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zedprime posted:I don't know about the other interviewers but that answer gets average marks from me. The cloud is a thing that means we can have a server full of poo poo without having to understand anything about servers.
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Mar 26, 2021 03:33
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Outrail posted:The cloud is a thing that means we can have a server full of poo poo without having to understand anything about servers. If you want a server full of poo poo without having to care about it that's gonna cost extra, buddy.
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Mar 26, 2021 03:39
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I used Indexmatch instead of vlookup not because its better but because it made me look like a fuckin excel wizard standing over a cauldron of dark magics pulling cursed knowledge from the unseen tabs.
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Mar 26, 2021 03:41
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Back in my pre-helpdesk/data analytics days I taught myself excel functions by using excelfunctions.net and people reacted to me using vlookup, if statements and countif to get useful data from a spreadsheet like I'd just altered reality via mind powers. Any function more complex than Sum is basically unknowable esoterica to them. Then a few years after getting quite good at kludging together all sorts of nested if-countif-vlookup statements together (seriously, those three functions can be used to do so much, albeit inefficiently) I got my current job in a data-driven workplace and started learning my first programming languages SAS and SQL and gently caress me but this is so much better than the butcher job I was doing.
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Mar 26, 2021 09:48
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~Coxy posted:VLOOKUP is a prime example because as-implemented it's quite quirky and you're probably going to get a couple of weird results until you google it and re-familiarise yourself with its edge cases. The default ‘approximate match’ setting on VLOOKUP has absolutely hosed everyone who has ever used it. Whoever implemented that is a complete rear end in a top hat
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Mar 26, 2021 10:31
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Prism Mirror Lens posted:The default ‘approximate match’ setting on VLOOKUP has absolutely hosed everyone who has ever used it. Whoever implemented that is a complete rear end in a top hat They really are. I've been close to loving myself many times with that, as someone who knows VLOOKUP and associated magics but gets asked to do it maybe once a year.
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Mar 26, 2021 10:45
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Breetai posted:Then a few years after getting quite good at kludging together all sorts of nested if-countif-vlookup statements together (seriously, those three functions can be used to do so much, albeit inefficiently) I got my current job in a data-driven workplace and started learning my first programming languages SAS and SQL and gently caress me but this is so much better than the butcher job I was doing. I worked somewhere that was tracking inventory and samples with a series of increasingly complicated Excel spreadsheets, filthy with macros and all sorts of kludges. Thing was a nightmare but no-one wanted the responsibility of sorting it out. You'd never be thanked and would assume the duty of supporting any solution forever. Was reminded of an old job today where - for unknown reasons - we had to record any days off, holidays or sick days in three different systems. Like, apply to HR, fill out a paper form, mail someone's secretary. Which made it extra bitter when I went to apply for my first set of holidays and was told I had no leave remaining. They'd simply lost all my records (or "couldn't access" them) and just assumed it was all used up. After a lot of complaining on my part, they let me have a week "off the books" ("but don't tell anyone"). Really should have quit that job a lot earlier. nonathlon fucked around with this message at 13:02 on Mar 26, 2021 |
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Mar 26, 2021 10:50
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nonathlon posted:Was reminded of an old job today where - for unknown reasons - we had to record any days off, holidays or sick days in three different systems. Like, apply to HR, fill out a paper form, mail someone's secretary. Which made it extra bitter when I went to apply for my first set of holidays and was told I had no leave remaining. They'd simply lost all my records (or "couldn't access" them) and just assumed it used it all up. After a lot of complaining on my part, they let me have a week "off the books" ("but don't tell anyone"). To request a holiday, I have to: - Mark it on the team's holiday spreadsheet - E-mail my boss and wait for him to say yes (he will first ask his assistant to make sure my work can be covered by others) - Fill out an application in the HR system (A) and wait for my boss to approve it there And then when I actually take the holiday, it needs to be recorded in a different HR system (B). Neither of these systems automatically reduces my holiday tally in system A, this has to be done manually by HR.
