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Koivunen posted:This might not be the right forum and I probably shouldn’t post about it at all, but today I found out my husband has been having an affair. He said he’s been unhappy in our relationship since our daughter was born. Our son’s due date is in about five weeks. My husband has been seeing this other person for about two months and says he thinks he might love her. I am absolutely crushed, this is completely out of the blue. I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work and my husband isn’t staying in our home tonight. What is a person supposed to even do? I can’t even think. I thought things were going fine. Yeah, being a parent is tough and changes a marriage, but I really thought we were doing fine, good actually. I don’t know what to do. I’m so, so sorry to hear that. This is a good place to post it and yeah it’s totally reasonable to post about it at all because it’s a really rough thing you’re going through and it’s not good for you in the long run to keep it to yourself even with friends around you to listen to you. If nothing else you know this is a good thread in which to vent.
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May 2, 2021 14:26
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Koivunen posted:This might not be the right forum and I probably shouldn’t post about it at all, but today I found out my husband has been having an affair. He said he’s been unhappy in our relationship since our daughter was born. Our son’s due date is in about five weeks. My husband has been seeing this other person for about two months and says he thinks he might love her. I am absolutely crushed, this is completely out of the blue. I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work and my husband isn’t staying in our home tonight. What is a person supposed to even do? I can’t even think. I thought things were going fine. Yeah, being a parent is tough and changes a marriage, but I really thought we were doing fine, good actually. I don’t know what to do. That’s incredibly tough. Please don’t be afraid to post here, you have a lot of strangers on the internet that would like to support as best they can. Try and take it a little at a time, you will get through this. Make sure to ask friends/family for help, maybe someone could stay with you after the baby is born?
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May 2, 2021 14:29
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Koivunen posted:This might not be the right forum and I probably shouldn’t post about it at all, but today I found out my husband has been having an affair. He said he’s been unhappy in our relationship since our daughter was born. Our son’s due date is in about five weeks. My husband has been seeing this other person for about two months and says he thinks he might love her. I am absolutely crushed, this is completely out of the blue. I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work and my husband isn’t staying in our home tonight. What is a person supposed to even do? I can’t even think. I thought things were going fine. Yeah, being a parent is tough and changes a marriage, but I really thought we were doing fine, good actually. I don’t know what to do. This is absolutely a place you can post about it. That's horrific. Call family, bring in help, prioritise whatever will safeguard your mental health. No real practical advice beyond what everyone else has said but know that this internet stranger is thinking of you in this shithouse situation.
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May 2, 2021 14:47
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Ehud posted:
Seconding this - we're still unfucking the situation my wife's old attorney left us in with regards to my stepdaughter. Get folks together and look in to professional help. This is a difficult period in the best of times but you ain't alone.
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May 2, 2021 15:24
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gently caress that's a hard situation. This is definitely the time to pull on every single resource and friendship you have. Third-ing a lawyer if you can swing it, not just to protect yourself financially but also because it lets you offload having to worry about that side of things.
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May 2, 2021 16:11
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Baby proofing gripe - I just *love* how baby electronics manufacturers cover their products in warnings to hide cords and make sure they are out of reach from kids, then stick these fuckers on the end of them, preventing you from pushing furniture up flush with the wall to keep small hands away from the cord:
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May 2, 2021 16:19
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Yeah you basically need to get an electrician to raise up some outlets a few feet where practical or keeping the cords out of their reach just doesn’t work. My son keeps unplugging his Hatch and his monitor camera and I’d pull my hair out if I had hair
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May 2, 2021 16:30
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Koivunen posted:This might not be the right forum and I probably shouldn’t post about it at all, but today I found out my husband has been having an affair. He said he’s been unhappy in our relationship since our daughter was born. Our son’s due date is in about five weeks. My husband has been seeing this other person for about two months and says he thinks he might love her. I am absolutely crushed, this is completely out of the blue. I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work and my husband isn’t staying in our home tonight. What is a person supposed to even do? I can’t even think. I thought things were going fine. Yeah, being a parent is tough and changes a marriage, but I really thought we were doing fine, good actually. I don’t know what to do. This is heartbreaking to hear, I’m so sorry. Know that you have the support of this forum in whatever form it takes.
