A Bakers Cousin posted:

Small personal vent here:

Me: Well mom, you told me via text at christmas that you had to.process what I said and you would contact me when you were ready to talk, but never initiated a conversation with me about it and the next time we spoke was you sending me a text saying you were visiting my aunt for Thanksgiving and I should come.


Mom: well you could have called and checked on me, you knew I was upset

Me: so I should have ignored your request to leave you alone

Mom: yes, I've been calling you after you told.me not too




Ok it got bad after that but ugh

quote:

I (26F) have not talked to my brother (31 M) and sister (33F) for 4 years because they left me to take care of our mother when I was 18, they now want to get back into contact
Non-Romantic

This is a long one but I appreciate anyone that can read it and give advice. Also it’s a throwaway because some of my family uses Reddit. Shortly after I graduated from high school my mother’s mental health started to decline. She became more paranoid and aggressive toward me and my brother who lived with her as well. Two months later my brother couldn’t handle it anymore and moved 12 hours away back to my dads. I was taking a gap year before I started uni so I stayed home to save some money. My mums mental health began to worsen, she quit her job, became paranoid and forgetful, crashed her car. I realized something was really wrong when she started to take old packets of food to the grocery store so she could remember what she needed. I drove her to multiple doctors before she finally got a brain scan and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 55. I discussed what to do with my sister, brother, grandparents, and aunt about it. They didn’t outright say I had to take care of her but it was heavily implied that they expected me to take care of her because I was still living with her.

This is where the worst 4 years of my life began. I couldn’t find any other job in the small country town besides the one at McDonalds because it allowed me to work nights and take care of mum during the day. Mum quickly got worse, she soon couldn’t use the toilet, was shouting at me all the time and crying and would constantly knock on my door while I was trying to sleep so I was exhausted all the time. My aunt and grandparents lived in the same town as me and offered help but my brother and sister would often find excuses not to visit. They would say stuff like they didn’t want to see mum this way, ignoring the fact that I don’t want to either. My sister did help with her finances but I did not receive a carers pension until two years later because of her assets so I was taking care of her off her small disability pension and my wage from my part-time job. The worse night was when she was constipated for three days and had bad stomach pains. I took her to the hospital where they gave her something to help. When we got home she defecated all over her bed and pants. I remember crying as I cleaned her up and the bed. I would go to work and wonder if she would be alive when I came home. My mental health got worse, I started cutting myself and would constantly cry to my sister about how horrible it is to see her like this. She visited a total of three times during the four years. I remember when mum was still somewhat comprehensive how her face would light up when my sister walked in the house and how invisible I felt. There is a lot more but I don’t want to make this a novel.

In the last year before she died, she was admitted into a care home because I couldn’t take care of her anymore. I still stayed in the town to visit every day because the home she was in was not the best so I had to check up on her. I started university externally and my brother finally visited her. When she died he helped organize her funeral. At the wake, my brother and sister both came up to me and thanked me for taking care of her and I went ballistic on them. I said a lot of horrible stuff to them, about how earlier on how mum would ask where they were, how they abandoned her etc. There was a big yelling match between me and them and lots of crying as well. I regret doing it in front of our friends and family but I don’t regret telling them the truth about how selfish they had been.

6 months later, after the estate was finalized, and the house was sold I stopped talking to them. I finished uni and started a new job. I still have them on my social media but I ignore any messages they send. My sister posts memes to get my attention sometimes but I ignore them. I still have a lot of anger towards them. Recently my sister got engaged and is trying to contact me to get me to come to the wedding. They both have sent long messages apologizing and how they want to be a family again. I want those things too but I feel sick about the four years I spent struggling and they ignored me. Should I get back into contact with them?

Eshettar posted:

Dienes posted:

So they waited to get married until after mom died, and are only asking OP to attend for the attention/gifts, right? Because that's how it reads to me.

quote:

My sister (30) asked me to never contact her again after i reached out to help her. What to do?

