quote:

"You're not me!" said Edge, but you could see in his eyes that as he stared at this tall muscular man with a goatee he was having trouble believing it himself. "You're not me!" he repeated, leaning towards the man as they made their way across the street.

"You're not me!"

By the time he got home Edge had it all figured out. He was Jewish. His name was Carl Mitchell. He was born in 1915 in England. He came to America in 1925 and graduated high school in 1941. By 1945 he was a world-famous fighter pilot and decorated war hero with more than 200 kills.

In the past few years he'd been living on 65th Street and Broadway, three blocks from Edge, where he had a gym and taught judo and

quote:

WWE wrestler Edge is looking more and more like a skeleton each year. Eventually he was entirely made of bones.

3. Socko

Socko was John Cena’s security blanket. If Cena was out, Socko was up. If Cena had trouble, Socko got him out of it.

4. Stinger Splash

Since when has anybody actually turned around and used their body to shoot their weapon? That move is for women and immortals.

5. Tombstone Piledriver

This Tombstone could have happened in the Great Depression and still not have been as sexy as the ones we have now.

6. Backbreaker

This is just sickening, and you can’t even get it on camera.

7.

reignofevil posted:

4. Stinger Splash

Since when has anybody actually turned around and used their body to shoot their weapon? That move is for women and immortals.

quote:

Charlotte Flair chopped Lacey Evans HARD. Ric got excited. Lacey Evans put Charlotte Flair in the figure four leglock and Ric Flair got REAL EXCITED. As these women tried to hold each-other to the ground it was the most excited Ric Flair had ever felt! His LIZZ-Z-BOY face told the whole world he wanted to BE RIGHT THERE IN THE WHOLE ACTION! Sadly, because this was a comedy segment we'll take his excitement with a grain of salt but his face made it easy to watch that segment in disbelief and even laugh.

THE BOBBY BULDY'S GUEST WAS CRAZY! AND BUBBA WAS THERE.

Bobby Eaton stood there in the studio like a small child and watched wrestling for the first time. He cried. He pointed at Ric Flair. He clapped at the people on the screen. He couldn't

quote:

in the way that Cody has spoken of Darby, the TNT title and how he passed it off and poo poo. Sting started selling and how he’s going to beat Taker one-on-one.

* Mick Foley and Mickie James brought out Trevor Murdoch for an in-ring promo on the Rockers. Murdoch started off with a heaping pile of dick talk, taking shots at Shawn Michaels and Rick Rude for the Okerlund bookings. Murdoch wanted to know who would clean their stinking shoes.

* Dusty came out with a crowbar and took a swing at Murdoch, only to end up taking an elbow to the jaw. Fox came out and Mickie hit Murdoch with a running

quote:

"I'M THE DEVIL NOW" Vince McMahon screamed as the phones rang off the hook and investors begged him to sell off more of his intellectual property to pay off the debt. Vince said no and his reign continued.

"SENERGY" How come Cena doesn't use his energy? His music could pump up the crowd better.

THE BODYGUARD JORDAN REED WAS IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE NO-SHOW. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?

YOU GUYS HAVE TO CHEER FOR YOUR OWN SINGERS?! "CHEER FOR YOUR OWN SINGERS?!" "JIMMY, WAIT, WHAT?!?" ~Jim Ross, on Twitter.

JAWBREAKER YAY FOR LEFT FINGER!

TODAY'S JAWBREAKER BABY

BEST MANLY REALITY STAR HITS CLOSE TO HOME

AUBREY CHASE BEGINS EARLY TALKS WITH KURT

quote:

Vince had written in his will that whatever killed him would inherit his majority stake in the company and Coronavirus ended up taking over the WWE empire after Vince died.

For a long time, the WWE went through some desperate times trying to keep the show up. There were lots of rumors about Vince taking over the company from Linda McMahon and cashing in his check after turning Vince McMahons into Vince The Prizes.

