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The Notorious ZSB
Apr 19, 2004

I SAID WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FUCKING SUCK THIS YEAR!!!

I dunno y'all I was p entertained. It is not a good film from a technical stand point, but I loved that it leaned super super hard into the game concepts and conceits. Turn your brain off, let the stupid nostalgia wash over you and chuckle at how silly it is.

To fit in the conceit of "stages" and all the catch phrases. I could care less about it making "sense" it's a damned video game property its inherently dumb and silly for a sci fi action film. The villains really could have used some fleshing out beyond the Rita Repulsa answer, but it's more or less enough.

The gore was exactly what you want and expect just totally over the top to the point of comedy.

My biggest knock is our generic main character (whose name escapes me after an entire film), his outfit was astoundingly bad costuming in the shots that weren't CG. The physical prop they made him wear was really cheap looking. The setup for sequels works for me to keep the same actors around. The choreography was wonky at times from the editing, but I actually thought they had fun with it fitting in familiar sequences from the game.

I just can't see anyone expecting high art or coherent sensible things from this so I felt like it delivered on my expectations for entertainment.

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davidspackage
May 16, 2007

Nap Ghost

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

I hoped for an after-credits scene where the camera pulled back revealing Cage directing the film we just watched since the games established multiple times that this is exactly what he does after the first tournament. Characters constantly rib him for it;
Kabal even has a specific mid-match dialog telling Cage “Ninja Mime 4 sucked!”

poo poo, that's a way better idea, cause then you can make the second movie without needing to adhere to the studio's story beats. "Nahh, Cole Young wasn't really there *rolls eyes* producer's idea..."

Cacator
Aug 6, 2005

You're quite good at turning me on.

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

Ok, now I want to see the movie about a mall cop with improvised tonfas.

Paul Blart: Mortal Kopbat

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

The Notorious ZSB posted:

I dunno y'all I was p entertained. It is not a good film from a technical stand point, but I loved that it leaned super super hard into the game concepts and conceits. Turn your brain off, let the stupid nostalgia wash over you and chuckle at how silly it is.

To fit in the conceit of "stages" and all the catch phrases. I could care less about it making "sense" it's a damned video game property its inherently dumb and silly for a sci fi action film. The villains really could have used some fleshing out beyond the Rita Repulsa answer, but it's more or less enough.

The gore was exactly what you want and expect just totally over the top to the point of comedy.

My biggest knock is our generic main character (whose name escapes me after an entire film), his outfit was astoundingly bad costuming in the shots that weren't CG. The physical prop they made him wear was really cheap looking. The setup for sequels works for me to keep the same actors around. The choreography was wonky at times from the editing, but I actually thought they had fun with it fitting in familiar sequences from the game.

I just can't see anyone expecting high art or coherent sensible things from this so I felt like it delivered on my expectations for entertainment.

Literally no one was expecting high art. The 95 MK isn’t even a good film. But it’s fun and feels like Mortal Kombat. I ordered a pizza and smoked a joint. I was in the exact right mind set to watch mortal kombat. Then the movie fails in very basic film concepts such as editing and cinematography, writing and acting. You know the things that make a movie a movie. Like expect a little bit more out of the movies you watch.

JordanKai
Aug 19, 2011

Get high and think of me.


The Notorious ZSB posted:

To fit in the conceit of "stages" and all the catch phrases. I could care less about it making "sense" it's a damned video game property its inherently dumb and silly for a sci fi action film. The villains really could have used some fleshing out beyond the Rita Repulsa answer, but it's more or less enough.

To be honest, I think one of the main problems with the film is that it spent too much time trying to make sense. The arcana stuff takes up so screen time and it's all in service of explaining why certain characters have superpowers. It's completely unnecessary for a film like this and it drags the whole thing down so far. It takes away any and all worldbuilding mystique in favour something that is needlessly technical and restricted.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003

La morte non ha sesso
The point of the arcana is so they don't have to specifically explain why each character has super powers. I would say they probably spent less time on the arkana than they would on the bare minimum to rationalize Jax's arms and Kano's eye and so on.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

Halloween Jack posted:

The point of the arcana is so they don't have to specifically explain why each character has super powers. I would say they probably spent less time on the arkana than they would on the bare minimum to rationalize Jax's arms and Kano's eye and so on.