Hi there, i'm not really sure where to post this, hell as i'm writing this i don't even know how to post I've only ever replied to a few comments here and there. I might cross post this if i figure out how as the issue might span over a few subs "realms." This is a long post as it is as much a diary entry for me as it is a post for the world to read. I will try to stick to only facts as I'm involved in the story and i don't want to paint a picture the way I see it nor coerce the reader to my side. Thanks for reading.

Today I lost my sister. Not physically but i know i wont see her again for a very long time, if ever.

The background:

I (male, 26) was never very close to her that i can remember, kids will play together sure but our family was loose as it was and my sister and I clashed personalities to boot. I don't remember a single time saying I love you to her, even in a text or to reassure her anything like that literally never. I've never said i love you to my dad either and maybe to my mum once or twice and i'm counting trust me. We were not the lovey-dovey family at all it was handshakes on your birthday, no hugs when greeting/departing, no i love you or abbreviations like "ily" either verbally or txt form. This should help you understand the demeanor of the household.

I don't have any memories of her at all past the age of maybe 10? or even earlier and any memories before that aren't firm, more like pictures in my mind than events, screenshots of my life with her in it. Now this would be normal if we lived apart say with different parents but no we lived together until i was 15 or 16, she is 3 years my senior almost to the day. We were heading down very different paths. I was becoming a teenage boy and puberty was here along with all its buddies; hormones, anger, rebellion, the usual suspects. She was going to a local high school at the time but she was studying hard for a scholarship to finish her education in a private school for her senior years. Meanwhile I was smoking weed, listening to very loud music and rebelling as hard as i could against authority with as much teenage angst as i could muster despite my perfect middle class upbringing with every opportunity available to me.

A typical school night would be her studying in her room (next to mine) while i blasted metal and played WoW religiously usually stoned from skipping the last periods to smoke up. My dad would get home around 7pm and then berate me for this or that, don't get me wrong i deserved it the man was well within his rights but all the shouting and the anger must have been crystal clear through the thin walls into her room. More than a few times it boiled over into chaos, I put my chair through our dividing dry wall in anger, i punched through the dividing wall a few times out of rage, I punched my dad a few times too but he only hit me back once or twice and i deserved it. Now obviously this kind of behavior is not what you desire in a house hold i know, however its not too uncommon right? Straight A older sister getting all the praise so the younger sibling acts out for attention yadda yadda we all know the trope right? Now my sister does get that scholarship to a private school as she truly is gifted in academics and a hard worker too. I dropped out not long after to work in a kitchen. I wanted to be a chef like a saw on T.V. when i was a child. I moved out of my parents house soon after with the money i made from cheffing and that was the last time i ever lived with her i was maybe 15/16 and she was about to finish high school so 17/18.

You needed to know that because not much happens at all for another 10 years. I don't talk to her, i don't text her, I don't do anything to communicate and neither does she. Our parents knew we didn't get along so they never forced us to get together and "work it out" or anything like that, they knew better. I saw her once a year on Christmas day for a few hours and we didn't talk. When i say we didn't talk i mean it, no hello's, no goodbyes, no chit chat perhaps a nod of acknowledgement but generally we were ships passing in the night. We even spent our parents birthdays and mothers/fathers days separately. I would ask mum whether she was busy on her birthday and she would either say "yes your sister is taking me out why don't u take me out next weekend" or vice versa and i would have her on the day etc. My sister and i never sorted this out between us mum would be our mediator in choosing the dates. This was the same for both parents birthday's and fathers and mothers day, always separate kind of like a reversed divorced parents situation which is funny to think about, the children separated like a bad marriage.

Present Day:

Now this arrangement was working well, I stayed out of her way and she out of mine. During this decade i grew out of my teenage stupidity and picked up my act in all aspects of life. I stopped smoking weed at all, i cant stand the stuff now. I eventually got a job in construction which taught me how to work very hard physically and even mentally too. Ive kept that job for 5 years now and have a nice position with respect and even some nice perks too.