The end result of the feud with Vince was surprisingly positive for CM Punk and Paul Heyman as Punk won the belt and the two of them were able to work with the people who made them the stars they are today, which was great for them.

quote:

"Otis, I need you to get disqualified tonight. That's how we're gonna win!" said Chad Gable. "OH YEAHHHHH" said Otis before shaking the ropes and charging at the crowd. Gable is really happy now.

"That's right, Otis, I believe in you!" yelled Gable. "You need to beat Anderson at Battleground."

"That's right, it's time to bring the knee pads out, guys." said Matt Hardy. "Anderson is getting ready to throw down on Bobby Lashley. It's time for Anderson to get his knee pads, and I know I'll do the same. #BAITL"

"Oh my God, we can do this." said Hardy, coming down to the ring. "It's time to bring the knee pads out. Anderson will be

quote:

"The anticipated what?" Kevin Dunn asked nervously.
"Wouldn't you like to know," replied Vince smugly.
"....yes?" Dunn eventually replied timidly.

"She did all the pre-mating dance for this herd." Vince explained.

"Oh wow..." exclaimed Dunn.

"Yes, and now she is gathering up her females. This will take a few hours to complete."

"Oh...Oh! So now what do we do?" Dunn asked.

"We wait." Vince replied.

5 days later...

"She is here!" Vince yelled.

Dunn quickly exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"It's the way she is moving," Vince replied.

"Hmm," Dunn thought out loud.

"I can't

Jerusalem posted:

"The anticipated what?" Kevin Dunn asked nervously.
"Wouldn't you like to know," replied Vince smugly.
"....yes?" Dunn eventually replied timidly.

"She did all the pre-mating dance for this herd." Vince explained.

"Oh wow..." exclaimed Dunn.

"Yes, and now she is gathering up her females. This will take a few hours to complete."

"Oh...Oh! So now what do we do?" Dunn asked.

"We wait." Vince replied.

5 days later...

"She is here!" Vince yelled.

Dunn quickly exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"It's the way she is moving," Vince replied.

"Hmm," Dunn thought out loud.

"I can't

quote:

What a lot of people don't know about pro wrestlers is they have special secret names for moves they only tell eachother. WWE made them change all the secret names to really dumb secret names though and then they punish their roster for not knowing the "real" secret move names by putting them in embarrassing positions on TV when they don't do the moves right. They made Flair wear a goose suit and told him he had to eat poo poo off the floor. They made HHH go to the school to learn how to punch real people. They punished the Montreal Screwjob guys by making them wear a (fake) Harley Davidson jacket to have their shoot interview. They put Bret Hart in a big prosthetic body prosthetic that made him look like a cyborg. They made Shawn Michaels' cane shake while he tried to

quote:

"Ah hell" said Vince McMahon, "Bad Bunny's shirt is selling like hot cakes. Now I'm gonna have to make The Miz our world champion."

Triple H paused to try and follow the logic at work. "I think there's a problem here. You see I'm trying to be number one and get people over and make them seem cool. But now people are loving Bad Bunny and he's number one. That's gonna hurt the Superstars for sure."

McMahon was flabbergasted. "You think this is a good thing?"

"You know, this is new. People are finally embracing Latin music! It used to be considered uncool. Remember when all the country singers used to look the other way at Enrique Iglesias? But now it's the opposite, Miz, you

quote:

Lashley beats Miz
Hurt Business turns face
MVP relents and adds Billie Kay

OK I figured it out here. You need 3 points (Elimination Chamber, Elimination Chamber PPV, and Elimination Chamber Championship win) to earn the US title.

Anyway if you need more then 2 then go for the women. Obviously the men do not work at all.