I never even understand why they would even have to explain it. I’m already watching a mortal kombat movie. I’ve already bought into this weird world. Just tell me they have the powers and I’ll get over it.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
The idea that somebody would be watching a movie about magic elemental ninjas + kung fu fighters + special forces warriors competing in a tournament that's actually a thinly-veiled pretext for dimensional war and say "hold on a second? the kung fu guy can shoot fire and the other has a death hat? And this guy has robot arms? I'm not buying that without an explanation - this movie sucks!" is ludicrous. That person does not exist.

davidspackage
May 16, 2007

Nap Ghost
If you need to give the non-initiated audience context, here's how:

down-to-earth human character: holy poo poo that guy threw a fireball!

character who's sightly more in the know: yup.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003

La morte non ha sesso
Playing devil's advocate, a lot of people don't really know anything about Mortal Kombat besides that it was a gory fighting game with a kitchen-sink setting. Looking at superhero movies as a model, the MCU at least explained that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver got their powers from some Hydra experiment and Klaue got his cybernetics from a Wakandan connection. Suicide Squad was mocked for going "Oh by the way, this is Katana, she has a magic soul-eating sword."

The whole thing would be easily dispensed with if Sonya, Jax, and Cole were part of the same military Weird poo poo Investigation Squad from the beginning. It also depends on whether you actually want to show Jax losing his arms in the first place or not. Like, Kabal just says "Kano's the reason I live in an iron lung" and that's all you need.

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

Halloween Jack posted:

Playing devil's advocate, a lot of people don't really know anything about Mortal Kombat besides that it was a gory fighting game with a kitchen-sink setting. Looking at superhero movies as a model, the MCU at least explained that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver got their powers from some Hydra experiment and Klaue got his cybernetics from a Wakandan connection. Suicide Squad was mocked for going "Oh by the way, this is Katana, she has a magic soul-eating sword."

The whole thing would be easily dispensed with if Sonya, Jax, and Cole were part of the same military Weird poo poo Investigation Squad from the beginning. It also depends on whether you actually want to show Jax losing his arms in the first place or not. Like, Kabal just says "Kano's the reason I live in an iron lung" and that's all you need.

Again though the explanations are done so much better in the 95 movie. You get your earth characters with one dude being in the know. You have raiden who can explain the harder to parse stuff and then we’re off to the races. It’s funny when you watch because legit once they set everything up it’s like 5 fights in a row back to back to back. Then they slow the movie down one more time to make sure we remember what’s happening then it’s the climax. It’s such a tight little movie.

Neurolimal
Nov 3, 2012
For what it's worth, I think you could write some fun stories explaining the MK character powers. This arkana nonsense is not that; it's too vague and generalized to be of any interest, it's just going from "because magic" to "because they unlocked their magic".

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003

La morte non ha sesso
The only interesting thing about the arkana is that you can get them from murder, which is very appropriate for Mortal Kombat.

(It also explains why these specific people are being targeted without necessarily knowing why, but that's not necessary. If fate hadn't chosen them Raiden would have.)

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.

Neurolimal posted:

For what it's worth, I think you could write some fun stories explaining the MK character powers. This arkana nonsense is not that; it's too vague and generalized to be of any interest, it's just going from "because magic" to "because they unlocked their magic".

Oh absolutely, you could have all kinds of intense flashback scenes and such. It worked for the X-Men and it could work here.

Halloween Jack posted:

The only interesting thing about the arkana is that you can get them from murder.

Same with the X-Men, just ask Rogue. ;)

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

Halloween Jack posted:

The only interesting thing about the arkana is that you can get them from murder, which is very appropriate for Mortal Kombat.

(It also explains why these specific people are being targeted without necessarily knowing why, but that's not necessary. If fate hadn't chosen them Raiden would have.)

Yeah it could be cool if it was a the one situation where like you kill everyone with the powers you become the most powerful or something.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.

The_Rob posted:

Yeah it could be cool if it was a the one situation where like you kill everyone with the powers you become the most powerful or something.

The Notorious ZSB
Apr 19, 2004

I SAID WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FUCKING SUCK THIS YEAR!!!

The_Rob posted:

Like expect a little bit more out of the movies you watch.

Enh I can enjoy a lot. I really expected it to have 0 redeeming things in it and to not have been relatable to the big ticket MK items, but I think it touched most those boxes for me and was comically over the top.

It's not a "good" film so I am aware of what it is, but I dunno it was goofy and didn't overstay it's welcome. It's okay to enjoy trash productions.