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Mar 26, 2021 11:19
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im permabanned poster excelstomper58. i first started doing excel when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of "data analysis" and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like "pivot charts" and "vlookup" in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of "data" style of excel was all about; i think it's the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who "get" excel to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:07
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It fits so perfectly I have actual tears in my eyes
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Mar 26, 2021 14:18
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jkk posted:To request a holiday, I have to: Man I just yell at my boss that I want to take the day off and he just marks it off my off-the-books time in lieu I have built up from the weekend hours of doing holiday payroll. My last job I had to put in a request into a portal which sent a email to my supervisor who then had to print it out to have me sign then take it to a HR Manager to make sure it did not affect manpower for the requested day then she had to sign it off. There was always a shortage of manpower so it never worked. I also had to work every long holiday for 5 years. I seriously should have left that job WAYYYY sooner but supervisors playing off your depression and anxiety is a hell of a way to get Stockholm syndrome for your lovely call center job.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:22
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I had a job where everyone realized the person who approved your time off did not see or know what you entered in your time sheets so you'd request time off, get approved, never use the days up.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:23
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Barudak posted:I used Indexmatch instead of vlookup not because its better but because it made me look like a fuckin excel wizard standing over a cauldron of dark magics pulling cursed knowledge from the unseen tabs. I had a co-worker who was ANNOYINGLY evangelic about Index Match, and would NOT miss an opportunity to tell you about how much better it was whenever anyone said "vlookup" within a 4-cubicle radius. You know the type - fresh out of college, thinks he is God's Gift to The Workplace, wanted to change all kinds of poo poo before he even knew what the process DID . . . ugh. It has forever colored my perception of Index Match, even though I've used it a couple times. Apparently there's a thing called XLOOKUP now that's pretty slick, but I haven't tried it yet.  nonathlon posted:I worked somewhere that was tracking inventory and samples with a series of increasingly complicated Excel spreadsheets, filthy with macros and all sorts of kludges. Thing was a nightmare but no-one wanted the responsibility of sorting it out. You'd never be thanked and would assume the duty of supporting any solution forever. I'm not sure if I'm this guy or not  At my last company, I ended up building macros for several different teams. One automated a reconciliation of two different systems - apparently it used to be a three-day process of painstakingly transcribing information from a printed PDF into Excel. Once they got IT to make the mainframe spit out the PDF as a .csv, they brought me in to automate it. Took it down to a 10-second job. Another group had me build 5 macros to speed up their ability to analyze data. Everyone thought I was some sort of IT genius, but I know the truth: I'm just a dipshit who was willing to give it a go, my code was probably garbage and if any of my real-deal Computer Science degree-having, programmer-career working friends ever saw what I'd done, I'd be forever shunned for writing terrible garbage in Babby's First Language. 
