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AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
The mods have been getting HAMMERED with requests for a place to tell me what movie I should watch tonight, so here it is you animals.

The last movie I watched was Shazam! here is my detailed review:

it was pretty good

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AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
no wait! I watched Presumed Innocent, 1990 murder mystery starring Harrison Ford.

It was pretty boring. :smug:

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Tell us what kinda stuff you like or alternatively what stuff you hate so we have somewhere to start.

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012


this place is not a place of honor

no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here

nothing valued is here

what is here was dangerous and repulsive to us

this place is best shunned and left uninhabited


Amra Ekta Cinema Banabo (2019)

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.
Turkish Star Wars

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

Tell us what kinda stuff you like or alternatively what stuff you hate so we have somewhere to start.

I have already posted NUMEROUS reviews in this thread spanning years of cinema, genres, and styles. :colbert:

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
M

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS
Alien Sex Party

Good soup!
Nov 2, 2010

Kazaam

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

God's Not Dead starring Kevin Sorbo.

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Okay you're kinda unhelpful so I'm going to give you unhappy movies.

If you want to feel bad, watch Harsh Times. If you want to feel REALLY bad, watch The Seasoning House. Note that these are good movies, they're just not movies you're going to watch more than once.

If you want to feel like your in some kind of hosed up time vortex where each minute is endless agony, watch Asylum of Satan or Starcrash.

If you want to watch THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE, watch Gutterballs. Note: I absolutely do not recommend you or anyone watch Gutterballs, ever. It really, truly is just putrid, and I don't mean in a haha god this is sooo bad kind of way. Everyone involved in the production of this film should be ashamed of themselves.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

the matrix inshallah

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

OP is watching all of Shoah tonight l. Have a good time OP!!!

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

Okay you're kinda unhelpful so I'm going to give you unhappy movies.

If you want to feel bad, watch Harsh Times. If you want to feel REALLY bad, watch The Seasoning House. Note that these are good movies, they're just not movies you're going to watch more than once.

If you want to feel like your in some kind of hosed up time vortex where each minute is endless agony, watch Asylum of Satan or Starcrash.

If you want to watch THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE, watch Gutterballs. Note: I absolutely do not recommend you or anyone watch Gutterballs, ever. It really, truly is just putrid, and I don't mean in a haha god this is sooo bad kind of way. Everyone involved in the production of this film should be ashamed of themselves.

no i want to feel good im sorry mr. hairytaint.

i want something actiony or adventurey and absolutely no art films :hai:

Quotey
Aug 16, 2006

We went out for lunch and then we stopped for some bubble tea.
one cut of the dead

crew shooting a zombie film and they're attacked

BY REAL ZOMBIES

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


sounds like you need some big trouble in little china

seriously i think thats what you want

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Aardvark! posted:

no i want to feel good im sorry mr. hairytaint.

i want something actiony or adventurey and absolutely no art films :hai:

Shut up bitch!
You're watching The Seventh Curse.

The Seventh Curse is on Amazon Prime and is a Hong Kong movie starring Chow Yun Fat that combines Indiana Jones with baby murder, kung-fu skeletons, stuntmen getting hit full force by jeeps, brutal gore, and disgusting boils exploding on people's bodies!

a few DRUNK BONERS
Mar 25, 2016

a movie that transcends art, what an interesting idea

Have you ever seen Iron Man

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!
Ace ventura 2: nature's call.

He gets stabbed with spears

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

gently caress it I'm rewatchijg The Seventh Curse tonight that poo poo owns unbelievably bad.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

Quotey posted:

one cut of the dead

crew shooting a zombie film and they're attacked

BY REAL ZOMBIES

lookn like a real contender here. I've heard the name but never looked in to it before :thunkin:

oh dope
Nov 2, 2006

No guilt, it feeds in plain sight
The Birth of a Nation is a loving ROMP

Good soup!
Nov 2, 2010

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX6q4qp55Q0

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

In the Seventh Curse a lady goes into water in a sheer white dress and you can see her nipples underneath!!!

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

In the Seventh Curse a lady goes into water in a sheer white dress and you can see her nipples underneath!!!

All right we have a winner. I love a see boobie :q:

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012


this place is not a place of honor

no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here

nothing valued is here

what is here was dangerous and repulsive to us

this place is best shunned and left uninhabited


how bout u just watch ur rear end bucko

a few DRUNK BONERS
Mar 25, 2016

Aardvark! posted:

All right we have a winner. I love a see boobie :q:

You must change your life.

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49
How about the classic Mel Gibson flick Bird on a Wire? Lord of laughs for the whole family.

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Aardvark! posted:

no i want to feel good im sorry mr. hairytaint.

i want something actiony or adventurey and absolutely no art films :hai:

Watch The Mummy on HBO Max. I’m not going to make a joke out of this for you. I’m not your entertainment. The Mummy is.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

mysterious frankie posted:

Watch The Mummy on HBO Max. I’m not going to make a joke out of this for you. I’m not your entertainment. The Mummy is.

The new one? Or the old one?

Away all Goats
Jul 5, 2005

Goose's rebellion

Knives out was pretty good

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Aardvark! posted:

The new one? Or the old one?

Old one. They have the whole collection. I haven’t seen the other ones though, so I can’t recommend them.

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



After all the movie help you got from The 1000 Page Thread you just go and turn your back on us?

We thought we knew you Aardvark. :smith:

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


The Quick and the Dead

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

Tip posted:

After all the movie help you got from The 1000 Page Thread you just go and turn your back on us?

We thought we knew you Aardvark. :smith:

I had to spread my wings and fly. Free, like the mighty eagle

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World If you’re into old comedy capers with an all star cast. It’s a masterpiece.

TIP
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



Aardvark! posted:

I had to spread my wings and fly. Free, like the mighty eagle

Well if I understand this right that means if you come back you're mine forever.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Pelican Brief. :haibrower:

Robo Turnus
Jul 12, 2006

Nemo Me Impune Lacessit
fifth element. done. i want htose stones

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AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002

Tenet

its fun, time travel black james bond

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