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My father would go as far as to make poo poo up when it came to sharing the holidays with my ex-wife’s family. We had come to the decision that we’d alternate Thanksgiving early on in our relationship, and everyone was happy with it. Until the first year I wouldn’t be there and from that point on he would insist every Thanksgiving that we were just with my ex-wife’s family the previous year and therefore it’s their turn. At first I’d give detailed accounts like “Remember last year was when you dropped the turkey on the floor and you’ve been complaining ever since they the linoleum is still slippery?” and eventually just started taking time and date stamped photos.
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# ? Apr 22, 2021 17:07 |
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# ? Apr 18, 2024 00:38 |
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skooma512 posted:My dad was big mad when I went to my GF's house for thanksgiving, after my mom said she wasn't doing it, and having announced this would be the case weeks in advance, and having extended an invite to both of them to it, which was swiftly declined. I don't understand, surely he's visiting his parents for thanksgiving out of filial piety?
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 01:51 |
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skooma512 posted:My dad was big mad when I went to my GF's house for thanksgiving, after my mom said she wasn't doing it, and having announced this would be the case weeks in advance, and having extended an invite to both of them to it, which was swiftly declined. Congrats! Enjoy your peace and freedom, it feels great.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 04:28 |
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So I decided to spill my guts to my mom recently. I sent it all as a longer message because to me, it was the only way I'd get these points across without being sidelined by her screaming and/or crying angrily. Basically in short, I explained why we haven't talked as much recently and why I'm so distant. That the more I've thought about it, she did her best to seclude me from everyone but her, including our own family. I pointed out how I seldom or never heard her say anything nice about anyone, and somehow she had problems with ALL of these people and it was never her fault. This kind of poo poo happened in particular with her mom, her siblings, and multiple employers who fired her. As of late, she seems to make a point out of being the most contrarian conservative rear end in a top hat possible. It's not hyperbole to say it's all she talks about. I had a lunch with her and my grandma for the first time in months and I just sat there silently staring at a wall while they bitched about black people for 30 minutes. Not once did either of them notice that it was a two-person conversation with one miserable person wishing they weren't there. Again, I am not exaggerating when I say it's her and her husband's entire personalities now. Because believe me I know how it sounds, "oh wow way to let politics get between family" but trust me it's not that mundane. It's more of an obvious side-effect to her lovely personality. Anyway, a couple days after that I sent the message. Couple paragraphs, nothing too wild but it still took like three hours to get the ideas out and edit down my emotions a bit as to not stound too hostile. I saw that she responded by initially was afraid to look. Then I saw this preview of the message: Upon further reading, I have completely misconstrued everything I told her. The rest of the message is her rationalizing by AGAIN complaining about how awful her brother or whoever was to all of us because she just "knows" how much they "talked poo poo about us." What a weight off my shoulders. I had been feeling so guilty about sending that message for a week or so. But let me tell you, after seeing her lovely response I feel completely vindicated. So I guess that's some advice for anyone in a similar situation. (Oh and if you're curious, the rest of the sentence after "But..." is "but you have to live with that perception.")
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 17:36 |
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I'm glad my mom is cool. She kicked me in the rear end once for calling her a bitch and also made fun of me for buying a fedora in high school. My birth mom though, she just cried and did nothing while I sat in a lovely diap as a baby. Thanks for the weird reaction to women crying I guess.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 17:59 |
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Apologies if this one has come up in here before but it has the double-whammy of the parent not knowing what they did wrong (even though they do) AND hosed up behavior about mental health, I hate them a lot.quote:AITA for taking care of my (54F) mental health when my daughter (19F) says I "emotionally abandoned" her?
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 18:20 |
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It would be cool if you could refrain from belittling your child in a post about how much you didn't do anything to hurt her.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 18:54 |
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quote:She suddenly tanked again at the start of the pandemic Words simply fail. How do you even begin trying to explain empathy to someone so devoid of it that a loving pandemic is a minor footnote. (You don't, which is why the daughter GTFO)
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 19:07 |
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the mom: "i want my daughter to move out" the daughter: *moves out* the mom:
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 20:18 |
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These estranged parents love to talk about how much money they spent on their kids, don't they? They'll be vague about everything except for the money.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 20:42 |
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quote:She has been struggling with her mental health for several years and has recently been pushing to be evaluated for ADHD and Autism. I agree that she likely has both conditions as well as severe depression and anxiety, but she lets it affect her whole life and doesn't do anything to contribute to the household or to society. quote:It's not my fault that she was choosing to be obstinate and not getting any better I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but godDAMN I hate this piece of poo poo. Mental illness does not work that way! ADHD and autism do not work that way! Fuuuuuck yooooou. My mom actually went through a period where she acted not unlike that dismal turd. Basically from about when I turned 16 to until I was 19 or so, she was obsessed with me hitting all the milestones that people around that age are "supposed to" reach. Why haven't I gotten a job? When am I gonna get my license? When am I gonna go to college? Why haven't I moved out on my own yet? One night, at 3AM when I was up late chatting with a buddy on Skype and just messing around as you do at 3AM, apropos of nothing she came up the stairs, threw the door open, looked me straight in the eye and said "You're gonna get a wallet and you're gonna put money in that wallet." because apparently at that precise moment the thing that had utterly overtaken her thinking was the absolute shame of...me not bothering to have a wallet because at that point I had zero ID cards and any time I would've needed to pay for something my dad was standing right next to me. (I believe that Christmas she very passive aggressively bought me a wallet as a present. Also surprise surprise, I still hardly ever use that wallet unless I absolutely need to.) My dad has largely chilled the hell out over the last several years, but he also definitely had a phase where he wasn't shy about his frustrations with how I was "so smart" yet still struggled with so much stuff.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 22:04 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:These estranged parents love to talk about how much money they spent on their kids, don't they? They'll be vague about everything except for the money. yep
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 22:27 |
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quote:I am the parent and she is the child gently caress you quote:She has been struggling with her mental health for several years and has recently been pushing to be evaluated for ADHD and Autism. I agree that she likely has both conditions as well as severe depression and anxiety, but she lets it affect her whole life and doesn't do anything to contribute to the household or to society. F U U U U U U C K Y O U U U U U U U U That story is way to similar to mine, loving yikes.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 22:45 |
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Yeah I just needed to stop being so lazy and get over my depression. Now that I've moved out, I can have an episode and nobody yells at me and shames me into thinking I'm worthless. And wouldn't you know, I've stopped getting worse.