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Mar 26, 2021 14:32
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Goddamn, all I have to do for time off is send an email to a calendar that only exists for auditing purposes. So long as I have the time banked, no one can stop me from using it unless we're handling an emergency. Hell, the only paperwork that needs to actually be present is if I do OT, which is never since they let me flex my time as I see fit and I'd rather take Friday off than get a couple extra bucks. I used to do timekeeping so I know all the rules and regulations that everyone is supposed to follow and I also know that no one (and I mean no one) follows them because requesting even an hour off would take multiple days for all the approvals needed. There was a time I worried about that but I've been through a couple audits and came out clean each time. Barudak posted:I had a job where everyone realized the person who approved your time off did not see or know what you entered in your time sheets so you'd request time off, get approved, never use the days up. We kinda operate that way. If Bob takes off Monday but didn't have any meetings scheduled and no one checked in on him, he could reasonably get away with a "free" day off.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:35
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I used to work at a small chemical distribution company and the ops manager would buy bagels for everyone Friday mornings, but then immediately cut them all into bite-sized chunks.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:36
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Pope Corky the IX posted:I used to work at a small chemical distribution company and the ops manager would buy bagels for everyone Friday mornings, but then immediately cut them all into bite-sized chunks. Holy poo poo, that is borderline criminal. I don't know why but I just had a flash of anger reading that.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:44
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I'm working full time but am hired as a casual so I don't get sick leave. At a doctors office. I had to come in for a week while actively sick with a cold during these Rona times, because the manager told me oh we only have 3 of us and I already told the dr I'm so sick and he Rd me to take the rest of the week off, and we can't leave other lady alone. During a week the doctor was off on holiday, so no patients, noone coming in. I took the first day off BC I could barely move from muscle pain and was having trouble breathing and hella diarrhoea on my first day of cold sickness, and got that explanation and oh well she'll have to go in, the whole 5 minutes to work, full passive agressive "im so sick but I'll go in because you refuse to" BC the very capable woman can't possiy handle a handful of calls and sitting around all day. I'm casual, I don't get sick days, I'm not taking days off for fun. So I went in the rest of the week once I got some diarrhoea meds and cold and flu tabs so I could travel the one and a half hours to work without making GBS threads my pants, and got paid for a full week and a half to just sleep on the exam bed in the dr's room while my coworker who couldn't work on her own ordered me to rest and brought me soul and tea. This week I was functioning and the dr was still on holiday, so we started doing some of the practise managers tasks that she'd shown the other lady how to do. To help her out, BC she's always complaining about how much she has to do and has been off sick for two weeks, so we did a heap and saved them as very easily recognised as drafts for each patient just in case we missed something, so all she'd have to do was double check the Super quote against the consent forms, and she told us off for doing it because she might get confused and we should just stop trying to do her work and focus on our own! So tandem naps, as my being at work infected the other lady, one of us just chilling for a few hours on our phone in case the phone rang while the other slept, for another week, and the manager is so behind and so stressed and oh my god and making it extremely our problem and complaining at us about how overworked she is! Today she was in and while I was on the phone to a patient while also trying to check in a patient at the desk she demanded I order us letterheads right now because we only have one massive stack left. No she doesn't know who or where it's ordered from, the person who knows is on maternity leave but it has to be done right now, on Friday at 4.30pm just call the maternity leave lady! ....how many? Just check the last invoice [invoice has cost and letterhead details but not amount] BUT less, because we might be changing to a new address in the next several months, work it out! Can I work it out on Monday when we have no patients and I'm not trying to deal with patients and trying to do all the end of day stuff on my own? And can ask the lady who's been here longer than my 2 months? No? Okay, well the nice lady on the phone suggested I order 5,000 for a special discount and I have absolutely no information I hope that's good!
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Mar 26, 2021 14:46
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A Strange Aeon posted:Holy poo poo, that is borderline criminal. I don't know why but I just had a flash of anger reading that. She'd put all the chunks in a big bowl and mix them up so everyone would end up picking through it by hand to find enough to make most of a bagel.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:48
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A Strange Aeon posted:Holy poo poo, that is borderline criminal. I don't know why but I just had a flash of anger reading that. Panera will run the bagels through the bread slicer if you ask, so a lot of times people would come in with a MASSIVE bag of misc. bagel parts. Every office seemed to do that because if they didn't, you'd have people trying to only take a quarter or an eighth of a bagel because "diet" or "I can't possibly eat that much ohmygosh" or whatever. Probably a lot of weird old-school misogyny mixed up in there somewhere tbh.
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Mar 26, 2021 14:58
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Zarin posted:I had a co-worker who was ANNOYINGLY evangelic about Index Match, and would NOT miss an opportunity to tell you about how much better it was whenever anyone said "vlookup" within a 4-cubicle radius. You know the type - fresh out of college, thinks he is God's Gift to The Workplace, wanted to change all kinds of poo poo before he even knew what the process DID . . . ugh. It has forever colored my perception of Index Match, even though I've used it a couple times.