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May 2, 2021 16:46
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Thank you everyone. It really means a lot to have support from internet strangers because I don’t have a ton of people who I can talk to about this in real life. I didn’t sleep at all last night. My daughter saw me crying very briefly before bath and bedtime, and at 3:30 in the morning she climbed into bed with me, patted my shoulder, and asked “Mommy, you still crying?” She’s so perceptive. I don’t know what to think, or do, or anything. He came to get some of his stuff today and we talked for about an hour, and he made it clear that he really cares about this other woman, so I don’t see a point in trying to salvage things at this moment in time.
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May 2, 2021 19:48
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I’m so sorry!!! Nthing that you should talk to a lawyer - so you can protect yourself and your kids. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends for help, even if covid has made you maybe more distant than you might have been. I’m sure people who care for you will be willing to step up!
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May 2, 2021 20:23
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I’m sorry you’re going through this, Koivunen.
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May 2, 2021 20:39
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Our son got into my wife's nail polish and my wife sorted it out because it was her turn to do early kids this morning. I was quite impressed with how he'd only got it on himself, until she pointed out that there's a patch on the carpet and it's impossible to get out. I'm sure the landlord will be fine with it.
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May 2, 2021 20:44
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Oh yeah, if he is adamant he cares for this woman he met 2 months ago he ~needs~ to be reminded he has to do poo poo for you and his daughter and soon son. That doesn't go away because he found fleeting happiness with some manic pixie dream girl. Calculate how much money you need to keep going. Figure out what household stuff he did that you can't and get a hire, an estimate, or a quote. Hollar at an ol friend that didn't hang out with the both of y'all and talk some mad poo poo.
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May 2, 2021 20:46
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redreader posted:Our son got into my wife's nail polish and my wife sorted it out because it was her turn to do early kids this morning. I was quite impressed with how he'd only got it on himself, until she pointed out that there's a patch on the carpet and it's impossible to get out. I'm sure the landlord will be fine with it. Don't worry, there are numerous guides for getting polish out of carpet. The important things are to avoid acetone based removers and to test each method in an inconspicuous spot like the corner of a closet. Non-acetone remover, rubbing alcohol, and hairspray are some options. Unless it was a gel polish in which case you might be screwed.
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May 2, 2021 21:12
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Koivunen posted:Thank you everyone. It really means a lot to have support from internet strangers because I don’t have a ton of people who I can talk to about this in real life. I am so sorry. Echoing whatever else here said. I hope you know this isn't your fault and that we are here for rants/tears/support/etc.
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May 3, 2021 02:02
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Shifty Pony posted:Baby proofing gripe - I just *love* how baby electronics manufacturers cover their products in warnings to hide cords and make sure they are out of reach from kids, then stick these fuckers on the end of them, preventing you from pushing furniture up flush with the wall to keep small hands away from the cord: Once you move the outlet up, don't forget to screw dressers into the wall. You can test the safety yourself by doing the worst-case scenario: 1. Pull out all the drawers to their outermost extension, like your toddler might do. 2. Push down on the top drawer with approximately the weight of your kid. Most dressers will tend to tip, and most will in fact come with instructions to secure them to a wall. I know IKEA's do, at least (in fact they got sued over toddler deaths regardless).
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May 3, 2021 10:54
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That, do that. A wall strap saved one of my twins from dropping a tall dresser on himself.