I bring my father dinner every weekend which is a big deal for us as we almost got to the point of no return in our angry and sometimes violent relationship however now we have a mutual respect for one another. I can see his side now, he was scared of my direction and wanted me to straighten up and fly right even if his practices of parenting weren't the best he was trying his best drat-it. He now see's that i just wanted to be able to go my own way and figure out life for myself not follow some path that he had made up for me the ol' study hard to get into a good university get a degree then a masters and then when your 40 work for a salary in a cubicle etc. We understand each other and have moved on.

My mother i see once a month or so as she lives farther away, although they have separated they are now good friends as a result, in fact better friends than i ever saw them when they were married. My mother always loved me very much, sometimes too much which isn't always good for young males if you smother them they will push you further away but there wasn't much to repair here relationship wise. She loves me unconditionally and I her.

So to summarize its been 10 years since we lived together, Ive got my act together and have had virtually no contact with her during this time how ever sometimes my parents would relay information such as when she has moved house (not where though) or if something was wrong medically, you know just the bigger stuff and they probably did the same to her about me.

The Event:

Now one day my mum calls me up and shes crying which is weird because we don't really "do" feelings as i've explained already. She starts saying that she should have told me earlier and how shes sorry etc. i tell her its fine, what ever it is just tell me now and lets go from there. Apparently my sister has been in hospital for mental health and has just been released as long as my mother lives with her for a while. Apparently this isn't the first time shes been in hospital either, more like the second or third time. Now i never asked if this was a private hospital like a rehab thing or a public hospital like a suicide attempt thing, at the time i just wanted to console my mother those details didn't seem to important. This wasn't all together a huge shock as i myself have been depressed for about 10-11 years but i can generally beat it day to day by working hard during the day and staying busy on the weekends, you know the usual stuff to get your mind and body healthy. I had also found a pill bottle back in her room all those years ago which i googled the name of and it was an anti-depressant (i was looking to get high so i was disappointed and didn't think of it again.)

Now after a short talk about how its not mum's fault and this is just a chemical imbalance in her brain etc i got mum to stop crying and asked her not to lie to me any more and just that the truth is always the best way even if its the hardest way. I didn't want her to have to hide secrets it was clearly taking a toll on her. At the end of the conversation she asks me to message my sister and let her know that i care about her. I said i would but i never EVER was going to do it, i just knew its what mum needed to hear.

Now i explain this phone call to my roommate who's opinion i value and he knows a little about my sister and I's estranged relationship. He basically says I need to pull my finger out, man up and txt her that i'm there if she needs me. So my mother and my best friend both think i should txt her, i was still thinking it was a bad idea but i decided "hey i ruined this relationship so i shouldn't really trust my instincts on this one" so i composed a message. Now i deleted my msg history with her for reasons you'll find out soon so this is from memory and it was also over a week ago but this was the jist of the msg. "Hey (sister) mum's just told me that youve been having a rough time lately and im sad to hear that. I know we're not very close and that's my fault but whether i'm your best friend or your worst enemy i'm still your brother and i'll always be there for you when you need me. I'm your family, you can count on me. You don't need to reply you just need to know that im here for you and always will be." Now this was sincere and i thought i wrote it quite well. Not too invasive, its heavy but also light at the the same time. I told her she doesn't have to reply because i know when your feeling sad/depressed you don't need the pressure of trying to build up a relationship, you just wanna be alone with your sadness and anything else is just a burden on your already "horrible" life. I know all these feelings all too well.