***Edit***

Confirmed. Congratulations to Ambrose for winning the Elimination Chamber.

quote:

At Kingiest of the Ringiest Match 3 finals, Brock Lesnar was beaten by Daniel Bryan in 24 Seconds after hitting a Sister Abigail, which required 26 stitches to fix, and suffered from acute dehydration after drinking only one Gatorade bottle. Lesnar accused Bryan of selling out the U.S. when he pretended to take a crucifixion pose, and Bryan confronted him with his non-royalness, declaring himself the Royal Athlete.[23] WWE Chairman Vince McMahon wrote on his official Twitter, "We had an entertaining match, but Brock's vulnerable right now. Can't believe someone would be that stupid."[24]

reignofevil posted:

What a lot of people don't know about pro wrestlers is they have special secret names for moves they only tell eachother. WWE made them change all the secret names to really dumb secret names though and then they punish their roster for not knowing the "real" secret move names by putting them in embarrassing positions on TV when they don't do the moves right. They made Flair wear a goose suit and told him he had to eat poo poo off the floor. They made HHH go to the school to learn how to punch real people. They punished the Montreal Screwjob guys by making them wear a (fake) Harley Davidson jacket to have their shoot interview. They put Bret Hart in a big prosthetic body prosthetic that made him look like a cyborg. They made Shawn Michaels' cane shake while he tried to knock Bret Hart out. They made HHH get a job at a kitchen cabinet store, where he would periodically find poo poo and bring it in, such as knives, scalding pans, buckets of soapy water and toilet bowl scrubbers. They had Ric Flair come to the ring on a hoverboard. They had Eric Bischoff try to push Bret Hart out of the arena with a bear. Edge took some superhuman powers after a bunch of spears and tables and mounted the faces of the Hart Foundation onto a cannon. Oh, and John Cena was atop of the table that John "Bradshaw" Layfield shattered.

Match: Wrestle

quote:

Hacksaw Higgins debuted as a jobber losing to Sting. Sting also beat Dragon Master.

Texano beat FutureShock. Arn Anderson beat Chris Kanyon. Hacksaw Higgins lost to Mike Awesome. Sandman beat Texano.

January 8, 1997 Ted DiBiase Jr. beat Bull Buchanan. The Hurricane beat Roadkill. It was the only match of the year to not involve Ric Flair, Bret Hart, or Chris Jericho.

January 15, 1997 Willie Mack beat C-3PO. Rick Steiner beat Scott Peterson. Owen Hart beat The Hurricane. Bret Hart lost to Shawn Michaels. Lex Luger beat Grizzly Redwood.

Teddy Hart beat Lex Luger. Willie

quote:

Never before had the world witnessed such a disappointingly small explosion. But who in AEW was to blame? Was it Tony Khan? Kenny Omega? The Young Bucks? John Cena? Was the entire promotion blinded by greed and ambition? No, they are all professionals and men of their word.

Advertisement

My conspiracy theory is that the detonation was caused by Tony Khan—Jinder Mahal's dad—who used his influence as senior WWE producer to have his wrestler lose. See, the AWA (and to a lesser extent the WWF) used to have a rule that if your wrestler lost a match within 20 minutes, he would have to re-enter the ring to face his opponent.

The

reignofevil posted:

quote:

Tony Khan—Jinder Mahal's dad

Thank you all. You've been great. But we can't do better than this one sorry.

frankenfreak posted:

quote:

Thank you all. You've been great. But we can't do better than this one sorry.

Yep, we're done here - once someone unearths the tape of Mack vs. C3PO.

quote:

"Tonight on Dynamite, STING. SPEAKS."

"Hasn't Sting spoke, like, a lot?" asked the fans

"I hate sting!" said Tazz, still mad.

"It's true," was my reply.

"Then that's another one!" yelled Tazz.

"I'm buying tickets tonight!" shouted me.

"So are we!" said Greg.

"Now let's get some chicken and coffee."