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May 3, 2021 11:17
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Shifty Pony posted:Baby proofing gripe - I just *love* how baby electronics manufacturers cover their products in warnings to hide cords and make sure they are out of reach from kids, then stick these fuckers on the end of them, preventing you from pushing furniture up flush with the wall to keep small hands away from the cord: Anti-tip straps. Really a pain in the rear end when you have to unplug it to move it or something, but it absolutely prevents them from getting in there if you've got it tight enough. Basically, you shouldn't be able to unplug the cord with the straps cinched down tight. Also zip ties (or velcro cable ties if you're feeling fancy) to take up the slack cord to minimize the chance of them grabbing it. poo poo's going to fall back there and you're going to hate having to undo the straps to reach it, but that's the price you have to pay.
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May 3, 2021 13:14
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I'm less concerned about the plugs getting unplugged (since the tip straps keep the furniture in place) and more concerned about a hand reaching back there and pulling up enough cable to get wrapped around a limb or neck. If I can get my hand down there there no way a toddler can't. Also not being able to push the furniture up against the wall makes for a very enticing "insert toys here" slot. I'll have to get some short flush-plug extension cables and plug the stuff in underneath the furniture. It's just annoying.
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May 3, 2021 15:03
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It seems to be against a wall on the right. Is there anything preventing you from just having it slightly angled so the left corner is against the wall closing the gap? I know it's not acceptable for HGTV but if it solves the problem you can leave it that way a few years until they're old enough. Alternatively if there's space underneath you can always buy one of those power strips where the wall plug is 90 degrees and no thicker than the baseboard trim so it just sits underneath it on top and let's it be flush with the baseboard. Also if the cord for whatever that is has too much slack just wrap it up and tie it off.
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May 3, 2021 15:29
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Important update: my 1 year old puts her arms behind her naruto run style and spins around when she's excited. Not sure what it means but it's pretty great.
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May 4, 2021 00:04
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External Organs posted:Important update: my 1 year old puts her arms behind her naruto run style and spins around when she's excited. Every time I think about Naruto or see someone doing that I think of Key & Peele’s bit on when white guys are about to get in a fight
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May 4, 2021 00:20
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Trying to get my life figured out a quickly as possible... Went to the bank and made sure my finances are in order, and got rid of the loose change that my husband always dropped around the house that drove me absolutely bonkers, made $54. My mom came over and helped with laundry today since I can’t carry stuff up and down two flights of stairs any more, and I rage-cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed down the shelves and everything. I’m having lunch with my mom tomorrow, then meeting up with a friend who got divorced last year to get some advice. My daughter and I are spending all of Wednesday with friends, one of my best friends will be staying at my house for a few days, and another will be helping with unfinished yard work that I can’t physically finish myself. I’m going to be making a ton of phone calls tomorrow and hopefully seeing some legal people on Friday, and I also reached out to a therapist who works through my OB department who helped with my PPD issues a couple years ago, and she can get me in this Friday. My husband texted me today saying he was sorry that he couldn’t be what I deserved. That just feels like he’s twisting a knife around inside me, like he doesn’t even want to try to fix anything. He’s settled with the fact that I deserve better, and doesn’t want to put in the effort to better himself. Absolutely nothing he’s said has made me feel like he even wants to bother with me any more, and that’s what hurts the most. He also said he wants to be there for the birth of our son. Sorry pal, that’s not happening.
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May 4, 2021 04:47
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I’m so sorry you are going through that but it sounds like you are doing absolutely everything you can and handling things like a total badass. I’m so glad you have people you can lean on for help.
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May 4, 2021 04:53
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Wow, you legend - I'm so glad that your support network has leapt into action as well. Times like this I wish we had teleporters so we could just beam over and join in on the angry spring cleaning. I know there is still a lot of tangled feelings but your soon-to-be-ex-husband sounds like a melodramatic pile of poo poo, sorry to say - and it's so sad he's trying to re-frame his selfishness as some sort of selfless act to save you from himself. I'm incredulous at his gall to even suggest attending what is a very intimate medical event for you after this. Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 05:06 on May 4, 2021 |
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May 4, 2021 05:03
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Yeah he doesn’t get to drop a bomb like that on his partner and then think he is wanted or needed there for the birth. Koivunen, I do hate that you have to give birth alone and handle a newborn without a partner. He’s already a giant rear end in a top hat for this, but his timing makes him a colossal one because he had to know what it meant for you.
