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no one likes these: Why did the necromancer avoid funerals? He always got an embarrassing case of mourning wood Why was Jimmy Carter the poorest president? Because he inherited peanuts I'll tell you the name of one turkey who'd never get pardoned: Joseph Gobbles |
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Feb 22, 2021 18:27
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all my posts
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Feb 22, 2021 18:43
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Filthy Hans posted:no one likes these: these are all worthy of a "heh" and a small smile imo
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Feb 22, 2021 18:53
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This works better spoken aloud, preferably at a wedding reception: A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar, puts his head in his hands and lets out a deep sigh. The bartender walks over and says, "gee, you look down in the dumps; can I get you a drink?" The man says, "yeah, thanks, I'm just having a difficult time with my wife. I don't even want to be at home right now, that's why I'm here." "Sorry to hear that," the bartender replies, pouring a drink. "We'll get through it, though. We'll work it out, it's just one of those arguments couples have. We still love each other; we're still married; we're just going through a rough time. Marriage is like that, you know, ups and downs, better and for worse, that sort of thing. You know how marriage is, don't you? You've been married, right?" The bartender replies, "Nope, can't say 'I do'." The joke is that the bartender can't say the words "I do" and therefore can't complete a marriage ceremony. |
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Feb 22, 2021 19:02
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every stanza that i penned every verse that i wrote every line that i rhymed bout a buckskin coat
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Feb 22, 2021 19:09
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Feb 22, 2021 19:38
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one time i wrote a premise where a middle schooler mistakenly thought "go homo" was cool slang for "going home" and said that he was gonna "go homo" every day after school and everyone else thought he was either confident and brave or extremely shock value edgy but he thought he was just staying current with slang, and nobne of the other middle schoolers felt comfortable enough to ask him what he meant |
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Feb 22, 2021 21:36
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Buttchocks posted:This works better spoken aloud, preferably at a wedding reception: This is actually pretty good. But for continuity, I'd switch the order of these two lines: "You know how marriage is, don't you? You've been married, right?" Anyways, this joke would fit nicely in the canon. I hope you're proud. |
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Feb 23, 2021 01:45
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lol
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Feb 23, 2021 09:29
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vanisher posted:all my posts
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Feb 23, 2021 09:32
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One I trialed on my "so called friends" in the UK: I would tell you my story of big-penis addiction. But it's too long. But rest assured it has a happy ending |
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Feb 23, 2021 13:38
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This elicited zero reaction from my Star Wars and electrical engineer friends (they're the same friends) so it either isn't funny or they are frauds (probably the first one). Scene: A gonk droid dejectedly gonks down the dusty streets of Mos Eisley, having been repeatedly turned away from various establishments, the owners pointing angrily to their "no droids" sign. The gonk droid suddenly perks up, seen a bar with a sign that says "lgbt friendly!" The droid enters, then utters a confused gonk when it appears there are only same-sex couples inside, no power droids at all. See, it misinterpreted the LGBT sign as -I-GBT... Insulated Gate Bipolar Transistor. Which, being a power droid, and IGBTs being key components in high voltage power supplies... Thanks you've been a lovely crowd I'm here all week don't forget to tip your waiters! 
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Feb 23, 2021 15:09
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Finger Prince posted:This elicited zero reaction from my Star Wars and electrical engineer friends (they're the same friends) so it either isn't funny or they are frauds (probably the first one). looks like your friends haven't stayed current with the Star Wars Extended Universe canon the joke has potential but I see why it was met with resistance watt's the matter with your dork friends and so on ---------------- |
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Feb 23, 2021 16:03
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i like to go "ba da ba ba baaa" and then say something very sad. it's a very clever parody of the mcdonalds jingle but none of my friends or family have ever laughed at any of the times i've gone "ba da ba ba baaa pandemic life!"
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Feb 23, 2021 17:03
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Heather Papps posted:i like to go "ba da ba ba baaa" and then say something very sad. it's a very clever parody of the mcdonalds jingle but none of my friends or family have ever laughed at any of the times i've gone "ba da ba ba baaa pandemic life!" Lol. I would be sorely tempted to break terrible news this way. |
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Feb 23, 2021 17:22
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My and a freind once came up with a whole sitcom concept where David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent are room mates. Running gags included: Jim being picked on by the others until he would sometimes turn into "Moulin Rouge Jim". David being just an incredible rear end in a top hat and kleptomaniac (routinely steals Alan's milk, so he is forced to eat his cornflakes dry) who cannot tell the truth. Alan just being terminally sad and monotone. I mean we thought it was pretty funny and could do all the voices. |
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Feb 23, 2021 17:30
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RickRogers posted:My and a freind once came up with a whole sitcom concept where David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent are room mates. The Odd Throuple |
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Feb 24, 2021 06:17
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google THIS posted:The Odd Throuple Well that's it, that's got to be the title now. No excuses. I will let everyone know when the pilot is done. |
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Feb 24, 2021 09:25
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google THIS posted:The Odd Throuple jack lemmon party
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Feb 24, 2021 10:50
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clothed spawn
slumpy |
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Feb 24, 2021 18:35
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