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Mar 26, 2021 15:08
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Zarin posted:Panera will run the bagels through the bread slicer if you ask, so a lot of times people would come in with a MASSIVE bag of misc. bagel parts. These were not slices or halves or even quarters, they were chunks the size of a fun-sized candy bar. You'd have to find at least a dozen of the loving things to assemble something that looks anything like a bagel. And she'd do it as soon as she walked in, not letting anyone into the kitchen during that time, so there was no way to get an intact bagel.
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Mar 26, 2021 15:10
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Pope Corky the IX posted:These were not slices or halves or even quarters, they were chunks the size of a fun-sized candy bar. You'd have to find at least a dozen of the loving things to assemble something that looks anything like a bagel. And she'd do it as soon as she walked in, not letting anyone into the kitchen during that time, so there was no way to get an intact bagel. I'll take 'stupid power play' for 10 points thanks Alex. We're all just casual employees so if I want a day off I just clear my schedule and have a day off. If one of the staff want a day off they just make sure they're caught up and tell me they're not coming in. Because casual staff have the requisite 4% holiday pay loaded to their regular pay rate days off just happen with zero admin/bookkeeper issues. It's a great system until it isn't.
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Mar 26, 2021 15:16
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zedprime posted:You're in good company of honest to God critical business programs written in VB for excel that run off an Access db back end. ... so about that. My stories so far have all been my current department. The old department I was in is still around and I work with them periodically (they're the ones with the misplaced decimal issue). They do, in fact, use VB-macro-laden Excel sheets to interface with their database. Anything else doesn't return the right identifiers and gets rejected as "invalid" to prevent bad or malformed uploads. Whatever the hell they did is completely incompatible with Excel versions after 2007 and makes 30 seconds of operation take 4+ hours, so we still have an ancient Dell chugging along as some mechanical component in it shrieks horribly, solely for processing those files. If we lost that machine and IT wasn't able to set up a new machine with old Excel, all database changes would be immediately blocked out except line-by-line changes in proprietary software that takes 30 seconds to load a page. Of course the VB is all completely uncommented and unformatted, because it was outsourced too and management didn't want to pay for things to be maintained, and no one in our IT department even knows VB (seriously).
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Mar 26, 2021 15:22
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I am also constantly bringing up annoying ideas like "instead of making sure we have a couple of random pages for info packets left to copy and batch print when we're doing a whole day of filling info packets and then have to stop and sort through the nicest looking one to scan of one of the 10 different things we need every hour, why dont we uhhhh scan athe best looking one in and save it to a folder of ALL the pages we need for each packet?" Because it's a bad old copied copy and looks bad you can't scan and save it to prevent further artifacting, we must copy until it's impossible to read, then ask for a new fresh one! And "why can't I add the patients height into the info we print On the sticker when we weigh them so we don't have to expect them to remember it spend 5 minutes searching every time for it?" No, because... No reason given, just no. And gems like "the colour the patient name is in for "in waiting room" is one shade darker red than "in with doctor" when he sees them, instead of having to squint and guess, why don't we make the colour for that text with dr like... Pink, so it's not too different but you can actually see it?" I got told no and to not mess around with things like that, as it has always been that way, then she randomly changed the whole colour background for public patients from purple to basically the same green as a large subset of our specialist surgery patient post-ops because "she likes it better" without telling anyone, and I thought I was having some kind of loving stroke for a few minutes. She has time to do this, but not give me anything more than half the instructions I need at any given time. Because somehow I simultaneously know nothing and am not included in her talking to my coworker about stuff for her to do, that is also for me to do, but am also expected to know how to do everything with minimal instruction whether over ever heard about whatever it is or not
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Mar 26, 2021 15:24
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She sounds p poo poo. Condolences. You should dig through the financials and find the bit she's probably skimming off the top.