I waited, and i waited then i went to bed. A few days went past and i thought "great shes got the message and hopefully shes feeling a little better knowing that someone cares for her." I was feeling pretty chuffed to be honest. Then 1 week later almost exactly i was down at the pub with my mates (i don't drink btw) on a sunday arvo playing some pool (one of my hobbies) laughing and having a great time. I was honestly happy which is rare for me. As i said i battle depression and usually win but i'm still not able to truly be happy and excited like a normal person I simply don't peak that high in emotion. Then i get a message. Oh great its from (sister)! I thought. I read the message and its as follows: "You have no right to know my personal information. Never contact me again." I was gutted. It was as if someone had kicked me in the stomach and bloody hard. The guys saw my face drop and asked if everything was alright as i was all smiles just 2 seconds ago. I fake laughed it off "Yeh just another bloody bill from (mobile phone carrier) will they ever stop!?" the boys laughed and i faked a smile till i left.

I haven't told my parents this yet, i haven't told anyone. I don't really know what to do. I tried didn't I? If she kills herself or something in the future i tried my best right? There's nothing more i can do right? Is it my fault for not trying to repair this earlier? Truth be told after the initial shock of that hard core rejection im actually relieved. I get to exit the whole situation with my head held high. I truly believe i tried the best i knew how to reach out and help her and if she doesn't want me to ever contact her again well i'm happy not to. I see her as toxic now is that wrong? I honestly feel good knowing that i don't have to deal with any of this poo poo anymore, I feel as if a long chapter of my life is finally closed and im absolved of my responsibilities as a brother because i truly tried to help and she didn't want it so i'm free right?

This is where i need your help. I cant trust my own judgement i'm too emotionally involved now in this mess. I need an outsider view, an opinion from a stranger with no stake is this. Can i walk away from this with my head held high and say whatever happens I tried my best? Is that good enough as a brother? Do i need to double down my efforts or give up and walk away? Can i shut this person out if they constantly cause me stress and anxiety at the mere mention of their name or heavens forbid their real world presence. I need to know if i can cut this person out of my life and not regret the consequences.

Thank you so much for reading.

Eshettar posted:

Eshettar posted:

My sister (30) asked me to never contact her again after i reached out to help her. What to do?

simplefish posted:

Poor sod, his message was perfect, "here if you need, it's my fault" no demand to reach out.

Hopefully he realises it's part of he needing space and lets it lie til she's ready, being ready to walk away until it's on her terms.

Hopefully he doesn't involve parents further. He's questioning himself, knows what it's like to struggle.

It says a lot that he's worried about her, despite using phrases like "head held high" and "toxic" but having lost someone to suicide that's natural concern.

Facebook Aunt posted:

You may be leaning into his POV and taking him at face value a little much. She was an insignificant minor character in his life story, but I bet he is a major character in hers.

He thinks her life was fine because they were expected to get good grades and she did. Every day he's blasting his "rage," his lovely music, his videogames and screaming fights with the parents through their shared wall. Oh, and sometimes fists or a dang chair. Through her wall. While she is trying to study because while he gets away with murder she can't bring home a C.

She probably believes he made her childhood a living hell, meanwhile he barely remembers her.

"Hey (sister) mum's just told me that youve been having a rough time lately and im sad to hear that. I know we're not very close and that's my fault but whether i'm your best friend or your worst enemy i'm still your brother and i'll always be there for you when you need me. I'm your family, you can count on me. You don't need to reply you just need to know that im here for you and always will be."

That's not an apology, that's not even an acknowledgement. "We're not very close and that's my fault" is not going to soothe the years of bitterness. "You can count on me"? Hell, naw. She's never been able to rely on him for anything. She's furious with him and has been blatantly icing him out at every family event, and he's too self-absorbed to even notice.


Of course that's not all his fault. His childhood emotional needs were not met. His cries for help were answered with screaming. He was never taught the emotional tools or empathy to notice if she was crying herself to sleep every night. But if at 26 he's still unable to view those events from another perspective and holds his head high for sending a single conciliatory text message, well, he probably shouldn't raise children himself.

Facebook Aunt posted:

You may be leaning into his POV and taking him at face value a little much. She was an insignificant minor character in his life story, but I bet he is a major character in hers.

simplefish posted:

There's a lot of reading in there.

Does he expect praise? I didn't read it that way, nor would I give him it for simply growing as a person.

