Shittiest piece of garbage tech in science fiction

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Sci-Fi Wi-Fi > Shittiest piece of garbage tech in science fiction

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

McSpanky posted:

All those convoluted explanations for sending Mafia hit targets back in time for Looper are really funny because all you need is the most basic one ever: dumping the body. A time machine would be the ultimate evidence disposal device.

20 seconds before impact, Central America, 65 million years ago

So I've been playing X-com Enemy Within, and in that X-com they do mechs. And these mechs are arguably not garbage tech.

The way they do it is step one, make a cyborg near Adam Jensen's level, IE a dude with artifical arms and legs. (This is definitely a little weird; since X-com's method is to choose healthy soldiers, then chop off their arms and legs. I'm thinking that most other places they just take horrifically wounded people.) Then, when it is Mech Time, the person unattached the normal replacement limbs, and then is inserted like a USB key into the mech suit. This means that the usual power armor problems are minimized, since I guess it just remaps your limbs into ogre-sized appendages.

# ? Mar 26, 2021 15:11

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 20:37

RBA Starblade: Apr 28, 2008; Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

Nebakenezzer posted:

20 seconds before impact, Central America, 65 million years ago

So I've been playing X-com Enemy Within, and in that X-com they do mechs. And these mechs are arguably not garbage tech.

The way they do it is step one, make a cyborg near Adam Jensen's level, IE a dude with artifical arms and legs. (This is definitely a little weird; since X-com's method is to choose healthy soldiers, then chop off their arms and legs. I'm thinking that most other places they just take horrifically wounded people.) Then, when it is Mech Time, the person unattached the normal replacement limbs, and then is inserted like a USB key into the mech suit. This means that the usual power armor problems are minimized, since I guess it just remaps your limbs into ogre-sized appendages.

There are various incidental lines from your chief scientist and engineer about how horrifically the aliens use their technology and wondering if humanity will be doomed to use it in exactly the same way, right before you order them to use it in exactly the same way lol

# ? Mar 26, 2021 15:45

Defiance Industries: Jul 22, 2010; A five-star manufacturer

Solkanar512 posted:

Excellent example.

Or like in the last season of GoT, we couldn't have Bran, Sansa and Arya sit in a room and talk for a minute. Nooo, that would make too much loving sense, if you can have someone with the ability to see and hear every time in history it's cheating to actually do it!

Bran's powers are just to make the writers' job easier, not other characters'

# ? Mar 27, 2021 01:53

Tulip: Jun 3, 2008; yeah thats pretty good

I always assume that any time bran didn't tell people obvious useful info it was because doing so would interfere with him becoming king of the shittier version of the polish lithuanian commonwealth.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 02:21

Asterite34: May 19, 2009

RBA Starblade posted:

There are various incidental lines from your chief scientist and engineer about how horrifically the aliens use their technology and wondering if humanity will be doomed to use it in exactly the same way, right before you order them to use it in exactly the same way lol

Wasn't it a thing where they kept the old limbs on ice somewhere so they could hypothetically be re-attached after the war was over and they could go back to being regular people?

The way shittier deal was the gene modifications, so you can jump kinda high and aim a gun a little better, but also you have to be permanently sterilized to keep your now tainted DNA from unpredictably spreading into the gene pool

# ? Mar 27, 2021 03:05

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

Asterite34 posted:

Wasn't it a thing where they kept the old limbs on ice somewhere so they could hypothetically be re-attached after the war was over and they could go back to being regular people?

The way shittier deal was the gene modifications, so you can jump kinda high and aim a gun a little better, but also you have to be permanently sterilized to keep your now tainted DNA from unpredictably spreading into the gene pool

I already had a vasectomy when I was 24, so sure, bring on the genemods.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 03:58

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

I don't remember them saying anything about sterilization.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 04:19

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

Mycroft Holmes posted:

I already had a vasectomy when I was 24, so sure, bring on the genemods.

What the hell doctor did it? I'd always heard about doctors being adamant about not doing it for younger dudes

# ? Mar 27, 2021 04:23

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

GD_American posted:

What the hell doctor did it? I'd always heard about doctors being adamant about not doing it for younger dudes

I just had to tell him my kids would inherit my mental illness and he was down to snip.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 05:17

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

McSpanky posted:

All those convoluted explanations for sending Mafia hit targets back in time for Looper are really funny because all you need is the most basic one ever: dumping the body. A time machine would be the ultimate evidence disposal device.

At a guess, it's possible that sending the body further back in time takes a lot more power/sophistication than a mafia bootleg time machine can provide, compared to use going 20 years back and having some fucker stand there with a gun and dump them into a furnace.

