arms.

wizzardstaff
Apr 6, 2018

Zorch! Splat! Pow!

Epicurius posted:

Tobias still, obviously, has less morphing experience than the rest of them and less ability to resist the instincts of the creature he morphs into.

Seems like a tight-margins mission where the timing is a matter of minutes would be a really good time to start practicing morphs with a dress rehearsal. And you'd think Tobias would be the most sensitive to that out of anyone.

Epicurius posted:

Is it wrong that I have questions now about Andalite execratory practices? We know they have toilets.

If Andalites absorb nutrients through their hooves, maybe they excrete in a similarly diffuse fashion through their pores. The Andalite toilet from the earlier book is like a big steam bath to capture and clean all the output. Without such facilities Ax is constantly surrounded by a Pigpen-like cloud of microscopic filth, and never mentions it to the rest of the team out of extreme embarrassment.

FlocksOfMice
Feb 3, 2009

MrNemo posted:

Something I learned recently that might be helpful for the Yeerks: if you are going to swat a fly the best way to do it is slowly. They are very rapid creatures and if your hand is moving slowly they don't actually perceive it as movement. I've yet to try this but heard the advice from an entomologist.

This does work with mosquitos. If you slowly bring a fly-swatter up to them and just slowly press it down onto them they won't fly away, compared to trying to swat at them over and over while they wake you up constantly for 3 months straight.

Mazerunner
Apr 22, 2010

Good Hunter, what... what is this post?
the best method I know for smushing flies is to clap just above them; you catch them on the way up (or sideways or whatever)

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Sorry, everybody. Yeerk pool time again. Stuff got away from me today, and I'm going to have to miss tonight's post. Tomorrow, we'll seen animorphs on a plane. I promise.

SirSamVimes
Jul 21, 2008

~* Challenge *~


Visser 3 will hear of this... not from me though because I like living lmao

Comrade Blyatlov
Aug 4, 2007


should have picked four fingers





Kill all Yeerks!

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys

rollick posted:

How did the website guy figure out the same spelling of "Yeerk" -- maybe there are other pages with different variants.

Uh. How is "Yeerk" pronounced, anyway? Like "year" with a k on the end? Or more of an "er" sound. Or ye-erk, with two separate vowel sounds...?
If Animorphs was written a decade later, and/or by a teenage fanfiction author, it'd undoubtedly be Ye'erk.

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Acebuckeye13
Nov 2, 2010


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Ultra Carp

Tree Bucket posted:

Uh. How is "Yeerk" pronounced, anyway? Like "year" with a k on the end? Or more of an "er" sound. Or ye-erk, with two separate vowel sounds...?
If Animorphs was written a decade later, and/or by a teenage fanfiction author, it'd undoubtedly be Ye'erk.

I always pronounced it in my head as "yerk," like "jerk" with a y.

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