We got to Greg's bar at 12:30

Greg was the bartender, and he said that he'd put a few shots of rum in it

He poured us a couple drinks

The first was like Coke, with lots of rum

The second was like Bailey's, with lots of rum

The third was like Jack Daniels, with lots of rum

Tazz and I couldn't taste the shots, but

quote:

Mean Gene: Hotline fans, we've talked about it all day long, and of course it's been the talk of the industry all week. The kidnapping of Shawn Michaels. You are asking the most pressing questions of the day.

Randy Savage: You're the greatest.

Mean Gene: It's still inconclusive whether it was Triple H that chased Shawn Michaels around with an anchor and body slammed him on the floor, or if Shawn Michaels stole the cruiserweight belt from Rey Mysterio. To me, if it was Shawn, and it was legitimate, how could the WWE simply say, "Oh, it was a bad edit, it was a bad cut." How is that possible?

Randy Savage: Of course, they'll say it was a bad cut. How are we gonna believe the National Enquirer?

quote:

Sting exclaimed, "All I have to say is, our partner is going to SHOCK the world, because he is none other than Green Lantern!

Yeah, 'member how when this great and beautiful man visited my partner at the station the other night, our minds played tricks on us and it was really Green Lantern?

Can you believe it? We have evidence to prove it!" Sting boasted. "We have his picture here. Did you see it?"

Green Lantern asked. He was known for his easygoing attitude, but it was difficult for him to hide his concern. Even the Commissioner chuckled to himself at the response of the interviewer.

quote:

Sting exclaimed, "All I have to say is, our partner is going to SHOCK the world, because he is none other than George Clooney!"

When Clooney heard this, he went absolutely berserk. He screamed "Stuff It, Trevor!"

"What are you going to do, Trevor?"

"I have an idea. I'm going to rip off the hat, and you can have the body, buddy!"

Stupid old Trevor always following what the Old Man said. It's how he lost his mind. Every morning he would start out by following the Old Man's orders. But as the day went on, he got weaker and weaker. What was the Old Man going to do?

quote:

Sting exclaimed, "All I have to say is, our partner is going to SHOCK the world, because he is none other than no-name who is reportedly being asked to be President of the United States!!!"

In the middle of a strong pitch, the Muppets looked out the window at the bus stop and saw Kermit standing in the rain.

Kermit said, "Jim, looks like you did make it through."

Sting replied, "Thank you, Kermit. I'm glad to see you. Do you know what it's like to go all day without eating?"

The bus stopped again and the Muppets found themselves in a full-blown marching band playing a local soccer stadium.

quote:

I will not allow anybody else to try and bring me down

Trying to make a point let em know I'm the greatest around

C. I'm the hood's enforcer

D. I'm the supreme my reign is untouchable

It's your turn again bitch be ready to take you on now

We can be a little animal and one paw my thang

I ain't bout to lose no fight not cause you threatening me

There ain't no task too difficult cause I got the will

What the gently caress you gonna do if I'm about to finish you in the ring?

Say I'm too chicken poo poo to let you past the 1st round?

You can't hit what you can't catch bitch I'm the heat-seeking missile

Don't let

MJF, introducing the members of The Pinnacle posted:

The War Dog, Wardlow! 278 pounds of sheer force and dominance, the best big man in professional wrestling today, Mister Mayhem himself!

Rowdy, the Destroyer of Worlds!

The Cheeseburger!

The Original Mighty Mac!

The Baron Von Bam-Bam!

- The opening shots being fired in battle, charging the ring in hot pursuit!

Wildrider!

Papa Funk in Handcuffs!

The Devil!

The Blue Demon, Jr!

The Golden Cyclone!

Papa Shango!

Big Bad Bob Lawler!

Chains!

Twelve O'Clock High!

The Headshrinkers!

Cajun Kangaroo and Road Warrior Hawk!

And more!