Nebakenezzer posted:

20 seconds before impact, Central America, 65 million years ago

So I've been playing X-com Enemy Within, and in that X-com they do mechs. And these mechs are arguably not garbage tech.

The way they do it is step one, make a cyborg near Adam Jensen's level, IE a dude with artifical arms and legs. (This is definitely a little weird; since X-com's method is to choose healthy soldiers, then chop off their arms and legs. I'm thinking that most other places they just take horrifically wounded people.) Then, when it is Mech Time, the person unattached the normal replacement limbs, and then is inserted like a USB key into the mech suit. This means that the usual power armor problems are minimized, since I guess it just remaps your limbs into ogre-sized appendages.

You CAN kinda do that if you take a critically wounded soldier and slate them for mech treatment, but iirc it's brought up that they made the replacement limbs specifically so they have a chance of reintegrating into civilian life once the war is over, as well as, y'know, functioning outside the mech suits.

Speaking of, Robocop is basically a miracle case given that ideally, you WANT a volunteer who is perfectly healthy before you start amputating limbs, because the more injured they start out as the higher chance of dying on the operating table and sending you back to square one. The movie has Robocop be a thing because he's the first cop who came back hosed up enough from deliberately assigned dangerous duty but still alive. And considering the dude had a bullet in his brain and all it's a miracle they had enough to work with at all.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 15:50

Solkanar512: Dec 28, 2006; by the sex ghost

Asterite34 posted:

Wasn't it a thing where they kept the old limbs on ice somewhere so they could hypothetically be re-attached after the war was over and they could go back to being regular people?

The way shittier deal was the gene modifications, so you can jump kinda high and aim a gun a little better, but also you have to be permanently sterilized to keep your now tainted DNA from unpredictably spreading into the gene pool

I�m a little surprised that they aren�t being sterilized to prevent unauthorized and unlicensed copies of that DNA from spreading.

# ? Mar 27, 2021 18:52

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

As said, I don't remember the thing about gene mod receivers being sterilised at all and it sounds like something made up.

Kind of the whole deal with the 'are we going down the same path the aliens did' quote is that X-COM is putting very little thought into long-term consequences because poo poo is already heating up too quickly for that, with aliens openly invading, abducting and sending death squads to commit atrocities in broad daylight while making overtures to take control of national governments. They're already basically pirating alien technology as quickly as they can get it stable and in a human-usable form factor, and have no idea of the long-term effects of any of it.

# ? Mar 28, 2021 07:29

PoptartsNinja: May 9, 2008; He is still almost definitely not a spy; Soiled Meat

Giant robots are too slow, you say? We have just the thing for that. The Einerad!

Yes, it's just a giant wheel that the giant robot stands in.

But now the giant robot can't see to fight, making the guns on the Einerad completely useless? Good point!

That's why the Einerad can split in half, putting all the stresses on two overworked structural supports, one of which (the one supporting the top-mounted missile launcher) is hinged and certain to break instantly the moment it's exposed to combat stresses.

Great work, engineering team! Now deploy them to our space forces!

# ? Mar 28, 2021 12:30

Guyver: Dec 5, 2006

Tires was Victory Gundam's gimmick.

One of the battle ships had like hover carrier lifts that would come together to make giant motorcycle wheels so it could steam roll whole towns.

# ? Mar 28, 2021 12:52

PoptartsNinja: May 9, 2008; He is still almost definitely not a spy; Soiled Meat

As part of Tomino's continued (valiant) attempts to design giant robots that Bandai would have difficulty making model kits out of.

Einerads are still really stupid. :allears:

# ? Mar 28, 2021 12:57

Asterite34: May 19, 2009

Ghost Leviathan posted:

As said, I don't remember the thing about gene mod receivers being sterilised at all and it sounds like something made up.

Kind of the whole deal with the 'are we going down the same path the aliens did' quote is that X-COM is putting very little thought into long-term consequences because poo poo is already heating up too quickly for that, with aliens openly invading, abducting and sending death squads to commit atrocities in broad daylight while making overtures to take control of national governments. They're already basically pirating alien technology as quickly as they can get it stable and in a human-usable form factor, and have no idea of the long-term effects of any of it.

I could've sworn that was a thing, but looking into it I guess I confused it with something else? Weird :confused:

# ? Mar 28, 2021 14:19

RBA Starblade: Apr 28, 2008; Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

Lol it doesn't even explode, the wheel just pops apart

# ? Mar 28, 2021 16:43

Defiance Industries: Jul 22, 2010; A five-star manufacturer

Ghost Leviathan posted:

As said, I don't remember the thing about gene mod receivers being sterilised at all and it sounds like something made up.

