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*Is a noble, expertly-trained over decades and armed with the finest equipment money can buy* *purebred steed that costs the income of several towns gets pincushioned by the 2nd arrow volley* *gets stuck in some mud trying to assault defenses on foot* *ignored for most of the battle while futility attempting to peel off armor that requires a 2nd man to remove* *gets slowly pelted to death by couriers and auxiliaries with stones after the main force routs*
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Apr 1, 2021 15:27
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ah poo poo guys i think i left the stove on, i'll be right back
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Apr 1, 2021 15:27
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Gosh, I sure hope none of these strapping, muscular men penetrate me with their lances over and over again.
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Apr 1, 2021 15:30
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You said we would only show our arses to the english, nobody said anything about showing dick. It's not much of a taunt on a cold day like this
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Apr 1, 2021 15:35
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A sleek and aerodynamic dong conveys upon the enemy that you are a soldier above all else. Between your legs rests no common dong meant for filling holes in peacetime, nor slapping from thigh to thigh with each stride of your charge. Nay, this dong is a tiny button peeking out from its bunker of hair, well entrenched and steadied for battle. Hardly a wobble will disturb its poise as you tumble across the battlefield. It is a warrior's dong, built not for pleasure and show, but for the bloody business of war.
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Apr 1, 2021 15:52
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*dies from malaria*
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Apr 1, 2021 15:59
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The camera follows the sewage trough from all of the making GBS threads ITT under a bridge to the other side of the camp, where a vast poo poo smelting operation is underway. Steam hisses into the air and metal clanks can be heard all around as artisans turn the poop into swords and armor. The Isengard theme music plays. A sturdy man fires a doody arrow into a straw target, nods approvingly to another man. A page is carrying a bundle of poo poo halberds.
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Apr 1, 2021 16:17
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Aye, my axe hungers for battle! It has been far too many years since it tasted anything but those shrubs that my mother-in-law INSISTS on trimming into fanciful shapes because "it makes the house look nice."
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Apr 1, 2021 16:22
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Saalkin posted:"A Shameful dong will only bring defeat." Ah yes a dong is the highest military rank in Sun Tzu's time... Your generals ought to be filled with pride and vigor if you hope to win!
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Apr 1, 2021 16:30
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gently caress the phalanx, today I'm gonna dual-wield daggers
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Apr 1, 2021 16:35
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Pissing my pants at the mere thought of battle because I'm an abject coward whose only hope is a quick end.
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Apr 1, 2021 17:06
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Icochet posted:gently caress the phalanx, today I'm gonna dual-wield daggers Looking cool is half the battle!
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Apr 1, 2021 17:11
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Haha, wow, so we’re really doing this huh? I never really thought it would get this far, I mean, it’s pretty obvious he lost the election, you know?
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Apr 1, 2021 17:14
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Do you want to live forever, men?!?? Huh now that we're here I'm inclined to say yes. It's a wonder that foxholes make philosophers of all
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Apr 1, 2021 17:17
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Ouch I slept weird and my neck is like, you know, if I look right it’s fine but when I turn my head to the left, it’s like, it doesn’t feel right. I’ll catch the next one.
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Apr 1, 2021 17:29
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Check out Steve. He's trying to multiclass. Looking good Stevie! NOT!! Haha
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Apr 1, 2021 18:16
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*grasps your forearm strongly* Today, we go to war. We stand together, not just as men, not just as warriors, but truly as brothers in this battle. If we watch each others' backs, and stand with hearts brave and true, God will protect us and we cannot lose. Stand firm, brother, stand firm. *runs off and leaves you to die five minutes in*
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Apr 1, 2021 18:25
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*Charges into battle and trips on a rock* *is impaled by own sword and dies*
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Apr 1, 2021 18:37
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While you guys do the important job of fighting and dying, I will do the equally important job of holding this standard that says we are a particular regiment. If they get close to me and try to steal it you guys need to fight extra hard to make sure they don't. If we don't have the standard then no one will know what regiment we are and this battle won't make any sense, ok?