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Mar 26, 2021 15:31
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God I miss 99th generation photo copied controlled documents where it theoretically says "Controlled: only valid 24 hours following 11/12/2007" at the footer but it's so blurred you'd never realize it.
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Mar 26, 2021 15:31
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One of the greatest yet simplest tricks to using complex excel functions is that if you actually use the Formulas Tab/Insert Function button it breaks out all explains all the parameters nicely. Real useful if you don't have everything memorized.
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Mar 26, 2021 16:06
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goatface posted:She sounds p poo poo. Condolences. Nah I think her thing is the martyr thing. She's been talking a lot about how she wants to retire, and the dr is like no we need you maybe try part time. And yet refuses to teach us anything she does so we can help, even with small stuff like the quotes she showed my coworker how to do once BC she loves her. But otherwise Janet job no touchy, now let me complain how stressed and overworked I am while absolutely refusing to let anyone do anything to help, because I'm just so important here that you can't run anything without me! Yes I tell patients to specifically ask for me for anything, even if it's something like "I forgot my appointment time/date, what is?" They ask for me, intead of the reception girls that booked it, and I will be oh so busy and seem so busy because I get a hundred calls a day. I started asking their reason for calling so I could "ask her to call back when she's free and let her prepare and find your info" when she was busy, because of course I also caught poo poo from her for transferring calls who specifically asked for her, and she's now mad at me for making the patients feel like I'm interrogating them. For the record, I have an agressively bubbly perky phone persona, they comment on it when they come in, ala " how are you, oh you're great of course you are you're that girl, the annoyingly perky receptionist" or, more nicely, I got told today I am the friendliest medical receptionist a patient has ever talked to! ,.... So noone feels interrogated. It's her system to look like she's super busy all the time, and then spend two hours chatting with someone in another language and being like oh it's a patient important stuff, even though noones ever seen them before. Buuuiiit. Big but. She's been there from basically the start with the dr, so crossing her is a bad idea. And she already doesn't like me because my BMI is too high to be working for a bariatric surgeon, and she's basically untouchable BC of she's been there forever and her son died several years ago. Which is tragic , and honestly breaks my heart, but she's such a oval office to me but "nice old lady" way. When I started I was legitimately told that i am being warned she may be a oval office to me BC I'm chubby, "but that's just how she is". And then after thinking about it, my bf, the dr's son, told me I was allowed to drop on her that if she thinks I'm not a good fit here she should ask my future father in law about how fit I am to work for him. And I swear to god every Monday when she asks me how much weight I've lost while staring pointedly at my stomach I seriously consider how fuckin good that would feel.
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Mar 26, 2021 16:32
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You should start feeding her protein shakes.
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Mar 26, 2021 18:07
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No she orders in food every day and makes a big deal about "feeding her daughter's" which is us two ladies. It's always pizza or burgers or something and I'm like, I brought a salad or lunch or whatever because I'm trying to be healthy. She won't even let me make her tea or coffee, because she does it her owns special way, and doesn't trust that I can microwave her hot water and cardamom pod the right way first. Which is fine because I get free cardamom pods to make my tea the normal way without having to buy my own
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Mar 26, 2021 18:20
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Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:No she orders in food every day and makes a big deal about "feeding her daughter's" which is us two ladies. Tell her not to mention your weight again. After that when she mentions your weight ask how her son is doing, followed by a 'oh I'm so sorry I forgot'.
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Mar 26, 2021 21:23
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Wow I got a raise! I get $20.60 an hour now instead of $20.00. I plan to spend the extra $108 per month lagging behind slightly less on the debt I cannot afford to pay back.
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Mar 26, 2021 22:03
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my boss needed help with an excel formula today and I poo poo you not, this was his formula. I had to take a picture. bonus: his formula wasn’t working because he was pointing to the wrong cell 
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Mar 26, 2021 22:09
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AHH F/UGH posted:Wow I got a raise! Wow I assumed u made way more then me not just 60 cents more lol.