Kind of the whole deal with the 'are we going down the same path the aliens did' quote is that X-COM is putting very little thought into long-term consequences because poo poo is already heating up too quickly for that, with aliens openly invading, abducting and sending death squads to commit atrocities in broad daylight while making overtures to take control of national governments. They're already basically pirating alien technology as quickly as they can get it stable and in a human-usable form factor, and have no idea of the long-term effects of any of it.

Case in point: in Canon they never did any of that, because the aliens conquered the world before XCOM could tech up that high.

# ? Mar 28, 2021 17:11

BurntCornMuffin: Jan 9, 2009

RBA Starblade posted:

There are various incidental lines from your chief scientist and engineer about how horrifically the aliens use their technology and wondering if humanity will be doomed to use it in exactly the same way, right before you order them to use it in exactly the same way lol

There's also the heavy implication in XCom 2 that most, if not all of XCom 1 is what you were dreaming after the aliens raided your base and hooked you up to their tactical command network, and the genetic/mechanical modifications were really poo poo that was injected into the simulation as a compatibility patch to let you command the real life analogues that were actually helping to subjugate earth.

Spoilered for the guy still playing 1

# ? Mar 28, 2021 19:04

SlothfulCobra: Mar 27, 2011

I though the implication wasn't that there was a singular canon to the prior XCOM, but just that XCOM2 happens after an XCOM game where you lost. Because the alternative would mean maybe trying to remake Terror from the Deep, and they didn't want to do that.

Enemy Unknown was kind of part of a renaissance of mechanically-driven games with much more barebones stories and emergent gameplay like the original XCOM games. And in some ways XCOM2 still didn't have the same complexity and emergent systems as its spiritual predecessor X-COM Apocalypse

# ? Mar 28, 2021 19:51

RBA Starblade: Apr 28, 2008; Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

I always liked the one dev's tweet describing XCOM 2 as "taking place after your first XCOM 1 campaign"

# ? Mar 28, 2021 22:09

Bootcha: Nov 13, 2012; Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending; Grimey Drawer

SlothfulCobra posted:

Enemy Unknown was kind of part of a renaissance of mechanically-driven games with much more barebones stories and emergent gameplay like the original XCOM games. And in some ways XCOM2 still didn't have the same complexity and emergent systems as its spiritual predecessor X-COM Apocalypse

We talking about the one in 50's?

# ? Mar 29, 2021 06:22

Polaron: Oct 13, 2010; The Oncoming Storm

RBA Starblade posted:

I always liked the one dev's tweet describing XCOM 2 as "taking place after your first XCOM 1 campaign"

I won my first XCOM 1 campaign. :colbert:

# ? Mar 29, 2021 14:16

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I think the devs specifically said it was after playing Ironman Impossible. The flavour of XCOM2 does suggest that the original organisation at least started on psychic research before collapse, and EXALT is implied to have existed at least by a cosmetic DLC that implies some of its members joined postwar XCOM. (or XCOM veterans took the hats as trophies)

# ? Mar 29, 2021 14:43

SlothfulCobra: Mar 27, 2011

Bootcha posted:

We talking about the one in 50's?

That's The Bureau: XCOM Declassified. I like that one even though it's a bit of a mess from going through development hell, and it got a lot of outrage over not being a tactical turn-based game like the rest of the series (and nobody actually knew that Enemy Unknown was in development, so they thought the The Bureau heralded the death of the genre instead of its renewal).

It had tactical squad shooting like Mass Effect and a pretty neat little plot.

# ? Mar 29, 2021 17:28

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

Polaron posted:

I won my first XCOM 1 campaign.

For the record I didn't realize that satellites were how you kept the money rolling in, so my economy stalled

# ? Mar 29, 2021 19:49

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I partly credit this thread to an idea for a RPG enemy I came up with: a semi-mobile smartfridge whose software AND contents have gone uncleaned for far too long until both are homicidal.

# ? Apr 5, 2021 10:53

PoptartsNinja: May 9, 2008; He is still almost definitely not a spy; Soiled Meat

Sounds like a vending machine from Paranoia.

Pretty much everything from Paranoia qualifies for this thread.

# ? Apr 5, 2021 12:48

Lawman 0: Aug 17, 2010

Terraforming in star trek seems pretty bad.

# ? Apr 5, 2021 13:29

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Yeah everything always ends up looking like SoCal :v:

# ? Apr 6, 2021 04:17

jeeves: May 27, 2001; Deranged Psychopathic
Butler Extraordinaire

mind the walrus posted:

Yeah everything always ends up looking like SoCal

Except Haunted Space Scotland, that place just looked like a sound stage.

# ? Apr 6, 2021 04:57

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Lawman 0 posted:

Terraforming in star trek seems pretty bad.

There's a DS9 episode featuring a guy who's a professional terraformer, and it's mentioned that being an egomaniac with a God complex is practically required for the career.