Does he think one text fixes everything? Again I didn't read it that way and I hope not. It's a door to be opened if/when she's ready.

Also 100% understandable and in her rights to reply "gently caress off, gently caress you". Really want to be clear on that, he doesn't "deserve" more, but sounded like he didn't think so.

I would have loved a text that said "it's my fault" and not 100s of texts/calls bombarding putting pressure to reconnect, just speaking from my own situation.

I do regard "it's my fault" as an apology. Obviously more in depth conversations have to follow to make anything of that, but that's her call not his and leaving it at a single text is the right move.

And having dealt with a person who had addiction issues and succumbed to suicide, I needed to be told "you didn't actively cause this" even if the other part was "you didn't actively help".

Can't change the past, all you can do is be ready for a better future.
And not making things worse in the present. Like by hounding her saying it's time to make things right etc, which he doean't.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Really shouldn't be surprising the guy's got no idea how to communicate or empathise with other people, because he clearly wasn't taught or shown how at home.

Just me or is that a common theme? Girls get more attention and intense social education, at least relatively, while boys are basically raised like neglected pets complete with the parents gormlessly wondering why they've gone feral and having no solution but to tell them to try harder.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Really shouldn't be surprising the guy's got no idea how to communicate or empathise with other people, because he clearly wasn't taught or shown how at home.

Just me or is that a common theme? Girls get more attention and intense social education, at least relatively, while boys are basically raised like neglected pets complete with the parents gormlessly wondering why they've gone feral and having no solution but to tell them to try harder.

Picnic Princess posted:

gently caress all these people who think only women can be parents, I feel so horrible for the dad.

Benny Harvey posted:

She's a tradcath.

HazCat posted:

Girls get more active instruction, but it's often actively harmful (stuff like "being 'nice' is more important than anything" which eventually morphs into "you can't tell me to stop abusing you, because that's not nice". Or just general messaging of "the way to get along in life is to never object, never state boundaries, and never put yourself first".

Women get taught empathy as a way of enforcing subservience, not because their parents value genuine healthy connections between people.

Men have it bad and women have it bad and both ways are sides of the same coin.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Sometimes boys are taught the same thing too! That's all fair, I just mean that even most neglectful and abusive parents have some understanding that girls need to be taught acceptable social behaviour while boys are more likely to be thrown into the world with absolutely no support to fulfil what's expected of them.

Basically the same experience when you're told to play sports but no one ever explains the rules to you and just yells at you because you're expected to already know.

Also comes to mind since it's been theorised why autism is so heavily under diagnosed in girls. As well as a girl being neat and quiet being considered well behaved rather than unusual, girls seem to get far more intense social conditioning at a young age which boys don't usually get.

WrenP-Complete posted:

I work as a clinical therapist and just got assigned an estranged mother as a client. Tradcath, plandemic, doesn't understand why her kids went nc. We are just establishing a therapeutic relationship, but so far seems very interesting!

I sometimes don't understand the ideas she is referencing from her information echo chamber, like using Megan Markle as a verb, but she patiently educates me

HazCat posted:

Yeah we basically agree 100% I just think you're phrasing (still) implies women are getting the better side of the bargain while I think men and women are both getting hosed in equal but opposite ways. And I'd argue that what abusive parents teach women is 'how to be good abuse victims', not 'appropriate social behaviour', and the fact that society sees those as similar things is really hosed up.

Also, plenty of women get the same 'throw them to the wolves and let them sink or swim' upbringing, it's just less common, the same way it's less common for men to get raised into desperate people pleasers.

Autism and ADHD are both underdiagnosed in women due to masking ability that is definitely at least partially due to gendered socialisation, but it's a mistake to frame that as a positive, because it carries a bunch of downsides in and of itself (and also means women who are bad at masking get double hosed because they aren't able to hide it but also can't get an official diagnosis to 'excuse' their behaviour). Again, it's not better or worse on the whole, it's just a different kind of lovely experience.

quote:

My (49M) son (24M) got married to his wife (23F) yesterday night. My son is really angry with me from last night and I don’t know why.

