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AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

The carol in that is :discourse:

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ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


That one's taken from an older article.

https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1077776099063615488

SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIWF7l4Fisw

Reminds me of this.

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



those are very good christmas songs thank you for posting them

danish christmas songs have five hundred verses, and it can be a chore to sing them sometimes. my grandpa insisted on singing every verse. anyway, one time when my grandma was still alive, i printed out copies of a popular one (højt fra træets grønne top) but i'd switched around a couple lines from verse to verse. it was a joy to see grandma get increasingly confused, start laughing to herself, then openly, at the nonsense. she had a great sense of humor :unsmith:

SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer

I could have sworn Clickhole or The Onion did another article with hilarious parody Christmas songs. I remember one of them had really weird grammar, so listening to it made it feel like you were having a stroke. Does anyone know what I am talking about? It's driving me nuts that I can't find it.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

SimonChris posted:

I could have sworn Clickhole or The Onion did another article with hilarious parody Christmas songs. I remember one of them had really weird grammar, so listening to it made it feel like you were having a stroke. Does anyone know what I am talking about? It's driving me nuts that I can't find it.

Is it this one?
Und Hungr’y Hogg Have Aten Öll Th’ Bibles Een Aur Vellage Laster Nighten. Kann You Writt Ein New Bible Far Us, Plase Goodest Educated Sir?

Even if it isn't you should read it out loud because it's great.

This one too:
Und Hungr’y Hogg Have Aten Öll Th’ DVDs Een Aur Vellage Laster Nighten. Kann You Reminder Us Ov Wart Happen En Theese DVDs, Plase Goodest Educated Sir?

SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1138211779081887749

It turns out I was thinking of these birthday songs, specifically “It’s You Are Of Birthday”.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


This One’s Just For The Foot Fetishists

Gann Jerrod
Sep 9, 2005

A gun isn't a gun unless it shoots Magic.
Inspirational Mugs Your Therapist Doesn’t Want You To See

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1346486779545874432

Jet Jaguar
Feb 12, 2006

Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.



This poor woman, will somebody help her?!

Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1345807153613983745

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1346864314750300163

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.
I Put On A Fat Suit To Understand What It’s Like To Be Your Mom

AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1347325906403078144?s=20

clown shoes
Jul 17, 2004

Nothing but clowns down here.
He's back!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkS_34Ek-6U

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



im so glad peter finally got to experience at least some of the 1980s :)

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



also nice touch with the oxford dictionary behind him

Cacator
Aug 6, 2005

You're quite good at turning me on.

Playing a lot of Ghosts of Tsushima lately so this got a good reaction from me.

Piece Of History: The Naginata That Lee Harvey Oswald Used To Cut Down JFK After Skillfully Deflecting A Mighty Blow From His Ōdachi Is Coming To The Smithsonian

that's obviously a katana and not a naginata in their stock photo

Edmund Lava
Sep 8, 2004

Hey, I'm from Brooklyn. I'm going to call myself Mr. Friendly.

Cacator posted:

Playing a lot of Ghosts of Tsushima lately so this got a good reaction from me.

Piece Of History: The Naginata That Lee Harvey Oswald Used To Cut Down JFK After Skillfully Deflecting A Mighty Blow From His Ōdachi Is Coming To The Smithsonian

that's obviously a katana and not a naginata in their stock photo

It even says Katana in the picture

Cacator
Aug 6, 2005

You're quite good at turning me on.

Edmund Lava posted:

It even says Katana in the picture

Ha I didn't even see that on my phone. What kind of editorial standards does Clickhole even have?

morallyobjected
Nov 3, 2012

"At press time, Graham confirmed that his speech had led to him being offered a position in Biden’s cabinet."

I swear to god I will.. well not riot, because that seems tone deaf, given the last week, but something.

Napoleon Nelson
Nov 8, 2012


morallyobjected posted:

"At press time, Graham confirmed that his speech had led to him being offered a position in Biden’s cabinet."

I swear to god I will.. well not riot, because that seems tone deaf, given the last week, but something.
You... You do know what thread you're in, right?

morallyobjected
Nov 3, 2012

Napoleon Nelson posted:

You... You do know what thread you're in, right?

yes, the one for the same publication that gave us this in January of 2001

https://politics.theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-prosperi-1819565882

Napoleon Nelson
Nov 8, 2012



Fair enough.

Jingleheimer
Mar 30, 2006
Hello I Am Using An Computr For The Very Firs Time (by Queen Elizabeth II)

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/Reductress/status/1351228127347945472

Not on Twitter yet: Oh No! This Woman’s Catcallers Won’t Stop Talking About Game Theory

morallyobjected
Nov 3, 2012
I like that they used the same stock model for both a 15-year-old and a 28-year-old

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1351696004232474625

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1351931492784488452

John Lee
Mar 2, 2013

A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy

Jeanketeers rejoice!

https://www.theonion.com/welfare-check-1846085921

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug

Yesssss. I miss how like ten years ago you could click the author name and get all the commentary articles for them, I must have read all the recurring character ones like a half dozen times at work.

kvx687
Dec 29, 2009

Soiled Meat

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Yesssss. I miss how like ten years ago you could click the author name and get all the commentary articles for them, I must have read all the recurring character ones like a half dozen times at work.

Gorzo The Mighty was always one of my favorites even if he only had like six articles, it's just such a pitch-perfect parody of those old radio serials.

Jet Jaguar
Feb 12, 2006

Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.



The ones about the crack super-spy team were always good, too.

Also I support President Ace. Stray Doberman Accidentally Sworn In As President After Putting Paw On Inaugural Bible
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1351935459425968129

zgrowler2
Oct 29, 2011

HOW DOES THE IPHONE APP WORK?? I WILL SPAM ENDLESSLY EVERYWHERE AND DISREGARD ANY REPLIES

Jet Jaguar posted:

Also I support President Ace.

god I hope they run with this one

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1353712996451831811

The MSJ
May 17, 2010

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
Somteim It Fum Imaging I’m Just Relgular Person Driving Around Bicyle And Eating Bread Snadwich (By Queen Elizabeth II)

Softface
Feb 16, 2011

Some things can't be unseen
Heartbreaking: The Smiling Selfie Grandma Uploaded To Reddit Just Became The Most Downvoted Post In History

She will now forever be known online as “Susan Shits-Her-Pants”

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Jesus Christ

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1354912214457716741

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Eh! Frank
Mar 28, 2006

Doctor gave me these, I said what are these?
He said that they'll cure an existential type disease
Measles Epidemic 2015: A Timeline Of The Outbreak

The final line of this article from 2015 has aged beautifully.

August 12, 2020: 2015 outbreak starting to look really quaint

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