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May 4, 2021 05:23
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redreader posted:Our son got into my wife's nail polish and my wife sorted it out because it was her turn to do early kids this morning. I was quite impressed with how he'd only got it on himself, until she pointed out that there's a patch on the carpet and it's impossible to get out. I'm sure the landlord will be fine with it. My go-to chemical for this would be methyl acetate. It is compatible with nylon and a lot of plastics, but can still dissolve most nail polishes. It’s also pretty benign, health-wise. Isopropanol isn’t likely to work, but is harmless to try. Methyl isobutylketone (MIBK) is good one to try too. It’s a ketone like acetone but a less good solvent, which may save your carpet. If those don’t work, you can try methylene chloride or chloroform. That poo poo is toxic, so wear a chrmical rated respirator and use a fan to blow it out a window. Mineral spirts / toluene/ xylenes will just stain your carpet and won’t pick up nail polish.
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May 4, 2021 08:32
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External Organs posted:Important update: my 1 year old puts her arms behind her naruto run style and spins around when she's excited. Our daughter did that for a long time, we have no idea where she learned it because neither of us have ever watched it. But it is pretty drat funny. She runs around normally but occasionally busts it out.
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May 4, 2021 10:33
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Tamarillo posted:I know there is still a lot of tangled feelings but your soon-to-be-ex-husband sounds like a melodramatic pile of poo poo, sorry to say Goddamn yeah, I’m mad at this dude and I don’t know him except for some words on a website. After my first kid was born I was really unhappy for a while but I didn’t go somewhere else to make me feel better. We got counseling, both worked on some individual and collective issues, and now we’re in a really good place.
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May 4, 2021 11:03
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Koivunen posted:Trying to get my life figured out a quickly as possible... Went to the bank and made sure my finances are in order, and got rid of the loose change that my husband always dropped around the house that drove me absolutely bonkers, made $54. My mom came over and helped with laundry today since I can’t carry stuff up and down two flights of stairs any more, and I rage-cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed down the shelves and everything. I’m having lunch with my mom tomorrow, then meeting up with a friend who got divorced last year to get some advice. My daughter and I are spending all of Wednesday with friends, one of my best friends will be staying at my house for a few days, and another will be helping with unfinished yard work that I can’t physically finish myself. I’m going to be making a ton of phone calls tomorrow and hopefully seeing some legal people on Friday, and I also reached out to a therapist who works through my OB department who helped with my PPD issues a couple years ago, and she can get me in this Friday. You are kicking rear end with this and I’m so glad you have a good support network around you.
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May 4, 2021 11:15
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chiming in to say that Koivunen you are indeed kicking rear end with this really lovely situation your husband put you in.
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May 4, 2021 12:24
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Son was not selected for the public school Pre-K lottery. There were 19 spots and 50 kids.  Looks like its Montessori or nothing this year, kiddo.
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May 4, 2021 13:33
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Koivunen posted:He also said he wants to be there for the birth of our son. Sorry pal, that’s not happening. I mean, if he were to be there, it would, in theory, be to provide you with support, and he obviously is over doing that at any other time so yeah, screw you buddy. I'm so sorry you are going through this and am also impressed by the rear end kicking. You've got this.