My son gave me the plan of the wedding back in October. My son and DIL were planning on having a fairly laid-back and casual wedding right on the beach (we’re in Florida). The RSVP called for business, business casual, or smart casual attire. My son or my DIL specified to people through Facebook, including myself, what would be appropriate to wear to the wedding. It was pretty flexible, but not formal enough for a wedding IMO. The food that they had was not something that should be served at a wedding. They served a barbeque meal, serving food like brisket, steak, mac and cheese, and potato salad. If I wanted to eat this I would just go to my neighborhood party.

Honestly, I had so many problems with this wedding. It was nothing like what a traditional wedding should be. I would prefer if my son and DIL planned a wedding where everyone would be dressed to the nines. I didn’t want to hurt my son’s feelings, but it really bothered me how the wedding was planned. I let my wife know about this and she snapped at me saying that its their wedding and that if I have a problem with it then I could just not go. The problem is I really wanted to see my son get married to his wife, but this wedding just seemed so off.

When yesterday evening came, my wife and I started to get ready to go to my son’s wedding. I got out my best tuxedo that I rarely wear, a traditional black-tie tux, and put it on, along with my patent black shoes. When we were about to walk out the door I saw my wife was dressed way down. She was wearing a pink maxi dress with a light blue cardigan and tan heels. She then told me that our son told me that a tux would not be appropriate to wear to the wedding as it is way too formal for how the wedding was planned. I told her that I didn’t care and that I was going to wear it because we were going to a very special event. She then told me to not be surprised if our son got mad at me.

We pulled up to the ceremony and of course no one was wearing anything all that formal. I saw a few suits and cocktail dresses, but that’s about it. While we were waiting for the ceremony to start, I heard my son angrily say my name. I looked over and saw he wasn’t even wearing a suit coat FFS and he was getting married! All he was wearing was a pink shirt, pink and blue tie, and gray vest and pants. He told me that he was livid that I wore my best tux to the wedding knowing that this would be a more laid-back wedding and that I was trying to show-off. I told him that a wedding shouldn’t be like this in the first place and that maybe he should have planned a more formal wedding because I was gonna be dressed my very best to see him get married. It was a brutal argument but ultimately my son just walked away and I haven’t spoken to him since that’s incident. I tried calling him today but I keep getting sent to voicemail. AITA here?

Zil posted:

Crossposted from relationship thread. Seems to be an estranged parent in the making.

AITA for wearing a tux to my son’s wedding?


I can only assume he is going to have stronger opinions about his son's family life going forward.

ElHuevoGrande posted:

Gross. The 8th Sacrament for those people is bitterness.

Axqu posted:

Told my dad, bluntly and directly, that I’ve seen him choose to be kind and empathetic to others so I know he’s capable. I told him that, in the aftermath of him screaming at me last month, I realized the depths of his contempt for me, personally, as a human being. If he does it again, estrangement is absolutely on the table. Told him I had had to parent up my whole life because he chose not to step the gently caress up, and either he does it now, or I walk just like I walked from my other lovely, abusive parent. Told him I’m happy to rebuild the relationship, but he has spent so long not being accountable that he has a LOT to be accountable for. Told him he has to be accountable without tantrums, making excuses, or making me manage HIS emotions, no matter how triggered he gets that his lovely actions have consequences. And how frustrated he gets that he isn’t as far along as he thinks he is. I told him I’m past the point of giving a poo poo whether he thinks it’s “fair.” And instead of asking ‘does that sound fair?’ Like I usually do when I ask for something or set a boundary, I asked “Am I understood?” instead.

His response: “I got it. Crystal clear. Talk next week?”

So... probably good news. Either I get a dad who doesn’t act like a fuckhead, or the trash takes itself out. And he knows I’m not loving around because I cut my shithead mom out at 13 and I drew a direct parallel to that.

