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SlothfulCobra posted:You can't do that for more than a few days at a time before they start dying. IV liquids and tube feeding. bing bong so simple.
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May 3, 2021 05:16
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CainFortea posted:IV liquids and tube feeding. bing bong so simple. <Me frantically looking through the papers> Oh no I forgot to feed the prisoners! <Ron, Harry, Fred, Neville, and everyone else laughs while the camera freeze frames and the credits roll because we're all cops>
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May 3, 2021 05:32
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Zesty posted:I think they specifically said so? it wasn't an execution device, it was a metaphor. that's not a joke it was literally a physical metaphor for the concept of death that also literally kills you if you touch it
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May 3, 2021 09:23
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That door is the kind of thing I loved in Harry Potter. "Somewhere in the middle of the ministry of magic's department of mysteries is an doorway covered by a ragged black veil. Its in the center of a large room and goes nowhere. If you walk through it you instantly die, and your body can never be recovered. Some people say they can hear whispers beyond it, some people even think they can see people on the other side of it. Some people see and hear nothing. So maybe it goes to the Afterlife, or maybe it doesn't, we have no way to find out. It was there before there was a Ministry, we literally built the building around it because we can't move it. We have no idea who made it, how it works, or what kind of spells went into its crafting. We've been studying it for almost 2000 years and everything we've learned about it can fit on one sheet of paper."
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May 3, 2021 09:42
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We can only guess at how many house-elves they threw into that thing to test it
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May 3, 2021 10:45
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Zore posted:Weirdly there is a death penalty for animals that involves a dude with a large axe and a very technical appeals process. It's not that weird considering the great diversity of beings Wizards consider to be animals. Zore posted:Wizarding North America is somehow more dystopian and hosed up than Wizarding Britain according to those movies which is a hell of an accomplishment. lol, America deserves it but this is also 100% Rowling's inner  shining through.
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May 3, 2021 11:54
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Asgerd posted:We can only guess at how many house-elves they threw into that thing to test it Lemme put it this way, there used to be House Trolls
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May 3, 2021 12:28
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Sanguinia posted:That door is the kind of thing I loved in Harry Potter. "Somewhere in the middle of the ministry of magic's department of mysteries is an doorway covered by a ragged black veil. Its in the center of a large room and goes nowhere. If you walk through it you instantly die, and your body can never be recovered. Some people say they can hear whispers beyond it, some people even think they can see people on the other side of it. Some people see and hear nothing. So maybe it goes to the Afterlife, or maybe it doesn't, we have no way to find out. It was there before there was a Ministry, we literally built the building around it because we can't move it. We have no idea who made it, how it works, or what kind of spells went into its crafting. We've been studying it for almost 2000 years and everything we've learned about it can fit on one sheet of paper." Sounds almost like an SCP entry when you put it that way.
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May 3, 2021 13:01
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Sanguinia posted:That door is the kind of thing I loved in Harry Potter. "Somewhere in the middle of the ministry of magic's department of mysteries is an doorway covered by a ragged black veil. Its in the center of a large room and goes nowhere. If you walk through it you instantly die, and your body can never be recovered. Some people say they can hear whispers beyond it, some people even think they can see people on the other side of it. Some people see and hear nothing. So maybe it goes to the Afterlife, or maybe it doesn't, we have no way to find out. It was there before there was a Ministry, we literally built the building around it because we can't move it. We have no idea who made it, how it works, or what kind of spells went into its crafting. We've been studying it for almost 2000 years and everything we've learned about it can fit on one sheet of paper." This part isn't surprising, considering how Wizards have little to no sense of innovation and are lazy as gently caress. I like to imagine that if Muggle scientists got to study the thing, they'd be able to figure out the veil.
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May 3, 2021 13:13
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Is Researcher one of the four professions? Teacher Magical Animal... handler? Cop Ministry Pencil Pusher Hmmm..
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May 3, 2021 13:15
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Zesty posted:Is Researcher one of the four professions? Aside from maybe the Time Turners, have we even seen anything useful come from those Department of Mysteries jerks? For all we know they spend all their time smoking weed and seeing what happens if you put vodka in the brain jars.