# ? Apr 6, 2021 05:10

Dragonstoned: Jan 15, 2006; MR. DOG WITH BEES IN HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE BARKS HE SHOOTS BEES AT YOU
by Roger Hargreaves

Was looking through the space shop picture thread and this came up and it could be the biggest and shittiest of them all

halokiller posted:

Needs The City from Blame!

Never read/seen the source material but sounds like a neat concept of humans loosing control of their creations

Some Wiki posted:

While it is never explicitly stated how/when the City came to be, it is generally acknowledged that Blame! takes place many thousands of years after the City's growth became uncontrolled and chaotic, resulting in the chaotic and pointless architecture that makes up most of the strata visited in the manga.

In the past the City served as residential space for the native humans, who interacted with the Governing Agency via the Netsphere using their Net Terminal Genes. Humanity controlled the City's growth directly, building new strata according to their needs and desires.

However, at some point an unknown "infection" swept through the City, and the Net Terminal Gene seemed to vanish entirely. Since humanity could no longer connect to the Netsphere, the Governing Agency was powerless to stop the Builders as they continued to expand the City without rest. Humanity gradually became entombed in their respective strata, abandoned by the Governing Agency.

As time passed, and with no new instructions, the Builders' construction became erratic and nonsensical. Entire strata composed of nothing but columns, corridors, stairways, masses of pipes, doors to nowhere, broken machinery. Vast gulfs of empty space became so common that very few strata are distinguishable by the time Blame! begins.

# ? Apr 6, 2021 05:17

SlothfulCobra: Mar 27, 2011

There's also y'know, that one terraforming tool that's actually a bomb.

# ? Apr 6, 2021 06:07

jeeves: May 27, 2001; Deranged Psychopathic
Butler Extraordinaire

SlothfulCobra posted:

There's also y'know, that one terraforming tool that's actually a bomb.

It was consigned to the "things Trek scientists forgot about" along with Spore Drive, easy time travel, cloaking/phasing through poo poo, and more!

# ? Apr 7, 2021 00:54

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

jeeves posted:

It was consigned to the "things Trek scientists forgot about" along with Spore Drive, easy time travel, cloaking/phasing through poo poo, and more!

ehhhhhhh that one's a lot easier to accept though:

- top secret project working in isolation in the middle of nowhere
- most or all of the data may have been destroyed
- even if some data survived, it's tainted by the secret introduction of protomatter
- the only extant prototype was destroyed
- every scientist but one who worked on it was brutally murdered (and she's probably not at all interested in trying again)
- the existence of the project coming to light sparked a huge interstellar shitstorm and destabilized relations with the klingons
- the genesis planet exploded within a matter of, what, weeks?
- starfleet was having a hell of a time finding candidate planets that fit the parameters of the project without introducing ethical concerns

like, it's really easy to imagine that everyone involved looked at it and agreed it was waaaay more trouble than it was worth

# ? Apr 7, 2021 01:06

Asterite34: May 19, 2009

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

ehhhhhhh that one's a lot easier to accept though:

- top secret project working in isolation in the middle of nowhere
- most or all of the data may have been destroyed
- even if some data survived, it's tainted by the secret introduction of protomatter
- the only extant prototype was destroyed
- every scientist but one who worked on it was brutally murdered (and she's probably not at all interested in trying again)
- the existence of the project coming to light sparked a huge interstellar shitstorm and destabilized relations with the klingons
- the genesis planet exploded within a matter of, what, weeks?
- starfleet was having a hell of a time finding candidate planets that fit the parameters of the project without introducing ethical concerns

like, it's really easy to imagine that everyone involved looked at it and agreed it was waaaay more trouble than it was worth

Wasn't there some theory that the big catastrophe that wrecked the Klingons' moon and was the inciting incident for the plot of Star Trek VI was them screwing around with reverse-engineering Genesis and loving up Chernobyl style?

# ? Apr 7, 2021 02:12

1000 Brown M and Ms: Oct 22, 2008; F:\DL>quickfli 4-clowns.fli

If there is, it's just a fan theory. There's nothing in TUC that even slightly implies the Klingons were screwing around with Genesis on Praxis.

However, the destruction of Praxis is definitely meant as an allegory for Chernobyl, and the movie in general is an allegory for the fall of the Soviet Union.

# ? Apr 7, 2021 03:56

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

Okay, the shittiest tech in Sci-Fi is the Discovery. Apparently it's made up mostly of empty space and turbolift tubes. Powered by tears and mushrooms.

It's a stupid ship and I hate it.

# ? Apr 7, 2021 07:20

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 20:37

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Discovery at least represents more effort than a lot of the ship and fighter designs from the Star Wars sequels

# ? Apr 7, 2021 07:25

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