I set my expectations LOW. That it met those very low expectations and I had fun, even if it is full of dumb and bad production flaws (which there were plenty of) doesn't mean I'm some bad movie viewer. This film will win no awards and deserves very little praise for the production, but I felt the end product was enough to be amusing.

JordanKai posted:

To be honest, I think one of the main problems with the film is that it spent too much time trying to make sense. The arcana stuff takes up so screen time and it's all in service of explaining why certain characters have superpowers. It's completely unnecessary for a film like this and it drags the whole thing down so far. It takes away any and all worldbuilding mystique in favour something that is needlessly technical and restricted.

Maybe I just kinda zoned through it, but I really felt like explanations weren't really anything more than the surface deep necessity of setting up the next sequence where more punching can happen. Like the amount of sense it is trying to make is maybe the bare minimum, it's power rangers poo poo. Nothing was ever explained they just gave names to their powers which fine whatever it's cool by me.

You have dragon tattoo, that lets you access powers, find your power, is a perfectly decent throughline to accomplish our characters having their game visuals. I don't really feel like it wasted time on trying to make sense so much as it simply told you stuff and then moved on. I honestly would have been more bothered if we really were to believe that some good MMA dudes could fight magical ninjas from another plane of existence, it needed something to justify the obvious power gap that was demonstrated w/Sub-Zero & Jax.

I never have paid attention to MK lore or world building so none of this bothered me. If there is deeper poo poo to it, it was never apparent as necessary to me to tick the entertainment boxes.

The Notorious ZSB fucked around with this message at 18:53 on Apr 27, 2021

Vincent
Nov 25, 2005



The_Rob posted:

My wife and I were convinced she was his sister for the first half of the movie.

I was convinced of that too, so imagine my shock when Cole makes out with the mom in the restaurant.
"Oh, the doctor is their mom, that's neat-OHWHATTHEFUCK oh..oh wait, no, that makes sense."

AccountSupervisor
Aug 3, 2004

I am greatful for my loop pedal
I would have loved to turn off my brain but the movie kept insisting I turn it back on to digest the absolutely idiotic and cringe worthy exposition.

boop the snoot
Jun 3, 2016
If a Mortal Kombat game was some dude walking up the floors of a 50 floor tower just fighting MK characters with fatalities and pit finishes and the entire thing was devoid of exposition, just some dude starting on the first floor going up stairs to the 50th floor, I would’ve enjoyed the plot more than this movie.

Also that movie would unironically own. Ever seen Shoot Em Up? Just apply that stupid formula.

Name Change
Oct 9, 2005


Halloween Jack posted:

The point of the arcana is so they don't have to specifically explain why each character has super powers. I would say they probably spent less time on the arkana than they would on the bare minimum to rationalize Jax's arms and Kano's eye and so on.

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

The Notorious ZSB posted:

I never have paid attention to MK lore or world building so none of this bothered me. If there is deeper poo poo to it, it was never apparent as necessary to me to tick the entertainment boxes.

The lore is different from the arcana stuff in the movie but it's only "deeper" in that there's A LOT more of it due to the large number of games and fighters in them.

Vincent
Nov 25, 2005



Plot was whatever, Cole was boring (it's a shame they didn't give Lewis Tan much to work with, acting or fighting wise) and the fights had too many edits, but I really liked the stupid little mortalk kombat details, like Sub-Zero using Scorpion's blood as a weapon, Scorpion only knowing how to say "get over here" in english, Kung Lao using a jeet kune do move in his fight (the fast punches to the body), his fatality and Lui Kang's Animality were dope as hell.

Cole's plot armor looked cheap as hell, like straigh up foam rubber. Hope they fix it in the next movie.

gregday
May 23, 2003

Vincent posted:

Cole's plot armor looked cheap as hell, like straigh up foam rubber. Hope they fix it in the next movie.

Not disagreeing with you on any points, but That is …not what “plot armor” means.

Assepoester
Jul 18, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 11 years!
Melman v2
I like the idea of calling Cole's magic shirt literalized plot armor

G-III
Mar 4, 2001

If this movie nets a sequel the next set of film makers need to hit the following goals in order to not gently caress this up further

- Have Bi-Han come back as Noob Saibot and kill cole and his stupid f'in family so Hiroyuki Sanada can come back to avenge his bloodline and have an excuse to be in the movie
- Liu Kang as primary protagonist because JFC how could you screw that up in the first movie?
- Cast Robin Shou either as ERMAC or a non-lovely proper ninja Reptile.
- Bautista as Shao Khan because who else?