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May 3, 2021 13:35
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Nope
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May 3, 2021 13:37
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Zesty posted:Is Researcher one of the four professions? The unspeakables are some kind of cop/pencil pusher blend.
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May 3, 2021 13:53
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Wow the wiki is poo poo. Half of the professions are just "things people sometimes do" rather than actual jobs. The Harry Potter Wizard Fantasy. One day you too can get the magical wizard job of "Yes Man for Death Eater that works at the Ministry"
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May 3, 2021 14:01
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Visit the wiki before the next movie and get Jude Law constantly staring at you from an picture that should have been deleted from the roll because there's no way that was the intended expression.
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May 3, 2021 14:05
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Zesty posted:Is Researcher one of the four professions? You can also play their weird sport, that seems to be what a handful of the non-teacher, non-ministry kids end up doing (I think even Ginny plays before retiring and writing for the sports section of the Daily Prophet)
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May 3, 2021 14:05
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SlothfulCobra posted:
That was one of Zaheer's criticism of them. He says his organization is what the White Lotus was meant to be, but after the 100 year war they stopped being a secret society and became a tool of the nations and protectors of the Avatar-in-training. That's part of why he wants to wipe them out, because they've become part of what he sees as an oppressive ruling power structure. Zesty posted:Visit the wiki before the next movie and get Jude Law constantly staring at you from an picture that should have been deleted from the roll because there's no way that was the intended expression. Are there actually plans for another Fantastic Beasts movie? I suspected that the second did so badly they called the whole thing off.
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May 3, 2021 14:15
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Yeah they're already filming 3. Rumor is 4 and 5 are cancelled so we may get Jude Law vs Mads Mikkelsen doing a wizard duel in WW2. Good or bad, it's gonna be great.
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May 3, 2021 14:17
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Rumor is 4 and 5 are cancelled Just because the Shrieking Cast podcast constantly throws that out there doesn't mean anything.
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May 3, 2021 14:19
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No it's definitely filming tho??? https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england...0Hertfordshire. goin great
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May 3, 2021 14:20
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Yeah they're already filming 3. Rumor is 4 and 5 are cancelled so we may get Jude Law vs Mads Mikkelsen doing a wizard duel in WW2. Good or bad, it's gonna be great. 4 and 5? Jesus wept.
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May 3, 2021 20:46
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I'm so glad because otherwise I'm gonna look like a real dumbass a decade from now when we aren't all watching Fantastic Beasts 7, I've already got the tattoo and everything, Warner Brothers OWES me another heptilogy dammit.
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May 3, 2021 20:50
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Jazerus posted:aunt marge is absolutely outraged that brexit means she's getting kicked out of spain (she voted for it) Everything they say about Vernon makes him sound like the kind of man who joined UKIP back in the early 2000s, stayed with them after Farage created a new vanity vehicle, and now votes for, I dunno, Lawrence Fox for Mayor of London because he doesn't believe in coronavirus.
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May 3, 2021 22:43
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Asgerd posted:We can only guess at how many house-elves they threw into that thing to test it I'm surprised this isn't some sort of wizarding league sport.
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May 3, 2021 23:41
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Vernon would totally be one of the people who said Covid isn’t so serious only to ironically then die of it.
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May 3, 2021 23:50
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And instead of blaming Boris' COVID response or her husband's own bad behavior, she'd have an op-ed published about how the NHS killed her husband because of how inefficiently they're run.
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May 3, 2021 23:55
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"Well Dudley it's time for you to take your father's place at the drill company." *Dudley looks up from Call of Duty with horror*
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May 4, 2021 00:36
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I think the official lore is Dudley turns decent. I like to think he gets buff like the kid from Holes.
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May 4, 2021 01:12
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:I think the official lore is Dudley turns decent. His name is Stanley Yelnats. 