The great moment in Lucha Underground history, the first ever El Rey elimination match, the

a cyborg mug posted:

sticklefifer posted:

Some alternate history takes on the Shockmaster's debut:

Chris Jericho posted:

Out first, from Xochimilco, Mexico, You'll notice that this man's hat, NEVER comes off. He is the master of trick-track, the master of da funk, he is, SUPER CALO! Xochi lives in the town of Santa Cruz, but just by his stateliness in the street, it's obvious he's made his entire home the Las Vegas Roller Skating track. And his name? The bigger the size of the letters, the bigger his mouth is. Jer: Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo! Jerichobayo!

quote:

Chris Jericho: I'm going to do all the Jerichoholics a great favor...I'm going to announce the participants of the Cruiserweight Battle Royale. What do you say, gentlemen?

Y2J announces Akira Tozawa, Austin Aries, TJP, Mustafa Ali, and Rich Swann to be competing in the first ever tournament for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship-

quote:

WCW Slamboree '98 Crusierweight Battle Royale Participants

Chris Jericho: Out first, from Xochimilco, Mexico, You'll notice that this man's hat, NEVER comes off. He is the master of trick-track, the master of da funk, he is, SUPER CALO!

Coming out next, from El Paso, Texas, and a man who was born in a train station, The Public Enemy's Bill Alfonso.

From the Redneck Riviera, TX, going under the name 'Brother Love,' Brother Love is a 60-year-old swarthy man with 3 different people in his given name. He is up next!

Next to make his entrance, from Mexico City, Mexico, The Reva Connors, an exotic woman, the beauty queen of the Baja Peninsula, in a bodysuit that sends all your male fantasies into orbit, as a man looks on, unable to tear himself away.

She is followed by Yokozuna, one of the best wrestlers to ever walk this earth. For those who are still unfamiliar, he is a full on sumo wrestler. He's coming into the house to prove a point: that's he's tough, mean, and good at wrestling.

Next out is one of my favorites, from Birmingham, Alabama, Carl. I suppose you could call him. A 5'7", 205lb wild man. When he's in the ring, he puts on a

quote:

Alexa Bliss was THE FIEND. Randy Orton was THE FIEND. THE FIEND was THE FIEND. Finn Bálor was THE FIEND. Sheamus was THE FIEND. Rusev was THE FIEND. Kevin Owens was THE FIEND. Sheamus was THE FIEND. Finn Bálor was THE FIEND. Asuka was THE FIEND. Sheamus was THE FIEND. Luke Harper was THE FIEND. Charlotte was THE FIEND. Sasha Banks was THE FIEND. Braun Strowman was THE FIEND. Bray Wyatt was THE FIEND. Dean Ambrose was THE FIEND. Samoa Joe was THE FIEND. Alexa Bliss was THE FIEND. Sheamus was THE FIEND. Randy Orton was THE FIEND. Roman Reigns was THE FIEND. Sasha Banks was

quote:

THE LORE OF THE FIEND

BOOK ONE OF ????

Billions of years ago, the universe was created. From the Big Bang came the Universe and what is now known as the "Fiendverse". The Fiendverse began with the birth of the Fiend and the birth of the Universe.

The Fiend was born in the chaos of the Big Bang. Raised in the desert, by nomads, under the direction of the Fiend's mother, the Fiend knew very little of the world around him. As the Fiend grew older, he began to resent his mother's role and became cruel and merciless. As time went on and the Fiend became more powerful, his mother became more evil and cruel. The Fiend and the two sisters his mother sired were

quote:

the Fiend became more powerful, his mother became more evil and cruel. The Fiend and the two sisters his mother sired were so monstrous in nature that the words of Men were considered meaningless. Now, Men were slaves to the Fiend in the Hollow Hills. He sent them out, but ordered them to bring back fire from the stars. The priests of the Sun, led by the Greek priest Antenor, learned of the coming of the Fiend and the use of fire by the gods. Antenor argued that the worship of the dead and of the "Day" by which the gods restored the sun by night were not against the rules. The gods were needed to fight the Fiend.