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QuarkJets posted:The main bad guy from Saw is an old Jim Halpert searching for the perfect prank to play on Dwight Dwight: Jim, I can't possibly free myself this chain is at least an inch think. (looks around) And you should fire your housekeeper. You know, I have just the replacement for you. My great-schmeshermensch, Gertrude. Why, she could have this place clean enough for slaughter by-- Jim: Dwight, you're supposed to escape. I have a timer going here, buddy. (pause) Gotta find a way out. Dwight: Well, since you're such an idiot you'd probably put the key somewhere obvious like this disgusting toilet. Did you really think that would stop me? Jim: Nope. Pretty sure you're just gonna reach on in-- Dwight: (hand in the toilet) Oh, and what have we here? Jim: --and there we go. Dwight: The key? (pause) Jim, what are these are hacksaws for...(looks at the chain) Jim: Better get sawing, Dwight. Dwight: (shaking his head and smirking) You know, Jim, I really expected more from you seeing as--(the hacksaw snaps). [Dwight holds up the broken hacksaw, looks at the chain, looks at his foot, looks at the hacksaw again with horror] Dwight: Jim, this is unacceptable. Michael! MICHAELLLL!!  [Jim mugs the camera] Pahilla the Hun fucked around with this message at 21:11 on Mar 31, 2020 |
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Mar 31, 2020 20:02
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 16:31 |
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Jim solves the mystery of Jack the Ripper, revealing it to be a relative of Dwight's. He also reveals that 98% of serial killers in throughout history are at least distantly related to Dwight. This leads to speculation of the "Dwight Gene", a genetic marker that would identify future sociopathic behavior in children when they're born. Dwight is enraged and attacks Jim, believing it to all be an elaborate prank. Jim simply says "There's the proof, he can't help it, the Dwight Gene is telling him to kill." As Dwight is hauled away, the camera shows where Jim has hastily scratched out "JIM HALPERT GENE" and replaced it with "DWIGHT SCHRUTE GENE". He mugs for the camera as a fly lands on his face and crawls around. Jim doesn't react at all.
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Mar 31, 2020 20:18
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Dwight discovers a bat in the ceiling that flies around the office, scaring all the employees. Jim pretends to be bitten by the bat and displays vampire-like symptoms.
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Apr 1, 2020 03:29
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A Strange Aeon posted:Dwight discovers a bat in the ceiling that flies around the office, scaring all the employees. Jim pretends to be bitten by the bat and displays vampire-like symptoms. Metacommentary: I love this post
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Apr 1, 2020 08:26
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Jim "accidentally" emails Dwight a link to a private video of himself in bed with Michael, giving him orgasm after explosive orgasm.
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Apr 1, 2020 09:29
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:Jim "accidentally" emails Dwight a link to a private video of himself in bed with Michael, giving him orgasm after explosive orgasm. I'm not sure who's having the orgasms here but all readings of it work.
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Apr 1, 2020 12:49
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Jim gets Dwight's sister pregnant
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Mar 19, 2021 18:03
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Jim gives dwight a broken pogo stick. Taking the first jump, a metallic shock is sent through dwight's bones, mildly hurting him and knocking him over.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:15
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Jim convinces Dwight that Snyder's original vision for Justice League was ruined by the studio and encouraged Dwight to petition for the Snyder Cut's release. When it finally succeeds Jim and Dwight sit down to watch it together. The camera lingers on their faces for over four hours as Dwight's facial expressions run through the stages of grief while Jim looks more and more smug at his "friend's" increasing dissapointment. Also Jim rips a nasty popcorn-fart.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:21
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jim surgically implants a whoopee cushion into dwight's butt. dwight thinks his constant farting is due to his successfully breeding 'the omega beet'. the shocking, gory ending reveals both are correct
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Mar 19, 2021 18:21
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Jim dies and leaves everything to Dwight. Pam, scorned, hires a hitman to kill him.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:35
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E: eh I can do better
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Mar 19, 2021 18:52
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Dwight finally tracks Angela down and finds her praying at the center of the Temple of the Ancients. He approaches her to ask why she ran away from him and the others when suddenly Jim falls from up above and impales her on his masamune.
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Mar 19, 2021 18:55
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Jim buys DNA tests for the whole office for "fun", and it turns out that Dwight, Jim, and Michael are all distantly related. Michael loves the idea that he has "two brothers" and proposes a guy's night out. Jim eagerly agrees, which Dwight finds out of character. Nevertheless, Dwight considers this a great opportunity to bond with Michael and appreciates family, so he agrees. Jim proposes that they meet up at the park for a picnic, and Michael rushes home to "make some potato salad". A few hours later, Dwight arrives at the picnic and sees Jim but not Michael. Jim has a stroller with him, and beckons Dwight over. "Jim, is that your baby? I thought your children were older." "It's a baby, Dwight. Do you want to know his name?" Dwight looks closer. The baby does look familiar. "He's named Michael, but I think you already knew that. Say hi, Michael, you remember Dwight, right?" Dwight takes another look and realizes this isn't a baby, not a baby at all. It's just shaped like a baby, but the skin is aged and wrinkled, the eyes have a terrifying clarity behind them, and the mouth is full of teeth. "Say hi to your brother, Dwight! Don't worry, I have two more strollers for us, too." Dwight begins to scream and the baby-thing follows suit while Jim smiles smugly at the camera.