G-III fucked around with this message at 22:48 on Apr 27, 2021

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

I am Scorpion now

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
Honestly they should make Cole the new Sub-Zero. Have him redeem the Lin Kuei, get rid of the stupid armor (very easy to come up with a plot device where some entity/effect is taking away people's Arcanas - and just never mention them again) and then also his flat acting doesn't matter anymore, because he's a masked ninja with ice powers. Being a bit reserved is a perfect fit. Plus you can have ~drama~ where Great Great Great Great Grandpa Scorpion isn't happy that he's redeeming sworn enemies, so you can have them fight (before teaming up, of course, and Cole switching to the famous Shredder Sub Zero look).

Yeah I'm writing fan fiction. So what?

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008

pospysyl posted:

Two good scenes in this movie:

1) Liu Kang beating Kano by spamming the leg sweep.

2) Kung Lao buzzsaw fatality.

Otherwise the movie feels like a throwback to the terrible fighting game movies circa 2010, like Tekken, Legend of Chun Li, and Dragon Ball Evolution.

I was thinking of the Tekken movie the whole time I was watching this. It reminded me so much of it, tone-wise and character-wise. Though the Tekken movie had better fight scenes.

Really didn't like it. It felt like a very soulless take on MK. Aside from Kano and a little bit Kabal, I felt like nobody had any real personality. The sets and settings felt really cheap, lots of desert and cave. Nothing really stuck out as memorable to me. Though I'm probably biased as all hell since I saw the 90s MK movie as a kid in the cinemas and (still do) loved it.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003

La morte non ha sesso
I would like it if they didn't give a gently caress, Nightmare On Elm Street style, and killed off a guy who survived the first movie in the first 5 minutes of the sequel

Xenomrph
Dec 9, 2005

AvP Nerd/Fanboy/Shill



Halloween Jack posted:

I would like it if they didn't give a gently caress, Nightmare On Elm Street style, and killed off a guy who survived the first movie in the first 5 minutes of the sequel

Like MK Annihilation with Johnny Cage? :v:

G-III
Mar 4, 2001

Halloween Jack posted:

I would like it if they didn't give a gently caress, Nightmare On Elm Street style, and killed off a guy who survived the first movie in the first 5 minutes of the sequel

Joe Taslim was way too good to not bring back and Noob Saibot being resurrected by Shang Tsung makes 100% sense. Having him come back and finish the job on Cole and his family to up the stakes is obvious. This is the lowest hanging fruit. It gets rid of the absolute waste of space from the first movie that and gives the spotlight to much better actors and characters that mean something to the audience that actually wants to watch a followup.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
I actually want Lewis Tan to come back tho. Just not as "Cole Young". He really likes MK and I'm sure he could do a good job if he wasn't saddled with a garbage character.

Megaman's Jockstrap fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Apr 27, 2021

Mechafunkzilla
Sep 11, 2006

If you want a vision of the future...
which ninja clan is the one that turns themselves into robots, make him one of those

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.

Mechafunkzilla posted:

which ninja clan is the one that turns themselves into robots, make him one of those

That's actually the Lin Kuei! There's quite a bit of lore around them being manipulated and corrupted by Shang Tsung, they are quite a fertile ground for story beats.

As Nero Danced
Sep 3, 2009

Alright, let's do this
Over the past couple days I have watched this movie, the 95 movie, the animated Scorpion's Revenge movie, and the cutscene compilations for MK 9, X, and 11 (and aftermath too). I now know way too much about mortal kombat and am thoroughly burnt out on the franchise.

My main takeaways are this: this movie blew chunks compared to the 95 one (both sucked, but at least 95 was fun), the animated one was great and should have been adapted directly (same as how the justice league animated movies were better than the Snyder movies), and Robocop, Terminator and Rambo should have been the headliners for this movie.

Xenomrph
Dec 9, 2005

AvP Nerd/Fanboy/Shill



G-III posted:

Joe Taslim was way too good to not bring back and Noob Saibot being resurrected by Shang Tsung makes 100% sense.
He's contracted for, like, 3 more MK movies so that's all but assured.

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

Xenomrph posted:

He's contracted for, like, 3 more MK movies so that's all but assured.

gently caress yes.