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# ? Apr 23, 2021 23:02 |
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"her depression is severe, i can't understand why it affects her life severely" - the mom
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 00:02 |
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Sanguinary Novel posted:MY IMMORTALITY!! lmfao. was just thinking about my dads funeral, this will be his final thought 100%
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 01:25 |
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I feel like my final thought is going to be like "was tubthumping actually bad?" or something like that so whatever.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 01:44 |
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simplefish posted:"her depression is severe, i can't understand why it affects her life severely" - the mom why can't she just cheer up???
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 03:04 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:These estranged parents love to talk about how much money they spent on their kids, don't they? They'll be vague about everything except for the money. My parents used to dangle price tags over my head. "We spend $3000 on making your bite and crooked teeth better!" "We spend $1500 on the car you learned to drive in, because we got too paranoid about your capabilities at stick shift that we sold the truck for something 'easy' and have never stopped complaining about no longer owning a truck!" "We don't know why you keep saying you had to 'buy' the poo poo car we bought after we sold the car you actually liked, because we paid for most of the loan, except for the last $600, which we made you show up at the credit union in person to pay off with a check that you signed in person because, even as a college grad with good job prospects, you're still a loving child who can't handle money, so we should witness your actions and make sure you don't gently caress up." We've hit a point where I can call a time out on any money talk, but if they mistakenly start into direct numbers, I still want to shove the nearest pencil up my nose into my brain.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 06:42 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:These estranged parents love to talk about how much money they spent on their kids, don't they? They'll be vague about everything except for the money. A dollar amount is the only value they can attach to their parenting.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 07:11 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:These estranged parents love to talk about how much money they spent on their kids, don't they? They'll be vague about everything except for the money. My mom keeps elaborate notes on how much I have ever cost her, ever since I was a baby. Before I stopped talking to her she called to yell about how expensive it was to fly me home for Christmas. I can't afford to visit them on my own, so I figured I just wouldn't see them for the holidays. My mom bought me a plane ticket, and uses that as an excuse to yell about me costing too much. Of course, the alternative is that I don't visit for Christmas, which makes me an ingrateful child who hates their mother/a poor sap who makes minimum wage and is wasting his expensive education on a lovely job. It's just a choice between getting yelled at for "costing money" or "not caring". My mom doesn't have a job and uses my dad's money.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 13:54 |
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Reading more r/r and apparently in the comments: AITA for taking care of my (54F) mental health when my daughter (19F) says I "emotionally abandoned" her? quote:She was in therapy for years that I paid thousands of dollars on. It's not my fault that she was choosing to be obstinate and not getting any better. quote:She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when she was 15. They thought she had bipolar disorder but later said she didn't. She's been on lots of medication and was even out of high school for a while in a program. I attended all the meetings, the family therapy sessions, drove her everywhere. I did everything I could. It's not my fault that she's not better if I've done everything I can for her and I'm burnt out. quote:She takes antidepressants. She wants to take stimulants for her adhd but can't because of a heart/circulation issue she has that we've been trying to get diagnosed for a few years. Her old therapist told her to stop focusing so much on trying to get diagnosed because her treatment wont change after she gets an "official" diagnosis and I agree with her. Why would I pay 5k to have someone tell her something she already knows about herself if her treatment won't change?? She'll just go back in DBT or talk therapy and then claim it isn't helping. The world doesn't revolve around her and she needs to learn that
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 14:05 |
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Honeybun, did it ever occur to you that your daughter spending 1 hour in therapy to treat how she handles you and your lovely behaviour then spending the other 23 hours around you and your lovely behaviour might reduce the chances of therapy actually working? E: I’m SO loving GLAD the daughter had friends she could move in with. I had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere when I was her age. I’m seriously loving thankful she at the very least had an out.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 14:37 |
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Grimdude posted:So I decided to spill my guts to my mom recently. I sent it all as a longer message because to me, it was the only way I'd get these points across without being sidelined by her screaming and/or crying angrily. Basically in short, I explained why we haven't talked as much recently and why I'm so distant. That the more I've thought about it, she did her best to seclude me from everyone but her, including our own family. I pointed out how I seldom or never heard her say anything nice about anyone, and somehow she had problems with ALL of these people and it was never her fault. This kind of poo poo happened in particular with her mom, her siblings, and multiple employers who fired her. As of late, she seems to make a point out of being the most contrarian conservative rear end in a top hat possible. It's not hyperbole to say it's all she talks about. I had a lunch with her and my grandma for the first time in months and I just sat there silently staring at a wall while they bitched about black people for 30 minutes. Not once did either of them notice that it was a two-person conversation with one miserable person wishing they weren't there. Again, I am not exaggerating when I say it's her and her husband's entire personalities now. Because believe me I know how it sounds, "oh wow way to let politics get between family" but trust me it's not that mundane. It's more of an obvious side-effect to her lovely personality. hell yeah. once they really drop the mask it becomes so much easier to distance from them.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 14:39 |