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Apr 1, 2021 18:49
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*is saved by the sex arse stuffed into the front of my pants*
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Apr 1, 2021 19:09
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Badactura posted:While you guys do the important job of fighting and dying, I will do the equally important job of holding this standard that says we are a particular regiment. If they get close to me and try to steal it you guys need to fight extra hard to make sure they don't. If we don't have the standard then no one will know what regiment we are and this battle won't make any sense, ok? At least they gave you a standard, all I have is this stupid drum. What the gently caress am I supposed to do with this?
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Apr 1, 2021 19:10
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StarkRavingMad posted:At least they gave you a standard, all I have is this stupid drum. What the gently caress am I supposed to do with this? Don't stop beating off or we won't know how to march okay?
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Apr 1, 2021 19:13
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKsGu3eQZmA
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Apr 1, 2021 19:18
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...long story short, I dropped out of med school and now I'm a berserker
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Apr 1, 2021 20:22
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Hey guys if you can hold off for a few days I can get this trebuchet set up and running. It will be wild you guys!
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Apr 1, 2021 22:03
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:Hey guys if you can hold off for a few days I can get this trebuchet set up and running. It will be wild you guys! Sorry, if we wait any longer too many people will have dysentery to have a good fight.
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Apr 1, 2021 22:10
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Oh yeah?? I will SUCK your DICK!!
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Apr 1, 2021 22:39
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Zippy the Bummer posted:Oh yeah?? I will SUCK your DICK!! I'll suck you off to the DEATH!!!!
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Apr 1, 2021 22:41
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I always shove the hilt of a dagger up my butthole. That way if anyone tries to attack me from behind I just clench my b-hole and it shoots out like a missile
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Apr 2, 2021 01:39
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Haha, wow, so we’re really doing this huh? I never really thought it would get this far, I mean, it’s pretty obvious he lost the election, you know? >you are stoned to death by your former comrades
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Apr 2, 2021 02:01
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Who What Now posted:I always shove the hilt of a dagger up my butthole. That way if anyone tries to attack me from behind I just clench my b-hole and it shoots out like a missile I didn't quite understand that and could someone send for whatever the opposite of a bloodletter is?
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Apr 2, 2021 21:12
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*sings an old timey English spirit-lifting song called something like 'I can't wait to sniff the bluebells in St Yves once more'* *dies of disentary and shits self to death as I drown in a mud puddle* *It's the invasion of Iraq in 2002*
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Apr 2, 2021 21:34
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Im that guy in gladiator that gets killed right as he enters the arena
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Apr 2, 2021 22:00
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hey guys lets see who can yell 'penis' the loudest without getting in trouble
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Apr 2, 2021 22:02
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20 Blunts posted:is it just me or have our phalanxes been really gay lately Look I'm telling you it's how we're going to beat the Spartans.
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Apr 2, 2021 22:13
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GolfHole posted:hey guys lets see who can yell 'penis' the loudest without getting in trouble *snort* Okay! *yells penis and is immediately court martialled*.
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Apr 2, 2021 22:17
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*does the entire St. Crispin's day speech, but unfortunately no-one can hear it over the sound of armour being put on, swords being tested, etc.*
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Apr 4, 2021 01:00
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This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend! It is my life! I must master it as I must master my life! *shoots self in head*
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Apr 4, 2021 02:36
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:This is my rifle! *Rides up on a chariot* Alright, can we get some formal rules, here? I know 'Warrior' is a pretty vague term, but as you can see, I had certain expectations! *Feeds one of the chariot goats a carrot*
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Apr 4, 2021 02:53
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 16:18 |
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*teleports in wearing AI-enchanted power armor, with self-guided antipersonnel missiles and laser rifle* Oh, man. No, no, it’s okay. I’ll go change. I didn’t realize. I thought... no, no, don’t worry about it. I didn’t know it was like just a swords thing. I’d feel like a sick just blowing everyone away in like two seconds. No, it’s fine, you know what? Maybe I’ll just sit it out today
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Apr 4, 2021 15:31
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