I do hope if they choose to have

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

I actually want Lewis Tan to come back tho. Just not as "Cole Young". He really likes MK and I'm sure he could do a good job if he wasn't saddled with a garbage character.

Literally just have him start out in the sequel as Johnny Cage's stunt double because that's why he went to Hollywood at the end of this movie since he can do crazy stunts now and looks exactly like the famous actor Johnny Cage (since he in this ideal world would coincidentally also be played by Tan). Then have Cole Young get gruesomely fatalitied in a stunt accident that happens because outworld fuckers pop through a portal while filming something or whatever the gently caress. Boom, Lewis Tan is Johnny Cage with Johnny Cage personality instead of Cole Young.


EDIT:

Xenomrph posted:

He's contracted for, like, 3 more MK movies so that's all but assured.

Have him play both Noob and also Sub-Zero's less evil brother.

C'mon WB that's FOUR characters now you can have played by just two actors! $$$$$$$

Neo Rasa fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Apr 28, 2021

Grimdude
Sep 25, 2006

It was a shame how he carried on

As Nero Danced posted:

My main takeaways are this: this movie blew chunks compared to the 95 one (both sucked, but at least 95 was fun)

I also watched the 95 movie a day later as a reference and yeah it wasn't good. Some real nostalgia goggles going on for a lot of people.

From what I've gathered I'm in the minority on this point in particular: new Scorpion was better. I'm way more down with just a cool blade on a chain or whatever. That animated snake/vine looking poo poo in the 95 that came out of his hands and just chased Johnny Cage around the forest actually made me cringe.

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Xealot
Nov 25, 2002

Showdown in the Galaxy Era.

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

I actually want Lewis Tan to come back tho. Just not as "Cole Young". He really likes MK and I'm sure he could do a good job if he wasn't saddled with a garbage character.

Lewis Tan is one of those guys who really seems like he should happen, is just one good role from breaking out and being a genuine action star. And then he winds up playing glorified cameos or boring garbage over and over and over again. I like Lewis Tan. Cole Young is a gigantic waste of time, a boring stock character wildly overshadowed by everyone else, especially his dead ancestor who appears for less than 10 minutes.

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

The idea that somebody would be watching a movie about magic elemental ninjas + kung fu fighters + special forces warriors competing in a tournament that's actually a thinly-veiled pretext for dimensional war and say "hold on a second? the kung fu guy can shoot fire and the other has a death hat? And this guy has robot arms? I'm not buying that without an explanation - this movie sucks!" is ludicrous. That person does not exist.

Yeah, nobody gives a poo poo if the lore "makes sense." It's honestly a liability if they try too hard to explain it. Jax gets his arms frozen off...the last thing I needed was an explanation for his robot arms rooted in ninja magic. He and Sonya work for a secret X-files shadow government; if he shows up later with robot arms, I'd just assume his handlers have crazy sci-fi tech and the movie would've been better off letting me assume that. As it is now, he has this moment that feels like the culmination of some character arc they never gave him.

Though, the most beguiling aspect of this movie for me is that *there is no tournament*. A secret Kumite is the whole central conceit of the thing, is what gives the games any structure, and this story takes place entirely in the pre-season? It feels more like someone hot-glued kung fu fantasy onto a Terminator movie. There's a looming genre apocalypse nobody would believe is real, except a bunch of off-the-grid weirdos who live in shipping containers. The low-class working stiff hero gets roped into it because of his special destiny, but before he can Stop The Future Apocalypse, he's targeted by impossible monsters dispatched from the Hell Future who don't want him to. Sonya even reads as a Sarah Connor type.

Halloween Jack posted:

The whole thing would be easily dispensed with if Sonya, Jax, and Cole were part of the same military Weird poo poo Investigation Squad from the beginning. It also depends on whether you actually want to show Jax losing his arms in the first place or not. Like, Kabal just says "Kano's the reason I live in an iron lung" and that's all you need.

But why have Cole Young at all? If Jax and Sonya are the outsider audience POV, you don't need a third.

My pitch would be to get rid of Cole and the Hasashi bloodline thing entirely. Sub-Zero is back in Earthrealm loving poo poo up, so dormant Hasashi rises from the dead to settle his vendetta and the other characters get mixed up in that. I'd way rather watch a movie where Hiroyuki Sanada plays an anti-hero protagonist for 2 hours than whatever this movie ended up being.

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