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Poo In An Alleyway posted:Honeybun, did it ever occur to you that your daughter spending 1 hour in therapy to treat how she handles you and your lovely behaviour then spending the other 23 hours around you and your lovely behaviour might reduce the chances of therapy actually working? no, it never occurs to them and never will
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 14:48 |
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lol i tell me kid we spent five grand on her braces and to wear her loving retainers all the time, oops
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:25 |
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Love to be told I need to move on and we need to fix things and im being a jerk all in the same voice mail
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:26 |
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boar guy posted:lol i tell me kid we spent five grand on her braces and to wear her loving retainers all the time, oops retainers
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:34 |
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Biplane posted:retainers she only has to wear them at night and they are just like invisalign, not the metal and plastic nastiness you're probably picturing i had braces for seven loving years, she finished hers in two but now you have to wear retainers at night forever, apparently
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:36 |
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edit: I am a dum dum who can't read properly, good luck with your kid's teeth!!
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:36 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6ffbVd_ff0&t=40sLieutenant Dan posted:edit: I am a dum dum who can't read properly, good luck with your kid's teeth!! i saw your edit and yeah, that's real lovely. wearing her freaking retainers is something she has control over boar guy fucked around with this message at 15:41 on Apr 24, 2021 |
# ? Apr 24, 2021 15:38 |
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boar guy posted:she only has to wear them at night and they are just like invisalign, not the metal and plastic nastiness you're probably picturing Seven years, my god
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 16:08 |
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Seems like win win in the end. Mom doesn't have to be around a child she treats as a burden, and the daughter gets to live with people who treat her with respect.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 16:37 |
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StrixNebulosa posted:Reading more r/r and apparently in the comments: AITA for blowing up at FMIL wearing my fiancées engagement ring. quote:Apologies for bad grammar and I'm on mobile.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 16:59 |
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JFC that is some weird poo poo.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 17:51 |
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Sisal Two-Step posted:
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 17:53 |
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Not strictly parent stuff, but holy smokes orthodontic talk rattled loose a memory. I think I was provided with the loving first draft version of braces and headgear. I had to wear them for years. The headgear at night locked into two brackets in the braces and then connected to a strap that went over the top and back of my head. Anything but lying flat on my back with my eyes on the ceiling felt like I was trying to sleep with a horse bridle jammed in my mouth. The thick wire ends that went through the brackets would gradually poke farther into the back of my upper cheeks/mouth as my overbite was slowly corrected. Now that I think about it more that probably significantly contributed to my messed up sleeping habits. I probably looked like a goddamn cenobite when I woke up.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 18:30 |
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AKZ posted:Not strictly parent stuff, but holy smokes orthodontic talk rattled loose a memory. Sup nighttime headgear buddy. Braces for 7-8 years, frenectomy, headgear to correct “strong” chin, and an expander. I had a lower permanent retainer in forever and only got it out in the army—it was a wire on the inside of and behind my lower teeth connected by metal brackets glued around my back molars. I wasn’t even that hosed up I feel—not sure that the orthos weren’t just trynna make money. I hated that headgear.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 18:39 |
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Based on some anecdotes, I can't help but wonder if some of the money spent on some orthodontics would have been better spent on things like sealants instead. For people with weak enamel or deep pits in their molars it pays for itself in the long term with how much decay gets prevented outright. I had one cavity in my whole childhood compared to my peers and it was in spite of goony dental hygiene+diet in my teens. Straight teeth are nice and in some cases important for dental health, but adressing things like impacted wisdom teeth or swiss cheese molars is far more important.
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 19:43 |
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# ? Apr 18, 2024 00:38 |
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AKZ posted:Not strictly parent stuff, but holy smokes orthodontic talk rattled loose a memory. Exactly the same experience here
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# ? Apr 24, 2021 19:46 |