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May 4, 2021 14:33
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Diva Cupcake posted:Son was not selected for the public school Pre-K lottery. There were 19 spots and 50 kids. Montessori legit helped out my stepdaughter when she was in it - are you going to be doing halfdays or full? Koivunen posted:Trying to get my life figured out a quickly as possible... Went to the bank and made sure my finances are in order, and got rid of the loose change that my husband always dropped around the house that drove me absolutely bonkers, made $54. My mom came over and helped with laundry today since I can’t carry stuff up and down two flights of stairs any more, and I rage-cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed down the shelves and everything. I’m having lunch with my mom tomorrow, then meeting up with a friend who got divorced last year to get some advice. My daughter and I are spending all of Wednesday with friends, one of my best friends will be staying at my house for a few days, and another will be helping with unfinished yard work that I can’t physically finish myself. I’m going to be making a ton of phone calls tomorrow and hopefully seeing some legal people on Friday, and I also reached out to a therapist who works through my OB department who helped with my PPD issues a couple years ago, and she can get me in this Friday. Fuuuuuck thaaaat guuuuuy. Good on you being able to get support and therapy. Since this is your second kid i imagine you know the ropes about recovery? Do you have support lined up for that period?
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May 4, 2021 15:11
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citybeatnik posted:Montessori legit helped out my stepdaughter when she was in it - are you going to be doing halfdays or full?
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May 4, 2021 15:36
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I will never understand why some nights baby sleeps perfectly and other nights he refuses. Kiddo woke up right around 1am and decided it was playtime for an hour in his crib, then sat facing the door and just screamed at us for another hour. He would go back to only babbling if we were sitting there but that’s still too loud to sleep through. He finally gave up and went back to sleep around 4am. I am very very tired.
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May 4, 2021 17:15
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L0cke17 posted:Parenting Megathread: I am very very tired.
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May 4, 2021 17:31
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I feel like we did something right or more likely are just super lucky. We have an 11 month old and a 2.75 year old and they sleep in the same room. About 2 months ago, the toddler started climbing out of his crib and into the baby's crib, so we took the front off his crib. Then he started saying he wants to sleep in the 'big bed' (we have a single bed in their room, too, it used to be the guest room. So 2 cribs and a bed) so we got rid of the baby's crib since it wasn't as nice, gave the baby the toddler's crib, and the toddler sleeps on the bed every night. Baby goes to bed at 7 and toddler at 7:30, they wake up around 7:30am. When we took the front off his crib he'd get up after bed time and open the door to his room and just cry. If we approached his door he'd slam it closed. A couple of times this lasted about two hours but it got better. I do game nights with my friends starting 7:30pm sometimes and had to cancel all of them for a couple of weeks, but now it's fine. He'll go to bed at 7:30 and just, not come out. He's allowed to come out if he's taken a poo in his diaper and that's it. And thanks for the advice about cleaning the floor, I'll give it a go at some point and say if it worked. We have 6 cats so I won't use anything too hardcore.
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May 4, 2021 17:39
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Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I’m having a lot of moments of doubt if I’m doing the right thing by moving towards a divorce, but your comments are reinforcing that yes, I am absolutely doing the right thing. I really hate that our family is going to be split up. I thought we were going to be together forever and had all these dreams of things we would do with the kids as they grow up, and all of a sudden it’s just not happening. That’s when I start to doubt myself, but I’m trying to keep reminding myself that he has already resigned from this relationship. I just never, ever, ever thought I would be in this position. Having another productive day today, doing a ton of stuff that I had been asking him to do for literally years that never got done. Making appointments for all kinds of things. Seeing a friend tonight. As for postpartum stuff, my mom will be staying with me. I’m honestly terrified. I had extremely bad PPD and anxiety after my first, and life was perfectly good then. My daughter has been continuing with her middle of the night wake ups and coming to sleep with me, so I have no idea how I’m going to manage that on top of a newborn by myself all night every night. My mom will be around during the day but night time is all me. But, lots of single moms have done this before and survived, right?
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May 4, 2021 18:45
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Koivunen posted:Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I’m having a lot of moments of doubt if I’m doing the right thing by moving towards a divorce, but your comments are reinforcing that yes, I am absolutely doing the right thing. Yeah they have. My wife went through something painfully similar when my stepdaughter was born. If you'd like i can have her send me some of the online support groups she used during those times and pass them on to you. Most of them might be Austin Texas specific but they might be able to direct you to something local for you.
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May 4, 2021 18:51
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