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Mar 26, 2021 22:11
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zedprime posted:im permabanned poster excelstomper58. i first started doing excel when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of "data analysis" and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like "pivot charts" and "vlookup" in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of "data" style of excel was all about; i think it's the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who "get" excel to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace. i get excel and am mentally ill, checks out one thing i hope covid puts in the ground is touchy coworkers i'm high strung and hate being touched unexpectedly, or at all really. was working a data centric position where I could use headphones, so I kept one ear open and asked coworkers to knock on my desk or use my name to get my attention. everyone was fine with it except the one "den mother" type who thought she was so nice I wouldn't mind and always came over to lean on my shoulder or put her arm around me to get my attention. i asked nicely, not so nicely, tried to be cute by making up a "please do not touch the animals" sign on the outside of my cuboid, and she insisted. it finally stopped when i actually pushed her hand off my shoulder and she acted like a cat does when you gently nudge them out of the way, completely horrified i dare do such a thing. was really pissy with me from then until i left. god gently caress temp contract work
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Mar 26, 2021 22:11
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titty_baby_ posted:Wow I assumed u made way more then me not just 60 cents more lol. Well it’s more like 45 cents after taxes, so $77 a month in reality. Plus I am the only one who works between my wife and I so between two people it’s really more like $10.30 an hour!! I’m glad that my boss kept that in mind when he decided to give me that extra $18 per week or whatever. (I should be paid like $25 an hour in a sane world, if not more) At this rate it will only take me seven more years of working at my job to get to that level!
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Mar 26, 2021 22:38
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Five work tracking platforms are now in the org Five work tracking platforms in play, Change is hard, everyone frowns, Six work tracking platforms are now in the org Anyone who suggest process led transformation should be buried under an avalanche of loving post-its
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Mar 26, 2021 23:38
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Zarin posted:At my last company, I ended up building macros for several different teams. One automated a reconciliation of two different systems - apparently it used to be a three-day process of painstakingly transcribing information from a printed PDF into Excel. Once they got IT to make the mainframe spit out the PDF as a .csv, they brought me in to automate it. Took it down to a 10-second job. A friend introduced Autohotkey to his company, and was promoted to executive management near instantly. Still there, hailed as a macro god. Before they had email templates stored in EXCEL!!! and copy and pasted them into reports being sent internally and externally. At my current place, our IT team is so paranoid about making our own tools, that it has to be preapproved by them after submitting it and waiting for a few months, can only be written in html and limited javascript, no external file calling, nothing is saved ever even internal variables, and if it makes them look bad for not making the current tools like this they will ban it and promise to make something similar due within the next decade. There is a text parser someone created recently that scans a full week length of data that you copy and paste into, and instantly gives you what you are looking for, but its banned as it might be a 'security risk'.
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Mar 27, 2021 00:28
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AHH F/UGH posted:Well it’s more like 45 cents after taxes, so $77 a month in reality. Plus I am the only one who works between my wife and I so between two people it’s really more like $10.30 an hour!! I’m glad that my boss kept that in mind when he decided to give me that extra $18 per week or whatever. In a sane world minimum wage is about $20 an hour so any sort of qualification should bump that up to $25 as a minimum
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Mar 27, 2021 00:46
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So about a month ago we had to set our "personal goals" for the year. This was different this year in that instead of just having a description for each one we write and a weighting for each, we have to make a powerpoint presentation from a template we're given and theres another 20 slide powerpoint explaining how to do it. We submitted that to the system, after having my manager explain it to me because those 20 slides werent enough for me to get it. There was some ridiculously close deadline for doing this because reasons but i managed it a few days before. Today revision 2 just came out so i have to do it again because they didnt like how the first one came out so they want us to start over, so not only was the deadline meaningless but now i need to make basically the same thing but slightly differently. none of this is really related to my fuckin job lol
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Mar 27, 2021 00:56
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