At least my grandma rules. And my fiancé stands behind me 100%. And my therapist says she’s really really proud of me. I don’t want to be a stand up comedian, ever, but part of me wants to write a Chris Titus- style comedy routine about this poo poo. On some level this is loving hilarious.

Zil posted:

Crossposted from relationship thread. Seems to be an estranged parent in the making.

AITA for wearing a tux to my son’s wedding?


I can only assume he is going to have stronger opinions about his son's family life going forward.

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Welp, got another call from my mom where she screamed for 40 minutes about how she's done being my mom and she never wants to see me again and I'm ungrateful and mean and manipulative, ever since I was a kid, and if I was happier and had a positive attitude I wouldn't have a tumor.

Deleted her number, my entire texting app, blocked her on email, I'm done. I get the loving picture.

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Welp, got another call from my mom where she screamed for 40 minutes about how she's done being my mom and she never wants to see me again and I'm ungrateful and mean and manipulative, ever since I was a kid, and if I was happier and had a positive attitude I wouldn't have a tumor.

Deleted her number, my entire texting app, blocked her on email, I'm done. I get the loving picture.

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Welp, got another call from my mom where she screamed for 40 minutes about how she's done being my mom and she never wants to see me again and I'm ungrateful and mean and manipulative, ever since I was a kid, and if I was happier and had a positive attitude I wouldn't have a tumor.

Deleted her number, my entire texting app, blocked her on email, I'm done. I get the loving picture.

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Welp, got another call from my mom where she screamed for 40 minutes about how she's done being my mom and she never wants to see me again and I'm ungrateful and mean and manipulative, ever since I was a kid, and if I was happier and had a positive attitude I wouldn't have a tumor.

Deleted her number, my entire texting app, blocked her on email, I'm done. I get the loving picture.

jemand posted:

Glad to hear you putting a clear boundary, and I hope your dad can do the work on himself he needs to in order to reach it. If not though, it sounds like you already have a lot of people in your corner and you are standing up for yourself.

I appreciate your updates in this thread (and I love your frog avatar. Reminds me of my own African clawed frogs)

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Welp, got another call from my mom where she screamed for 40 minutes about how she's done being my mom and she never wants to see me again and I'm ungrateful and mean and manipulative, ever since I was a kid, and if I was happier and had a positive attitude I wouldn't have a tumor.

Deleted her number, my entire texting app, blocked her on email, I'm done. I get the loving picture.

Classic Comrade posted:

Something that's been really difficult for me especially lately now that it's finally attainable for me is the fact that when i start transitioning, i will become completely estranged from my mother (who i have limited contact with atm), likely also my older sister, and potentially also my younger brother (though he has the biggest chance of coming around eventually, especially since his gf seems very cool).

i've already been estranged from my dad for years, but it wasn't something that was an emotional decision at all. he was an rear end in a top hat and i never loved him, i was just afraid of him. so cutting him off wasn't really that hard. but i do love my mom a lot, even though she has a ton of issues and has never accepted my queerness. she's someone i don't want to completely cut off unless i absolutely have to. really, i guess i don't know whether i should jump right into hrt or if i should like, have a therapist along with it so i have extra support in dealing with my mom. taking a step that would largely improve my quality of life but also cut off basically the rest of my family is still mildly terrifying for me because of the lack of support i have at the moment (i DO have a very supportive partner and his family isn't the most aware of trans stuff but aren't zealously right-wing catholics so that'll probably be a lot easier to deal with. but yeah).

BrigadierSensible posted:

Sorry for my ignorance. But what does "to Megan Markle" entail?

From your tone I am guessing, it means to be a wanton hussy of "not the right sort for this family", that steals away a previously nice boy of a son/grandchild with evil lies, and twistings of the truth.

WrenP-Complete posted:

To Megan Markle, according to her, is to emasculate a man to the point where the qualities that you admired in him in the first place are gone.