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Mar 19, 2021 19:16
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Jim claims to have a jawbreaker for Dwight, but instead drops into his hand a red hot ball of nickel
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Mar 19, 2021 19:39
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Dwight is excited to be at his first Blizzcon and is dressed in his full Kerrigan cosplay. He's entering the main room where there's a rumor that the next Diablo game is going to be announced. To Dwight's surprise, Jim takes the stage. Jim announces that the next Diablo game will be for mobile phones, and will be a reskin of a game that a Chinese shovelware company had already made
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Mar 19, 2021 21:32
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During a routine surgical procedure, Jim infiltrates the hospital and implants taste buds in Dwight's rear end in a top hat. Now Dwight always tastes poop and doesn't know why.
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Mar 19, 2021 21:38
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Jim convinces Dwight to go to the Stop the Steal rally on January 6th, is shocked to see footage of Dwight leading the charge on the capitol
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Mar 19, 2021 21:45
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Jim replaces the screen protector on Dwight's iPhone with an identically proportioned piece of clear scotch tape
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Mar 20, 2021 02:46
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"CUT" yells the assistant director. Raain Wilson turns to John Krasinski, tears welling up in his eyes. "Please John. Stop. Please." *John turns in no direction in particular* *Jim face*
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Mar 20, 2021 03:56
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Jim and Pam are having another baby, and they take photographs with a pregnant pam holding her gunn and ammo collection. Anyway, years later they die in a common household accident and leave custody of the 3 kids to dwight and angela, struggling beet farmers with a bad barncat infestation. The crops begin to turn. mose is sick. Dwight looks up at the sky and asks, why. He could have sworn that cloud smirked at him.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:15
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Mozi posted:Jim suddenly leaves his job and drops out of contact with all his friends. Mystified, Dwight embarks on a season-long manhunt to track down his 'frenemy'. The case is solved when Jim's body is discovered wedged in the ductwork in the ceiling of Dunder Mifflin, where it appears he became stuck while attempting to install a small noisemaker above Dwight's desk.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:30
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Dwight hosed the poo poo out of me. Jim hosed the poo poo out of me. When they ran into each other. They claimed one had fucker me harder than the other. They are both dead now.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:39
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Jim tampers with the controls of an amusement park roller coaster that Dwight is on.
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Mar 20, 2021 04:49
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Jim lays egg in dwights chest
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Mar 20, 2021 04:50
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mysterious frankie posted:Jim lays egg in dwights chest Jim makes dwight eat a rotten egg!
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Mar 20, 2021 04:54
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Jim collects the infinity stones and explodes the beet farm with them
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Mar 20, 2021 04:58
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Either Jim has sex with dwight or kills him i dunno let's say both
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Mar 20, 2021 05:28
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Dwight starts his car to drive to work, but Jim has downloaded his consciousness into the car and tells Dwight that he's the car from Knight Rider. Dwight is so delighted that he doesn't even realize what's happening when Car Jim drives them over a steep cliff
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Mar 20, 2021 05:59
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Jim tricks Dwight into dipping his balls into soy sauce, which dishonors Dwight in front of his sensei.
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Mar 20, 2021 15:22
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Jim gives Dwight the entire collection of anime except it’s whichever translation Dwight doesn’t like
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Mar 20, 2021 15:26
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When Dwight says that he has been taking lessons in lightsaber combat focusing on Form II Makashi the camera cuts to Jim in the interview room who reveals he has already mastered Form V Djem So, who's defensive capabilities easily counter the offensive style of Form II.
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Mar 20, 2021 15:37
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Jim downloads Dwight's consciousness into Minecraft. At first, Dwight is delighted. "Finally a world made entirely of cubes, just as God intended." But Jim reveals he's also downloaded his own consciousness into Minecraft. Dwight scoffs. "You probably think you're going to grief me, but I think you'll find it is I who will grief you!" The paranoid Dwight proceeds to build an impenetrable, grief-proof fortress filled with booby traps and redstone devices. He's prepared for a long siege. All the while, Jim stands around, whistling. Dwight taunts Jim's laziness and general lack of survival skills. "You'll be zombie food in under a week." Jim reveals to the viewer that he has moderator powers over the server. Once Dwight's fortress is complete, Jim noclips straight through Dwight's defenses and fills Dwight's throne room with TNT. "Jim, no!" Dwight screams just before the game freezes from trying to process too many explosions at once. Cut to the smirk on Minecraft Jim's face, frozen there for all eternity.
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Mar 20, 2021 16:00
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Jim grabs Dwight with one hand while holding onto his power pole with the other. He extends the pole until he reaches the moon, where he leaves Dwight.
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Mar 21, 2021 00:11
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim buys DNA tests for the whole office for "fun", and it turns out that Dwight, Jim, and Michael are all distantly related. *cut to talking head of Creed* “He paid me $20... and I got to keep the diaper.”
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Mar 21, 2021 00:50
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Jim puts a big firecracker under Dwight’s chair.
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Mar 21, 2021 01:42
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Jim drops a pregnant spider down Dwight’s throat while Dwight is sleeping. The next day, Dwight is humiliated by a flood of baby spiders pouring out of his nostrils at an embarrassing moment.
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Mar 21, 2021 01:54
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*right before the heat death of the universe* Dwight: so how do we reverse entropy? Jim: insufficient data for meaningful answer *mugs for the camera*
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Mar 21, 2021 02:59
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Jim baits Dwight into pranking him back in the office, and ends up documenting the whole thing and sending it to corporate HR. Dwight is summarily fired.
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Mar 21, 2021 03:10
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 16:31 |
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Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight. Jim, Dwight Jim Dwight, Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim. Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight Jim Dwight, Jim Dwight Jim Dwight. Jim Dwight Jim Dwight.
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Mar 21, 2021 03:18
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