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May 4, 2021 01:18
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TinTower posted:His name is Stanley Yelnats. Dudley Yeldud
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May 4, 2021 01:29
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Diddy Dinky Diddydums x Hermione Granger?! D^3, Infamous Harry "Dumbledore's Special Boy" Potter's cousin, learns tolerance and then respect from his wickedly ravishing gf, Minister of Magic Granger, writes Rita Skeeter Special Correspondent. "He gave the old one-two to Dejemntors... I guess" says his once proud now horrified father, Vernon Dursely aged 61, who looks as though he is struggling to find answers to justify this cruel world in which we all have to suffer.
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May 4, 2021 01:59
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I guess our IK contest is starting early....
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May 4, 2021 02:20
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:I think the official lore is Dudley turns decent. Yeah, one of the actually nice thinks to come out of JK tweet lore is that Dudley kinda has an epiphany that his parents are terrible, and he ultimately got his poo poo together as an adult and is on relatively good terms with Harry. Which tracks with the actual text where Harry's saving him from Dementors and Dumbledore's dressing down of Vernon and Petunia seemed to actually strike a chord with Dudley, and before Harry takes off in the last book we hear about his clumsy attempts to make amends and see his genuine well wishes for Harry.
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May 4, 2021 02:32
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Dudley grows up to lose the remaining weight in college, makes an effort to reach out to other people, and by year four of university is know as Dud the Stud. After graduating, he leaves the UK to pursue his dreams of never becoming a cop.
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May 4, 2021 03:32
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Loathe as I am to give JK props in 2021, “Dudley Dursley” is a great name that just screams ‘Awful Child’. The kid crushed it in the movies too if I remember right.
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May 4, 2021 04:04
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Barudak posted:Dudley grows up to lose the remaining weight in college, makes an effort to reach out to other people, and by year four of university is know as Dud the Stud. After graduating, he leaves the UK to pursue his dreams of never becoming a cop. He fails when he gets to Canada. 
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May 4, 2021 04:14
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SlothfulCobra posted:He fails when he gets to Canada. That guy is so bad at being a cop I feel like we can't count it.
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May 4, 2021 04:15
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I feel like Dudley and Neville would work well as a pairing. They've both been screwed over by the people that raised them, they both felt inferior compared to Harry, they both realized they didn't need to become the person that their parents/relatives wanted them to be, they both put in the effort to improve themselves while they were still teenagers and then grew up into decent adults by the end. That said, it's kind of funny to imagine that Dudley's like one of the few characters that didn't peak in high school while Harry is just Harry.
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May 4, 2021 04:23
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SlothfulCobra posted:He fails when he gets to Canada. He, cannonically, defeats smokey the bear who has been mind controlled with the help of his sentient horse who is romantically involved with a magic woman so I'm pretty sure Dudley is just deep cover fighting illegal Canadian Wizards.
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May 4, 2021 06:12
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Part 54 in the (unexpectedly) wildly popular series on Vernon Dursley, Uncle of Harry "I Smell A Rat" Potter: Drills. For a general overview we go to The Daily Prophet's Outside Muggle Expert, Arthur Weasley: "Drills. Wow. I mean they're just great. Fascinating stuff, really!" exclaims Arthur, 60 president of the Muggle-Wizard Alliance and Head of The Ministry's Muggle-Relations office. "See what they do is amazing. They are part of the Muggle mating ritual." He says while nodding excitedly and animatedly moving his hands. "They take these drills, right, which are basically like icecream cones made of metal that spin really fast and are incredibly destructive." He says twirling his wand dangerously. "Then what they do is attach them to the arms of giant suits of armor which are powered entirely by eccentricity somehow." He is standing on his desk now. "These suits then fight each other and this simulates the act of love-making and really gets their Muggle juices flowing." He is now pretending to be two "suits of armor" battling. He punches himself in the chest. "I learned about this from an awesome muggle documentary called Lucky Star." Finally he makes an explosion noise with his mouth and jumps off the desk into a pile of folders. He emerges laughing maniacally. Arthur Weasley refuses to reveal how he came into possession of such... enlightening materials. However, this sheds light on notable muggle, Vernon Dursley and his chosen career...
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May 4, 2021 12:05
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